Don't Get Me Started with Linda Sharp

We Did This To Ourselves

My soul is tired tonight.

I'm not currently in a position time wise to be able to write at length, but I have to reach through the ether and feel less alone.

19 children dead. 2 adults as well.  I cannot begin to imagine the anguish of those parents, those families. My heart aches for them all.

I’m also thinking about my pregnant daughter. She and her husband are so excited about the baby that is on its way. But they are also going to know the nightmare that every parent knows in this day and age - that of dropping your child at school knowing it is a complete gamble with that child’s life. 

Coach Steve Kerr is right. We are held hostage by 50 senators. The overwhelming majority of people in this country support legislation regarding background checks. But because 50 politicians are more concerned with NRA money and clinging to power, our children, our mothers, our fathers, our friends, simply do not matter. The blood will continue to flow in our schools, our churches, our grocery stores, our movie theaters, our concerts, our workplaces because the money continues to flow from the NRA.

The GOP is not pro life. Not even remotely. They are pro power, pro control. They must be expelled from the body politic.  George Carlin nailed it so many years ago:

“Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. After that, they don't want to know about you… If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're fucked.”

Save the “thoughts and prayers.” They are not just useless, they are offensive in the extreme. No deity is going to save us. No amount of whispered words will put the blood and the life back in those children. No amount of looking up will save the next classroom of students.

We must look straight ahead. We are the only ones who can change this. And we must. There have been 212 mass shootings this year. 27 of them school shootings. It’s only May.

There are more guns than citizens in this country. We did this to ourselves. And with over 300 million weapons, there is nowhere to hide.

I’m so damned tired…

 

BarcALONEa (Life Finds A Way .. To Eff It All Up)

Right now, and I mean this very second, I should be snuggled up beside my husband as we wing our way to Atlanta and then onto Barcelona.

Instead, I am home alone, and he is alone, winging his way to North Carolina 

Life.

Try as you might to be the architect of yours and your plans, well, I'll let Dr. Malcolm from Jurassic Park take it from here...

"Life will not be contained. It breaks free, it expands to new territories, it crashes through barriers.  Sometimes painfully, maybe even dangerously, but ... well, there it is.  Life finds a way."

If I may be so bold, I would like to add to the last line there.  Life finds a way ... to eff it all up.

Coming off 2021, a year that was stuffed to the gills with emotion - the continuing pandemic, my sister's cancer diagnosis, dealing with emptying and selling my parents' home to get them moved into their retirement community, attending weekly chemo with my sister, watching my father be taken down by the combined forces of Parkinson's and dementia, COVID destroying for our family and my husband what should have taken its place as one of the most precious memories in his life - that of walking his eldest daughter down the aisle, my father dying, and a new job for Rudy that left me again behind playing catch up - we dared to book this trip to one of our favorite global cities while I visited him over the holidays.

From that moment, we were in countdown mode.  Excitedly planning things we wanted to do and see, where we wanted to eat, even thrilling to the fact that his beloved Barca soccer team would have a home game while we were there.  

He works every. single. day.  That is not exaggeration.  It is who he is, how he is.  Managing a resort is like being mayor of a small town and he takes it seriously.  He wants to know his guests, his golf club members.  He wants to improve, push forward, elevate the experience for his guests and for his coworkers.  Our together time is a few hours in the evening binging Netflix, and typically Sunday afternoon when we grocery shop and he decompresses.

He has been so looking forward to this chance to finally exhale, escape with me, and just breathe deep for a week.  Make no mistake, I have been excited, too, but as close friends can attest, I never fully let myself invest in the run-up.  In fact, it was not until early this week that I began truly contemplating packing and letting myself believe it was going to happen.  Call me paranoid if you'd like, but I am gun-shy from too many pieces of carpet getting yanked from beneath in too short a span of time.

So here I sit.  Tracking his flight, typing out my emotions, and sending him strength for the days ahead.

He is on his way to see his parents.  Just as I did in February after his mother had been in the hospital yet again.  Like so many older adults, and I include my own parents, they have balked at the thought of moving from their home into a facility of any sort, regardless of how much sense it made, how much it would be in their best interests, and how they had two long term care policies at the ready to make it not only economically feasible, but by comparison to so many facing their health struggles, easy.

I tried while I was there.  Not pushing, because autonomy is not something I take for granted in my own life, and certainly not something I want to strip anyone else of.  Just gently laying it all out, discussing their policies and how they work, and trying to move the ball forward.

Well, life took the ball and Hail Mary'd the shit out of it two days ago.

While his mother has been in a facility for attention to a blood issue (doing well, making progress), his father has been at home.  He is 90 and takes one over-the-counter pill a day.  A remarkable man, smartest man I have ever known.  Cannot hear for shit these days and sees no reason to get hearing aids, so calling the house to check on him has been a moot point.  Enter the local, small town police department - all too happy to go out every few days to check on him and report back.  

Small towns and the people in them can be wonderful places.  And that police department has some gems.  Their Edward Jones financial guy is amazing as well.  As my mother-in-law had worried about her absence from their house and certain bills she needed to pay, he was happy to run by the house and pick them up to take them to her at the rehab place so she could write the checks and he could mail them.  

We are ever so grateful that he did.

They live in an old rambling home built by my husband's great grandfather.  It sits atop a hill, surrounded by nature's beauty - trees, ivy, wild turkeys, an occasional bear family, gorgeous views of the mountains.  No close neighbors.  No one to hear you scream, as it were, or holler for help.

The local PD had checked on my father-in-law Tuesday afternoon, reporting he was ok.  Wednesday afternoon, the EJ man went to the house to get the bills.  Through the sliding glass door, he saw my father-in-law stranded on the floor, where he had fallen and been since the police left the day before.  He could not get up.  Paramedics were called, and he is still at the hospital as they evaluate the next move on the chessboard.

Which is why I spent the rest of Wednesday canceling our trip and booking Rudy's to NC.

And I am not sitting here second guessing any of that part.  Not even slightly.  Yes, we are both sad over our getaway together being kicked off the calendar, of course we are.  But we would be even sadder if his father had not been found when he was.  Spain will be there another day.  His parents, at 87 and 90?  Another day is not something we take for granted. 

So now, in the face of crisis, and the inescapable realities that have left them with no wiggle room to hem or haw, Rudy will be working to figure out the next steps, the next place, the best options for them to move to in order that they are both safe and secure.  Based on phone conversations, his mom knows it is time.  And regardless of how his father has always grandstanded only leaving that house on his back, well, I'm sure that is how the paramedics took him out on the gurney, so he got a little of that wish.

There is so much about aging that we all try to avoid looking at.  Yes, we see the artifacts of time in the mirror, and in the faces and bodies of our friends and loved ones.  Collagen moves out, leaving no forwarding address.  Maladies of all sorts move in and refuse to leave, like squatters in an abandoned home.  But the planning for it all?  We avoid the difficult talks, the paperwork, the planning for the inevitable.

Experience is great teacher, and I learned so very much last year with my own parents.  I will tell you now - if your parents are still alive, start the dialogues.  Begin planning, talking through options.  Insist on the documents being drawn up NOW.  Powers of attorney.  Medical Powers of Attorney.  Living wills / health directives.  Wills, executors named.  If care, what ifs, bill paying will be falling to you (and/or siblings), get on your parents' financial accounts NOW.  Then keep your hands off them until it is time to step in and help them.  (I highlight that part because too many stories of shitbag children pilfering from their parents are why so many eldery people are averse to this step.)

Just get your, and their, ducks in a row.

We are all heading to the same place.  None of us gets out of this life alive.  We are all decaying.  Some of us have time bombs in our heads that will explode as Alzheimers, Parkinson's, dementia.  Some of us have time bombs that will detonate as cancer, heart, lung, insert-any-organ ailments.   Maybe we will get lucky and be like my father-in-law with his one OTC pill a day and eventually simply expire from old age.

We just don't know, so the best we can do is plan.  Life will find a way, but with the proper planning and documentation, you can mitigate the effing it can do in regards to life's dwindling days.

Now, allow me a moment to direct this to my husband:

Rudy, today and the week ahead are simply not what we imagined.  No adventuring, no hand holding, no exploring, sleeping in, cheering at the game.  Your adventures will instead be exploring potential care facilities.  No sleeping in, not much sleep at all, I would imagine.  And the hand holding will be virtual, through the ether and across the miles.  It's ok.  Love is bigger than any trip, any plans we had.  Not just our love for each other, but the love we have for our families.  That's massive and it has always been the air we breathe.  It's just what we do.  We don't know any other way.  Hug them both for me, take it all one step at a time, and keep dreaming about Spain.  We will get back there.  Together.  ily  

The Abortion of Bodily Autonomy (and so much more)

"I am so mad."  That was my husband as I got into bed last night.  We had each seen the leaked Supreme Court document earlier.

"Try being a woman."  I snapped back.

"Every fucking breath I take is legislated by men.  No one legislates a thing about YOUR body."

Yes, I apologized for my bite.  My husband is one of the good ones when it comes to men.  But as I told him, there are not enough of him, and certainly not enough of him loudly standing alongside women.

With the leak regarding the potential full repeal of Roe v Wade, my hair was on fire.  In the light of day, it still is.  Yes, I could have sat down here last night and typed.  It's not like I was sound asleep all night.  At one point I told my husband I felt like my entire body was vibrating.  That is how angry I was, and still am.  Had I sat here last night, every other word I would have pounded out would have been FUCK.  With 12 hours to reflect and coalesce my thoughts on the matter, I sit here now promising that the ratio of FUCK to other words will be more judicious.

I want to get one thing out of the way upfront.  I do not give a FUCK about the who/how/what/why of the leak.  It is not without precedent, and frankly, it is next to impossible to make our Supreme Court look much worse than it already does.  It is riddled with Christofascist zealots who choose fealty to The Federalist Society over the people of the United States and the Constitution.  Even faced with a country which overwhelmingly opposes overturning Roe v Wade - 69% - matters not to them. 

Because the them that are on the brink of wrenching bodily autonomy away are a submissive Handmaiden (Coney) who never should have even been nominated, a boof loving sexual assault artist (Kavanaugh) who lives for beer more than justice, and an old crank (Alito) who invokes another old crank (Sir Matthew Hale, who was responsible for two women being burned for witchcraft and wrote at length about marital rape being okey dokey)  in the leaked draft opinion.  And let us not forget the one who loves a good pubic hair on a Coke can (Thomas) and whose wife has a kink for funding insurrections.  Then there's the one who just enjoys his robes (Gorsuch) and fapping to the original intent of the Constitution (you know, the white, male, cishet, Jesus-is-from Kennebunkport-and-is-carved-from-cream-cheese intent). Rounding out this cabal is the "leader" who revels in his status more than actual jurisprudence (Roberts).

Three of them placed on this court by a spray painted, weak, sniveling, fascism loving, wannabe dictator.

Hat tip to all of you protest voters; to all of you who bought the "but her emails" bullshit; to you third party assholes; and a special FUCK YOU HARD to every person who could not even be bothered to vote in the 2016 election.  You own this.  None of this just happened last night.  It has been in motion for decades, and the 2016 ascension of a serial assaulter, criminal bag of graft and chicken grease made this possible.

I also must lay a portion of blame at the feet of the venerable Justice Ginsberg.  Yes, she was a lioness, a champion, 5 feet of FUCK YOU in a lace collar, but she also stayed in place way too long.  Given all her givens - especially age and health compromises - she could have stepped down allowing President Obama the opportunity to replace her and secure the seat with someone who understood the gravity of what hung in the balance.  But she did not.  And in that gamble, she lost and we lost.

As I told my husband last night - ok, fine, growled at my husband - no woman has ever been deluded enough to think we have equality.  We know we don't.  We are aware that what we do have can be traced back to the benevolence of men deciding to grant us things like voting, credit card accounts, mortgages, and yes, even abortion.  

Men.  A collective FUCK YOU.  Yes, even to you good ones, because the good ones don't stand up to the pieces of shit in your ranks often enough.  Like police departments, the bad ones just churn on with the good ones choosing to look the other way, keep the peace, not stick their necks out, and worse, not truly believing us when we tell you how bad it is.  News flash - just like them, not going to bat for women all these years lumps you right in, too.  All the good thoughts, "support", and intent make not a bit of difference.  You have to step up, step in.  Dare to get in the faces of your peers and tell them to STFU.

Hear me now - there is not a woman you know who has walked down a street without fear.  You do not know a woman who has never put up with chauvinist bullshit, workplace harassment, innuendo.  Every one of us has been in the position of gently mitigating an escalating situation, assuaging a shitty, overbearing, aggressive ego, and planning an escape should things go badly.  We spend our lives knowing that rape is a constant threat.  And that if it happens, we will be immediately suspect as somehow deserving it, looking for it, inviting it.  Were we drinking?  What were we wearing?  Did we smile?

We endure all of that and more because of MEN.  Men who have been raised in a society that values them more than us.  Men who have seen time and time and time again how their behavior is constantly written off and slaps on the wrist don't even leave a mark.  Men who believe women to be property, their property.

In the draft opinion, Alito writes that "The Constitution makes no reference to abortion and no such right is implicitly protected by any constitutional provision."  He accosts abortion, going on to include legalizing sodomy (Lawrence v. Texas) and same sex marriage (Obergefell v. Hodges) as "not deeply rooted in history", ergo, bogus. 

Not deeply rooted in history.

You know what else is not deeply rooted in history?  Women voting.  Black people being more than 3/5s a person.  Interracial marriage.  Gay rights.  

Make no mistake, these are all on the table and these justices are gunning for them, supported by an increasingly gangrenous and vile network of elected officials who have infiltrated the body politic with their views of a white patriarchy being the only answer to everything they find distasteful, mainly equality for everyone.  Equality that forces this nation to live up to that document they claim to hold so dear.  Equality that puts actual meaning behind the words liberty and justice for all.  Equality that protects every LGBTQIA person.  Equality that truly levels the playing field for all genders, skin colors, ethnicities, religions.  And equality that removes decision making over an entire demographic (women) from the hands of another demographic (men).

I have two daughters and a son.  One wants children.  One does not.  One is transgender.  This affects them all.  I lay there in the dark thinking about them all night.  What if the one who wants a child becomes pregnant and finds out the pregnancy is ectopic or that the fetus is severely compromised?  What if the one who does not want children accidentally becomes pregnant?  My trans son has a uterus.  None of this omits him from danger.  Hell, I am 56 and still have periods, ergo, my body still has the capacity to become pregnant.

I can tell you this.  Were I to turn a test positive?  I WOULD BE GETTING AN ABORTION.  No question.  Not even a pause, a blink of an eye.  My body, my life, my choice.  Which is what I want for all of my children.  For every person.

I do not give a rat's rabid asshole that you personally find abortion distressing.  I could not possibly care less what your church tells you.  Your own Bible talks about abortion.  It does not prohibit it.  It gives instructions.  It contains a recipe, for Christ's sake.  But your church doesn't tell you that part.  It just tells you to condemn and scream at women making a personal, medical decision.  To deign to insert yourselves into the worst nightmare of people who desperately want a child but who find out what they are carrying is not viable, or is threatening the life of the woman.

Here's the reality for you Bible clutching, conservative, family values folks - your kids are fucking.  That's right, despite those mandatory sessions in the pews, purity rings you glue to their fingers, and forced viewings of the Duggar clan's latest shenanigans - your kids are fucking, getting pregnant, and getting abortions (you are, too).  Every statistic bears that out.  Your holier than thou attitude is just that, an attitude.  And basic biology gives not fuck one about how pious you pretend to be. 

Your kids fuck, you fuck, you cheat, your spouses are responsible for the largest viewership of online porn in the country, you create LGBT kids daily, and you get abortions.  Your pews are full of hypocrites.  And you know it.  So just what is your grand plan when all of this happens?  It all affects you, not just the liberals you blame for all of society's ills.

Outlawing abortion will not make abortion vaporize.  Prohibition did not make drinking go away.  It simply created an underground that catered to the ongoing demand.  Criminalizing something does not make it stop.  It makes it more difficult to access, more dangerous, but it does not change the fact that it continues to exist.  

Abortion will not be going away.  Ever.  Gay people, not going away.  Transgender people, here to stay.  People of different skin tones loving one another, still going to happen.   And just because of a bunch of wig wearing, tights clad, slave owning, rich white men did not enshrine these things in the founding document does not mean these people do not exist or that these rights are not inherent.  The 9th amendment, which conservatives love to ignore, addresses that.

That amendment states "the enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people."  James Madison makes it very clear that the Bill of Rights was not the end of the discussion, the rights of the people, of the individual.  Hell, just what do people think amendment means?  Amendments are part of the living document of this nation.  Amendments are changes and additions that respond to the evolution of this nation, the times, the people, the issues that come forth that were not thought of back then.

What was leaked last night was the orgasmic result of decades of masturbating over the thought of wrenching bodily autonomy away from women.  Putting us back in our place.  Consigning us to complete lesser than status, back to chattel, property.  Removing our ability to decide for ourselves what is right for ourselves.  Condemning us to pregnancies we do not want, outcomes we do not choose, dangers we should not have to contemplate.

And do not start with the bullshit about birth control.  (Make no mistake, they are coming for that also - pay attention to what is happening around this country, the words being spoken.)  We do not get pregnant on our own yet we are the ones who pay the price, are subject to derision, castigation, legislation.  If you really want to cut down on abortion?  Then enact a law that every child born with testicles is given a vasectomy.  Nip the problem in the bud as it were.  It can be reversed down the road when said person is ready to procreate.

What's that?  It would be wrong?  It's not OURS to make that CHOICE for another?  BINGO!  You got it in one.  That baby has bodily autonomy.  It is not up to me to sterilize it, if even temporarily.  Just like I cannot force you to donate blood, a kidney, your sperm, or wear a mask on your stupid face. 

You know, when gay marriage was legalized I thought, Wow, we are really on the right track.  I truly thought this country was facing forward and moving towards protections for all.  How naive.  It is stunning how far and how fast we are slipping into fascism, authoritarianism, religious zealotry, and into the pages of The Handmaid's Tale.  That is not hyperbole.  What Margaret Atwood scribed was simply taken from real life - atrocities against women that had already been committed throughout history or were being actively practiced at the time - she did not make anything up.  And now, the ground is quickly eroding beneath our feet, being reshaped into the Gilead of her book.  A place where women are truly chattel, where our job is to procreate, to do what we are told.  BY MEN.  No rights, no money of our own, no voting, no autonomy.  LGBTQIA persons hunted down and exterminated.  Persons of color relegated to the margins, if allowed to exist at all. 

We told you.  We warned you years ago.  We begged with you to not throw your vote down a Jill Stein toilet.  We asked you to see your privilege and use it to vote to protect other people, to not joke vote for Trump.  We pleaded with you to see what was so evident even then.  You laughed.  You told us we were being hysterical. 

Look around.  You did this.  You own this.  And voting in the largest numbers ever seen is the only way to even begin to remedy any of it.   I cannot stress this enough: DO NOT FUCK IT UP AGAIN.  

We will not get another chance.