This morning while online, I read the lament of yet another person questioning how people manage to stay friends or family with people who voted for Trump and his onslaught of fascism. While I was heartened at the number of people who came forward with hard and fast replies of “you don’t“, I am very disheartened that so many people are still deluded enough that they even ask that question. These people that you wonder about or still want to give the benefit of the doubt to, do not care about other people. They actively voted to hurt other people.
The poster's repeated attempts to substantiate that they are "good people" was sad. I added my two cents, but as the day has gone on, I knew I had more cents and sense than that and I need to get it out. I will warn you now, incoming BLUNT.
We all have people in our lives - well, now out of our lives - who have saddened us, disillusioned us, broken our hearts, as we have seen their true colors since Trump slithered down his gaudy escalator in 2015. There is not a one of us who has not had our eyes opened to the true leanings of people who were friends, close or extended family members, or co-workers.
But to see people still whining about how do you manage to stay friends with them or put it aside to maintain family connections? GTFO.
The very blunt answer really is YOU DON'T. And I will tell you why.
These people are not children. They are not misguided or hoodwinked. They have had access to the same world as you, the same news as you, the same abhorrent behavior as you, the same horrors as you. FOR YEARS. Yet none of it has been a dealbreaker for them. If anything they have doubled down on their membership in the cult. The bigotry? Meh. The racism? No biggie. The hate, the threats, the promise of vengeance? LALALALALALALALALA.
I have typed this so many times that my keyboard aches, but it bears repeating as many times as it takes to sink in: THIS. IS. NOT. A. DIFFERENCE. IN. POLITICS. This is not the before times when two parties simply had divergent ideas about fiscal matters or society, but could still find common ground on which to govern. THIS. IS. A. DIFFERENCE. IN. HUMANITY. These are unprecedented times in which we live. The very bedrock of this nation has been usurped by white supremacists, Christian zealots, the billionaire class, and those who happily embrace fascism because they literally thirst for the end times.
It is understandable that it may be difficult, heartbreaking even, to cut ties with these people in your life, but frankly if they hadn’t broken your heart with this before now, you need to look hard at yourself in the mirror. Your continued association makes you unsafe for the very people you claim to champion.
Let that last line sink in. Here is the hard truth.
When you persist in deluding yourself that they are “good people“ and continue to affiliate with them, you provide them cover for what they actually are. You allow them to continue to see themselves as somehow different from the cult in which they belong, as still good. When you choose to go on associating with them, you may as well be one of them. Your advocacy appears sadly performative at best, and at worst, you are refusing to acknowledge the luxury you must have in your own life that allows you to keep them around, because what they have wrought is not currently affecting you personally.
I realize how harsh that sounds, but you must stop giving aid and comfort to the enemy.
You cannot continue to have it both ways. Or in good conscience to continue to try to have it both ways. It taints every breath you take. It shows your advocacy, your allyship, to be empty. You may consider yourself a good person because you stand on this side, but the reality is you still have one foot on the other side providing cover for people who don’t deserve cover.
I understand it is uncomfortable to cut ties. You will get blowback, you will get their ire directed at you. But these are unprecedented times. And you have to stop with your whole needle in a haystack pursuit. There is no redemptive needle in the dry, barren hatestacks of these people’s souls. And no, it does not matter if they volunteer at a soup kitchen, or take grandma to the grocery store, or warm a pew every Sunday. Performative. Because when it comes to seeing beyond the tip of their noses, they refuse. They do not care. Ask yourself how many people behaved this same way as the ghettos were emptied in Germany?
That is a hard, sad pill to swallow, but it is the truth.
They are where they are by choice. They jumped on this train in 2015. They have heard his words the same as you have heard his words. But for them, those words, that vengeance, that targeting, that flat out intent to marginalize and harm huge swaths of people, none of that was bad enough for them to withhold their vote from him and do the right thing for the greater good. Because in their world, the greater good only looks like them, prays like them, sounds like them.
And yes, I know that your choice of religion may make it even more difficult for you to step away. The pressure to constantly forgive and all.
I do know for me, there has been freedom in turning my back on the man-made religious rules and dogma. There has been a true awakening in understanding that we are responsible for our choices. Absolute freedom in saying eff off to the whole carrot on a stick portion of organized religion. They do not hold your salvation. They hold pursestrings, they hold emotional blackmail, they hold promises and punishment. But none of those are theirs to give and/or take. Religion should be for community, not control. And certainly not what Christianity has warped into these days.
As a whole, regardless of your religious affiliation, we need to stop looking up for answers and start looking straight ahead. If there is, in fact, an afterlife and an entity to which we are accountable, that comes later. We have to be engaged in the now. We have to be engaged in our literal breathing salvation. We are the ones who must save ourselves and each other. Because we have been thrown into an actual hell on earth scenario.
And it's only been two weeks. What do you think will happen in two more weeks' time? Musk has locked federal employees out of the payment structures of our government. As he did with his Twitter takeover, he has his yes-people sleeping on cots as they work around the clock to completely upend every system on which we depend for Medicaid, Medicare, Social Security. Trump has begun his tariff bullshit which will only make your life harder as you can afford less and less. That includes pharmaceuticals.
Planes are crashing as is our entire democratic republic. And the carnage will be just as devastating for everyone in this nation. I take that back. The rich will not suffer. They will get richer. But the poors? Well, you may not consider yourself one right now, but give it another couple months as you watch your savings disappear, your portfolio plummet, your future plans become about simple survival.
All of this is at the hands of the people you still insist are good. They voted for this. They voted for my son to be executive ordered out of existence. Your refusal to cut ties with people who support that? That makes you as bad as them. That makes you unsafe. That makes you a fair weather ally. One that talks the talk, but has no true grit to walk the walk.
And please, stop with the rationalizing that you are going to somehow sway them if you just stick with it. It's been TEN YEARS since they found their spirit animal in Donald Trump. Ten years in which they have willingly marinated in his sewer of bigotry, misogyny, white supremacy, boldfaced lies, heinous epithets hurled out loud, bloodlust and actual murders. You are not going to change them. They are where they want to be. They are in the sewer where they can openly hate, disparage, use the N word with impunity, condemn people like my son to death, and feel superior to anyone who does not look like them.
I promise you, as hard as it may be, cutting ties and letting them know why as you walk out the door of their lives, will be far more effective than you sticking around and playing pretend with them. Consequences. Period. What they have condoned for a decade; what they have heartily supported for years; what they have literally cheered on - they have no place in decent society. They do not deserve your patience, your hope, your cover any longer.
I am sorry for how blunt this is, how hard is it to process and truly digest, but the time for gentle speak is past. The buzzer has sounded on giving you any more time to finally get it. It is time for you to walk the walk before it is too late and you end up wondering how you got blood on your hands, too.
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