Dearest Trump loyalists -
Yes, yes, I know - there I go again not only with big words, but words in another language. So sorry. I will dumb it down for you.
ignorantia juris non excusat - Latin - translated, is basically the old maxim ignorance of the law is no excuse.
To put it even plainer, your abject, mind blowing stupidity is not a defense for what you did last week in the violent, bloody, murderous insurrection you plotted, planned, and carried out at the Capitol.
I have watched as you wail in airports, denied boarding because of your terroristic activities. I have seen the videos of you screaming "You're treating me like a Black person!" as officers subdue you in luggage claim. I have read your Insta, Parler, Facebook, and Twitter posts bragging of your attendance and overflowing with your pride as you attacked and stormed into the building chanting "Hang Mike Pence!" and "Where's Nancy?" And I have watched as one by one, you are visited in your hometowns and are taken into custody - your mugshots clearly showing your shock and mouthbreathing ignorance.
I must admit, if I could, I would inject it straight into my veins. If it were music, it would be my current favorite song. If watching your comeuppance were a food, I'd be beached like a whale in my living room by now.
You brought this on yourselves. That you all - across the board - try to use ignorance as a defense? Well, my sweet summer children, you've never lived through a winter like the one that has arrived for your sorry asses.
Not knowing the words 'insurrection' or 'sedition' does not mean you didn't carry them out. Not liking the word 'terrorist' applied to yourself does not mean you aren't one. Trying to blow it off with "We were just doing what Trump asked" does not acquit you from the lawbreaking, the trespass, the vandalism, the theft, and the murder that subsequently took place at your hands.
For years we have watched you, lamenting your egregious behavior, your hate, your racism, your bigotry, your lack of any critical thinking skills or rational thought. We have been stymied at how so many would be drawn like moths to the dank, orange flame of a proven conman like Donald Trump. But then, you don't get to be a proven conman without proving you are a conman over and over and over.
Your embrace of your stupidity and his elevation of it as some noble, holy trait? Face it, you liked the 6th grade vocabulary words, the 6th grade bully tactics, and the feeling of being in the cool gang.
But you were never in the cool gang. You were all just amassed around the dumpster behind the school. You are shit that voted for an outhouse. You are the mental sewage supporting the landfill that is Trump. And now, many, many, many of you are wanted criminals, insurrectionists, terrorists. And Donald J. Trump is not coming to rescue you from your stupid choices.
But then, I do appreciate your stupidity in some ways. I always have. Between the dumbest man to ever occupy the Oval, and you, his horde of dullardly foot soldiers, your stupidity has always been our greatest blessing. You're not tech savvy, so you're easy to trace. In fact, 95+% of your Parler antics, threats, plans, and dick grabbing were downloaded with ease by our side before the site came down. And because the great minds that built Parler were literally using trial software in some areas, even as you attempted to scrub your accounts, nothing was actually deleted. And now it will live forever in the hands of the FBI.
Your yam hued president's lack of any intellectual curiosity has helped, too. He still has zero idea how our system of government actually works. Thankfully, most of those he installed around him don't either. Baby Zeus help us had any of them been even remotely intelligent at being nefarious. Instead we benefited by having chucklefucks like Matt Gaetz and Jim Jordan bleating for him on FOX, shoe polish leaking attorneys like Guiliani and COVID fart inhaling Ellis leading his 60 failed lawsuits, and vapid, power whores like Jared and Ivanka playing pretend on the world stage.
Yes, yes, yes - their stupidity is also to blame for why we are almost a year into a pandemic and have lost 387,623 lives, but hey, you don't believe it in, so why should you care, right? That very hoax-anti-mask arrogance and ignorance are why you are proving so easy to identify from last Wednesday. Your smiling, screaming, COVID spewing faces are right there in every camera shot and video. Say cheese!
My God, your stupidity is wonderful. The FBI thanks you for your service.
It is staggering to those of us with rational thought and critical thinking to watch as you all planned, booked hotels, bought costumes, tactical gear, flags, weapons, etc, attacked the Capitol, smeared your shit on the walls, stole items, injured 60 police officers - killing 1, then walked back to your hotels, had a drink and shared stories of your great adventure, checked out the next day, grabbed a McMuffin, and headed home like you had just been on a mini vacation to Cabo. It never entered your barely functioning frontal lobes that what you did was illegal, treasonous, an act of insurrection against the United States of America. YOU. ATTEMPTED. A COUP.
Your shock at being labeled terrorists would be amusing were it not so damned pathetic. And serious.
I've seen one of you try to play it off with "I just got caught up in the moment." Yes, that would be YOU, LARPing as Spiderman in the chamber. Another says "It was the single worst personal decision of my life" Uh, fuck yes, it was.
Your remorse is meaningless. Your "mob mentality" does not dilute your participation. Your white skin will not buy you a pass out of this crime. As the saying goes, play stupid games...
And your ignorance of the consequences of what you did is no defense. But I am sure your lawyers are telling you that - if you can find a lawyer who is willing to chance their practice going toe-up for representing you.
To all the MAGAts, Q adherents, Trump loyalists, Proud Boys, Boogaloo Bois, militia cosplayers, and LARPers - and let's be honest, there really is no distinction between any of you now (aside from the Proud Boys who enjoy writing on one another's bare asses with Sharpies.) - you are just a morphous blob of philistinism, a garbage sack of sciolism - sorry, big words again...
STUPID. They mean STUPID.
Where was I? Oh yes, to all of you wallowing in your victimhood, plotting your next act of insurrection, wailing about your first amendment being stomped on (it has not been - seriously, open a fucking book), and collaborating on what you'll write on Bubba's asscheeks next, listen up - if you were there, you will be found. By photo, video, and cell phones pinging all day throughout the Capitol system. Already, relatives are turning you in, workplaces are kicking your asses to the curbs, and your ability to travel is being reduced to Greyhound. So if you are not smart enough to know that showing up at a State house, or again at the Capitol is not a good idea? Well, good luck to you. You are about to FAFO - fuck around and find out.
Your latest missives in the land of Chans and Gab show that you have simply moved the mental goalposts further on down the line to avoid facing the fact that you are all complete knobs who have been used like a cum rag in a Deadwood brothel. (Crude? Yes. But if you all proved anything last week, it's that you are not delicate flowers, and care not one whit for decorum or decency.) You ALL whine about spouses, kids, friends, extended family cutting you off because of your newfound Q-ist religion. Perhaps get a clue. Or buy a vowel, Vanna. An 'i' to go before the Q and grab some knowledge. They are not the problem. It's not them, it's YOU. You don't secretly know things, your eyes have not been opened. No, Trump has not been secretly re-inaugurated already. No, we are not operating under martial law. No, those mass arrests you have been waiting for for four years are not going to happen. No, Trump is not the braintrust behind cracking a huge, global child murdering sex cult. And no, JFK Jr is not appearing anytime soon. He's DEAD. Like the majority of your brain cells. D-E-A-D.
What is going to happen is simple. Joe Biden and Kamala Harris will be sworn in on January 20th - regardless of how much shit fills your pants - and your life will begin to improve, like it or not.
Well, maybe not those of you whose doors will be knocked on by the authorities for participating in an attack on your own country.
Ignorantia Juris Non Excusat.
Enjoy prison. Idiots.
Comments