Don't Get Me Started with Linda Sharp

The Enduring, Twinkling Hope In Each Other

I have not yet taken down my Christmas tree.  Frankly, I don't know when, or if, I will.  As we approach the end of our fragile democratic republic as we know it, it stands as a bright spot in my days and nights.  And I am loathe to box up and put away that light.

The holiday season was a respite from the constant gnawing inside and I thank you all for that.  Being able to lose myself in the happy task of elfing for so many children and families was a gift.  And aside being with my children and granddaughter on Christmas morning, the biggest gift I received.

But as the old year gave way to the new, there is no escaping the realities ahead of us.  

In January of 2017, still gobsmacked at the election results, we can be forgiven for consoling ourselves with thoughts like, "Oh, it may not be as bad as we fear" and "maybe he will surround himself with strong people in their respective fields".  Empty platitudes all as it turned out.  We spent four years watching as he and his coven worked to hurt as many people as possible, to indulge their thirst for inflicting fear and chaos, to enrich themselves with absolutely no worries about accountability.

Under that administration we watched as children were forever torn from their parents for the sin of being born on the wrong side of an invisible line.  We were cast to the winds of a global health crisis that still exists and took from us over 1 million of our neighbors.  Our standing on the world stage was demolished as a spray painted buffoon represented this nation.  A carnival barker whose operating system is programmed for the greater glory of ONE.

Casting him out was a celebration.  Literally.  Remember the dancing in the streets?  Watching as sane governance replaced chaos agents and cronyism, as adults replaced spoiled brats playing make believe, as some semblance of decency began to take hold once again, it was easier to breathe, to hope, to look forward again.

Those feelings only grew as Kamala Harris ignited a fire inside us.  There was so much energy, so much enthusiasm, so much desire to see the possibilities turn into realities that would lift, protect, grow, and strengthen this nation.  It was not just that her events dwarfed his, her message did as well.  Where he rambled, slurred, and tilted at imaginary cancer causing windmills, she spoke plainly of lifting everyone.  He threatened, she enlightened.  He targeted and stoked the fires of racism and bigotry and hate, while she spoke of unity.

In the end it did not matter.  Could not matter.  Aided by a ketamine addicted, apartheid loving billionaire, it did not matter that the numbers were ours.  It did not matter how heinous was his message and promises to hurt so very many people.  They were never worried about losing, which is why so many of us were deeply concerned.

I will not spend much time here speaking about the way it played out.  Enough statisticians have combed through the data and have spoken openly about the glaring discrepancies, begging for deeper, forensic analysis.  But the time for that has come and gone.  Two days ago, Dems did what we seem to do best - think the other side will see our decency and adherence to century old norms and ritual, and be moved to do the same.  He was certified and we are fucked.

That is not hyperbole.  We do not have the luxury of what ifs as we did in 2017.  We have seen this horror movie before.  And like most sequels, this one will be hideous.  More blood, more gore, more pain, more loss.  And more glee on the faces of the villains as they mete out their promised destruction.  

There is much talk on our side about resistance.  The Resistance™.  It's a noble thought, being the underdogs, the ones who stay the course and rise up against the oppressors.  And yes, we need to stay unified in that goal.  

BUT

But I will not tell you that you should not be scared.  You should be.  

The ones coming into power want one thing:  MORE POWER.

OK, fine, they want one other thing:  MONEY.

As if they don't have enough already.

I think about that piece so often.  What would I do if I had Zuckerberg or Musk level money in my possession?  Maybe it's because I don't and never will, but my answer is simple and never changes.

I WOULD HELP AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE.

Having half a trillion dollars and seeking only to stockpile more is vile.  But that is Musk's goal.  He wants to be the first trillionaire on the planet.  Why?  What in the name of fuck is the point?  Zuckerberg, too.  Bending the knee to Trump with a single goal, the furtherance of his own bank accounts.  Bezos?  Same.  Trump?  Well, we all know that there will never be enough money, fame, toys, and ass kissing to slake his lust for all of those things.

They do not care about the people - you, me, your ailing parents.  We are data to be sold.  We are wallets to be exploited.  We are means to an end, and if that end results in our end?  Meh.  We are not real to any of them.  Our pain, our fear, our struggles are meaningless.  

We don't matter.  And wake up, MAGAts, because YOU are part of that WE.  Your ignorant fantasies that somehow you will be spared when their trickle down eek!onomics begin; when their ghoulish desire to withdraw your health insurance happens and your child is diagnosed with cancer; when their greedy hands empty your social security dollars and you are frantically searching for those fabled bootstraps; when you really cannot afford eggs; when your jobs vaporize; when your wife bleeds out from an ectopic pregnancy no doctor will touch; when you are deported (despite draping yourself in MAGA red).

It would be so easy to sit back and laugh at the red hats who continued to support him and are now learning that the ACA is Obamacare; learning what a tariff actually is and does; learning that their taxes are going to go up while the 1% continue to pay less and less each year; learning that their much loved child is transgender and they cannot do anything to help them; learning that vaccines keep children alive - a lesson far too many will only learn as they bury their intentionally compromised children.

So easy to laugh at them all.  The way they have openly laughed at us for so long.  So easy to scoff at them the way they have scoffed at us.  So easy to ignore their fears and their suffering.

The problem is, I'm not built that way.  Neither are you.  We see fear and we want to protect.  We see struggle and we reach out to ease the burden.  We see someone targeted and we circle the wagons around them.

What's coming is dangerous and self serving and is a beast intent on gorging itself on the fears and tears and heartache and strife of the masses.

I want to feel hope.  I do.  I need to feel hope.  I go to sleep and wake up with the same bone deep fears for my children - my daughters who are seen as less than, as broodmares by these cretins; my transgender son who is not even viewed as human by these willfully ignorant creatures; my granddaughter who has lost rights to her own body and she is only 2 years old.

My hope exists in believing that pain will open the eyes of the many who have kept them closed.  My hope is sustained by knowing how many people like me there are in this country, this world.  Knowing that we do outnumber this wretched minority.  Trust me, they know it as well, and there are some among them smart enough to know the inherent danger in pushing too many people too hard for too long.  Luigi Mangione is not some outlier.  He just stepped forward first.

And finally, my hope exists in the twinkle lights on my Christmas tree.  A gentle reminder that even in the darkest of rooms, of times, there is always light.  That light is in you, in me, in the hearts and minds of every decent person who tried to keep this from happening.  

Keep resisting.  Keep twinkling.  I promise I will do the same.

You Did This (I Mean That In The Very Best Way)

Before the weekend is upon us and Rudy and I begin traveling to be with our family for Christmas, I wanted to update you on the efforts of the past few days.

Thanks to you our new family of 6 (Mom matters, too) is excitedly looking forward to Christmas!

It started with a message from DGMSer Veronica asking if it was possible at this late date to add a family to our sleigh.  I said yes, turned to you all, and together we have made it happen.  Gifts are already arriving at their home and the Mom just texted me:

Veronica is also helping with food for them this weekend.  (No, I am not insinuating Veronica looks like a blue penguin.  Adorable, yes.  Blue penguin, no.)  As with our hurricane family, there is also a generous gift card on its way to help with groceries, personal care items, etc.  And don't worry, I did not forget Mom.  Like all of us, she prioritizes herself dead last, but she finally let me know she would love a bathrobe.  And her favorite color is peach.  Done.  

Also, I went to bed with a smile last night.  My heart filled with warmth - no, not because of hot flashes, that's a whole different blog entry - but because our hurricane Mom gifted me with some photos while I was getting ready to hit my own pillow.  Three of her children sleeping soundly, cuddled on their new beds and under the soft, warm covers you have provided.  Her email to me:

Hi I'm sorry I thought they sent but I guess they didn't sorry for the late reply at times I use a old tablet that friend lets me use so I have something to be able to connect to people so it runs on her WiFi and is older so it's slow she told me I should of bought myself a cheap prepaid phone from Walmart with the card you got us but the kids needed stuff was more important and I can stick with this tablet thing until she wants it back :) everyone is so happy and absolutely loves their beds and blankets they were excited with this biggest smiles ever . Thank you so much

Biggest smiles ever.  Over beds.  Something we all take for granted, but for this family, who has been sleeping on a hard floor, it is everything.  And you made it possible.

After reading her email and running to show Rudy the photos, I did some thinking and decided that one of the best ways to help her on finding her path forward was to provide her with a better way to connect.  We purchased a new Chromebook for her so she is better able to research assistance options in their new hometown, aid in her job search, and simply feel connected online.  As we all know, it is absolutely possible to find community and friendship on the internet.

Safe travels to all who head out this weekend, too.  We Sharps will all be together, albeit briefly, but this Mom will take what she can get.

Back to elfing...

Linda

Can We Give One More Push?

Hi everyone - 

Reaching out to update you on our hurricane family and to request one last push of the sleigh.

Our family will have all the bed frames today to go with the mattresses that were delivered Saturday.  Bless her heart, the Mom has not yet opened the mattress boxes because she doesn't want them on the floors as the only thing she can clean them with is some water and shampoo.  

The comforters and pillows and sheets should arrive today and she has promised me pictures when they get everything set up.

I cannot thank you all enough for helping adopt them to this extent.  I know we cannot solve all their problems, but we have made life so much more manageable and hopeful as she works her way through the system for assistance.  

This afternoon one of our long time DGMSers, Veronica, asked if we have room for five more children, ages 1 - 14.  She is in touch with a mother who would love to have something for her children under the tree, including a nice dinner on the table on Christmas.  Point of fact, they have no tree, but Veronica is doing some matchmaking.  She is picking one up from someone tonight to take to this mom. I never want to say NO when the possibility of YES even remotely exists, so I am here again, hat in hand asking if we can throw some more donations in the pot and make room for these children in our sleigh.  With your help, I can work Christmas miracles with Amazon and Walmart within this time frame and we can insure 6, yes 6 - because Mom will be smiling the biggest - happy faces come Christmas morning.

You know what?  As I sit here typing, I'm also very aware of the calendar.  I do want your help if at all possible, but time's a wastin', as the song goes, so I am going to say YES and have the mom contact me directly and get things started.  (Elf Rudy has never said NO)  Our sleigh always has extra room and Yes, Virginia, there is a DGMS.

Linda

PayPal: [email protected] (It will show as Sanity Central)

Zelle: [email protected]

Venmo: @Linda-Sharp-29

Feeling Lucky This Friday the 13th

Today is Friday the 13th.  Liked by few, save Jason.  

For the superstitious among us, we walk more carefully, hold our tongues a little harder, avoid black cats/ladders/cracks/creepy abandoned summer camps.  Whatever makes us feel safer.  We may know it's all in our heads, but feeling like anything decidedly unlucky may happen sits high in our minds.

(And for those of you who glide through with nary a glance at the calendar and a shove your machete up your goalie mask, Jason attitude - bully for you.)

I tend to fall into the tread lightly column, but today, I am feeling especially lucky.  About a lot of things.

I have posted many times about the specific help we are extending to our adopted hurricane family.  And while they are not our only family we are helping - far from it - they do fall into a very special category of need.  And having been in that spot after our hurricane, I feel a connection to this mother.

I have often written about being allowed into the worst moments of people's lives.  I never take that for granted.  Establishing a sense of trust with someone who has zero idea who you are, asking them to share their situation with you - well, it's a lot.  For them.  For me.  With your support I essentially step out of the ether and into their email, their cell phones, etc.  And I offer what is hard to believe in this day and age - help, with no strings attached.

Again, I cannot stress this enough:  this does not happen without YOU.  I very much appreciate your feedback and comments about me being a wonderful person - I do - but I know at all times I am just a conduit in this.  YOU trust. YOU donate.  YOU care.  YOU are moved to help total strangers.  YOU ARE WONDERFUL PEOPLE.

From the side of the people we help, I am also always very aware of the line between being helpful and being intrusive.  People are proud.  I get that.  Even admitting that you may need an outstretched hand is difficult.  Frankly, I suck at it.  Hard.  Opening up and sharing with a stranger, trusting that the promises are not empty, well, it's a huge leap of faith for the families we assist.

Even more so for our hurricane family.  Since being connected to them through a DGMSer we helped in past years, I am often in the mother's inbox three, four, five times a day.  Asking questions, drilling down on wish list items for her children, prying size information from her so I could extend our help to providing for her as well.  I alert her to delivery expectations and let her know the minute I receive a 'delivered' email from a shopping source.  So she and I have emailed A LOT over the past weeks.  And as we have, little things have slipped in that I felt moved to act upon as fast as possible.

The mattresses.  OY.  Call it privilege because that is exactly what it is, but I never thought about where/how they were sleeping each night.  It was only when she mentioned using part of the Walmart gift card to buy two air mattresses that it started to sink in.  They had all been sleeping on a floor.  On a couple sheets, with borrowed couch pillows.  Here is where I remind you her children are 6, 8, 10, 11, and 14.

I asked for your help on that one and I am so happy to report that all the mattresses are on track to be delivered tomorrow.  By Tuesday all the mattresses will have bed frames to get them off the floor.  They will all have their own pillows and sheets and comforters.

Last night I emailed to let her know that the stocking candy was delivered.  It took a while to hear back, but this was her reply:

Just got the delivery of candy thank you so much. That's a lot of candy their gonna be super happy with all that candy :)
Sorry it took me a while I walked in the freezing cold to the one church dinner to get us something to eat but it was already closed. So coming home to the package put me in a better mood thank you Hun so much

I was in my bed at that point, head under the covers with my cell phone.  And I knew sleep was not going to come easy.  You all know by now that above and beyond anything else, I cannot tolerate children being hungry.  I just can't.  I downloaded Door Dash.  I input their address to see what was possible.  And I sent two large pizzas their way.  I emailed the mom to let her know to expect a knock on the door.

Oh my goodness thank you we would of been ok we have bread and 2packs of ramen noodles still from the Walmart gift card . You are such a angel. God bless you and your huge heart. Thank you for everything you have done and are doing for my children and me. I can't thank you enough. Thank you

Five children - one a teen boy.  Some bread and two packs of ramen noodles.  And you know damned well, as a mother she was allotting all the food to them.

Waking up this morning, I was thinking again about the line between intruding and helping.  I had several emails about deliveries to relay to her, but needed to say something first.  I want to share our exchange with you all.

Good morning - 

Just wanted to update you on some things that are on their way, but first I really need to thank you for how gracious you have been about the level to which I have been constantly intruding into your inbox and life.  Every time I sit down to write to you I remind myself that I am a total stranger to you and you have every right to be completely suspicious, but you have been nothing but kind.  THANK YOU.

In one of my first emails to you I know I mentioned how bad I am at accepting help.  I hate asking for it and feel guilty accepting it.  The flip side of that is that I love helping.  Make it make sense. :)

I am so very glad <redacted> shared your story with me so I could share it with my group and begin trying to help.  I know we can't solve all the world's problems, but I so hope what we have been able to do for you and your children is helping.  You mentioned feeling hope a couple days ago.  Hope is everything.  After we lost everything in our hurricane, hope is what I found when strangers began helping give us a hand up to begin rebuilding our life.

So, today you should be getting the refrigerator delivered by Fedex.  And the tracking shows that all of the mattresses may actually arrive tomorrow!  And more candy today.  Cause let's be real, you can never have too much candy.

I know we live thousands of miles apart, but thank you for allowing me to get this close.  It is deeply appreciated.

Linda

~~~~~~~~~~

Aww ok thank you. Let me start by saying everything you and your group have done for me and my children have helped so much like I said if <redacted> didn't connect us I don't know where we would be I don't want to sound selfish or anything but it was getting hard sleeping on a floor with 5 children with just a few sheets and a couple of couch pillows we had literally nothing but that and the clothes on are backs which every night I wash them out by hand for the kids so when they wake up they can put clean clothes back on. Now because of you and all yours and your groups help we have blankets we have a TV that the kids watch 24/7 that's all they have to do and enjoy it we got air mattress to be off the floor a little which is a blessing cause it's cold in the rooms but again it's cause of you we got that . We live day by day and the kids have been able to have food in their bellies because of you. We now have some socks on are feet because of you with sending us a gift card.

It has been a nightmare with trying to get any help from any agencies like they just don't care if it wasn't for my friend I don't know where we would have stayed cause the one agency told me we can't help you with any housing cause none of our housing will accept a family as big as yours. So I was loosing hope to where I come back from walking all over in 21 degrees weather every day trying to find a place to get clothing for the kids I don't care about me I got some now cause of you but I go all over for clothing and food and I always seem to get turned away because they want hundred different Identification knowing ours are floating somewhere they still will just look me in my face and tell me wow then they can't help me so I'll come back bawling my eyes out and give up hope cause it's like I'm not getting anywhere. And then here comes you this amazing wonderful person that helps my children and me and gives us hope back and puts a smile on are faces again.

So thank you thank you for everything and thank you for being like the push I need to keep telling me don't give up you'll be ok things will get better .

So again thank you for connecting with me and helping me and my children rebuild its means everything to us. You're like are guardian angel.

Thank you

And I'm sitting here typing with tears in my eyes again. It is so easy to take so much for granted. And I admit that I often do. I have a warm bed when I'm cold.  When I'm hungry I stare into a stocked refrigerator and mentally lament there being "nothing to eat." What to wear each day is a problem only because I have too much to choose from.  And this year, when I have been feeling so incredibly frozen and stuck and scared, I have YOU stepping up and making it possible for me to connect your donations and kind hearts with people who need both so desperately.

I am lucky. Incredibly so. Just now I have used the last of the Paypal donations to Door Dash a large grocery order to them so they can begin putting the refrigerator to use. Tonight, on this Friday the 13th, they will eat rotisserie chicken.

And Jason can chew on his hockey mask.

Love you all,

Linda

P.S.

Before I hit PUBLISH, she just emailed about the grocery delivery.

Got them thank you so much. You should see how the kids eyes lite up like it was Christmas. Thank you  things are definitely starting to feel better now and pulling together thanks to you. Thank you

What A Difference A Sleigh Makes

Before heading to bed last night, I shared with you my thoughts about our hurricane family and my hopes to provide them all with actual mattresses and bedding.  Reminder, this family is a mom and five children, ages 6, 8, 10, 11, and 14.

This morning, with your generosity, I was able to purchase four twin mattresses and one queen mattress for them (Mom and I discussed number and sizes which started with my correct surmising that the teen might want his own bed).  To go with the comforter sets they received last week, they will also be in receipt of four twin comforter sets in a variety of colors so the kids can decide who gets what, as well as sheet sets for each mattress.  Additional pillows are on their way, too.

To tell you that the mom is speechless is an understatement.  For this woman, DGMS literally appeared out of the ether and is wrapping them all in so much love and care.  But also in something so very important.  I write about this each year, but from her to me and you:

"Theyre going to be so excited and surprised. Thank you again. You have brought so many smiles to me and the children and have gave us hope :) "

And there it is:  HOPE.

Your donations do more than make toys appear, clothing show up, food be provided.  You are feeding their hearts, their souls, and reminding them that there is HOPE to be had in this world.

My hope now is that enough donations come in to be able to provide them with metal bed frames to get the new mattresses off the floors.  Rudy and I will be purchasing a compact refrigerator for them - not full size, but not dorm size, and one they can count on to keep their things cold and fresh.

Tonight as you lay head to pillow, know that you are making that same feeling of comfort possible for a mother and her five children.  And let it spark the same hope inside you - I know it has been diminished in so many of us.  Imagine their once empty space now coming to life.  A brightly lit Christmas tree, stockings that will be filled with candy, presents the mom will wrap to place under the tree, warm comforters, a TV.  By this time next week, real mattresses and sheets and comforters for all.  A reliable refrigerator.  YOU DID THIS.  

Vietnamese Monk and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh said it best: Hope is important because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today.

Thank you all for helping this family believe that tomorrow will be better,

Linda

A Very Special "Plush" Of The Sleigh

This time of year often finds me staring into space.  My mind full of other people's realities, I imagine their struggles on a loop in my head.  I picture their children.  I 'feel' the emotions of the mothers and fathers who share their lives with me.  And I try very hard to envision their surroundings.

Sure, part of it is a continual kick in the pants of perspective.  I know I am fortunate.  I know that on any given Tuesday.  But this time of year, when I am welcomed into the absolute worsts of so many people, I KNOW it.  And on this particular Tuesday, I am coming to you having been immersed in my thoughts and world building for days now.  

Since our hurricane mom shared with me (and then with you) that she used part of our gift card to buy air mattresses to get them off the floor, it is simply not something I can escape.  That's why the comforter sets I sent their way were so important.  Warmth.  Comfort.  I picture her and her five children wrapped up in those king comforters (and as of tonight, new pillows) and know, that while the price points were not groundbreaking, the impact is.

This afternoon while emailing with her, I apologized for being really nosey and asked for a better feel for how they are living - apart from her friend having provided this temporary shelter for them -  because I know we can do more.

Her reply was honest and hopeful.  And I simply cannot go lay down in my wonderfully comfy bed and put head to pillow without first coming here to share with you.

"Aww ok thank you so much.  You're absolutely fine she gave us a little mini fridge she had to use in our room I mean it doesn't keep really cold but it keeps it cool I think it's going bad or something but the freezer part works pretty cold in it . There's a big fridge in the kitchen of my friend's house that she says we're welcome to use there is also a stove and then someone gave us a microwave for the room. We have plenty of room it's actually 2 good sized rooms that are connected off of each other cause it's a 4 bedroom duplex house but she gave us 2 of the rooms. Which makes me feel better cause all my babies are close to me and we use the other room now as like are own personal little living room/ dinning room with are microwave, Christmas tree and stuff in it.  I'm working on hopefully getting the other side of the duplex cause dss is suppose to be starting/opening are case for housing help which their going to pay the rent and the landlord filled the paperwork out for it so fingers crossed."

What I know is that what they have, save the microwave, is what we have provided.  And that is incredible.  But my mind keeps coming back to the air mattresses.  Air mattress sleep is not good sleep by any measure.  It's just not.  I have one and sleep on it in my office when Rudy has had COVID or other ailments that I want no part of.  I toss, I turn, I squeak, I inevitably have to add more air in the night.

I want more for this wonderfully hopeful mother and her children.  I have done the legwork and with your help and a special push of the sleigh, I can have new mattresses for them by the weekend.  Plush, sink-into-and-get-actual-sleep mattresses. I can also get a compact refrigerator (not as small as a dorm fridge, not as big as a full size) for a great price.

Many, many years back, we bought a bed for a mother and her young son.  We bought a bedframe.  We bought sheets and pillows and a comforter.  And I still remember the sheer joy of them both.  A real bed.  Real covers.  Real pillows.  Warmth, comfort, security.  Normalcy.

With your help we can do that times THREE.  If you can donate, the avenues are all open.  

PayPal: [email protected] (It will show as Sanity Central)

Zelle: [email protected]

Venmo: @Linda-Sharp-29

I know in a world with so much chaos, heartache, and strife, it is easy to look around and go 'what can one person do?"  But to quote Dr. Seuss,  'To the world you may be one person; but to one person you may be the world.'

I promise you - you and your fellow DGMSers are the world to this mother, to her children, and to me. 

I'll keep you posted.

Linda

Head Elf

Sick To Death

By now you all notice that this time each year I tend to stick to posts about our Yes, Virginia efforts.  I like staying in that headspace, reveling in tinsel draped feelings and keeping my heart's twinkle lights glowing.  Straying into any of the news o' the day is just the quickest way to douse all of that.  So I take a hair-on-fire hiatus as it were.

But after a lot of thought, some thoughts just need to find their way to the keyboard today.

Yesterday's early morning murder of United Healthcare CEO Brian Thompson in New York City has captured the country's attention since it hit the wires.  (That it was caught on video?  Oof.)  What it has also captured, however, is the long simmering anger held by an entire nation against an entire industry.   

And I will not sit here and be a hypocrite.  I am one of the ire filled that takes a very dim view of the insurance industry and the powers-that-be, like Thompson, that rake in tens of millions in salaries each year while denying the claims of those whose premiums fund said outrageous paychecks.

And I know I am not alone in what my initial thoughts were:  The gunman was denied needed coverage.  The gunman lost a loved one to denied claims.  The gunman has a loved one who is dying from being denied coverage.

Now, I stress that none of those things has been verified and the killer is still at large.  I also state unequivocally that murder is not an acceptable form of protest.  Or payback.  But in the final wash, if I am even close on what the motivations were, then I have to echo the long standing Chris Rock bit about OJ Simpson, "I'm not saying he should have killed her ... but I understand."

That is not approval, tacit or direct.  That is not admiration for what happened.  And it certainly is not some desire to see open season declared on all healthcare CEOs.  Far from it.  But to sit here typing and not admit to seeing the easily connected dots between wholesale suffering, a 33% rate of denied claims, and a desire to hurt someone?  Well, again, I hate hypocrisy.  So yes, I see it.  

United Healthcare is, as seen in the graphic making the rounds since yesterday, holder of the title of highest percentage of denied claims.  A full 33% of health insurance claims are kicked back with a big fat NO.  That UHC, like so many companies, use AI to make determinations resulting in over 90% being inaccurately denied?  I'm not sure which is worse, that doctors and hospitals submit these claims on behalf of their patients and a real human being is not on the receiving end.  Or the fact that UHC knew about the 92% error rate and stuck with the program.  Reason?  Only about .2% of people appeal their denials, so why fix what is so broken it nicely pads your bottom line for stockholders?

If you're lucky in this country you have health insurance.  The majority who do obtain it through their employer.  Others have managed to find and pay for insurance through the Affordable Care Act (yes, Obamacare, for you Trump loving dipshits who ran to Google after the election asking that very question along with Can I change my vote?)  And private insurance is also an option people may try to access.  And they are all costly.  They just are.  That word is all relative, I know that.  What comes out of my husband's paycheck each month for the two of us is manageable for us.  It would also make it difficult for other people to put gas in their cars or food in their stomachs.

We don't have healthcare in this country.  The sad fact is that we have businesscare.  The bottom line of health insurance companies is not being there when you need to use your insurance.  It's being there for their shareholders, for Wall Street.  Which is why so many claims are denied.

It is all so gallingly egregious.   A doctor submits a claim or a request for a patient for a drug, a treatment, a surgery.  A DOCTOR who knows his patient's needs, disease, pain, odds.  And what happens in 6% to 33% of these cases (see chart)?  Denied.  Then a whole denied dance has to begin as your doctor, his staff, YOU appeal to the insurance company to reconsider the request, to actually have a human being look at the provided backup, charts, diagnosis, and prior treatments.  And on and on it goes.

I sit here right now looking at one such denial here on my desk.  Without going into copious details, my spouse needs a certain medication.  Other options have been tried.  Tests have been run that have eliminated various avenues.  He has been taking said medication for a couple months now, samples provided by his doctor as this whole submission process has been working its way through the system.  And the drug has been working beautifully for him.  But samples are free.  With insurance?  Roughly $300 per month.  Without?  $5,000.

So, submitted by a specialist who knows my husband's particulars, has been the one who has been treating him, has run the required tests for other options, and who now has had their request denied?  

Because FUCK.  Seriously, to call the ream of papers gobbledygook is generous.  But more on this later...

Yesterday, on the heels of the shooting, came the absurd news that Blue Cross in Connecticut, New York and Missouri just announced that if your surgery runs over the allotted time, they will not pay for the overtime anesthesia.  What in the actual ...???  Seriously, so you're laying there, under the knife and under the sweet protection from pain and awareness that anesthesia is there for, and a complication, a delay, a whatever ends up taking more time than some AI bot has decided your spleenectopotomoplasty should take.  So what's the answer BCBS (that BS should stand for bullshit)?  Let the patient wake up with their entrails laying about?  Give them a leather strap to bite down on while they are sutured shut?  Or just let them go to sleep knowing they may wake up bankrupted by your need to keep your stockholders $edated?  (This afternoon, after being publicly pilloried by anesthesiologists, surgeons, and the public at large, they reversed their decision.)

It is also notable that UHC has been one of the biggest in lobbying efforts against universal healthcare in this country. (Over $100 million to date.)

Stories of healthcare insurance denials are everywhere and they will only proliferate as more details come out about the shooter and motives.  Shell casings were found at the scene with the words "deny," "depose," and "defend" on them - words that investigators acknowledge may be in reference to a book about the industry called Delay, Deny, Defend by Jay Feinman - a book that is about the strategy of the insurance companies and their entire financial ethos being tied to dragging out claims as long as possible and what a consumer can do.

Stories are heartless. 

Anti-nausea drugs denied for a child going through chemotherapy.  

An insurer’s letter was sent directly to a newborn child denying coverage for his fourth day in a neonatal intensive-care unit. “You are drinking from a bottle,” the denial notification said, and “you are breathing on your own.”

A college-age young man, suffering a life-threatening anaphylactic allergic reaction, was saved by epinephrine shots and steroids administered intravenously in a hospital emergency room. His mother, utterly relieved by that news, was less pleased to be informed by the family’s insurer that the treatment was “not medically necessary.”

A Los Angeles man said he was “shocked” when payment was denied for a heart procedure to treat an arrhythmia, which had caused him to faint with a heart rate of 300 beats per minute. After all, he had the insurer’s preapproval for the expensive ($143,206) intervention. More confusing still, the denial letter said the claim had been rejected because he had “asked for coverage for injections into nerves in your spine” (he hadn’t) that were “not medically needed.”

The stories are endless.  And unforgiveable.  

On my home front, we are in a new waiting room.  As it turns out, a very recent occurrence makes it now impossible for my husband to take the drug that was working so well, but that they denied.  Now we wait while his doctor goes back to our insurance company requesting coverage for his last option.  And yes, it's fucking expensive.  Even with insurance.  Without?  I can't mentally go there right now.  While we could tighten our belts and swing it, so very many people would simply be left to a life of suffering.  I just do not understand this country that allows people to suffer, to die even, for the mere sin of not being wealthy.  

Brian Thompson should not have been murdered.  I reiterate that.  But the reaction to his death should send a message to the entire health insurance industry, especially the ones at the top of the pyramid.  People will only be pushed so far.  A person's healthcare is not a game.  A loved one's cancer is not to be left up to some algorithm.  A child's life should not be in the hands of someone with less than zero healthcare experience.  My husband's pain is not something to be blown off by a bot. 

I am very sorry for his family who loved him and will miss him.  But my true thoughts and prayers will stay in network with the 100 million Americans currently saddled by medical debt, and the millions more who are denied their paid for, necessary, and life saving coverage every year.

~~~~~~~~

Now, excuse me while I get back to elfing and trying to plug back in the twinkle lights in my soul.

Thank You Thursday

Black Friday.  Cyber Monday.  Giving Tuesday.  Small business Saturday.  National Package Protection Day (Yes, that is real and was yesterday).

We seem to coin names for just about every day on the calendar once holiday shopping begins. 

Personally, I stopped fearing for my Black Friday sales loving life nearly a decade ago when I realized that Cyber Monday was actually better.  And all those "only hours left!!!" warnings in my inbox?  Meh.  Without exception, I wake up to a "Holy heffer on a hot tin roof!  We extended our super-fantabulous-never-before-seen-slap-yo-momma-upside-the-head-with-a-singing-Billy-bass-trout-because-these-prices-are-insane!!!" email from the same companies.

Sales do not stop.  They just gather more grandiose adjectives as we get closer to the big day.

But in the spirit of tagging each day with moniker, I am here with gratitude to declare today, Thank You Thursday.

Sure, I know that was kind of the gist of last Thursday around the Butterball, but today as I sit continuing the Yes, Virginia elfing work, I wanted to drop in and say THANK YOU.

Less than a month ago, still gobsmacked by the election, stunned by having to acknowledge how many in our society just don't care to vote, don't educate themselves about their vote, or voted for authentic fascism, I sat here and wrote that my elfing spirits were low; that I was leaving it up to the blogmunity whether we would move forward with Yes, Virginia for a 16th year.

Your response was overwhelming.  And moving forward with your emotional and financial support has been, for the 16th year, amazing.

Your donations have purchased over $1000 in grocery gift cards.  You have helped purchase sneakers, slippers, underwear, pajamas, blankets, Hot Wheels track sets, baby dolls, sweatpants, sweatshirts, sweaters, coats, mittens and gloves, play makeup sets, hairbrushes, board games, walkie talkie playsets, beanies, scarves, Nerf toys, journals, batteries (if the toy needs them, we supply them), wrapping paper, tape, tags and bows (it always warms my heart to think about the parents we help wrapping these gifts for their children), stocking candy and more.

For our hurricane family who lost everything, Rudy and I did some specialized elfing and purchased them a new TV set.  They were speechless to open the door and find that delivery.  And I thought about it for a long time before doing it.  Partly because I did not want to use your donations for such a grand gift (although TVs this time of year are always a great deal), but also because of what a television represents.  From the moment TVs found their way into living rooms, they became a place families came together.  They represent connection, normalcy.  Even when it is on just as background white noise, we feel less alone to hear Food Network chefs cheffing in the background or a Mr. Clean commercial playing a familiar tune.  I also thought about what Rudy and I always say about our hurricane and realizing what's important:  "You can always buy another TV set.  You cannot buy another each other."

They have each other.  And now they have a television to gather around and, for moments, feel a bit more normal.

And we're not done.  We still have funds available to help more families bring some holiday magic into their homes, their hearts, their spirits, and create those joyous smiles from children Christmas morning.

So please, on this Thank You Thursday, when I am so very grateful for all of you once again financing this incredible yearly effort, please let me know if there are others in your orbits who could use some DGMS magic.  [email protected]  Send them my way.

Love you all,

Linda

 

  

My Heart Runneth Over

Happy Thanksgiving to all of our blogmunity family, and guests who have found their way here over the past year through the sharing of stories, election trauma, and now holiday giving. I certainly hope our guests will discover what makes DGMS so special - the open hearts, care, kindness, yes - large amounts of snark, frank discussions, and ever present warmth - and decide to stay.  

This morning as I wake up in a condo with just my spouse, it would be easy to focus on what is missing - my children, my sons-in-law, our wonderful extended family, and my Marlowe Belle.

Our family is used to being dispersed, but being used to a weird normal does not make it easy or shrug offable.  Yet as we all wake in our separate places today, we do it knowing our hearts are in the same one - together - knowing that we will all be joined again at Christmas to hug, celebrate, eat too much, and simply be happy to be breathing air in the same zip code.

So this morning, in the quiet of my home, here is what I am thankful for -

~ Another sunrise.  In a world where uncertainty reigns, and death touches so many innocents, I feel the privilege of watching the sun fill the sky.  I wake to a view of water, palm trees, and clouds the shades of the most beautiful watercolor palette.  And for those brief moments, I find peace.

~ My son, Toby, far away but in the safe embrace of his oldest sister and his brother-in-law's family.  He continues to be someone I revel in, laugh with, and admire more with each passing day.  He is my hero and my heart lifts every time he lights up my phone each day.  I am thankful for him making me smarter, showing me that I will always have more to learn, for his patience, his strength, his talent, his truly awful sense of humor - a Sharp trademark - and for his determination to get on with his life - critics, haters, ignorance of others be damned.

~ Culley, my oldest, now a wife and mother, but who is firmly carving her own amazing career path in this world.  I am thankful for her easy smiles, brilliance, compassion, wicked sense of humor that rivals mine, her monstrous love for her siblings, and for every phone call and Facetime as she makes sure my connection to Marlowe stays strong despite the miles.

~ Kendall, also now married, charting her course as DOCTOR Kendall Sharp in California.  I am never not humbled by the bravery she exhibited as she methodically worked towards her own end game - grad school and getting on with the business of earning her doctorate so she can now spend her days helping children and families.  I am thankful for her strength, her understanding that people are more than what they seem on the surface, her championing of her siblings, a sense of humor that is Ninja in its subtlety, yet Grand Canyon in its scope, and for always, making sure her people are ok.

I am thankful for the two young men I am privileged to call sons-in-law.  Sean and Daniel understand, at the deepest level, the trust placed in them by Rudy and I as they build their lives with our daughters.  They are strong, caring, focused, and are loved by all of us beyond measure.  That M has Sean as a father and Daniel as an Uncle makes her the luckiest little girl in the world.

~ Marlowe, my effervescent granddaughter.  A feral princess of a child whose laughter in response to my idiocy is the fuel on which my heart runs.  I did not understand how it could be possible to love someone, who is not my own child, this much.  But I do.  And being called Mimi holds the same level of honor that being called Mom does.  Every moment spent with her is the purest, simplest form of love.  She is magic, mayhem, and unicorn farts with a ponytail.

~ I am thankful for my husband.  Thankful that he is still willing to learn, love harder, and remember me all the days I am not where he is.  After almost 34 years of marriage, 36 knowing each other, that is something rare.  I am thankful for how hard he works to provide for our family, and how much he trusts me to hold up my end of this partnership.  We have finally spent more years together than apart, and as the word 'retirement' is beginning to take shape in the ether of the not too distant future, I am excited to see what adventures unfold.  Together.

 

~ My sister, well, there is not a day that I am not thankful for her.  She is my safe place, the person who would only need a phone call, no reason given, to be here as fast as possible.  All I would have to say is, "I need you."  And she "gets" it.  She is brilliant and bold, but she is also unafraid to let her inner child out and I cannot wait for the next Disney cruise where we do just that.  Again.     

~ I am, as always grateful that I opened this piece of internet real estate so long ago.  It has widened my scope on the world, challenged what I thought I knew by expanding it with other viewpoints, and making me smarter and more compassionate in the process.  It has also brought the most amazing people into my orbit.  The sharing we do, the laughs we provide one another, the tears we trust to one another - sight unseen still in so many cases - cannot be explained.  I sit here wanting to write all your names, what you mean to me, but know I may leave someone out, so please just know YOU MATTER SO MUCH TO ME.

~ And finally, I am thankful because at this time of year, when we again take on the task of making Christmas happen for total strangers, you never fail to join the campaign.  You read the stories of those asking for our help, and respond with your trust and faith in me, your dollars, and your amazing hearts that only need to know others are hurting.  To that end, I want to update you on the family we are helping that are struggling to find their footing in the aftermath of Hurricane Helene and the displacement that finds them states away from where they called home.

Your donations for them have toys and clothing heading their way.  But they also are now in receipt of a Christmas tree with lights, ornaments to hang, tinsel to string.  (The kids are all excited about sitting the tree up  thank you thank you so much for putting a smile on my children's faces and brighten them up and giving them the spirit back this means everything to me.) 

Wrapping paper, tape, tags, and bows will help the mom wrap your magic for under that tree.  (As we emailed about Christmas and what it means to us she wrote back: It's one of my favorites too cause there's always so many memories with seeing all their smiles and excited about a certain gift and especially this year because honestly I didn't think they would have anything after us getting everything swept away from us because of a tragedy and me having to start from scratch to even get us a source of income which has been a nightmare and us living, eating, ect day by day. This blessing from you really means the world to us and I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. I can't thank you enough.) 

A generous gift card for food and sundry other items we take for granted like shampoo, toothpaste, toilet paper.  (Oh my goodness. You got me in tears thank you so much.) 

And I am not done.  Five children are a lot to elf for and the time it takes is worth every eyestrained moment when I find just the right things.

(We still have time, so if you know of someone struggling to make Christmas magic, send them my way.)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, and as you say your prayers at your tables, or offer up your silent thoughts for a better world, please remember that people like you are out there proving what I still believe:  The good people in this world still do outnumber the bad.

Love you all,

Linda

 

When Push Comes To Love - A Special Nudge Of The Sleigh

I have written several times in the past about our experience being in the literal eye of a hurricane and coming out the other side.  September 11, 1992, the island of Kauai in Hawaii.  Small, idyllic, a slice of paradise.  When Iniki came along it ate the entire island.  Directly over, bounced off the warm water, came back the opposite direction, bounced again, finally went back over and out to sea.  There was not a structure on the island untouched.  Wind, water, sand - they all had their way with every house, hotel, shop, telephone pole, palm tree.  Our home, a 60+ year old rental we lovingly referred to as the Shit Shack for its single wall construction and tin roof, was obliterated, carpet pulled from the foundation.

And while loss of life in the storm was kept to a single person (there were several others in the aftermath), not a single life was untouched.  And being on a island, there was no way to drive away from the storm before it hit, or once it had moved on leaving a full third of the residents homeless.

Starting over is overwhelming.  The idea of "nothing" is hard to wrap a mind around before a hurricane hits.  Trying to digest the reality afterwards when you see everything you owned and worked for gone is numbing.  There is no roadmap, no guidebook.  But what I can tell you that there is, is kindness. 

The best of people is revealed in the worst of times.  And that worst does not have to be happening to them, they only have to see it happening to another for them to be moved to action.  Humans are remarkable that way.  At our deepest level we know that we all laugh, cry, struggle, bleed, and mourn the same.  We can imagine being in a situation with having to be in a situation.  And we are moved to help.

That is how Rudy and Culley and I began to rebuild our life.  Strangers who heard our story; new co-workers of his when we were moved to a new town and were living in the hotel.  Sheets, silverware, blankets, clothing for our baby, enough to start to make a life and furnish an apartment when we moved from that hotel.  Strangers supporting us when we were unsure how to even take the first steps forward.

Which brings me to the keyboard tonight.  In the past, our Yes, Virginia requests have often been supplemented by special stories and circumstances that come to our attention.  Donations come in specifically for a family and their needs.  The year we bought a new bed and pillows and bedding for a mother and son - that one always stays with me, the pictures of what they were sleeping on forever embedded in my head, on my heart.  Tonight I am writing to share with you the family that has joined our sleigh over the weekend.

A single mother with five children who had been living in Asheville, North Carolina.  When Hurricane Helene raged up from the south, flooding entire cities, the trailer home they were renting was destroyed.  Their belongings, toys, food, clothing, even important papers like birth certificates.  (We only still have Culley's, water stained as it is, because we threw it and other papers like our marriage license into a garbage bag and into the trunk of the car before the hurricane hit.)   

With nowhere to turn in a city that was underwater, the mother reached out to a friend all the way up in New York who offered to take them all in while they begin to figure things out.  

I have been her, but I only had one tiny child to worry about.  She has five ranging in age from 6-14.  We lost our home, too, but we had a hotel company that found another position for my husband and allowed us to live on property for months.  I cannot begin to wrap my mind around the enormity of loss and fear this mother currently lives with.  And the children who are all old enough to understand that something massive has happened to completely upend their lives. Security and stability are everything to a child, and theirs has been torn from them.

I am asking that we make a special effort for this family.  That donations can come in specifically for a huge DGMS effort to make Christmas happen for each child, to help with basic clothing items for each, and to fund a gift card that will help feed them all while they stay with the friend whose home is small, but opened it to them nonetheless.

There are still YV funds I am working with for other children.  This would be independent of that money.  

Again, I have been there.  With nothing, and not knowing where to turn.  And I am grateful to this day that total strangers did know where to turn.  They turned their smiling faces, their open hearts, and their generosity toward us.  And with their support we started moving forward.

Please help if you can.  We have the capacity in this group of incredible people to reach out and truly help a family begin charting their new course.  When push comes to love, no one does it like DGMS.  Especially at Christmas.

Love you all,

Linda

PayPal: [email protected] (It will show as Sanity Central)

Zelle: [email protected]

Venmo: @Linda-Sharp-29