Don't Get Me Started with Linda Sharp

Life Is About Other People

UPDATE: Thanks to your incredible generosity, we have been able to get the rent payment to her.  It is amazing what hearts are able to accomplish when they see themselves in others' hardships.  There are so few degrees of separation between where we may be today and where we could find ourselves tomorrow.  A medical crisis, a lay off - any number of unexpected moments that could take the ground from beneath any of us.  

(I apologize for not getting this posted last night.  What should have been a 10 1/2 hour day verged on 13 by needing to pull over many times to kickstart this and get your donations on their way.  TOTALLY WORTH IT.  I was just too pooped to post by the time I got my hotel.)

Your spirit of "it takes a village" is so appreciated.  From our very grateful villager:

Thank you to the amazing “Yes, Virginia” team for your support and speedy response to my request for help for my daughter and granddaughter. I can’t thank you all enough. You are truly angels on earth. As I have in the past, I will continue to support “Yes, Virginia” in the future. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

(Any additional donations will be put to our ongoing elfing for this holiday season.)

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Just as I was getting ready to pull out of my daughters driveway this morning to begin what will be an 11 hour day of driving, I received a plea via a Facebook message.

I am now sitting on the side of the road as I have done several times during the past two hours, so I could communicate with the person and gather more information. I have now reached a small town in Texas where I have decent enough cell reception to dictate this into a blog post and ask for your help.

I preface what comes next with the facts that I do have her permission to share this, while also having committed to protecting her privacy (she is a longtime member of our blogmunity), and that I truly do believe that life is about other people, and how we can touch their lives in positive ways. Sitting on the side of the road and doing this is something I would do for anyone in our village.

Here is her story:

Hi Linda, I never thought I’d be reaching out to you but I’m writing in desperation for my daughter and granddaughter. It’s a very long story but I’ll try to explain in as few words as possible. A few months ago, my daughter lost her job and has been struggling financially. I have helped her out as much as I could but now I’m out of resources for her. Due to two knee replacements for me this year, I’ve had a rough year too financially. She just started a fabulous new job on November 28th which will solve all those problems in the months to come. The problem right now is that she needs money for her December rent and I am unable to help her right now. The late fees are insane - $125 for being one day late and another $125 if it goes over 10 days late. She will not get paid until Dec. 16th and with the late fees, it will cost more than her first check and will leave her with no money left over. I have not slept for the past week and have tried everything to come up with the money. This is an act of desperation.  Her rent is $1599 a month and with the late fees could push it up over $1800. She is very proud and has no idea I’m reaching out to you. I understand if it’s too much and too late to ask. I am embarrassed to ask and will pay you back over the next year if you can help. Thank you for your time and consideration. I love what you do for others. Thanks for listening. ❤️

Time is of the essence, and this must be accomplished today. I know that this is asking a lot on very short notice, but if this community could rally and donate money towards this rent payment, I promise Rudy and I will make up the difference (Thank you for trusting my heart, Rudy.) I have asked her in return, as she is able, to donate to the Yes, Virginia fund for 2023 throughout the upcoming year.

No one likes to envision themselves or those they love facing such frightening, difficult times. And feeling you have nowhere to turn is very dark indeed.

Thank you, Linda. I appreciate this more than you know. I’ve always been the one who people come to for help so it’s very hard being on the other side of this. I’ve actually arranged a few “Yes, Virginia” holidays myself in the past. It’s very humbling being on this side of it.

Donations can be made through:

PayPal - [email protected]

Zelle - [email protected]

Venmo - @Linda-Sharp-29

 

 

Mother to Mother - From My Heart To Yours

Culley - 

I just started driving away and timed this to post in my new absence.  There is so much I want to say, but every time I have tried in the past three weeks, the lump that hits my throat is as big as Blanca's tennis ball.  So I have waited and in the run up to my leaving, written it all here so I could let the tears fall from behind the guest room door.

Watching you become a mother is one of the biggest honors and most profound gifts of my life.  Being at your side in the delivery room, marveling at your calm, your ability to center yourself, and then giving everything you had to bring Marlowe into this world was humbling.  In those final pushes I saw my daughter turn into a mother.  And over these past three weeks, I can say, it is a title for which you were born.  

In that delivery room, I also watched as you and Sean took the breath you will never fully exhale - the one that holds you hostage to the love you did not know existed and now cannot imagine your world without.  I have been holding mine for over 30 years.

Becoming a parent is joyous, miraculous.  It is also the scariest thing you will ever do.  In that instant you realize there is nothing you would not do for that tiny creature.  You will live for her.  You would die for her.  And yes, you realize that you are actually capable of murder, if that is what it takes to protect her from harm.  I have long said that all I would need is a spoon and I could kill anyone who tried to hurt you or your siblings.  That is the ferocity of parental love.

Watching you with Marlowe, I see how lucky that baby is to have you as her mother.  I also see how lucky you are to have her as your daughter.  You will both grow and learn from each other.  There will be milestones, and laughter, and joy.  There will also be the inevitable heartbreak that comes with being a parent.

Times when she hates you for decisions you make.  Times when you watch her little heart get kicked around, see her disappointed by friends, other adults, life.  Those are the hardest.  The world is wide and there just is no way to protect her from all of it.  And sometimes, she will have to endure an upset in order to grow.  You know that, you have lived that.  I have lived that with you.  My mom has always talked about the "brick wall" in life - and there will be times that you will see Marlowe heading for it and you will know that she needs to run into it, that you cannot always step in between because that is the only way she will learn the lesson contained in the impact.

There will be times she lies right to your face.  Times when you know it as it happens.  Those are the times she will be testing the boundaries around her, testing the world, testing herself, testing you.  You did it.  Kendall did it.  Toby did it.  Breathe.  Assess.  And at times, let her think she got away with it.  If the subterfuge is not truly dangerous, let her have a "win" every now and then.  And should an instance blow up in her face and she calls for help?  Go.  Let her know you are so glad she called you.  There will be time enough for recriminations.  In the moment, what she will need most is the reinforcement that calling YOU was the right decision.  She will never set out to disappoint you, but sometimes it will happen and that will hurt her more than any punishment.

The worst parenting moments have been when I could not make a hurt not happen, a heart not break, an aspiration go unfulfilled.  I'm sorry that those lay in the distance of Marlowe's future, of your future.  In those times, the best you can do is just be there.  Lay the groundwork now and every day to come, and you will be her safe place when the ground beneath her erodes.  

I have tried so very hard to be that for you, for your siblings.  For you to know at your deepest level, I am the one who will never be more than a phone call or text away, the one who will move heaven and earth to get to you, help you, support you.  The one who loves you in a way no one else can.  You literally know me from the inside out as I do you.  It is the way you love Marlowe.

I know I have not always gotten it right.  I know that I have stumbled along the way.  And try as you might, you will step it in at some point with Marlowe.  When it happens, please forgive yourself.  Whatever it is, whatever the circumstance, learn from it, do not forget it, but forgive yourself.  You are only human, Sean is only human.  And that means you're just not going to get it right every time.  

When those times happen, when Marlowe slams the metaphorical and literal doors in your face, when she is so mad at you, when you both know you are wrong, be gentle with yourself.  She is not supposed to understand every decision you make, especially as the teen years take hold.  But in those times, when standing firm as a parent are muddied by simply being an ass, know that you can do better, and then do better.  Never be afraid to apologize to her, to let her see your frailties, to remind her that you, too, are figuring things out, that you don't know everything.

It is my fervent hope that by this point, you, Kendall and Toby all can look back on all the years I parented you alone, and see them with a softer focus.  We had great fun together, but there were also struggles, inequities, and times I was, as I wrote above, simply being an ass.  The job was hard, is still hard, but one I have always held as my life's greatest honor.  I hope that you can take what I did well, and implement it into your parenting style.  But also, please take what I did wrong, and work to better your style.

Know that by the time Marlowe is your age now, she will understand the world so much better, and more importantly, understand you.  And should she bring a grandchild into your life, you will understand me even more.  Helping care for Marlowe is like caring for you. It is driven by the simplest, purest of love; by the desire to keep her safe, happy, secure; by the breath I will never exhale.

I have spent long moments holding her in the rocking chair thinking about my Dad, your Unclepap.  For every thing he got wrong in parenting me, I watched as he got so much right in grandparenting you and your brother and sister.  It was in that that I began to see the human being in him, to look back and finally realize that he and my mom were making it up as they went along.  And in that understanding, he and I quietly forgave our past together and moved through life as so much more than parent and child, but as friends.  You are so much more than just my daughter, you are my friend - someone who gets me on a level no one else can.  I wish that for you and Marlowe Belle.

Finally, remember you are more than just a mother.  Never feel selfish for needing time away, BE selfish and make sure you get time for yourself.  It will make you better for her in the long run.  Just as watching how Sean treats you will inform how she expects to be treated in this world, watching how you treat yourself will teach her that you are more than just functional - that you may be her mother, but you are so, so much more.  You are an incredible woman - funny, talented, smart, real -  a whole human being.

I drive away with tears in my eyes.  That's not just because of your beautiful baby, but because I am driving away from you.  Leaving any of you in the rearview has always brought tears.  Just as literal cells from the three of you still exist in my body and brain, you live in my heart, you are how my heart beats.  And when I leave you, I feel the tearing within it as each mile separates us further.

You are an extraordinary person, Culley.  The world has tested you, life has thrown you curve balls, bad actors, disappointments - all of which have made you stronger, wiser, and ready for the greatest role of your life.  

From one mother to another, I am so happy for you, so excited for you, so proud of you.  Your heart has waited for this moment for so long; waited for that Marlowe shaped space to be filled.   I love you and cannot wait to be back for Christmas.

Holding my breath as you now hold yours,

Mom  

No Crib For A Bed

It's Cyber Monday and elfing is going strong. 

Analysts were quick to point out that actual Black Friday brick and mortar sales were down, but the reasons are simple - online shopping has made it possible to stay warm, safe (no incidents of people rushing the store doors and/or getting into fistfights over some 5am super deal in Walmart), and cost effective.

Black Friday deals began arriving in my inbox weeks ago.  Black Friday is no longer confined to a single day, just as Cyber Monday deals were in full swing this past weekend and will continue all week.

So this elf has been able to surf, compare, and coupon code without the stress of bargains evaporating in 24 hours.

Your donations this past week have gone towards more sneakers, pajamas, winter boots, and yes, grocery gift cards.  But there are also the fun items like art supplies, play make up, Barbies, plushes, race tracks, and even a set of wireless headphones for a very deserving boy whose Christmas morning is going to be pretty amazing.  Face it, when you want something so badly, even though you know it simply cannot be, having the item materialize is akin to, well, magic.

And speaking of magic...

I have been working on the largest single purchase of this season.  Rest assured, sales and coupon codes abound in this arena also, and being the cheapest elf alive, I am thrilled to have used your funds to add a crib to Santa's DGMS sleigh.  

I am still in residence with my new granddaughter, and love the comfort and beauty she has been born into.  Her bassinet, a full closet of cute clothes, an infant seat that sways, stuffed animals that are bigger than she is, and yes, a crib she won't even use for a few more months.  It's easy to take these things for granted.  But a request from a mom sent me back 30 years and I knew we had to help.

A little over 30 years ago, our oldest daughter was 4 months old.  We lived in Hawaii and a hurricane swept everything from our lives, including her crib.  This same thing happened when the hurricane whipped across Florida in late September - taking every THING from this family.  Their attitude is like ours was - we had our daughter and each other, that was all we really needed.  They have their infant daughter and each other.  Rudy and I well know the slow process of rebuilding a life when the ground has literally been eroded beneath your feet.  This mother is so grateful for family taking them in, helping them gain their footing again, but asked for help to obtain the one thing they need for their tiny one - a crib.

They may not be in a manger, but there is no crib for a bed.  Currently their daughter sleeps in a Pack and Play (exactly like Culley did for months after our hurricane).  And as we found with our child, theirs will outgrow that quickly.

Enter Yes, Virginia.  Enter you amazing DGMS elves with hearts of absolute 24k.  They will be receiving a crib (the kind that converts all the way up to a toddler bed), baby mattress, sheet set, and a super soft stuffed bunny to restart her stuffed animal collection.  

THIS is what you do.  You rebuild hope in a future.  You rebuild faith in the goodness of total strangers.  You rebuild smiles in hearts that are adrift, shell shocked, alone.

Every purchase I am able to make is special, they really are.  But this one?  This is one of those that will resonate forever.

THANK YOU from a very grateful Mom and Dad.  THANK YOU from a baby who doesn't even know what Christmas is yet.  THANK YOU from this elf who is constantly humbled by this community of ours.

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Please keep sending people to our sleigh.  Or if your family needs our help, please ask.  It takes a village.

And if you can donate, the usual routes are open 24/7:

Paypal > [email protected] > please do it as Send Money, not as a purchase.  If you do it as a "purchase" they withhold a portion of your donation.

Zelle > [email protected]

Venmo - @Linda-Sharp-29