Don't Get Me Started with Linda Sharp

You Are Going To Hell

You, hey, yes you, the one with words like "Jesus" "Christian" "Love" and "Godfearing" in your online profiles.  

You're going to hell.

Wait, what, me?!?!? you respond.  

Yes, you.  You and your brethren are going to hell.

But I go to church every Sunday! you retort.

Doesn't matter.  You also show up at school board meetings and scream about LGBTQIA children.

OK, but I tithe every week! you defend.

You also use every opportunity to work against hungry children, babies born into poverty, and immigrants.

Sure, but I wear a cross around my neck every day! you point out.

Yep, right under the gun you strap on to go to Walmart and the Fuck Your Feelings tshirt you wear.

I am a God fearing patriot! you screech.

No, no you're not.  You're a Trumpy, judge-y, hateful, minority targeting, hypocritical shitbag. 

And you're going to hell.

Well, you would be if you actually believed in Hell.  But seeing as your behavior clearing indicates you do not believe in God or Jesus...

I DO believe in God and Jesus! you bleat.

Calm your tits.  Wipe the spittle off your mouth and monitor, and listen.

YOU. DO. NOT.

Your every breath, your every effort in this world, your every thought, word, and deed clearly indicate that God and Jesus are just words to you.  Your attendance at church is simply performative.  Your tithing?  Laughable at best.  

Your endless efforts to inject your form of religion into every crevice of society is sickening.  It respects no one.  It elevates no discourse.  It serves no higher purpose.  It does not protect those who need protection; it does not defend those who are being attacked; it does not comfort those who are hurting; it does not provide community to those who are alone.

You are the people targeting my transgender son.  Your churchy schools are the ones kicking out LGBTQIA students.  You stand at podiums screaming about a topic on which you have zero first hand knowledge, wishing injury and death on CHILDREN.  Your politicians are moving legislation forward that would strip away all forms of care for them, because it gets your vote.  

WWJD?  NOT. THIS.

You are the maskless ones who, for the last two years and five months, have refused to do even the simplest of tasks to "love thy neighbor" - that of wearing a mask.  Because of you and your endless droning about your oxygen supply, your liberties, your freedumbs - 1,067,549 fellow citizens are now dead.  In the past 24 hours alone, you have killed 1,133.

Fuck you!  I didn't kill anyone! you bellow.

You sure about that?  COVID is spread person to person to person.  That means those MILLION+ people contracted it from someone else.  And as this virus morphs on into new variants, killing an average of 500 people daily, it is pretty obvious who is helping the Grim Reaper.  YOU ARE.  You heartless, selfish, murderous, whiney, hellbound cretin. 

How do you think your assistance in the murder of over a million people sits with your deity?  And no, not the one you people crafted around your own bigotries and biases and ignorance, but the one of the scriptures, psalms, Bible stories.  Where in your behavior is THAT Jesus reflected?  

He's not.  That Jesus gathered people together.  You work tirelessly to widen the divide.  That Jesus loved everyone.  You go out of your way to point at your targets and express your hate.  That Jesus despised those who elevated themselves above others, whose god was money, who religion was power.  You continue to worship a spray tanned succubus who thinks you are the biggest rubes ever ever evereverever.  That Jesus literally gave His life that you might live, correct?  It's been a while since I sat in a pew, but when I did, I paid attention.  He gave His life, but you cannot even wear a mask to save others.  Seriously, you act as if the fabric is being adhered to your face with crucifixion spikes.

But, but, this is different!  

Is it now?  Is this the part where you explain how you are special, how these circumstances are poles apart?  (Like when you or your daughter want/need/get an abortion?)

Well, I am.  And this is different.  

News for you, sweetheart.  You're not that special.  Well, maybe in a bless your heart kind of way, but beyond that pitiable observation, no, you're not.  You are despicable.  You are hateful.  You are menacing.  You're a narcissist.  You are dangerous.  But no, you are not special just because there are millions of you.  And just because your fan club is large, it doesn't make you Beyonce.  Or Christ-like.

It makes you a pariah.  It makes you serpent-like.  Just as you believe the serpent caused it all to go to shit in the beginning, you continue its works to this day.  You slither through society, striking out, injecting your venom.  You don't care about who you hurt because to you these "others" are not real.  They are characters in the Facebook pages, 8Chan boards, Truth Social postings, and sermons of your equally hateful leaders.  My son is not real to you.  He's some word you heard on FOX.  He's some bullshit story you telephone gamed across the internet, having zero basis in fact.  He's a prop used by politicians to scare you.

You don't care about the million+ people who have died because they are not real to you.  Instead of grieving them, offering comfort to their bereft family and friends, you scoff at them, deny they ever even existed.  Like you do with school shooting victims.  

Actually exactly like you do with school shooting victims.  You immediately shout Crisis Actors!  Your thoughts go first to protecting your beloved gun cache, not to protecting the next classroom of students.  You prop up pieces of dogshit like Alex Jones, helping him inflict emotional damage, fear, and endless pain on grieving parents.

Tell me where you see Jesus in your actions?  Where is Jesus when you lash out at surviving students who try to move the dial on gun laws?  Where is Jesus when you sit at your keyboard and threaten their lives and the lives of others who simply want to see our schoolchildren LIVE?  Where is Jesus when you scream at children walking into their school wearing masks?  Where is Jesus as you currently bleat about a portion of student loan debt being forgiven because God forbid it help someone besides YOU? (I won't hold my breath waiting for you hypocrites to turn down that $10-20k student or Parent Plus loan assistance.)  Where is Jesus when you camp outside chemotherapy clinics and bellow at cancer patients who cannot afford to get even the slightest of a cold, much less COVID?  Where is Jesus in anything you do?

Nowhere.  Jesus is just a word.  A word you predictably put in your profiles to alert the world to what a good person you are.  You're not.  You are so far from the definition of a good person, you cannot even see the dictionary.  

But you're judging me! you whine.

Yes, yes I am.  And I am doing it with facts, with your own behavior as Exhibits A-Z.  I am not doing it while hiding behind the pretend robes of a deity.  I am not saying one thing and doing another.  If you were truly a good person, a person who practiced what Jesus preached - you would not worship a false orange idol.  You would not threaten the lives of anyone with whom you disagree.  You would revere those who dedicate their lives to finding ways to protect yours.  You would strive every damned day to educate yourself about other people, about their struggles, about the facts of their lives, their needs, what those words you don't understand actually mean.  You would open your eyes and heart and life to your responsibility as a member of society.  You would take steps to reach out, not strike out.  You would see the humanity in everyone, not just the people who look like you.  You would care.  

It's actually that simple.  YOU. WOULD. CARE.

But you don't.  You don't care that you frighten children.  You don't care that you insert yourself into people's worst medical nightmares, making it so much worse.  You don't care that people are dying.  You don't care that you are responsible.  You don't care about anyone but yourselves and making life as miserable as you can for everyone else.  Oh, and typing "Christian" in your bio.  

And that's why, by any metrics, especially the ones to which you claim to adhere, you're going to hell.  Pack sunscreen.

Coliopox - There Is No Cure For The Virus of Stupidity That Got Us Here

Yes, I know the word espionage is now fully engaged in terms of Yam Tits (should be spelled asspionage).  And yes, I know the GOP has gone hear-a-pin-drop quiet.  But while the speculation rolls on and the pundits parse the warrant, there are still myriad other events roiling around us.

Namely Coliopox.

Covid-Polio-Monkeypox

For the past three months while I was ensconced on a hill in North Carolina, I watched as this country basically decided "Fuck it."  Not only about COVID, which is still taking an average of 500 citizens a day.

Let's pause for a moment on that one.  

Since I returned and began collecting the data again (8/2), we have lost 5,770 more people.  Today is the 12th, that means an average of 577 lives lost, or FOUR Boeing 737s crashing daily.  The 737 is still one of the most flown aircraft in the United States.  That means if you are jaunting to Disneyland or grandma's house or to Boston for a business trip, you are likely to find yourself onboard one.  Given those odds, would you be eager to put your tray table in its full, upright and locked position?  Probably not.

Yet here we are, 1,061,346 people dead, and over 500 being added daily, and we have all just basically decided, "Ehh, fuck it. COVID is so 2021."

I realize COVID has mutated to become insanely easy to contract.  We have all seen friends, coworkers, family turning up positive at an alarming rate lately.  Perhaps you, too, have turned the test red, despite your years long best efforts to stay safe, mask up, get vaccinated and boosted.  

The good news is that if you have taken the available vaccines and boosters, you and your circle have likely weathered COVID without a trip to the ER or the need to deep throat a ventilator tube.

That doesn't mean it's gone.  That doesn't mean it's not deadly.  Did you know, in the midst of your ennui over all things pandemic, that there are currently 4,547 people in critical condition with COVID-19 in hospitals across this country?  Rhetorical question.  Of course you didn't.  Don't feel bad, it's not a stat that gets trotted out much.  But I'm me, and I look at it daily, so Giddyup.

4,547 real people.  Men, women, children - all fighting for their lives against a virus this country never took seriously enough.  A virus that laid bare the hubris, ego, and arrogance of a huge swath of our populace.  Asking you to wear a mask to help other people was just too much to ask of you Facebook scientists and Meal Team Six patriots.  Because of you 500 more people will be dead by tomorrow.  Buy hey, as long as it's not you, who cares, right?  Even the CDC has basically taken the over nagged, worn down parent approach and finally yelled at the kids, "Fine!  Do what you want!"

The Fuck It approach to public health.  Just in time for monkeypox to continue its creep across the states.  

But fear not!  If you listen to the craven, ignorant twats in the GOP and over at FOX, it's the 80s again and as long as you're not gay, you have no worries.  Seriously, watching them blow the dust off that playbook has been vile.  Monkeypox does not discriminate any more than did AIDs.  If you've got a pulse, you're a candidate.  

It does not matter that warnings have been sounded for decades.  And no, it does not matter that back in 2017 when it started popping up in earnest in the Congo, it was seen mostly in young homosexual men.  Like HIV and AIDS, it did not stay that way, and the time lost to that narrative of gay boogeymen has enabled it to spread.  A full third of global cases are now found in the United States.  Get your foam fingers out - we're #1 again!

Is monkeypox deadly?  It can be, but of nearly 32,000 global cases thus far, only 12 deaths have been recorded.  That's great, but it is heinous and painful and contagious.  Do you want this?

Incidentally, that's a young girl, not a homosexual man.

From WaPo reporting: Scientists’ worst fear is that monkeypox may establish a permanent foothold in the United States and other countries, joining viruses such as HIV and influenza.

Add to that fear the fact that a vaccine is not widely available, and lord knows millions in this country would never get in line to take it, and we are setting ourselves up for another disaster.  But let's focus on what really matters, ok?  The name, guys.  THE NAME.  

The World Health Organization is literally holding an open forum to field new names because the current one (that has been in use for decades and decades) is off putting.  I'm not kidding.  Because human beings are, on the whole, far too sophmoronic for their own good, we must rename a dangerous virus to make it more user friendly.  Fine.  Hmmm, looking at that photo, I'm offering up Pebbleflesh, Boba Pox, Snap-Crackle-Pox, and Jiffypox.

There.  My contribution to mankind.

But wait!  Not to be outdone by COVID and Rice Krispypox, Polio has oozed back into the conversation and said, Hold my beer.

Polio.  I wish I was kidding.  The virus we had all but eradicated through vaccination, is making a comeback.

Earlier this month, authorities in New York revealed that polio virus had been found in wastewater samples in Rockland and Orange counties after a case of paralytic polio was diagnosed in Rockland, NY.  Now it is showing up in New York City wastewater samples.  A CDC spokesperson says this is "just the very, very tip of the iceberg" and suggested there "must be several hundred cases in the community circulating."

Sure, the majority of us have had the triple vaccine as babies and young children.  That provides 99% protection from contracting it, from the possibility of related spinal meningitis, from the comeback of leg braces and iron lungs.  But not everyone is vaccinated.  Some in this world cannot receive vaccines for various medical reasons, setting up a lifelong danger of being immunocompromised and therefore relying on herd immunity to protect them.  But there are, as we know, huge swaths of Karens and Chads who are anti-vax, anti-science, anti-rational thought.  They are the reasons COVID has had such a fun time in our country, why the word smallpox made a reappearance, why more and more people will resemble Jiffypop containers, and why more people will contract polio, spreading like butter on hot bread.

The CDC refers to polio as once being "one of the most feared diseases in the United States."  At its height it was devastating the lives of 35,000 people a year.  Then a vaccine came along and people lined up and rolled up their sleeves.  It has been over a decade since this country has seen a single case.

CDC investigators are now "quite nervous" that polio "could mushroom out of control very quickly and we could have a crisis on our hands."

Sadly, I have every faith that we will have a polio crisis on our hands, just as more people will have monkeypox on their hands, feet, faces, genitals.  Just as morticians will have 500 more people dead from COVID on their hands by tomorrow.  Because we are infected with the worst virus imaginable - STUPIDITY.

We have proven, repeatedly, just how stupid we are.  How arrogant.  How mendacious.  Data is in abundance.  Science will do what it can to educate, but too many are immune to the cure - FACTS.

To paraphrase the old saying, You can lead a horde to data, but you cannot make them think. 

I'm begging.  t's past time to give a shit about your neighbor, to see beyond your own front door, to think about how you can contribute to the greater good.  Time to BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... Who the hell am I kidding?

Enjoy your Coliopox.

GTFOff, Jack. GTFOff (Volume up)

Final scene of the Titanic.. pic.twitter.com/3V37QXEPaw

— Buitengebieden (@buitengebieden) August 11, 2022

The Bear Necessities of Life

Now for something lighter...

We've all been there.  Whether it's simply the spirit of the event, the end of a long work week, a celebration, or a night out where one shot just leads to five - it is the rare one among us who has not relied on the kindness of friends or even strangers to keep us from hurting ourselves when substances are in the driver's seat.

While we all contend with the availability of Jose' Cuervo and Captain Morgan, and their ability to knock us on our asses, Mother Nature has a few tricks up her sleeves.  In fact, she might well be the most interesting woman in the world. 

We are all familiar with marijuana and mushrooms, but hidden in plain sight, there are some sneaky flora and fauna which contain psychedelic properties that can land even a large mammal on its ass.  Like "mad honey".

A product of the rhododendron, this stuff gives our escape options a run for their money.

Kudos to the good hearted humans who rendered aid to this young Yogi bear cub in Turkey, high out of its mind after throwing back one too many slurps.

 

Bear cub high on hallucinogenic “mad honey” rescued by park rangershttps://t.co/tn8BiD8g9j pic.twitter.com/jTU0LBNRHz

— BBC News (World) (@BBCWorld) August 12, 2022

Brings to mind this gem...

But back to our compromised furry friend.  When asked the sobriety test question, "Does a bear shit in the woods?" she had no idea what or where the woods are.

While the little girl made a full recovery after sobering up, there is nothing to prevent this Booboo from happening again.  After all, it's always five o'clock somewhere.

Sing it, Baloo..

Look for the bear necessities
The simple bear necessities
Forget about your worries and your strife
I mean the bear necessities
Old Mother Nature's recipes
That brings the bear necessities of life

You Worship An A**hole

Years back - Jesus, I hate being able to type that - YEARS BACK, when Trump was beginning his assault on decency, humanity, civility, I shook my head.  Surely, there was no way that horror of a human being could ever manage to garner a following large enough to be considered big tent in politics.

YEARS BACK, like so many, I watched, sickened, as millions of fellow citizens were not only drawn to his rhetoric of hate and bigotry, but stayed because of it.  Every baser instinct, every worst impulse, every vile thought was given the freedom to be uttered, to be carried out.

YEARS BACK, I watched the GOP, so terminally drunk on power embrace him, elevate him, make him their standard bearer, becoming a party that had no standards at all.  The lower the better.  They had discovered that the sewers of this country are full of wretches who want nothing more than to let their animus, anger, ignorance, and arrogance fly - and they were willing to give their vote to whoever hated who they hate.

YEARS BACK, as every day yielded another violation of norms, another open embrace of another squalid group, another horror meted out by the most inept, blindingly stupid, grifting batch of self serving monsters, my heart ached.  

And YEARS BACK, my sister and I talked about what it would take to break the hold that crayon colored cesspool had over 30% of this country.  Getting him out of office?  Maybe.  Him dying?  Surely, without him around to tweet his covfefe into the ether, the spell would break, and we could begin trying to repair the damage.

(And before anyone gets some half assed notion that I am calling for his death, STOP.  He is an overweight, old, fetid Hefty bag who sweats burger grease and cola.  He is not exactly a candidate for last man standing.  His passing will never be a surprise.)

So there we were, we voted him out.  81 million people stood up and said GTFO.  And what happened?  In classic spoiled brat form, he did what he always does, he cheated.  He lied.  He whined like a little bitch that the election had been rigged.  (Funnily though, even as his sycophants cried FOUL! about the Presidential line on the ballots, if they had won their race on the same ballot, their win was completely legitimate.)

For months we endured THE BIG LIE.  The endless drone.  And we just wanted January 20 to get here so he would fade back into the golf course from whence he crawled.

Then January 6th dawned and the entire world watched in horror as his Dunning Kruger horde gathered in DC, were ginned up by the Kool Aid coward, and then stormed into the Capitol.  It was sickening.  Police officers attacked, shit smeared on walls, historic paintings torn down, statues damaged.  All hellbent on stopping the certification of the votes.  They threatened officials, they terrorized staffers and office holders, they erected a gallows and screamed about hanging Mike Pence, about shooting Nancy Pelosi.

And why?  

All because a Jabba the Hut looking mobster with yam tits; a pathological liar; a serial cheater; a bankrupt; a fucking reality game show host had become their god.  And their god was angry.  Their god was throwing a tantrum worthy of a football field full of toddlers all denied another helping of Goldfish.

I have news for you.  Your god is a lie.  Your god finds you useful as long as you don't touch him.  Your god only wants you to hide behind.  Your god wouldn't pee on you if you were alight right in front of him.  Why?

Because you worship an asshole.

And that asshole figured you out years ago.  You're easy to manipulate.  You don't question anything.  You have zero sophistication, are thinly educated, and love to behave badly.

And for that last reason alone - the one that gives permission for your hatred, your racism, your misogyny, your phobias to drip on all of society - you now blindly follow him.  He can do no wrong. 

Any inference to his misdeeds MUST be credited to the Deep State.  Facts about his criminal behavior are explained away by you as being made up by the librul media.  The January 6th Committee could not possibly be trying to protect us from that day ever happening again.  No, they are commie-Socialist-traitors making things up to make your hero look bad.

And now, after more than a year since proof emerged that he took classified items with him when he was fumigated from the White House; after items already being provably removed from his possession months ago; after the FBI serving a subpoena and a search warrant on Monday to find additional withheld, highly classified items - the best you can come up with is "they planted things"?

Give us all a fucking break.  Reverse even a single piece of this and have it directed at Clinton or Obama or Biden - would you be flinging excuses for them like so much monkey shit in a zoo?  Don't answer.  We know what you would be doing because you've already done it before.

Your answer to everything is to bleat "Lock her up!"  Email server?  LOCK HER UP!  Benghazi?  LOCK HER UP!  He's black and dared to be President?  LOCK HIM UP!  His son had a drug problem and the most magical-Harry-Potter-David-Blaine-Houdini laptop in existence?  LOCK HIM UP!

Proof is nowhere in your vocabulary for those you wish dead don't like.  Inference, conspiracy, big words you don't understand, the letter Q - that's all the "evidence" you need to call for literal blood.

Yet when actual PROOF is shown to you - when today, the Attorney General of the United States felt the need to hold a presser to tell you all how full of shit you are, how vile is your violent rhetoric against the FBI (said while an active standoff was taking place after an armed man tried to breach the FBI headquarters in Cincinnati - and lest you wonder about said armed man's leanings, he was also at the Capitol on January 6th -  he is now dead via suicide by cop), after your hero, Genghis Con, has droned on all week about the FBI, about evidence being planted, about how corrupt and targeted this all was - Merrick Garland called his bluff, and yours.

He has until Friday at 3pm to contest a motion in Florida to unseal the search warrant, along with the item list.  As reported by CNBC:

The Justice Department is seeking to unseal the warrant and an inventory of items seized by the FBI during the search of Trump’s home at the Mar-a-Lago club in Palm Beach. But the department is not asking the judge to unseal the affidavit of probable cause, which would detail how authorities believe a crime was likely committed and why there would be evidence of that crime in the location targeted in the search.

However, the warrant itself is likely to list the criminal statutes related to the search.

So the ball was not only tossed back in Trump's court, it was smashed into his orange gourd of a face.  No more teasing at the contents, no more bullshit like the hiding of his taxes, no more being in charge of any narrative.  If he really wanted to prove something was untoward?  All he had to do during the past three days was step forward and show the damned things himself.  

Now he has no choice.  Either he shows them or he keeps his piehole shut and the court releases them, or his new attorney tries to bullshit a reason why they must not be shown to the public.  Letting them be seen will never be in his best interest.  Especially as reporting this evening indicates some of what they were looking for were nuclear documents.

Just like his oft repeated line about pleading the fifth - why, if you're not guilty of anything? (he pled the fifth 440 times this week), he will never show them willingly because they will further lay bare his criminality.  Yes, criminality.  And you know who made what he has done a felony?  HE DID.  In 2018 he signed that little nugget changing it from a misdemeanor.  Oh, Karma, you are a cheeky one...  

Not that you care.  You buffoons are too busy using your Gematria calculator to assign spooky numbers to all this.  To somehow link it all back to pedophile pizza and JFK Jr.  Too invested in wrapping your coal rolling pick up in Trump flags and swag to drive past Mar-a-Lago - a place, incidentally, where you would not even be allowed in through the back door.

Your behavior is unconscionable, it always has been.  Your threats, your blather, your bleating, your lunacy, your violence - all in the service of a decomposing criminal who let you scream the N word at your neighbor.  That's all it boils down to.  Not policy - you cannot speak to a single thing.  You cannot point to how your life is better because of him - seriously, try.  You cannot defend him as a Christian - he's not and never has been.  

All you have is hero worship for an asshole who allows you to be an asshole, too.  Well, you were outnumbered then, you are even more outnumbered now.  So go ahead and wait up for the next Q drop, the next Truth Social posting of his lies and grift (you do notice how he always wants your money?), and continue to laugh at the millions who are sickened by you and him.  Laugh your stupid, pathetic asses off like the cheap hyenas you are.  It won't change the facts or the way they are forming a quickly tightening noose around you, him, and your whole batshit bowel movement of a political party.

To paraphrase Beto O'Rourke, “It may be funny to you, motherfuckers, but it is not funny to us.”   

We may not drape ourselves in flags, or organize boat parades, or smear feces on landmark buildings, but we are patient and focused and are willing to wait as the wheels of justice turn.  The shit Trump is about to hit the fan.

Then we'll laugh.