In the hands of mankind, the world is an imperfect place. We know that. From hunger, poverty, and oppression, to wars, genocide, animal extinction, and climate crisis - we have proven for millennia that we are unappreciative of our host, brutal towards one another, and ultimately capricious in terms of bringing about our own destruction.
Maybe it's always been this mentality of "whoever dies with the most toys wins" that brings us to repeatedly and creatively breathe constant life into man's inhumanity to man. Or in so very many cases, man's inhumanity to woman.
Patriarchy is the by product of male fragility. It just is. (Look no further than Malala being shot in the face by men for daring to *gasp* go to school.) And while many believe it has always been this way, the truth is it has only existed for roughly 10,000+ years. Once upon a time, survival meant that everyone contributed as much as possible, as often as possible, for the greater good of the community. It was only when paternity began being important that male control over females - so as to unquestionably insure who fathered their progeny - became a norm. That male dominance and the "ownership" of daughters, wives, etc began to become ingrained.
Female voices faded as female choices disappeared.
Fathers directed the lives of daughters, chose their suitors and husbands. Dowries were instituted to pay for taking on a father's daughter in marriage. Husbands directed their wives' movements, behaviors, dress, choices. Women were to be well behaved, silent, pliable.
And as with so much of humanity's behaviors, it was a system that became accepted as normal through use as it was handed down from one generation to the next. Again, it was not always like this. but it simply became custom.
As much as we in this country like to believe ourselves so progressive in terms of women's rights - and make no mistake, compared to many other places, we are - we still hold to certain customs of the patriarchy. It is the father who "gives away" his daughter to the man standing at the end of the aisle. Women still do not make equal pay for equal work. Bodily autonomy and medical decision making is under constant threat. And it was not that long ago that women could not own businesses or credit cards in their own names, Ivy league colleges would not admit them, women could be fired for pregnancy, and marital rape was an allowable, legal thing until 1993.
Even now, in terms of rape in this country, instead of instantly vilifying the perpetrator, the woman is subjected to questions of what was she wearing?, was she drinking?, was she flirting?, where was she walking?, was she alone? and a whole raft of other queries designed to put the blame on her, not on the man who grabbed her, held her down, and violently violated her. To absolve the man because of course he cannot control himself in the presence of breasts.
Our Republican legislators and GOP pundits have racked up quite a list of their own beliefs about rape in recent years:
On rape in the military: "The sexual abuse report says that there has been, since 2006, a 64% increase in violent sexual assaults. Now, what did they expect?" Liz Trotta - YES, a woman said this about female military personnel.
"If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut the whole thing down.” - Todd Akin
"I’ve always adopted the idea that, the position that the method of conception doesn’t change the definition of life.” - Paul Ryan on rape.
"Well, bad weather is like rape: if it's inevitable, you might as well relax and enjoy it." - Clayton Williams
"Wait a minute, they had no problem having similar to a trans-vaginal procedure when they engaged in the act that resulted in their pregnancy." NRA flunkie and beet juice spokesmodel, Dana Loesch, casually comparing a transvaginal ultrasound to rape.
“Rape victims should make the best of a bad situation.” - Rick Santorum
“In the emergency room they have what’s called rape kits, where a woman can get cleaned out.” - Jodie Laubenberg
“If a woman has (the right to an abortion), why shouldn’t a man be free to use his superior strength to force himself on a woman? At least the rapist’s pursuit of sexual freedom doesn’t (in most cases) result in anyone’s death.” - Lawrence Lockman
Over and over and over, men making excuses for rape, making it seem no-so-bad, being apologists for the perpetrators, and women who are so entrenched in patriarchy that they believe women deserve it.
Keep all of these things in mind as you read this next part and find yourself thinking how awful it is over there, and how that would never happen here.
These two women, a mother and a daughter, endured the terror of a group of SEVEN men entering their home in a village in India and attempting to gang rape the daughter. They resisted. For their attempts to protect themselves, preserve their autonomy, they were assaulted anyway, their heads were shaved, and they were paraded through the village by the men.
"We were beaten with sticks very badly. I have injuries all over my body and my daughter also has some injuries," said the mother.
Yes, this is criminal. As reported by the BBC, The attempted rape is a sexual crime, but the subsequent assault, tonsuring the women's heads and parading them through the village is an assertion of male power in a community, deeply entrenched in patriarchy.
But that the group of rapists was led by an elected government official? Only serves to highlight the pervasiveness of, and lawlessness emboldened by, patriarchy.
In April a young girl was attacked with acid for fighting off an attempted gang rape. A month before that another Indian women was assaulted, stripped and paraded naked through the village market. And in December of 2018, a 22 year old rape victim was on her way to file a complaint with the police when kerosene was poured over her and she was set on fire.
Because they are not seen as fully formed human beings who deserve dignity, respect, rights, autonomy. They are viewed as chattel, things, commodities to be bartered, battered, used without resistance, without complaint.
Now bring your gaze back to our own shores. Still think it cannot happen here? Men are constantly making healthcare laws that govern women. THIS PHOTO IS THE WOMEN'S HEALTHCARE CAUCUS. WHERE ARE THE WOMEN????
Just last month, an additional and completely unnecessary pelvic exam was added as a requirement BY MEN for any women seeking an abortion in Misery Missouri. There is no medical reason. NONE. And before you ask, "Well, don't they do one before an abortion?" Yes, they do. ONE. Right before the procedure. This is an addition before the three day waiting period can even begin. It is, as Rachel Maddow reported, “state-sanctioned sexual assault.”
If we are raped and become pregnant, these men want to force us to carry to term because, according to Rick Santorum, it is a gift from God. "The right approach is to accept this horribly created — in the sense of rape — but nevertheless a gift in a very broken way, the gift of human life, and accept what God has given to you."
No. The right approach is to keep your fucking nose out of a woman's decision making. No god shoved an unwanted penis inside a woman and made her pregnant. That is biology, not immaculate conception.
This male fragility, so obvious and pathetic, is dangerous. An entire subculture exists - the INCELS (involuntary celibates) - who believe we are property, that we should be honored to have sex with them, that we owe them sex, it is our duty. And make no mistake, they are dangerous. Constantly angry because they believe they are owed sex, but cannot get it, many have taken lives - the Isla Vista gunman who stabbed three and shot 11; the Tallahassee yoga studio murderer who shot six women, killing two; the Umpqua Community College shooter who shot 17, killing 9. Their manifestos, ramblings, notes all highlight how they are not getting the sex they deserve, that others (especially women) must pay for that transgression against them.
(Fun fact - the term incel was actually coined by a female undergrad back in the 90s to describe her own struggles connecting with people romantically as she was exploring her sexual and romantic orientations and coming into her queer identity. These pathetic excuses for "men" co-opted it for themselves from a website she had set up.)
I am constantly amazed and disheartened at how many fathers of daughters perpetuate - through religion or their own upbringing - the cycle of entrenched patriarchy in their children. Engendering in their daughters feelings of low self worth, no ownership of themselves, no agency, that they are to blame for the male gaze and subsequent groping, molesting, raping. Girls wearing promise rings bestowed by their fathers, indicating they belong to dad until he hands them off to a husband. Being denied higher education because their job is to submit to their husbands and have babies. Threatening dates who come to take their daughters out. Men who vocally defend the Louis CKs, Harvey Weinsteins, Donald Trumps, et al, to their daughters, who openly deride the #MeToo movement of women finally coming forward and putting voice to their rapes and names to their rapists.
The misogyny is on full display daily in our society, feeding into the perpetuation of the patriarchy. Discrimination, exclusion, disenfranchisement, belittling, inequality in opportunity and pay, violence, objectification.
And yes, the predictable responses when one of us is raped and the slap on the wrist handed out as punishment for a crime not really considered a crime by far too many men. (See Brock Turner and the judge who did not care.)
Man's inhumanity to women must end. This notion of patriarchal ownership is past its expiration date. Yes, there are many good, decent, kind, strong men who support us in our quest for equality, safety, self determination, but it is ultimately not up to us to rely on more men to give us what we deserve. We must take it. Firmly, unequivocally, forever.
Ladies, we are the heroes we - and this weary world - have been waiting for.
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