In Steel Magnolias Dolly Parton once famously uttered the line, "Honey, time marches on and you eventually realize it's marching across your face."
Well, with some strategically placed undereye filler and a serious dose of consistent "happy", I am leaving 2017 in the rearview with a smile on my face, as well as a song in my heart.
For my tribe, 2017 had some pretty memorable highlights...
Toby hitting me in the head with an oar while in Puerto Rico, in the pitch black, damn near taking my head off my shoulders (My San Juan souvenir was a split ear)
Finally prying Kendall away from her demanding job for a short but much needed trip to sun and fun, and seeing her exhale
Watching the true miracle happiness can bring as Culley continues to move forward in her life, hopefully leaving the mystery illness behind for good
Putting a moving date on the calendar - ten years and 3 months in the making
Taking a "honeymoon" with Rudy
Arriving in Telluride and his arms, realizing I finally get to stay
That last one is major. No matter how I have ever tried to translate our lifestyle, I have never really been able to capture and share with you how HARD it has been. Love and commitment are obviously the main superglue that made this last, but the past decade has been rife with heartaches, frustrations, self protection, walling off at times, and a never ending, tide in-tide out series of drama.
So I admit I was on the same page as so many of you who left messages of "There will be an adjustment", "It will be hard" in terms of Rudy and I finally living together again. I was ready for awkwardness, trepidation, some fear even, before life would finally find its new rhythm.
Steeled for all of that, no one has been more surprised than he and I to only find happiness. Calm. Peace. And better, grown up versions of each other.
No more drama of having to say goodbye repeatedly. No more loneliness. No misunderstandings brought on by text's and email's inabilities to properly color a line with the right emotion or intent. Just happy.
And I have been completely immersing myself in this new sensation, in my new locale, in my renewed marriage, in feeling free to let down every guard I have carefully crafted to protect my heart over the past decade. I know Rudy feels exactly the same.
(Taken on Christmas Day. This is literally our favorite picture EVER of us together. Because there is nothing behind those smiles except genuine happiness and security.)
Our 2017 is closing out having had our family together for the holidays. Sharing our Sharpness for the second Christmas with Sean, a remarkable young man who has freed Culley from so much of what her past had inflicted. I see her being happy, grounded, breathing fully. 2017 ends with watching Kendall continue to carve out a great life for herself in Dallas, even as she is immersed in another round of grad school applications and waiting. And Toby - time has marched on so beautifully with Toby. Happy, calm, forward looking, engaged, not even minding living with mom and dad till spring. (Note - life will always have its challenges for Toby, and depressive aspects are not suddenly vaporized for anyone - but the sun shines a lot more these days.)
Culley & Sean - those smiles mean everything
Toby, Ken, our timeshare son Mitchell who has been in our lives since the day he was born, and Culley
My goofy, wonderful kids
Being admonished by our children to "Stop it!" as he and I constantly kiss, touch, and whisper is wonderful. Being told by Culley, who intuited so much of what he and I both struggled through while apart, that it makes her happy to just see us that way together, that she loves Facetiming us to find us repeatedly snuggled on the couch together, and happy, is beyond gratifying.
Last night I was asked on FB if my "snark had died" since so many of my posts have been happy of late. Fair question, but no, my snark is stronger than ever, and will greet you all again here as 2018 kicks off. It's just that reaming out Donald Trump, or waxing crapsodic about the world's woes has taken a backseat to focusing fully on my life. And finally, fully, freely being HAPPY.
Now, with that out of the way, I am honored to be able to share some pictures with you of your Yes, Virginia efforts. As always, please understand that no matter how hard I try to convey the magic of this space, it IS still the internet and people are hesitant about sharing too much, especially in terms of their children. Combine that caution with the unfortunate shame so many feel about asking for help, and I am left with a lot of emailed gratitude, but also a lot of requests for anonymity.
Sit back, and smile...
Shared this a few weeks ago - just some of the items...
Incidentally, our own Katy made that gorgeous blanket keeping that gorgeous little baby girl snuggy.
As I say goodbye to 2017, I want to thank you all for sticking with me, my family, our adventures, and this blog through another year. While I have not met the lion's share of you, you are considered to be family. Your love, support, laughter, and willingness to share have all been pivotal in helping us, and mostly me, navigate the past decade. I wish you all love, laughter, renewal in your own relationships, and the courage to take that leap towards something that scares you, but you want so very badly. It may turn out better than you could have ever possibly imagined.
Have a wonderful and safe New Year's Eve, and I will see you, snark fully intact and ablaze, when the calendar turns to 2018.
School administrations stepping in to ban books based on content, language, age appropriateness. TV censors for live shows watch two feeds - one live, one set at a 5 to 10 second delay in order to catch profanity, wardrobe malfunctions, anything that could get the broadcast company hit with fines from the FCC. Parents censor what their children watch on TV, read in books, surf on their computers, text on their phones. And then there is political censorship...
Given our strong Constitutional and Amendment based rights in this country in regards to free speech, governmental censorship has largely only been brought to bear during wartime when national security could be put at risk by the exposure of certain types of information. But around the world and throughout history we have watched as other countries' governments take hold of the media, of free thought, of expression, tamping out anything that may lead to dissent among the populace.
While North Korea is an obvious example, as their media and access to the outside world is heavily censored and monitored in order to brainwash the populace, control of message and information is found in Russia, China, Saudi Arabia, Ethiopia, Azerbaijan, Vietnam, Iran, Myanmar, Cuba and many others. State run media is the norm, internet access is strictly controlled, and journalists are routinely jailed.
Obvious reason? An informed populace can cause problems. Controlling what your citizens know or can access guarantees a dumbed down, fear filled, more compliant people.
We have seen a form of this for years in this country, as many choose to self censor opting only to read, listen to, or watch programs that help them avoid cognitive dissonance. They seek out the Glenn Becks with their chalkboard of idiocy, the Alex Joneses screaming nonsensically about demons and sulfur, the Sean Hannitys who parrot GOPer rhetoric, and the Rush Limbaughs who are only too happy to cater to their need for conspiracies, bumper sticker thinking, and hatred of facts.
That self censorship goes a long way in explaining why so many were attracted to the wholly unqualified, woefully inept, diplomacy barren, intellectually thin, loudmouthed bully, Donald Trump. He gave them what they wanted - course language, acquittal for their addiction to bogeymen, acceptance of their longheld, but completely out-of-touch-with-reality beliefs, embrace of their lack of intellectual curiosity, and validation of what they have been choosing to imbibe for so long - targeting people who do not deserve their ire.
And so we see, with increasing frustration, that it is nearly impossible to engage anyone like this. They refuse to discuss a topic, won't enter into any sort of debate lest they run afoul of some of those liberal fact things, and get aggressive to the point of violence when challenged.
Now, they could point their fingers and say liberals are just as bad with our Maddows, O'Donnells, Kimmels, Morning Joes, etc - but here's the thing - we aren't. While yes, there are some who choose the safety of a bubble, the vast majority of liberals and independents do not only seek out reinforcing information. What I see are people who read Breitbart AND Guardian; who watch Hannity AND Maddow; who surf Red State AND Talking Points Memo. We follow Trump AND Obama on Twitter.
In short, we collect as much information as we can in order to find the facts, see where the disinformation is flowing, and be able to speak to the topics of the day.
And there are elements that don't like that. A LOT. Namely our current Babbler-In-Chief. Our fact checking flies in the face of his lying freestyling. Being able to immediately research and call out his distortions, made up "data", and flat out lies compromises his main goals - to be loved and adored, and to be the biggest man/best golfer/most successful/smartest ever human/best words user in the room a la Kim Jong Un.
Basically, we fuck his shit up with our knowledge and refusal to buy his bullshit.
Our first amendment has been of critical importance since he was placed into office. Our assurance that the government cannot infringe on our rights to express ourselves, research and call out his administration, and even make fun of his vocabulary, diet, and hair has insured both our sanity and our ability to obtain accurate information.
He may want to censor us, make FOX be the required news consumption vehicle, but that damned amendment gets in his way at every turn.
Last night, however, word got out that he and his minions have taken another very frightening step towards censoring what we read and hear. The Washington Post revealed that the analysts at the Center For Disease Control have been told they cannot use certain words anymore in anything “related to the budget and supporting materials that are to be given to the CDC’s partners and to Congress”.
Seven deadly verbal sins. Somewhere George Carlin is begging the afterlife powers-that-be to let him come back, if even briefly, for comment.
This is not the first attempt to control what we see. Back in October, the New York Times reported that the EPA's website had been altered:
A new analysis made public on Friday found that an E.P.A. website has been scrubbed of scores of links to materials to help local officials prepare for a world of rising temperatures and more severe storms.
Among the now-missing pages are those detailing the risks of climate change and the different approaches states are taking to curb emissions. Also edited out were examples of statewide plans to adapt to weather extremes.
Everything conservatives eschew - science, bodily autonomy, threats to business models as the world heats up, poor people, and the spectrum that contains citizens who give them the oogies have been targeted for erasure from content, discussion, reality.
Obviously I find the inclusion of the word "transgender" on this list especially sickening. This administration's constant desire to portray my son as some freak of nature, someone less capable of service, someone mentally defective, someone who really doesn't exist is infuriating. As a mother who has watched my child walk a path that is frightening, threatening, uncertain, and dangerous in order to live authentically has been humbling. Yet he has walked it with grace and bravery, each step forward more firm and certain than the one before, despite him knowing how truly awful and menacing so many in society are towards transgender people.
Now he wakes to find that the word defining who he is is being erased. That his existence is being erased because his government leaders cannot stand to even think about him.
Make no mistake, this is a word game that, if left unchallenged, will not only lead to a thinner dictionary, but an electorate who loses the ability to speak their minds, live their lives.
I have news for Trump and his equally dim cohorts, erasing the word fetus won't make abortion go away, and it doesn't magically turn that ball of cells into a living, breathing, viable human. Removing science based from the vernacular won't make scientists stop making discoveries. And erasing the word transgender won't erase my son from existence.
Your censorship attempts won't stop critical thinking, won't deter people from keeping informed, won't protect you from being seen as the woefully uneducated simpletons you are, and won't rid you of our constitutionally protected dissent. You can wallow in your willful ignorance, speak only to your dumbed down base, and lie as much as you want.
Because in the Scrabble game of censorship, you are playing words like 'but' 'no' and, well, "and". While we are throwing down big words like "criminal' 'impeach' 'obstruction' 'collusion' and 'incarceration'.
You are going to lose. And when our winning words come to pass? Here is our final offering:
With one week left to get things purchased and shipped in time for Christmas tree magic, this will be our last push for 2017.
So far your donations have purchased food (in the form of 10 gift cards), paid two gas bills, and bought wonderful toys, baby blankets, snow suits, boots, mittens, leggings, sweaters, and more than that - they have insured smiles come Christmas morning.
Not just smiles for the kids who will wake up and see that Santa has not forgotten them. You have put smiles on the faces of parents across this country who can now feed them, keep them warm, give them respite from their daily reality. I wish I could properly translate their emotions to you - they go from hesitation and suspicion when they first contact me, to disbelief when I write back and ask for gift ideas/what they need, to pure joy when boxes actually begin arriving at their homes.
This final push is two fold:
1. If you can give, please do. Your open hearts and wallets make this all possible.
2. If you know a family that needs our help, or you have been hiding in the shadows afraid to ask - now is the time, while we still have time, to work some more magic, to tucker Santa out.
For years I have been humbled by the generosity of this blogmunity, this FAMILY we have created together. Thank you just does not begin to cover what I feel for you all, for the magic you make happen each year. In a world where each day brings new stresses, shocks, and disappointments - you remind me that the good people still out number the bad, and that Yes, Virginia, There IS a DGMS.
It is not a stretch to say that international morale has been at low tide since November 8, 2016. Not only did serial grifter, conman, and sexual miscreant Donald Trump find his way into the Oval Office, but with each passing day, each Tweeted diarrhitic thought, this country has sunk from leader of the free world to punchline in some very bad nightmare/joke.
Just yesterday he slut shamed a sitting US Senator, Kristin Gillibrand, via Twitter, implying she traded sexual favor for campaign contributions. Her crime? She called for him to resign in the wake of the accusations of sexual misconduct against him. His vile retort earned him this upbraiding by the usually staid USA Today editorial team: They said, “A president who’d all but call a senator a whore is unfit to clean toilets in Obama’s presidential library or to shine George W. Bush’s shoes.”
Bravo, USA Today, but be prepared for his predictable "loser" "failing" "fake" Tweet aimed at your bow in 3...2...1...
We have watched as he has played at being President. Well, in truth he has played more at golf (65 times so far), using tax dollars to constantly fly to his properties, pay for Secret Service golf carts, and avoid anything that even remotely resembles leadership ($89,915,315 so far).
We have spent each day open mouthed as one lie after another oozes from his maw. Seethed as one Press Secretary after another "interprets" his Tweets and statements, or flat out doubles down on the original lie. Sarah Huckabee Sanders has raised spindoctoring, evasion, and deception to an art form.
What kind of art? Think Pierre Manzoni shit-in-a-can type art.
Protections for LGBTQIA have been rolled back. Transgender people have been openly defined as less than by Trump. DREAMers face uncertain futures and the prospect of being evicted from the only land they have ever known. Families are being torn apart daily. And a travel ban with zero rhyme, reason, or common sense is currently in effect.
But we have rallied. We have persisted. We have RESISTED. Decent citizens - who outnumbered Trump voters by 3 million back in November - have banded together to take a stand against an administration that openly caters to its wealthy donors, fills its cabinet posts with unqualified swamp creatures, and mocks every institution we hold dear.
We watched as Tarana Burke's decade long MeToo campaign found footing as a hashtag and women and men came forward in droves to share their stories of sexual harassment, molestation, abuse, rape - incidentally all things of which the current resident of 1600 Pennsylvania stands accused. Bravely stepping forward, we are finally forcing a day of reckoning for those in power who have used their positions as sexual cudgels. And we have watched as one by one they are outed, shamed, and stripped of the fame that protected their abusive behavior for so very long.
Personally, I love knowing there are countless people, famous or not, who sleep badly these days fearing the drop of the other shoe in their own badly behaved lives. They have earned every bit of ostracization, humiliation, and joblessness that comes their way. I hope whipping your dick out was worth it. (Reminder for those who still are unsure - your genitals have no place in the workplace outside your pants or the restroom. Your dildos are not gifts. Your molestations are not compliments.)
We watch each day for updates in the Russia investigation. Yes, little MAGATs, despite what you are told in the Bullshit Mountain Daily, the investigation IS a real thing, it DOES have credence, and it IS getting closer and closer to the truth and your spray tanned hero. In fact, Beavis Trump, Jr. faces his third round of interviews with the Senate Intelligence Committee TODAY over his involvement.
Through the past year we have gained strength and numbers. Numbers growing as some more moderate Republicans who held their noses and voted for Trump have finally gotten it through their thick heads: he is unfit, unqualified, uncouth, and unwilling to do the job. Make no mistake, you are welcome in the #Resistance, but we will never forget how you propped up a bigoted, abusive, self confessed reprobate. You ARE the sewage you stood with for all those months.
Through it all, we have been organizing, strategizing, mobilizing, preparing. And we are beginning to see the results, just as Republicans are beginning to see the writing on the wall. OUR WALL. Not that bullshit, built from bigotry, promise-never-to-be-filled wall Trump continually crows about. A wall built from true love of country, real patriotism, hearts open to all, and a better understanding and grasp of the Constitution than any professed "patriot". Decency is trumping Trump and his tribalist toadies. Last month, Virginia got itself a Democratic mayor. Barriers are being broken by openly transgender people, women, and people of color being elected to office.
The tide has been rising.
And last night, that tide rolled right over the GOP, its embrace of pedophilia, its copious dollars injected into the Alabama Senate race to prop up a degenerate who was twice removed from the Alabama Supreme court for ethics violations, accused by multiple women of molesting them as teens, and once banned from the mall for trolling for underage girls. It drowned the likes of Steve Bannon (who my son says looks and acts like someone who was bitten by zombies in a bad movie), the spineless Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan. And best of all, fellow sexual miscreant, Donald Trump.
Doug Jones won.
It has stymied thinking people everywhere that someone like Roy Moore ever made it through the primary to begin with. But then, it is hard for decent, civil society to comprehend the embrace of someone who simply has to mutter words like "God" and "abortion" and have all his sins looked past. But over 650,000, or 48.4% of voters yesterday clutched Roy Moore like their Bibles and bigotry. Tighter even. Because if he won, they would have their hatred, hubris, ignorance, and vile distortion of God validated.
And predictably, even though the reporting services began to call the election for Jones, a man who ran a campaign of decency, intelligence, and true outreach and connection, we all knew what was coming. And come it did.
When Roy Moore finally stepped out to speak, he did not concede. He did what thumpers do - he hid behind the robes of God, demanding a recount and stating "God is in control"
I find it pathetically hilarious how these clowns weep and wail and invoke "God's law" and "God's rule" and preach to us how "God is in charge" yet they refuse to accept things when they don't get their way. One day before the election, Moore spoke at a Christmas event, saying, “We’ve got one more day and then the election. We’re looking forward to it. It’s God’s will, whatever happens, so we’re expecting God to do whatever He does will be the right thing to do. This election is probably as big as any election has been.”
Question for Moore supporters: Any chance, even a scintilla of possibility that God did the right thing? That perhaps his "mysterious ways" sent you a clear message that perhaps YOU should rethink YOUR not mysterious behavior? That GOD does not support bigotry, hatred of the other, marginalization of entire groups of his children, YOUR ABYSMAL, WILLFUL IGNORANCE?
Rhetorical question - we all know the answer. They refuse to believe they have lost again. God is taking it in the face this morning as they yell and shit their pants.
Whatever. Recount all you want.
Here's the hard truth - you were outnumbered in November. You are even more outnumbered today. Your embrace of Klansmen, Nazis, discrimination, Confederate flags, Presidential ignorance, pedophilia, sexual abuse, and the politics of hate will not be accepted. With each election, you will see what it truly means to "Take Our Country Back." You attempted to Take Our Country BACKWARDS. Backwards to a place and time where there were separate water fountains, women were silent, toxic masculinity was a given, anyone not hetero was a monster, a pervert, a target.
You can stay back there. We are fine to leave you in the rearview as we redirect this country towards its promise, its founding documents, its future.
ROLL TIDE. Last night, the Alabama Crimson rally cry took on new meaning.
Get ready, because that tide is going to continue to rise and roll over every election, drowning every heinous behavior in its path.
Last night Toby and I headed down the mountain to the single screen theater in Telluride. It was our first time there, even though we have walked past the historic building many, many times. Standing in line outside (very tiny vestibule) I saw a simple printed sheet of 8 1/2x11 taped to the window - it read:
Coco - Wednesday and Thursday
400
615
830
FREE
Free? Surely not. As we got closer and could hear others going in after being welcomed and handed a raffle ticket, both Toby and I looked at one another. Free? What's the catch? Is this a group event we are crashing? Our big city brains could not process it being FREE, with no strings.
Yet it was. And our jaded, suspicious hearts opened a bit more. Popcorn in hand, we headed into the most quaint cinema I have experienced. Not large by any means, but the history could be felt in this building erected in 1892, originally to house a bank, offices, and a grocery store.
Settling in with our popcorn, we watched the Frozen Olaf short - adorable, but I have to agree with the masses - much too long. They literally squished a feature film's worth of songs into 22 minutes. The short, always destined for a short run is being pulled as of today.
Again, it was sweet, funny, and had an all inclusive message, but that big city, jaded heart of mine has to wonder if part of its placement in front of Coco was to buffer this being Pixar's first completely Hispanic animated feature length film, acted by a completely non-white cast, with its roots completely in Mexican culture and tradition.
Trust me, even in this increasingly bigoted US of A, Coco did not need this "help." The movie is strong, meaningful, educational and stands alone just fine.
But back to the warm, fuzzy feelings my first foray into my small town theater had stoked...
Toby and I sat back, our Grinchy little hearts having grown another size, and the emotional ride began.
Coco tells the story of a little boy, Miguel, whose heart beats as only a natural musician's can. Music fills his soul, ignites his spirit, yet is a passion he can only indulge in secret. His family scorns music - a sad tradition that goes back generations to a broken heart.
As his Mexican town, and all the families within, prepare for El Día de los Muertos (the Day of the Dead), he finds himself magically transported to the land of the dead where he meets many of his passed relatives whose names and faces he knows from the ofrenda (collection of photo memories and offerings) in his home.
I admit, my knowledge of Day of the Dead observances and traditions was cursory. I knew of it, the painted faces, the honoring of dead relatives, the festivity, not sadness of the day. And while Coco manages to weave a solid tapestry from what has morphed through the centuries into many variations on the day and how it is observed, I found my enjoyment at viewing was also drenched in welcome education.
As for the animation, it is stunning. Sitting next to my child whose lifeblood is digital art, I constantly saw him excitedly twitch at certain sequences, draw in his breath at overwhelming graphics. To the layperson like me, it is simply beautiful, magical. To someone like Toby, his appreciation goes far beyond aesthetics because he understands the talent, the techniques, the hours that go into even the smallest of detail.
That alone would be enough to pull us both back for a second viewing, but what we loved most of all was the message of the story and the unapologetic way it did not try to soften the Hispanic homage by the addition of a white best friend or a line here and there worked in to explain a Spanish word.
We loved that A LOT.
Coco is about family. It is about the ties and traditions that bind our now to our past. It is about remembering our loved ones because that is how they stay "alive." It is about how those who came before, shape and inform who we are today.
That Pixar managed to animate a story like this with mostly skeletons? Well, I raise my ulna lofted copa to them. It is neither gruesome nor scary. The skeletal, dead loved ones, dressed in their favorite attire from life, are gentle, friendly, eager, and most of all, simply wish to be remembered. Sure, there is the needed antagonist in the afterlife who complicates things for Miguel, but even his comeuppance is handled well.
Coco is magical. It is uplifting. And it brings you to happy tears through the universal human emotion of love.
This movie had already broken box office records in Mexico a full month ago. And my theater had more than a few Hispanic children and families in attendance. Why is this important? I'll tell you.
Representation.
As the mother of a transgender son, I know firsthand how important seeing yourself in various forms of media and expression can be. These children who sat around me last night were experiencing something profound - in a country where so many would shout at them to "Go back where you came from!", they were seeing their history, their traditions, their language, their life play out on a big screen.
But when it was over? What makes us all the same was evident - our laughter, our tears, our humanity were on full display. Walking out of the theater, we were all smiling at one another. We were all wiping tears away as we silently nodded our understanding and connection to one another.
I have no doubt there are many in this country who will get their shorts in a twist over a movie excluding them. But my hope is that when they find themselves in the theater next to their child or grandchild who begged to be taken, they let that wall around their hearts crack just enough to experience what I write about here all the time:
Strip away our melanin, our accents, our fears, and our learned prejudices, and we are all the same. We are people who love, hurt, rejoice, laugh, cry, and want desperately to matter and be remembered when we are gone.
Felicidades, Coco. Eres mucho más que una caricatura.
Greetings everyone! Amazing how time is flying - December 6th already! Elfing has been proceeding as it does each year - filling requests for toys, clothes, and the constant heartbreakers: food and help with heating bills. Your donations have been working hard and being stretched as far as possible, although as we learn each year, there is never truly enough to help everyone we would like to reach.
While so many of our recipients wish to remain anonymous because their children are involved or they are ashamed (something I beg them not to be), one of the moms we are helping this year is from within our DGMS blogmunity.
Monikka and her family have been on a rough patch of road and being able to help her make some magic for her girls is so appreciated. But I'll let her explain...
I wanted to give a little elfing update. 2017 has been one hell of a year for us and losing my job was not even on the radar. Losing my job with no severance was definitely not on the radar. We ended up losing our rental home and moving back in with the in-laws. We had to give almost all our pets away and our 16-year-old cat passed away last week so Christmas was already going to have a big grey cloud over it.
Since our girls are teens, they totally understood that this year was not going to have a lot of holly jolly and they were being stoic about it so that they didn’t add any more stress to a mom that was already down in the dumps. But once again, the elves and angels at DGMS arrived to save the day.
Through your kindness and generosity, my girls will each be getting an item off their wish lists along with some warm clothes that fit to help get them through the next few months. Thank you to everyone who helps with our Yes, Virginia fund for helping this mom bring a little Christmas cheer to some kids that really need it.
Life is all about the unexpected, the unpredictable. I am so proud of this blogmunity for how you are always there to lend a hand, a hug, a heart.
Funds are down to $174.33 as of tonight, with more children climbing into the sleigh. Rudy and I will always insure we help as many as we possibly can, but if you can, please donate. The Yes, Virginia link is always open.
The announcement was made early this morning. After a list of 10 had been shared earlier this week, conjecture was rife as to who would earn TIME Magazine's cover for Person of the Year. That list included reprobates like Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un, agent provocateurs and imbeciles, both. Others were Colin Kaepernick who took a knee and raised the profile of injustice in this country. Robert Mueller, Jeff Bezos, and the Dreamers rounded out the list.
In the end, TIME unveiled its choice - not so much a person as a people, a movement, a societal tidal wave. It calls them The Silence Breakers.
On the cover can be seen recognizable faces like Taylor Swift, who took her molester to court and won; Ashley Judd, one of the many notables who came out against serial rapist/abuser Harvey Weinstein; and Uber engineer Susan Fowler, another who stood her ground against the sexual abuse she endured in the workplace, taking down Uber's CEO in the process.. But there are also faces that did not have the benefit of national headlines - there is strawberry field worker Isabel Pascual, and Adama Iwu, who is a corporate lobbyist.
And then there are the myriad faces that helped force this societal sea change, but no magazine cover could ever hope to squeeze in. You, me, him, her, them - all breaking the silence and telling our stories. Stories that range from sexual misconduct on a subway car to bosses forcing subordinates into sexual submission to horrific stories of rape and abuse at the hands of men or women who took what they wanted.
As the wave began to build, a hashtag gave it further life and strength - #MeToo began opening the eyes of many who simply did not know how pervasive the problem has been, to those whose initial stance was to blow off those telling their stories as attention getters.
The hashtag was one of activist Tarana Burke's longtime go tos, and was given further life and exposure when actress Alyssa Milano took to her Twitter account to begin spreading it around. From the famous to the who? - #MeToo swamped Twitter, simultaneously showing the world the enormity and emboldening more men and women to finally step out of the shadows of their shame, their fear, their pain, to add their voices.
Social anthropologists say they have not seen a societal shift of this magnitude since the 60s.
GOOD.
As someone who is part of that #MeToo tidal wave, it is long past time that sexual misconduct and abuse and those who inflict it are dragged into the harsh light of day and held accountable.
And accountability is this arena is harsh. But not anywhere near as harsh as the emotional trauma and psychic scarring their victims will never fully escape. Entertainment careers are being toppled - Weinstein, Ratner, Louis CK, Kevin Spacey, Russell Simmons, Lauer and on and on. Politicians are finding that they are not immune to repercussions for their bad behavior through the years - just yesterday Congressman John Conyers announced his immediate retirement in the wake of the sexual abuse allegations against him, and word is Al Franken will be resigning tomorrow.
Yes, there are still those who protest loudly against this movement - women who have been raised to believe they are less than men, and men who are threatened that their boorish behavior is now going to be called out and they, too, may find themselves in the unemployment line. They hurl words like liars, whores, opportunists, gold diggers. We see that daily as they refuse to acknowledge the women who have come forward against Trump; and even worse in Alabama as they still fully support Roy Moore, whose favorite stomping grounds used to be the mall where he would troll for underage girls. His youngest victim was only 14 when he tried to force himself on her in a car.
14.
Yet he has support because Trump, the GOP, and far too many Alabamans are willing to look past pedophilia and serial sexual predation in favor of a Senate race win.
Sexual abuse is not a political football. It happens everywhere, everyday, regardless of political affiliation. And it needs to be treated as such. That the GOP is willing to back Moore simply for a win is telling of a party that is in its death throes, a gambling addict betting his last dollars on Red 13. Their brand will forever be associated with a pedophile.
This morning, if you are one of the many who will inevitably roll their eyes when you see the cover - I remind you - you know someone who could be on that cover. You may not be aware, but you know someone, probably MANY someones - your mom, grandma, sister, friend, coworker - who has been a victim.
I applaud every person who has stepped forward to force this behavioral, criminal day of reckoning. And I commend TIME magazine for helping us boldly go where no presumptive, power hungry, abusive man (or woman) will ever contemplate going again without fear of real consequences.
#MeToo, TIME, #MeToo
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Watch the powerful video TIME has released along with the announcement.
I spent every formative year of my life going to church every Sunday. I was baptized, had my first communion, did my first confession, was confirmed (still do not know what that was about), and attended CCD classes every Saturday morning or Sunday night.
I studied the bible, could recite the Books in order, and understood every single commandment. My father was a lector. I was sermonized, proselytized, preached to for 18 years of my life. And for the last 8 of those years, I was mentally calling bullshit on a WHOLE LOT. But being 10 when my apparent "age of reason" started to kick in, I still had to go. That was a nonnegotiable in my house. Behind closed doors my sister and I would talk about the hypocrisy we witnessed, the restrictions that were obviously man made not heaven ordained.
My discontent had wholly to do with having an open mind that refused to close to allow in only one view, one set of tenets, one way of thinking, praying, being. That is why I stopped going to church when I went to college - I finally had a choice, and my choice was to immerse, not continue segregating myself.
Yet, for all my years of discontent and boredom in the pews, my ultimate separation from the church never had to do with murder being preached from the pulpit.
Three years ago today, in a church in Arizona, Steve Anderson, an abomination before the Lord, decent people, animals, even raw sewage, stood before his congregation and said these words:
Turn to Leviticus 20:13, because I actually discovered the cure for AIDS. If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them. And that, my friend, is the cure for AIDS. It was right there in the Bible all along — and they’re out spending billions of dollars in research and testing. It’s curable — right there. Because if you executed the homos like God recommends, you wouldn’t have all this AIDS running rampant.
He is apparently back at it again this year promising we could have an AIDS Free Christmas if they could all be executed by Christmas Day.
Pardon me whilst I wipe my eyes, such a beautiful, heart touching, holy sentiment...
CHRISTMAS. Correct me if I'm wrong, but what happened to "peace on earth, goodwill to men," "Joy To The World," love and hope and glad tidings?
OK, look, this assbag has been in the press before, most notably for praying at his pulpit for President Obama's death, celebrating the Pulse Nightclub massacre, and for being banned from the United Kingdom, and many countries in Africa for his heinous, extremist views. The Southern Poverty Law Center lists his church as a hate group - today's feelings about gay people not exactly making history in his strip mall "church".
But, you know, before I unpack his suitcase of idiocy and hate, I want you to invest two minutes and watch him say the above words. Not because I think you won't believe me, but because I want you to listen to the reactions of his flock.
These pig fuckers are laughing. Yes, pig fuckers. Anyone who would sit in a pew and not only listen to this call for murder, but laugh and Amen it? PIG. FUCKERS.
The ignorance he preaches from is a deep well. Does he not understand that AIDS is an equal opportunity disease?. That HIV does not discriminate, or is he still preaching from the 80s when even our own government laughed at the disease that was killing thousands of its citizens.
His slur of "homos" is sickening. And as he slings it, he is being cheered on by a bunch of self righteous, equally stupid, holier than thou CHRISTIANS.
Yes, CHRISTIANS.
Do not even attempt to rebut that important piece of the puzzle. I don't want to hear the tired, "Oh, they're not REAL Christians" bullshit. Those mouthbreathers, just like the intellect deficient Westboro clowns, would stand up and shout that YOU are not REAL CHRISTIANS.
This "church" - Faithful Word Baptist Church - is just as legitimate as yours. They are tax exempt, just like yours. They sing hymns, just like yours. They use the Bible, just like yours. They quote from it just like yours. And they deign to hold the keys to salvation - JUST LIKE YOURS.
Yes, that particular sermon caught on video was three years ago, but what Christianity has been slowly devolving into is simply sickening. It is being turned into some foul, sinister, mental illness that seeks to strike out at everything and everyone they do not understand, all the while hiding behind the robes of Jesus - a Jewish SOCIALIST if there ever was one. Seriously, Jesus would never make it past the threshold of many a church in this world, so warped and vile and self serving are the tenets. Jesus would be cast out for having darker skin. That hippie length hair he sports in all the paintings just would not do. Where's his Rolex? Private jet? Designer suit? Fancy robes? Jaunty hat? And his jabbering on about loving one another would get him labeled a bleeding heart libtard in a heartbeat.
That this kind of dangerous sermon was being delivered three weeks before Christmas, and is being trumpeted by him again? How in holy hell can this be defended on any level? Why aren't ALL decent Christians loudly calling this out? Is there not one soul in this strip mall messiah's flock that has the bravery, the heart, the HUMANITY to call him out?
Rhetorical question. Of course not.
How many "decent people" sit in pews every week and listen to their ministers, priests, preachers, imams, rabbis speak with flowery or fiery contempt for other humans? How many of you disagree with things being preached but ignore it because you like your church family? How many excuses do you buy for your church?
Now, I want you to look back at how I started this piece. How I spoke of being trapped in having to go for 8 years beyond my being done with it. Now, think about the hundreds of thousands of LGBTQIA kids, in this nation alone, who are trapped in pews where this kind of poison is freely spewed, where the congregation chants back the Amens, the Praise, Jesus!, the laughter.
It happens in your churches. You know it does. It may be subtle, but it happens in more churches than not. That self hate is ingrained by the spiritual leaders, that the feeling of hopelessness experienced so acutely by so many young teens is taken and turned up to eleven.
It is simply unconscionable, unforgivable.
Calling for the execution of all gay people by Christmas Day. If ever the words "and Jesus wept" were apt, this is it.
I don't know what I believe in these days. I know I do not believe in looking up for answers to problems we have created ourselves. I do not believe in having anyone's chosen set of stories dictating the governance of our nation. I do not believe that Jesus would sanction the bile spewed by Anderson today. And each day, I find it harder and harder to believe in people.
Because make no mistake - politicians have co-opted religion as some sort of litmus test of worthiness, and preachers like Franklin Graham, Jim Bakker, Joel Osteen, Pat Robertson, and on and on, are slowly ratcheting up the rhetoric, little by little letting their followers know it is OK to hate, OK to view others as lesser, not worthy, damned. And they are led by the least Christian cretin of all - a self admitted sack of shit named Donald Trump.
And the people populating the pews are getting the message, buying the bile they are selling. Turning garden variety ignorance, racism, bigotry into aggressive, dangerous thoughts that can easily become actions. Whether it is a parent continuing the torment of their gay child at home because the preacher said so, or easily flung slurs in the grocery line because the latest sermon was some MAGAT infested screed about Real Americans, or some parishioner who just needed permission from the pulpit to start murdering gay people - the shift is happening.
The boiling frog is real. Yes, the boiling frog.
The boiling frog is a parable about how if you put a frog in tepid water, slowly increasing the temperature one degree at a time, it will not perceive the danger and will be cooked to death.
This is what is happening. One degree at a time, norms are being redefined, words are getting more aggressive, actions getting bolder. And far too many in society are that frog in the tepid water not understanding, or refusing to acknowledge that something bad is happening.
We should do better. We MUST do better.
People have even become inured to the reminder of the Holocaust. I get it, it is difficult to wrap your mind around something that massive, that horrific possibly taking place in the 21st century, but here's the thing - that did not start with a BANG. It started with a whimper of sorts. A very slow, methodical erosion of civility; a repeated chorus of us vs them, them being blamed for all us's ills. Add in some grotesque form of "patriotism" and a push for a stronger land. Repeat the part of them being responsible, broken, corrupting. And then slowly begin attacking those people, cleansing the land of those people.
My son is transgender. Many people are gay, bi, asexual, and on and on. You know what any of that truly means? Or do you just listen to what you're told by your pastor, your favorite politician, your chosen TV pundit? Far too many already do not even consider my son human. I assure you he is. Crawl out from behind your Bible, your MAGA hat, that flag you profess to hold so dear, grab some of your personal agency back to think for yourself, and look at him. He is just the same as you and me - happy, sad, loves a good movie, puppies, crescent rolls. He wants what you want - what I want - to just live in safety, peace, pursue his ambitions, enjoy his life. He is you. He is me. Just like every other person who does not happen to fall on the spectrum where you do.
Wait, I take that back.
He is different. They are different. Because they endure the Hell on earth other people create for them. Because they have to live in a world where preachers call for their murders, where people laugh and want them dead for the mere sin of simply trying to live.
What a world we live in. Again, we MUST do better.
But until we decide to start, someone pass Jesus the Kleenex...
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