Don't Get Me Started with Linda Sharp

Groundbreaking PRIDE

Tomorrow marks the beginning of another PRIDE month - June being pivotal in that it commemorates the Stonewall riots of 1969.  There will be marches, displays, parties, shows of support, profile pictures changed to rainbow flags, and gifs aplenty going up on all manner of social media, not only by the LGBTQIA community, but by those who stand with them.

Being an ally is important, critical even, to any marginalized segment of society.  Without strong support from those who do not suffer under the weight of discrimination, derision, or danger - well, nothing much changes.  Women would not be voting, slavery would still be an active industry in this country, gay people would not be able to express their love and joy and marry one another, and on and on.

That is why being an ally means more than wearing a rainbow flag or changing your Facebook photo. 

To truly be an ally is, as I have written repeatedly, to step up, step in.  To call your representatives and staunchly state your position and support for equality, protections against discrimination; to stand beside someone being targeted, and then?  Stand in front of them.  Being an ally means putting yourself out there with them, not caring about the repercussions from bigoted friends or family or coworkers.  It means to personally take risk to effect change for someone else. 

Being an ally is not just an individual decision to be a decent human being.  You should be that anyway.  Companies, corporations also are able to plant their PRIDE flag and boldly proclaim their support, free market consequences be damned.  Target famously waded into the whole trans-people-in-bathrooms panic by publicly supporting the use of their restrooms based on the gender identity of the one using them.  Of course, there was the expected conservative hew and cry, threats to boycott and bankrupt them. 

And what happened?  Target thrives.  Because the bigots, the ignorant, and the pearl clutching religious right are far outnumbered by the decent, openhearted, open minded people who get it. 

We understand that there is nothing to fear in the bathrooms - quite frankly, the ones who are to be feared are the bigots.  Our trans son will avoid public bathrooms as much as possible because of the danger threatened by these reprobates.

We see with our hearts and know that what we feel is what they feel.  All the emotions of love, passion, commitment - those are not the sole domain of the hetero.  Two men or two women falling in love with one another is no different than me falling in love with my husband.  It is all-consuming; it is connection to another person; it is rational and nonsensical all at the same time.  And standing before family and friends and dedicating life, love, and forever is as important to them as it is to us.

We find no burden in honoring someone's pronouns.  Frankly, if we can remember someone's new married name, it is not quantum physics to remember someone's pronoun.  It is respect.

Just last night I received an email from Lyft stating they have added the ability in their app to add your pronouns.  So that your driver may understand and honor them.  It is a step that is in line with many other places and professions who recognize that the world is filled with far more identities than simply him and her.  I spoke about this with our daughter last night - she is actively pursuing her Master's in Public Health at Harvard, on the back of her current Bachelor's in Psychology, on her way to her doctorate.  She includes her pronouns in her email sign off, as do the majority of her colleagues.  When they are in meetings and introduce themselves, they include their pronouns.  It is not some snowflakey, safe space thing as so many small minded clods love to shout.  Again, the backbone at play here is RESPECT.

Respecting that the world does not revolve around your singular identity.  Respecting others enough to educate yourself and discover that these identities have existed for as long as people have existed.  Respecting that there is room for everyone - at the table, in the light, in the workplace.  Respecting that differences are not synonymous with dangers.

As PRIDE month gets underway, another company has stepped in with a beautiful, groundbreaking show of support, of recognition.  Gillette has released this ad.  Watch it and I will meet you on the other side.

I have watched the Gillette ad ten times now and my eyes fill over and over.  I know this yearning.  I have seen it in my son.  I know the words, "I just want to be happy."  My son has said them.  I know the feeling of "everyone around me is also transitioning."  I have written them about our journey with our child. 

And I know the wait for facial hair to begin to show up.  Toby has been on HRT for two years now, and while the changes have been steady, whiskers have been slow to show.  Until the past few months.  As they have come in, he has learned how to shave, to shape.  And to smile even bigger as his reflection in the mirror reflects the man he is inside.

It may seem like a small thing, something you take for granted because they just grow and you just shave.  We are all like that - cis people, that is.  We are comfortable in our bodies and what they do.  Our skin suit matches our soul stuffing.  That's a gift.  For a transgender person that is a goal. 

As PRIDE month begins, as you show your support as an ally, take time to reflect on the ease with which you navigate spaces as a cis-het person; open your eyes to how you see yourself reflected in media, movies, commercials daily.  The next time you mindlessly push open the door to public bathroom, stop for a second and think about how fraught that simple act is for so many.  The next morning you silently complain about putting on a bra, think about those who desperately wish they could, too.  The next time you stand shirtless on a beach, feeling the sun on your chest, think about those who hide their scars, or bind their chest down.  The next time you attend a wedding, observe love and remember that love is love is love is love.  Love is the most precious thing that can be found and shared between two people.

And then use your privilege, the knowledge you have of how easily you navigate the world, your own pride in being a decent human being, to step up, step in for them.

We all just want to be happy.

Drag The Idiots

A little less than two years ago, we moved our transgender son out of Texas, a state that rivals Florida in terms of national, cringe worthy headlines.

His safety was and will always be of paramount importance to us, and it was simply not to be found in a place where bigotry and hate are worn as openly as the automatic weapons at a Sonic drive-in.

(And before anyone wets themselves in outrage, yes, there are a lot of decent, wonderful human beings there.  We knew many.  But we also knew A LOT of small minded bigots who had no compunction about being very vocal with their stupidity and views.)

Of course, our concerns were poo-poo'd by many -  "many" being comprised of people who will never walk the path we are on with our son.  People who are draped in the privilege of their cis-ness;  people for whom equality protections are not even a passing thought ... because THEY HAVE THEM.

While moving him to a far more progressive, open minded, accepting state has allowed all of us to sleep easier, no place is perfect, and we know that.  Ignorance, bigotry, racism, phobes of all ilk may be found in abunDUNCE everywhere in this country.  With ignorance leading the pack.

And sadly, those who love the warm, sweaty, fetid bosom of ignorance seem to think violence is the answer to their complete aversion to facts, education, and enlightenment. 

I will never understand why anyone thinks violent erasure is an acceptable answer, any answer, to what makes them uncomfortable.  Which bring me back to the very city in Texas we moved our son (and finally myself) from in 2017.

Leander, Texas is a typical burb about 25 miles north of downtown Austin.  Now, if you have to live somwhere in Texas, Austin is a blue oasis in the middle of a very blood red state (although we were very heartened by the Beto-Cruz slog).  Acceptance is a bit higher, and the Keep Austin Weird slogan is more than just a t-shirt decoration.  But venture to the burbs and you will find the expected closed minds, small minds, abundance of guns, and proliferation of hand me down ignorance and bigotry.

The Leander Public Library, located about two miles from my former residence, was set to host a Drag Queen Story Hour, an event that has been held at Book People in downtown Austin every quarter for the past two years.  Local drag king performer, Valeri Abrego-Liszewski, said of the children at past story hours, “They love seeing these performers come through with their big, gigantic dresses and their big, gigantic hair. The children feel like they’re seen a real queen coming through.” 

And let's be honest here - those children were brought to those events by parents with open minds and hearts who know there is nothing to fear, no indoctrination in letting their child hear a drag queen read them a story.  If anything it leads to the kind of dialogue that helps a child grow into a fully formed human being who understands differences are not synonymous with dangers.

The Leander library staff were on board, as emails between Abrego-Liszewski and them support.  They were asking which books to reserve and that even though they did not anticipate a large crowd they were “hoping to gain community support so we can make this a recurring event that gets larger every year.”

Of course once the event was announced, Facebook posts frothed forth like this gem from Leander 'great mind' Jay Ordway, “What’s vile is letting the liberals get their way, for instance it looks like we’ve got drag story hour for the kids at the Leander library already. That’s disgusting.”

Now, not all comments were like Jay's although many were.  Kate LeClair wrote, “There is a considerable (number) of LGBT tax-paying constituents/residents in Leander, not to mention our wonderful allies.  If I don't like an event at the library or sponsored by the city, guess what? I don't go. Anyone who is against this inclusive, educational, amazing event needs to realize that they have a choice in attending, and let those of us who would love some diversity in this town go and enjoy."

Which, quite frankly, is how most things work.  Don't like sushi?  Then don't take your ass to a sushi restaurant.  Don't like NASCAR?  Don't watch it or buy a ticket to a race.  Don't like drag queens?  Then don't watch Drag Race or attend an event at the library.  Pretty simple.  For people with critical thinking skills.  Sadly, far too many have critical thinking ills.

As the controversy heated up, Abrego-Liszewski received this email on May 23rd: “I'm so sorry to do this but because of the controversy the city has faced the city council of Leander has decided to cancel our drag queen story hour event. I appreciate your support and regret that this had to happen.”

Yes, that's right. The mouthbreathers shit their pants, flung their poo, made their threats, and got their way.

Another Einstein among us, Stella Williams, wrote, “Good to see children will not be indoctrinated with Leander tax payer dollars who are against this type(sic) of inappropriate acts.”

Threats, you ask?  Yes, threats.  The immediate fallback of the small minded is to threaten with violence that which they do not care to learn about.  Especially if it gives them the oogies.

Several were forwarded by concerned citizens to the Leander Police Department.  “…After I rope, hog tie and drag by horseback all those that show up at The Library for the Transgender presentation… Was supposed to be in Argentina shooting birds! Guess I need to be here. There is a crematorium close by. Short drag for my horse,” the poster wrote.  

'the Transgender presentation"

Which brings me back to the word IGNORANCE.  Drag is not synonymous with transgender.  Those who perform drag run the gamut from cis-het to gay to asexual to transgender.  Drag is a form of art.  An amazing form of art.  From the costumes to the make-up to the personas - it is acting on a grand and fabulous scale.  It takes skill, practice, and in many cases, performance abilities that rival Beyonce.

But by all means, let your little wetbrain lump everything together because larger thought makes your head hurt.

Responding to the cancellation and the death threats, Abrego-Liszewski said,  “It was a shame. This kind of invalidates anybody who is part of the LGBTQ community and has children and has family. What about them? They live there too.  I felt like I could break down barriers… that they could feel better about (themselves)… because I’m also a parent.” 

This.

This is what I always talk about - representation.  Seeing yourself, your family, your life in other places, in commercials, in politics, in movies.  We cis-het people take it for granted because we ALWAYS see ourselves reflected everywhere.  Beer commercials, rom-coms, print ads, you name it - our identity is constantly being reinforced. 

That is why it is such a huge deal when someone like Jared Polis was elected governor of Colorado.  Gay, has a life partner, and they have two children.  They are a wonderful family.  The night he won, my son wept, then jumped in his car to head to the celebration and be part of it, to feel seen.  Watching Pete Buttigieg, an openly gay, happily married, military veteran run for President is amazing.  It shows the world that stereotypes are bullshit.  It breaks down barriers.  It opens minds.  And it makes LGBT feel seen.  Seeing transgender people win elections last year - MASSIVE. 

Maybe not to you, but to the millions who inhabit the spectrum?  It matters.

Now, you would think that this story would just fade away, with the bigots patting themselves on their dimwitted backs, but no - a funny thing happened on the way to the cancellation.

A church stepped in.

Yes, a church.

The Open Cathedral Church (member of the United Church of Christ) has been in Leander for roughly three years, and has rented a conference space at the Leander Library on June 15th at 3pm to sponsor the Drag Queen Story Hour.  Spearheaded by Lead Minister Ryan Hart, he has said, “Our mission is open minds, hearts and faith. We want to create space for people to be able to be themselves.  In the message of the Good Samaritan, the Samaritan is an outsider to the people who would have been hearing the story. Jesus is saying we should love our neighbors, even when we feel they are different than us and that they’re outsiders… This fits with that message of creating space for people to be different and still be neighbors and loved in that space. I think that’s a message all of us always need to remember and be willing to hear.”

"We must never stop striving for safe spaces for our kids to be unique and loved no matter what," wrote the Open Cathedral Church on Facebook.

Hart will attend with his own children, as he had planned to attend the cancelled event.

Of course, it, too, will be protested and threatened by the ample bigiots (bigots + idiots) that run feral in Texas.  Tracy Shannon, a founder of MassResistance Texas (heavy on the ass) has stated her group will stage a protest at the library.  All Christiany and pro-family, as they are.  For the record, MassResistance is designated as an anti-gay hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center.

It is sad and sickening to me that so many - not just in Texas - cannot/will not educate themselves about that which they fear/hate.  Because fear fills the trough at which hate gorges itself.  Remove fear and hate begins to crumble under the weight of reason and sanity and facts and understanding.  Being around a gay person will not indoctrinate your child.  They either are gay or they aren't.  Learning about transgender human beings will not turn your child into one.  I have three kids - all raised in the same house.  Two cis-het, one transgender - even after years of sharing drinking glasses, toilets, sleeping bags, and air.  And a library holding a Drag Queen Story Hour will not turn your child into one. 

What does happen by allowing your child to not only see different people, but understand them, is a safer, saner, more peaceful world moving forward.  And make no mistake, the world is moving that direction.  Even Texas.  As person after person sees that differences and danger are mutually exclusive, that equality and protections are deserved by everyone, that the constitution means ALL, not some - we are moving into a much more accepting, loving future.

So you can open your mind and walk with us, or get DRAGGED there.  You and your bigotry may put up a fight, but will you win?  As my favorite drag queen, Bianca Del Rio says... "Not today, Satan, not today."

Can I get a YAS, QUEEN?

When WILL You Worry?

Your skin isn't brown.  So you don't worry.

Your aren't gay.  So you don't worry.

Your child is not LGBTQIA.  So you don't worry.

Your child is not in a cage.  So you don't worry.

You are past child bearing years.  So you don't worry.

You are a man.  So you don't worry.

You are not a raped and pregnant 12 year old.  So you don't worry.

You don't have children, so no college costs ahead.  So you don't worry.

You aren't diabetic and dependent on insulin.  So you don't worry.

You get pulled over for speeding, but your skin is white.  So you don't worry.

You can feed your child breakfast before school.  So you don't worry.

You don't wear a hijab.  So you don't worry.

You don't speak another language.  So you don't worry.

You are not a DREAMer.  So you don't worry.

You don't work three jobs and still go to bed hungry.  So you don't worry.

You don't have a pre-existing condition (that you know of).  So you don't worry.

You aren't a journalist.  So you don't worry.

You aren't a soybean farmer.  So you don't worry.

Your child didn't die in a school shooting.  So you don't worry.

You haven't been attacked in public for being brown/black/speaking Spanish.  So you don't worry.

You have food in your refrigerator.  So you don't worry.

You don't worship in a mosque or a synagogue.  So you don't worry.

You don't pay attention to the news.  So you don't worry.

You claim to be a Christian.  So you don't worry.

You watch FOX.  So you don't worry.

Finally, you voted for him.  So you don't worry.

Instead, you laugh, jeer, goad, taunt.  You revel in his grade school name calling, incessant tweeting.  You rejoice as one group after another is targeted, put in danger.  You feel nothing for the six children who have died in our custody at the border.  And you think nothing will ever touch you.  Because you wear a red hat and worship an orange man.

But your time is coming.

That is one of life's inevitabilities.  Call it divine retribution, karma, what goes around comes around. 

I realize you are not big readers, fact checkers, history buffs, but perhaps even you have heard of the short poem by Lutheran pastor Martin Niemoller:

First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out— because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

He scripted those words during the horrific reign of Adolf Hitler.  It may surprise you to learn he was, at one time, an enthusiastic supporter of the Third Reich, as well as an anti-Semite. Right up until the moment he discovered Hitler was targeting him and other pastors like him.  When he discovered that supporting a monster did not insulate him from the monster.  When he discovered a target on his own back.

Your time is coming.  Think not?  Look around at other Trump supporters who have found their life saving drugs out of the grasp of their wallets; found their farm incomes dwindling as they themselves become the very welfare queens they have loved deriding; found themselves without their jobs as companies reap the tax cuts, but do not share the wealth; found their children hungry and their bank accounts empty during the shutdown; found themselves imperiled and ignored after a natural disaster.

You are what you have always been - a means to an end.  Pawns.  Rubes.  Easy marks.  Worshipping a degenerate who would walk right by you if you were on fire.  A grifter who doesn't go to church, yet you think he was sent by God.  A lifelong prochoice playboy who now quotes your prolife playbook back to you for votes.  A pretender-in-chief who sends your sons and daughters to fight when the only fighting he has ever done was to stay out of the military.  A lazy, inept cheat who spends tax dollars on golfing after promising you he would never have time to golf.  A toady sucking up to international tyrants and dictators.

You see it.  You know it.  The things he does that would have set your hair on fire had Obama done a single one of them.  But you just don't give a shit. Because you care more about hurting others than protecting your country, your constitution, and your countrymen and women.

The most sickening quote from among you came in January when prison worker Crystal Minton said this during the government shutdown that was affecting her:  "He’s not hurting the people he needs to be hurting.”

As much as we tout our founding fathers, this country was built on the backs of those who were targeted, exploited, used and thrown away, and killed by those who did not think they had to be concerned.  Sadly, we are watching it die the very same way.

Your Martin Niemoller-Crystal Minton moment is coming.  And when it does you will start looking around for someone to care, to pay attention, to save you.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

You really should worry.

The Humanity Famine In The Trump Era

Anyone remember this?

October 30, 2016.  The opportunist-in-chief, at a rally in the homestretch of his campaign, held up an LGBT flag.  It was a moment as disingenuous as it was gag inducing.

And anyone who bought into it was, is, and will always be a candidate for those selling bridges.

This entire adminasstration is laser focused on rolling back, repealing, and targeting those on the rainbow spectrum.  Their favorite being transgender people.

And let's get that out of the way right fucking now - THEY ARE PEOPLE.  Just like you, just like me.  And just like you and just like me they have something different about them that sets them apart from the herd.  Maybe your ass is fat; maybe your eyes don't work well;  maybe you just aren't too bright;  maybe one leg is shorter than the other;  maybe you've had cancer;  maybe you are dyslexic; maybe you have hemorrhoids; maybe you are <insert ANY of a billion things that make you different than the person standing next to you at Starbucks>.

And any one of those things that make YOU different could, at any time, cause the herd to turn on you, deny your humanity, want to erase you from existence.

Think not?  Then you are not paying attention.

As the mother of a transgender son, there is not a moment I do not worry about his safety in this world.  Even though we have reached a point in his transition where you wouldn't know if you didn't know, I still worry.  Because there are cretins like those who worship at the altar of the Tangerine Taint, and who feel empowered, emboldened to strike out at anyone they fear choose.

Just this week, two more transgender women were murdered in Dallas.  Five have been murdered this year.  The latest was Muhlaysia Booker, who survived a brutal assault last month, only to be found shot to death this past weekend. 

Booker's cousin, Quanjasmine Baccus, said she was often targeted for being transgender. "Everywhere we go she was picked, she was picked on because she is transgender."

And now she is dead.

Because insecure, ignorant, heinous savages view transgender people as somehow less than them, as monsters, as threats.

Wrong.  The monsters and threats are the ones who target them. 

And that includes this abomination of an administration.

Their latest attempt to deny the humanity of the transgender population is to roll back the Obama era protections for trans people, allowing homeless shelters to deny them entrance based on "religious" exemptions. 

Pardon me whilst I vomit.

I am beyond sick of bigots, racists, phobes of all ilk hiding behind the robes of their chosen deity in order to get away with their hatred and stupidity.  YOU may not be one, but you sit in churches next to them every week.  You listen to preachers bang their pulpits and speak in ways that are completely removed from the words and deeds of Jesus.  You work with them.  You live next to them.  Like roaches, they are everywhere.  And the darker Trump has made this nation, the more they scurry out to wreak havoc.

Your Jesus constantly spoke of helping others, the least among you.  Matthew 25:40 - Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it unto one of these my brethren, even these least, ye did it unto me.

YE DID IT UNTO ME.

He did not add an asterisk that led to the bottom of the page saying *unless they give you the oogies, or *unless you are too damned stupid to educate yourself or *unless their skin is brown or *unless they are not just like you.  And this move is as far away from his teachings as possible, yet conservative CRASStians will hug their Bibles and bleat AMEN.  Seriously, how do you square your actions with His teachings?  Teachings you profess to revere, follow, believe?

I swear, if there is an afterlife, how do you think you are getting in with this kind of shit on your Life Resume?

When asked for comment, DNC LGBTQ Media Director Lucas Acosta responded, “President Trump is putting trans lives at risk yet again.  Study after study has shown that LGBTQ people, especially transgender youth, have a higher chance of experiencing homelessness over the course of their lives. Additionally, 7 in 10 transgender individuals who stayed in a shelter last year were kicked out, physically or sexually assaulted, or faced another form of mistreatment because of their gender identity.”

Let that number sink in.  7 in 10 are kicked out, assaulted, or mistreated based solely on their gender identity.  How can ANY Christian be ok with this?

Ian Thompson of the ACLU adds, “When shelters are allowed to turn transgender people away — a policy that is sanctioned by a government that continues to push the lie that the mere existence of trans people threatens the privacy and safety of others — deadly violence against the trans community on the streets will rise.  For transgender people, particularly trans youth of color and Black trans women who experience homelessness at appallingly high rates, the crisis is especially dire, and has led to a devastating and largely unaddressed epidemic of violence and death.”

Again, as the very proud mother of a transgender HUMAN BEING, this is heartbreaking.  My son is not a threat to you or anyone else.  He simply wishes to exist in peace and safety, pursuing his passions, his education, his life.  I often think back to the moment he came out to me.  MY response was not bravery.  HE was the brave one.  HE was standing on an emotional cliff, not me.  I think back to it because all I felt in that moment, like in every other moment of his life, was love.  An overwhelming, all consuming, unconditional, air-I-breathe love for him.  And all I wanted to do was protect him, help him.

So no, my son never had to worry about finding a shelter to take him in.  But so, so, so many transgender youth do.  They know only fear, uncertainty, hunger, danger.  On top of everything they have to live with inside themselves - the dysphoria, the anxiety, the depression - they have the added component of danger.

And people wonder why the transgender suicide attempt rate is 41%.

That so many will cheer this change is embarrassing.  It is stomach churning.  That so many will walk into their churches this weekend filled with self righteousness, dripping in privilege they do not even know they have is hypocrisy at its height - or depth, in their case.  They will sing their hymns, chant their Psalms, nod their heads, and walk out reinforced in their belief they are better than others.

I have news for them - my son is better than every single one of them.  Every person who resides on the LGBTQIA spectrum is better than them.  Because they have to live in a world riddled with monsters who target them, demean them, hurt them. 

Because they have to try to survive in this humanity famine that is the Trump era.

And Jesus wept...

Welcome To Gilead

Tuesday night, under cover of darkness, the Alabama legislature voted to allow Christian Scientists to make all healthcare decisions affecting its citizens.  Basically the state's occupants, regardless of diagnosis, threat to life, religious viewpoint, or opinion, may only use prayer to mitigate their medical crisis. 

No, it doesn't matter if they caught your cancer early and it may be dealt with with minimal invasion.  Get on your knees and pray.

Your kid was bitten by a rabid weasel and now has rabies?  Gee, I know it wasn't his fault and all, but no.  Rub some dirt on it and give the Almighty a jingle.

Oooo, MRI discovered an aneurysm that could blow at anytime, taking your life with it?  What's that?  You don't want to die?  Sorry, but that aneurysm is God's will.   Pray, pray, praypraypray.

Now, now, I hear you getting your ass in a knot. 

Why should a small group of people get to impose their beliefs on me?

I believe in science and medicine and want to consult my doctors to make these decisions!

My body, my choice!  I don't want to die!

Oh, and should you manage to find a doctor willing to tie off that burgeoning blood balloon in your head, remove your cancerous tumor, or administer rabies shots to save your child, he/she will face up to 99 years is prison.  

Crazy, huh?  

OK, fine, not even Alabama has signed off on a religion insinuating itself into your cancer or possible death by weasel drool, but what did take place is no different than what I described above.

Last night, 25 white, male, Republican misogynists, voted to ban all abortion past 6 weeks, even shooting down a proposed amendment covering pregnancy from rape or incest.

Talk about rabid weasel drool...

During the brief debate's opening statement, bill sponsor Sen. Clyde Chambliss actually said these words: “I’m not trained medically so I don’t know the proper medical terminology and timelines..  But from what I’ve read, what I’ve been told, there’s some period of time before you can know a woman is pregnant.”

He literally went on to argue that a woman could end her pregnancy as long as she did not know she was pregnant.

I'll let that sit with you for a second.  I warn you, that headache you are starting to feel?  Take some Excedrin now.  This only gets worse.

When pressed on his actual understanding of biology, pregnancy, etc, he said, “Senator, I don’t know if I’m smart enough to be pregnant, so I appreciate the wisdom of our heavenly father.”

Sir, you aren't smart enough to walk and chew gum.

When the amendment was proposed for exceptions in cases of rape and incest, Chambliss flatly stated, “When God creates the miracle of life inside a woman’s womb, it is not our place as human beings to extinguish that life.”

And there it is.  One of the six thousand+ invisible deities being used to make law.  And these ignorant hypocrites have the gall to cry about Sharia Law.  There is a reason they are mocked as Y'all Qaeda. 

Or in this case, maybe it should be Talibama.

As with the abortion laws being pushed in 28 other states, this has nothing to do with science, facts, or the autonomy guaranteed in the Constitution.  It has to do with their Sky Daddy and control over women's bodies, about which they know jack shit.

But let's muck out this outhouse, shall we?

Six weeks.  Do you know who truly knows they are pregnant at six weeks?  Those actively trying to get pregnant.  I have been her.  Especially after we lost our first pregnancy.  I was desperate to get pregnant again and personally kept EPT in business.  

I have also been the woman whose periods have never been normal, so going six weeks in between was not anything that rang alarm bells for me.  In fact, with my other two, I was more than 8 weeks along before I had those pregnancies confirmed by my OB.

As for the one we lost?  Here is what I can tell you.  What came out of me was not viable.  Not even remotely.  Yes, I was crushed that I had lost "my baby", but what passed, was NOT an infant.  What passed was blood, tissue, clots, and a flood of emotions.

But not a baby.  

For reference, what they are talking about at six weeks is roughly .25 inches.

 

But states now would have me forced to prove my spontaneous abortion was, in fact, spontaneous - not of my own making.

FUCK THEM ALL.

What goes into my body is my business.  What remains in my body is my business.  What comes out of my body is my business.

As for Chambliss and his assertion that "God creates the miracle of life in the womb"?   Biology creates life in the womb.  Sex creates life.  Doctors create life.

Yes, doctors.

For all this God's will babbling, doctors seem to get called on to usurp his will an awful lot.  Octomom, anyone?  Jon and Kate + 8?  They all rambled on about God's will when told their uteruses were packed tighter than a subway at rush hour.

Seems to me that God's will dictated Jon and Kate were not meant to procreate.  And they said, fuck God's will, we want kids.  Same with Octomom.  No "god" creates the miracle of a litter of 8 babies in one womb.  That's straight up science, and a firm FU to the Big Guy.

A miscarriage is the ultimate in God's will, is it not?  To use their logic.

God's will says nothing about entering a guy's ballsac and cutting off production capabilities, but men ask doctors to do it everyday. What about God's will when your dick stops working?  Seems He is telling you your days of bonerdom are over, yet there you are, swallowing Viagra by the handful.  Why?

Rhetorical question.  We know why.

Because they are allowed to exercise control over their bodies.  They get to choose what to do with their reproductive capabilities.  They get to jack half the components of life into a tube sock.  No repercussions.  Their right to wood trumps all.  To hell with sanctity - they are only interested in sancTITTY.

So spare me the hyperventilating and chest beating over "God."

And this added umbrage over Alabama denying the amendment for rape and incest?  STOP.  Reducing it to those two things only serves to signal we are willing to settle for a little bodily autonomy.  That is not the answer.  

Full bodily autonomy is non-negotiable.  Just as no Christian Scientist or Jenny McCarthy acolyte anti-vaxxer should be allowed to insert their beliefs into your cancer diagnosis and treatment, or their unvaccinated child into your child's classroom, government cloaked in religion should not be allowed to insert itself into your most private of medical decision making.

Abortion is a medical procedure.  Abortions are also spontaneous - the stat is that 1 out of 4 pregnancies end themselves.   Either way, it is no one's business but yours.  Those who rant and slobber about life?  Rend your garments.  Tear your hair out.  Cry as much as you want.  And then, do not have any abortions.  That is as far as your fairy tales, beliefs, fallacies, lies, and tantrums have influence.  YOUR BODY.  If I cannot force you to have an abortion because it's your body and your choice, you cannot tell me I cannot have one for the same exact reasons.

MY BODY, MY CHOICE.

And don't get me started on states like Ohio forcing an 11 year old to carry her rapist's baby.  11 years old. Or giving said rapists joint custody.  Or these same idiots writing up bullshit bills about ectopic pregnancies being removed from where they have implanted and reimplanted in the uterus.  A PROCEDURE THAT DOES NOT EXIST.   JFC, ectopic embryos are not like plants you buy at Home Depot to repot.

It is maddening that these things are being drafted almost exclusively by men.  Men who think we pee and give birth out of the same hole.  Men who think we can swallow a mini camera and have our reproductive organs viewed.  Men who think we can "shut that whole thing down" if raped.  Men who think we can just "hold it in" and control when our periods start.  Men who could not find the clitoris with a map, a flashlight, and a neon sign around it.

But then, they are also the perfect poster children for the scientific fact that we all begin as assholes in the womb (some not ever evolving beyond that state).

It is infuriating to me how easily led this base of conservative dullards really are.  And that GOP leaders know and exploit them.  Right now, it is abortion, and everyone's hair is on fire.  Just curious, what happened to the caravans of M-13 toddlers and the national emergency?  What happened to your all-consuming fear of transgender people in the bathroom?  Pssst, I have news for you... my transgender son is still in the men's room with you wetbrains.

What happens next is the female governor (Republican Kay Ivey) of this misogynist backwater where they are 50th in education, 45th in economy, 46th in healthcare, and 45th in opportunity, will sign it into law.  A law that will be immediately challenged by the ACLU, and most likely overturned as unconstitutional in the lower courts.

Which is what all these states filled with conservative Bible huggers want.  They want these laws appealed all the way to the Supreme Court, which has been conveniently stacked for them.  Their entire, openly admitted goal is to get Roe v Wade overturned.

And the frightening, Gileadian truth here is that it is now entirely possible this will happen.  So thank you for your third party votes, your holier than thou not voting, and your 'Trump and Hilary are the same!' votes.  This is how we got here. 

Just as in The Handmaid's Tale, Offred speaks these words, as she surveys the world around her and her red clad fellow handmaids who are routinely raped and used as broodmares:

"Now I'm awake to the world.  I was asleep before. That's how we let it happen.  When they slaughtered Congress, we didn't wake up. When they blamed terrorists and suspended the Constitution, we didn't wake up then either. They said it would be temporary. Nothing changes instantaneously. In a gradually heating bathtub, you'd be boiled to death before you knew it."

WAKE UP, PEOPLE  THE WATER IS GETTING VERY HOT.

Reflecting On Mother's Day

For just over 27 years now, I have had the privilege of being called "Mom."  And it is a privilege, make no mistake. 

That so many people become mothers without that view towards the gift that it is, is heartbreaking to me.  Their children deserve better.  Every child deserves to feel they are cherished, protected, that their parent(s) view raising them as the best thing they will ever do in this life.

That is certainly how I feel.

When a baby enters your life, it is an awesome responsibility, laden with hopes, fears, poop and promise.  A baby is a blank slate - they have no concept of race, religion, politics, sexuality, good, bad.  Put together a bunch of toddlers of every color, background, religion, country - they will play, they will touch, they will laugh.  No qualms, no side eye, no prepackaged fear of the other.  The potential within them is limitless. 

And then we begin to write upon them with our views of the world, imprinting experiences, thoughts, opinions.

That so many are raised to hate, discriminate, fear, ostracize, demean, or target others is shameful.  It simply doesn't have to be that way.

Having just returned from spending the past two weeks traveling across the country to visit our three kids, I have had ample time to reflect on the people they have grown to be.  As their mother, I could not be prouder.

Our first stop was Denver, a flight to Florida, and a cruise with Toby.  He is, quite frankly, my hero.  We are three years on since beginning his transition in earnest, in public, and in that time, I have watched as his spirit, his personality, his humanity have only grown.  Even in the midst of his own darkest days of uncertainty, he has never stopped touching other lives, offering hope to younger people who find their way to him, bravely facing a world that is still an uncertain, sometimes hostile place.

Through his life he has always been a quick wit, a champion of the underdog, a competitor, a devoted friend.  His only criteria being, "Are you a decent person?"  He hates hypocrisy, has no patience for bigotry and discrimination.  He cares about other people, about right and fairness, equality and opportunity.  He has always been a life force, a super hero, a rockstar, but he doesn't seek that out.  Toby is just Toby - and that makes a person feel safe, secure, lucky to be around him.

On the cruise, Rudy and I watched as he took another step forward in claiming who he is.  On our beach day, scars be damned, he enjoyed the ocean and the sun shirtless.  Sure, he had some measure of security in knowing that we were with him (that I would easily gut someone like a trout, armed only with a spork, should anyone try to harm him), but he did it.  And it warmed my heart more than the hot Bahamas sunshine.

Yes, I do take some credit for the years we have been on this particular journey - he is my child and my support for him is unwavering.  My love for him unshakeable.  These are hugely important factors in getting where we are.  But Toby has drawn on who he has always, organically been to do the heavy lifting.  He is a decent, openhearted, open minded, funny, fierce human being.  Everything that has always made people want to be in his orbit, all still there, all still drawing people in. 

And I get to be his Mom. 

Our next stop was up to Boston to see Kendall.  I am never not humbled by how she takes on the world.  Blazing an incredible 4.0 academic trail through undergrad, she walked the stage dressed like a parade float - the honors, achievements, awards indicated by drapes, medals, tassels.  Throughout those years, she juggled her pursuits with remaining a very important link in her chain of friends - always being there with an ear, a hug, her heart.

I joke that as a child she held this family hostage - her personality being, shall we say, strong?  The reality, however, is we were always in the presence of someone who, even from a very small girl, knew who she was, had an innate sense of right and wrong, and who would defend any one of us if needed.  Yes, she would argue the sky was green and the grass blue just to drive us crazy, but that tenacity has proven itself vital.

Today, she is finishing up her first year of her Master's at Harvard.  Yes, those words alone indicate her level of focus, academics, and worthiness to get into the program, but what I am most proud of is that Kendall, my child for whom routine, security, balance are hugely important, went.  She left behind a job at one of the top research facilities in the country; she left behind her closest friends; she left behind a city she knew and loved; and she left behind the young man who has opened the door to her heart.

She went to a new place.  She knew no one.  She knew nowhere.  She willingly left behind her certainties for a basket of unknowns.  Yet one day at a time, one interaction at a time, she has found her footing, her place, new friends, an expanded network, is leaving her mark on one of the most revered institutions in the world.  This summer she will be TAing a class in which every student is already a doctor out in this world.  She is now credentialed at Boston Children's Hospital.  And while you may laugh, she even has a favorite donut place.  That's big.

And those friends, that young man?  All still secure in the knowledge that she may be somewhere else, but her heart has never left them for a moment.  She is a phenomenal young woman.

And I get to be her mother.

Our final stop on the Tour de Children was Seattle to see Culley.  The young lady who made me a mom, on Mother's Day, no less, in 1992.  From 5:08am that morning, to today, she has suffered being my training wheels as I have endeavored to learn to be the mom they all needed.  Her grace, her patience, her willingness to forgive helped me become a mother who may not always get it right, but who will never stop trying.

From her first breaths, I marveled at how the universe had chosen me for her.  In those first days, I just stared at her - how did I make this flawless creature?  Those on point eyebrows?  That perfectly shaped face?  Those long legs?  She has been beautiful since she emerged.  But that all pales in comparison to the beauty of who she is inside.

She is a champion for anyone lucky enough to be her family, her friend.  She is so intelligent, so articulate, so thirsty to keep learning.  She is wickedly funny and not to be underestimated.  She is patient when most of us would have blown a fuse and scorched the earth.  She loves even when it hurts to do so.  She is a sibling her brother and sister are truly blessed to have - there is nothing she would not do for them.  In her life she has absorbed the pain inflicted by people who never understood how lucky they were to simply draw breath in her presence.  And she persevered.  She endured a still unnamed illness, endless tests, and no answers.  Yet she soldiered on, completing an internship at Disney, college, and bravely opening her heart again.

What I have watched her endure only makes the joy of seeing where she is today, that much sweeter.  Like Kendall, she took a leap of faith and uprooted last year, moving with Sean to Seattle, completely starting over.  In that time, she has become a leader, a recognized "rising star" in her workplace, is loving the city she now calls home, and is happily, wonderfully engaged to an incredible young man.

That our trip ended by being there when she found her wedding dress?  That was just icing on the already sweet cake of our visit.  When she walks down the aisle in a year, it will be on the arm of her beaming father, joined by her amazing brother and sister, surrounded by family and friends who make up the puzzle pieces of her heart, towards Sean - a man who knows exactly how lucky he is, because she knows exactly how lucky she is to have him. 

Oh, she will be walking towards me, too.  After everything she and I have been through together, 27 years of figuring life out together and apart, I have been given the honor of being asked to perform the ceremony.  I get to officiate as she takes the next step forward in her life with Sean.

And I get to be her mom, too.  That is truly an embarrassment of riches.

Mother's Day is typically about honoring, calling out, remembering the moms in our lives.  Those still with us - like mine and Rudy's - strong, wonderful women both.  Those who have gone - leaving the memory of their lives, their love.

But for me, it's not about receiving flowers, cards, or gifts.  It's about continuing to marvel at the honor, the privilege of being called Mom by these three incredible people.

Thank you for making me the mother I am, Culley, Kendall, and Toby.  Here's to the next 27 years of adventures.  You may not know where the road will take you, but I promise I am there with you every step of the way.