Waking Up This Mourning

Round and round and round it goes, where it stops, nobody knows.

That's us. That's the sick game we choose to continue to play with our country and the lives of those in it. Gun Sight Roulette.

Will it be in another school? At a much anticipated movie? A concert where all are gathered to enjoy? We never know, until the wheel stops, and then we do.

Last night, as many of us were getting ready for bed, or even in it already on the east coast, the wheel stopped. This time on the sleepy town of Gilroy, famous for its yearly Garlic Festival. In fact, it was within the fenced and secured area of the festival that it stopped.

Around 5:41PST, a gunman who had cut through the fencing to avoid security that included metal detectors and bag searches, began shooting at festival goers. As is always the case, people initially thought it was firecrackers, some thought it was part of the band that was playing.

Then they saw blood and began running for their lives.

This morning we wake up with a count of 3 innocent people dead, 12 injured - conditions varying from stable to critical. And the piece of shit who did this sent to the void where he belongs. Because the event is so heavily monitored and secured, there was a sizeable police presence on hand and they were able to stop him and his rampage in one minute.

Yet in that one minute, lives were stolen, lives were changed forever.

This is one of them. Steven Romero, age 6. LOOK. AT. HIM.

He is dead. This angelic child, with his entire life ahead of him, is gone. No more playing in the sprinkler. No more kissing his mommy good night. No more anticipation of buying school supplies. No more movies, birthday parties, holidays. No more dancing to silly music. No first dates, no proms, no homecomings, no football games, no playing soccer, no learning to drive a car.

A month ago this precious child celebrated his birthday at Legoland - that is a picture from that happy day. This morning his father, Alberto, sits vigil with his body. “There’s nothing I really can do besides try to be with him until I can put him in his resting spot, wherever that is. “My son had his whole life to live and he was only 6. That’s all I can say.”

Little Steven had gone to the festival with his mother and grandmother, both of them injured by the gunfire.

Again, look at him. Sear his shining face into your soul. He had just graduated Kindergarten two months ago and was eager for first grade to start in a couple weeks. We own his death. Just as we own the deaths of the 13 year old girl, and a young man in his 20s who died with Steven.

It is time to accept that fact. Every time a mass shooting takes place, we rend our garments, we change our profile pictures, we rant and rave and then ... NOTHING. This year alone there have been 246 mass shootings, leaving 8,444 people dead. It is only July. Why do we think we will get out of 2019 alive? And we accept that our politicians, the ones who could easily set the wheels in motion to begin implementing real gun control measures, offer us nothing but their impotent "thoughts and prayers."

News flash: NO GOD IS GOING TO SAVE US. All the praying in the world will not stop the next rain of bullets. And thoughts are a piss poor shield in the face of the next automatic weapon. If there is a god, perhaps he/she/it/they are waiting for us to do something to help ourselves.

The shooter, identified as Santino William Legan, 19, with a liking for white supremacy, misogyny, and a boatload of other heinous views, posted a picture of the festival shortly before his rampage. What you see in it are happy people. People tasting new things, buying new things, smiling, talking, harming no one. This festival, around since 1979, raises money for charities and non-profit groups.

A witness who came face to face with him asked him why he was doing this? His answer? "Because I'm really angry."

And really able to obtain weapons and ammo. 19 years old. Not able to buy alcohol, but able to buy an AK-47 in Nevada. Seriously, who the fuck are we as a nation? Rhetorical question. We are an absolute joke.

Yes, this time there were "good guys" (police) who stopped this "bad guy" before it could have gotten so much worse, but you know what could really stop a bad guy with a gun?

Making sure he can't get the goddamned thing to begin with.

That's where we and our lawmakers come in - that is where we are all culpable in these deaths, and the one you may not have heard of in Brooklyn. That one took place Saturday night at another festival, Old Timer's Day, taking place since 1963. People were singing along with the band, enjoying the camaraderie and two men opened fire, killing one, wounding 11. Then there are the others that took place in Chicago (9 killed, 39 wounded), Gresham (2 dead, 1 injured), Philadelphia (1 dead, 5 injured), Miami (a shooting outside a synagogue), and on and on... just this weekend. Think about where you were, what you were doing, how exposed you were, how it could have been you, your child.

We act like there is literally nothing we can do but wait to see if the roulette wheel stops on our town, our grocery store, our movie theater, on US. I am so done with being a pawn in a gamble I did not agree to. I am not a chip laid down on the table. My children are not coins put in the slot machine. I am a human being, like little Steven, who deserves to be able to navigate my life, run errands, enjoy a concert, see the new Lion King without having to worry about if this is the day.

We all deserve so much more than that, but all continually settle for so much less. Instead of storming the castle where the lawmakers hide, we accept watching them take lobbying dollars in the continued game of roulette. Yesterday I wrote of Puerto Rico, how the streets filled for days on end as they demanded their demonstrably awful governor step down. They wanted change, they demanded change, and they did relent until they got it. He will be gone August 2. That's an ISLAND. Think of what we could do here.

And before someone gets their ass in a knot and starts clutching their beloved weapon like some effed up metal teddy bear, STOP. I am not talking about taking all the guns away from people. But if you truly are a responsible gun owner, then act like one and admit our laws and control measures are far too lax.

I was so hopeful last year when the children truly did lead us, shame us for our inaction. The students of Parkland galvanized 1.2 million people who donated time, money, presence to attend the March For Our Lives in DC. It was breathtaking and showed what is truly possible if we band together, refuse to be ignored, refuse to be pawns in the game our legislators carelessly play with our lives. They are gambling addicts, addicted to the money from gun lobbyists, beholden to the millions funneled through the NRA.

If you think for one second that you and your six year old actually matter to them? That your town cannot be the next "I never thought it would happen HERE."? Well, at this point you are an idiot, a rube, a willing participant.

Steven Romero was not. He was a six year old child on the cusp of everything. And he now joins the other six year olds from Newtown who will never be more than a memory. We cannot let more children, more mothers, fathers, grandmothers, friends, coworkers simply fade to black. We must move past this new shock to fiery rage, an anger so palpable that our legislators fear us more than they love money, and not let that rage die down until we see the changes that must take place.