Going to keep it brief today - taking a Self Care Saturday.
Many people were incredulous about my piece yesterday - surely there are not GROUPS of people who actively use bleach as some half ass cure-all?!? Yes, I was serious, they call it MMS (Miracle Mineral Solution/Supplement), and many actually all ass it by making enemas.
And don't call me Shirley.
At this point no one should be surprised by what drops from the flaccid earthworm lips of the IMPOTUS. His whole life has been one big mad lib ad lib. King of Bullshit! Colonel of Con! The biggest assclown in the Ringling Brothers circus!
First we had his bravado laden promises that it was no big deal.
January 22: "We have it totally under control. It's one person coming in from China. We have it under control. It's going to be just fine."
January 29: "We think we have it very well under control. We have very little problem in this country at this moment — five — and those people are all recuperating successfully."
Then we moved on to Dr. DREad expounding on his great knowledge of how viruses fear warmth.
February 10: "by April or during the month of April, the heat, generally speaking, kills this kind of virus."
Trump inner monologue: Hmmm, more cases... must pull out the bullshit.
February 24: "The Coronavirus is very much under control in the USA"
Trump inner monologue: Remember, I sell the sizzle, not the steak (the steaks went bankrupt, dammit.) Confirmed cases now up to 58, so razzle, dazzle 'em, Donny.
February 26: "When you have 15 people, and the 15 within a couple of days is going to be down to close to zero, that's a pretty good job we've done."
Trump inner monologue: Shit, better add some tap shoes and do a little soft shoe...
February 27: "It's going to disappear. One day it's like a miracle, it will disappear."
Trump inner monologue: 402 confirmed cases. Dammit, it's not disappearing. Now what? Promises! Promises always work! Remember that one about Mexico paying for the wall? Fuckin' rubes...
March 6: "Anybody that wants a test can get a test. ... The tests are all perfect, like the letter was perfect, the transcription was perfect, right?"
Trump inner monologue: Crap, almost 1,000 cases. I know, LOOK OVER THERE!
March 9: "So last year 37,000 Americans died from the common flu."
Trump inner monologue: Shhhhhh, if we close our eyes it can't see us.
March 10: "Just stay calm. It will go away."
Trump inner monologue: 6,400 cases. Shit. It can still see us. Not my fault, not my fault, not my fault.
March 13: I don't take responsibility at all.
Trump inner monologue: Well, that landed like a frozen eagle turd. Talk about my family, yeah, that's the ticket. Stupid family... except Ivanka, I like Ivankaaaaaaaa.
March 16: "I've spoken actually with my son. He says, 'How bad is this?' It's bad. It's bad.
March 19: Trumphausen by hydroxychloroquine sets in. He will tout it for weeks to come. Stockpiles 29 million tablets.
Trump inner monologue: 65,800 cases. What the fuck? How dare it not listen to me? Pander! Yes, pander to the base!
March 24: "I think Easter Sunday — you'll have packed churches all over our country."
Mistakes high speed viral train for hope...
March 24: "We begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel"
Trump inner monologue: Crap on a Klondike! What do you mean there are 161,800 cases and 2,475 have dared to die on me? Fine, act concerned... furrow brow, bite lip...
March 29: "We think, by June 1st, a lot of great things will be happening."
Narrator: A lot of great things did not happen. 3,431 dead.
Trump inner monologue: I am killing it in the ratings! Talk about that!
March 29: "the “Ratings” of my News Conferences etc. are so high, “Bachelor finale, Monday Night Football type numbers.”
Trump inner monologue: How dare they not care about my numbers?!? Fine, act concerned. That's where I soften my voice, wave my invisible accordion, and try not to sniff.
March 31: "This could be a hell of a bad two weeks."
Trump inner monologue: 272,380 cases?!? 8,141 dead? GTFO. Bluff, yeah, that's the ticket. Bluff.
April 3: "I said it was going away - and it is going away."
Trump inner monologue: Economy crashing?!?! Dammit, that's my thing! To hell with the dead (9,171), pander to the idiots!
April 4: "The cure cannot be worse than the problem itself.”
April 4: Trumphausen by hydroxy still in full effect. “I hope they use the hydroxychloroquine, and they can also do it with Z-Pak. What do you have to lose? In some cases, they're in bad shape. What do you have to lose?"
Trump inner monologue: Tweet, dammit, TWEET!
April 8: “FLATTENING OF THE CURVE!”
Narrator: Curve did not respond to his Twitter feed which is astonishing considering it was in ALL CAPS and everything. 23,555 people dead by April 13.
Trumphausen now complicated by addition of those 29 million pills in stockpile, he pulls always elusive "friend" from ass.
April 13: “Just recently, a friend of mine told me he got better because of the use of that — that drug.”
As study after study comes out challenging his Trumphausen by hydroxy, Rick Bright, former director of the Biomedical Advanced Research and Development Authority, states that he was demoted because he objected to the administration’s promotion of chloroquine and hydroxychloroquine.
Trump inner monologue: Deny, deny, coffee boy, who?
April 22: “Well, I've never heard of him.”
Trump inner monologue: Trumphausen went bankrupt. Dammitdammitdammit. I know! Those wipes on my desk kill 99.9% of germs! I'm brilliant!
April 23: "I see the disinfectant that knocks it out in a minute, one minute. And is there a way we can do something like that by injection inside or almost a cleaning? As you see, it gets in the lungs, it does a tremendous number on the lungs, so it would be interesting to check that."
Imbleachment takes hold as Trump is roundly lambasted as the complete fuckwit he is.
Trump inner monologue: How dare they quote me to me? Deny, deny, deny. Do that gaslighty thing they always talk about. I always thought gaslighting was that thing we did back in school when you fart on a lighter... where was I?
April 24: "I was being sarcastic!"
Today we wake up to article after article, report after report of state Poison Control Centers fielding hundreds of calls about taking Lysol, bleach, etc after listening to Trump.
April 25: 53,266 dead. God help us all. Where will the moronoavirus evolve next?
What we truly need is an imbecilectomy. A complete amputation of the malignant orange growth. Cut it off, douse it in Pine-sol, and leave it in the sun.
After all, he did say, "There's been a rumor that -- you know, a very nice rumor -- that you go outside in the sun or you have heat and it does have an effect on other viruses."
You know what? Screw sunlight. Just cut it off, douse it, and cleanse it with fire to be safe. Say it, Khaleesi: Trumpcarys.
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