Don't Get Me Started with Linda Sharp

Do You Still Not Get It?

I am tired.  Not simply because I stayed awake into the small hours watching, waiting, refreshing my feeds as the Senate tried yet again to push through a healthcare bill that would only serve to make people sicker.  A bill that would provide wealthcare to the rich via tax breaks, and financial devastation, illness, and death to we peasants.

Even when the vote finally took place and three GOP senators voiced their No's, thus killing the "skinny repeal," sleep still did not come easy.  It is hard to drift off when fear adrenaline has been coursing through your veins for hours.  

So yes, I am physically tired this morning.

I am also emotionally wrung out.  Resisting is as much psychological as it is physical.  Resisting for people who don't know they should also be resisting only serves to make the act that much more draining.

This morning I am weary.  I am pensive.  Several months ago I sat here and typed the title What Will It Take?  That piece, addressed to Trump supporters, has been read by just under 1 million people so far, with more finding it, sharing it each day.  What Will It Take was spurred by the egregious behavior and acts demonstrated by the sitting POTUS at that point.  I asked because it is stymying how any decent person can watch the wholesale dismantling of all that makes this country worth defending, yet still defend the person doing the damage.

This morning, in the light of another day that dawned with so many people's lives literally having hung in the balance in the middle of the night, I ask the question to his supporters:  Do You Still Not Get It?

Trump has no plans.  Just as he had no plans during the campaign cycle.  He had personality.  He had hubris.  He had that "Fuck 'em" bravado that seems to draw the easily led into line.  Think back to the bully on your playground.  Think about how so many tried to curry favor for fear of being his target.  That's you.

I get that his campaign rallies were fun times for you - tribalism is like that.  Feeling that you are part of the gang is nestled deep in the human psyche.  No man is an island, and all.  

I can understand your frustrations that led you to his side.  Feeling powerless, small, voiceless.  Suddenly this big brute of a man comes along promising you the world - his version of it anyway - playing to your fears, promising you he will make it all better.  I get it.  When you don't truly understand how anything works - and governance is a big one - it is easy to be swept up in someone telling you they will take care of everything.

But what you did not get then is that your thirst to stick it to the libtards, or to the the first half black man who dared to be POTUS,  or to everything you purport to hate but do not understand blinded you to the fact that Trump never said ANYTHING.

Nothing substantive.  Nothing that could be backed up with data, carefully thought out plans, workable approaches to problems.  All he offered you was bombast and word salads even more lacking in intellectual croutons than anything Sarah Palin ever served up.  

He promised you the world, and you bought it.  You did not ask questions.  You did not care that he displayed a complete lack of understanding of the position to which he was applying.  You looked right past his targeting of entire groups of human beings because he was not targeting you.

Last night you were targeted.  While you slept, you, your parents, your friends, your children all had targets on your heads.  Last night millions were in the gun sights of a chamber full of snipers eager to take the kill shots that would make Trump love them.  YOU DID NOT MATTER.

Do you still not get it?

If you drifted off secure in thinking that your insurance is through your job so this is of no consequence to YOU, let me enlighten you on that score.  The CBO clearly stated that the "skinny repeal" would not only terrorize tens of millions by throwing them off their healthcare insurance obtained through the ACA, but would affect at least 6 million people who are insured through work.  Tell me, how can you pour your kid's cornflakes this morning and not care about that?  You demonstrated how capricious and don't-give-a--shit you are about other people with your vote.  Are you truly that tied to Trump tribalism that you will play Russian roulette with your child's life?

Pre-existing conditions are not the sole domain of Democrats, yet you act like you cannot be touched.  That is as laughable as behaving like liberals are the only ones who get abortions.  Sorry, but your conservative church pews are full of what you like to call "baby killers."

The GOP efforts towards this action had a 17% approval rating.  17%.  Yet they moved forward behind closed doors, in darkness, and without a care because they do not care.  Not about me.  Not about you.  You, my dear Trump voter, were simply a means to an end.  A way into power.  

How do you still not get that your party finds your fears, creates a target for them, and then plays on those fears to get your votes, promising you that only THEY can protect you from the boogey men in the night?

THEY ARE THE BOOGEY MEN IN THE NIGHT.

So many of you have protested loudly that you are not racist, not bigots, phobes of all ilk, that your vote for Trump had nothing to do with those things.  Fine, you want me to cut you some slack here?  At the very least, you are guilty by association.  You heard it all, you saw it all, yet you proudly donned a MAGA hat or Fuck Your Feelings t-shirt and went along with it.  You drove the getaway car in this theft.

And you have left a nation reeling.

This past week alone, your efforts have endangered tens of millions of fellow Americans.  Not just the LGBTQIA community which has been assaulted yet again by Sessions who sees no need for protections in the workplace; not just because my transgender son woke up two days ago having been targeted as unfit and a disruption by his nation's POTUS.  No, not just that community.  Your efforts endangered the entire American community.  

And that includes you.

Do you still not get that you are being targeted?  I don't care how bootstrappy you may like to think yourself, most of us are one healthcare crisis away from ruin.  And when that happens, Trump is not going to give a shit.  Hell, he does not give a shit about you today any more than he did a year ago.  He is what he has always been - a slick, smarmy conman with criminal connections, who cares only about two things:  Himself & Money.  That's it, that's all.  Anyone my age or older has been aware of his existence since the 80s.  His track record for malfeasance, cheating, scheming, illicit behavior is public knowledge.

Yet you looked past it because?  Was winning that important to you?  

It is mindboggling to me the mental origami his base is performing to still defend him.  There is no there to defend.  The investigations into, and connections he has to Russia are real, no matter how badly you want to believe otherwise.  Read his recent interview with the NYT and defend any portion of it as making any sense.  You can't.  It is a disjointed collection of half thoughts, red meat catchphrases, and creations of his own mind.

He is not the mental giant you want him to be.  He doesn't know more than the generals.  He does not have some secret plan to defeat ISIS in 30 days.  He is golfing weekly at your expense.  He does not understand how a bill becomes a law.  He Tweets continuously and embarrassingly into the night.  

Exactly what are you defending?

I suspect for many of you - you are defending yourselves from having to admit you were hoodwinked.  I get that, too.  No one likes to admit they were wrong, especially about something so big.  But you were.  

Finally, ask yourselves this.  Why were you, and are you, still so quick to believe, wholesale, every heinous thing ever bandied about Hillary Clinton (see child sex ring in the basement of a pizza parlor THAT DOES NOT HAVE A BASEMENT), yet refuse to even pay attention to the egregious actions and behaviors - all provable - of Trump?  Seriously, reverse any ONE thing he has done or is being investigated for, replace the word Hillary for Trump, and ask yourselves how you would be reacting.  

We already know.  Benghazi ring a bell?

You would be calling for her head in a KFC bucket.

Just because you do not like a piece of information does not make it "FAKE NEWS!"  What it does is make you look like the imbecile you are still supporting.

And he simply does not deserve your support, your loyalty, your life.  Oh, he'll take it all right.  But he will not give any back.  Take a good hard look at this picture.  This is a man who has never been one of you, understands one of you, cares about one of you, even wants to be touched by one of you.  Trump believes that the winner is the one who dies with the most stuff.  And if you die while he takes yours, that's fine with him.

Do you still not get it?

Transplaining 101: sM*A*S*Hing The Klinger Meme

Mansplaining, as a term, entered our vernacular as a way to label the condescending talk "down" many men like to do to women.  Like trying to lecture a woman about female reproduction.  That's a frequent one.  Mansplaining is most often laughable, barren of facts, and based solely in opinion or myths learned via the locker room.

Now, if a man wants to school me in something completely male related?  Fine.  Mansplain away.  I like learning.  Teach me something I don't know.  Expanding my knowledge is the best way to get my attention, activate my advocacy, and alter previous behaviors that may have unintentionally been offensive.

Which brings me to transplaining.

Since our son came out as transgender, and we as a family agreed to publicly step into the light, I have done much in the way of transplaining.  Our stepping forward was with the hope that we could educate others, offer support, bring attention and advocacy, and yes, "alter previous behaviors that may have unintentionally been offensive."

We have been completely open about our journey with our son, the medical steps being taken, how they are taken.  Stressing that transitioning is different for each person.  That the steps are not haphazard or capricious, but deliberate and thoughtful.  And always reinforcing the big one:  Transgender people are just that, PEOPLE.

Yesterday, this nation's sitting POTUS not only marginalized the entire transgender community by declaring in a series of Tweets that they are unfit to serve in our military - being disruptions and all - but reducing transgender people to a stereotype.  Mentally defective, unreliable, weak.

While I was heartened to see even GOP representatives call him out for this wrongheaded, fact-free stance, the damage has been done.  Trump plays into the irrational fears, tropes, and ignorance of his base.  Hell, even those outside his base are susceptible to this type of tribal politics if it touches on an area - like transgender people - that someone doesn't understand or has preconceived and wrong notions about.  One need only look at the support for bathroom bills.  Find a fear, create a "danger," target a community, lemmings fall in line.

Being a lemming is much easier than being an eagle, always searching, soaring, looking for new food for the mind.

This morning I woke to a Facebook feed full of memes and Googled pictures of Klinger from the 70s series, M*A*S*H.  If you are unfamiliar, Klinger was in the military and dressed like this:

And this:

And this:

Klinger had an endless supply of costumes and women's finery.  And it was funny. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  I loved M*A*S*H, I loved Klinger.

The problem with these pictures going up this morning is that they are now being used as some humorous way to say, "Hey, look!  Transgender people have even been in the TV "military" for decades."

Here's the problem.  Klinger was not transgender.  Not even close.

As I wrote this morning on FB:

As the mother of a transgender son, I ask you to educate yourself. Hell, I will implore you, get on my f**king knees and beg you. EDUCATE YOURSELVES.

I am shocked at those who purport to be staunch allies and advocates posting this garbage this morning. IT'S NOT FUNNY. IT'S NOT EVEN REMOTELY ACCURATE. IT IS OFFENSIVE. IT REINFORCES DANGEROUS AND SIMPLISTIC STEREOTYPES. AND IT IS PROFOUNDLY IGNORANT.

Klinger was NOT transgender. He was dressing in women's clothing to get a Section 8 and be sent home. Pics like this do a complete disservice to actual transgender people. They are not cross dressers, or some sitcom punchline.

A Section 8  would have discharged Klinger as mentally unfit, but that was ok with him, because it also meant he would get to go home.  His ruse was to dress consistently outlandishly to win the discharge.  Which never happened, but it made for great sight gags throughout the run of M*A*S*H.

So more transplaining...

The negative and wrong stereotypes that currently exist include transgender people being unstable, dangerous, pedophiles, perverts, monsters.  Trump would have you believe that they are unfit to serve because of their medical needs - which I transplained in yesterday's piece, are minimal.  And for those just catching up - the military spends five times the money on Viagra as it would on transgender medical services.

Klinger was playacting, plain and simple.  Not even truly cross dressing in any sexually fulfilling sense of the term.  Anyone who watched the show knows that the character was straight up straight.  And even if his character had been doing it for some sexual gratification, gender and sexuality are two completely different things.  Klinger was, quite simply, a series long punchline.

Transgender people are not punchlines.  They are not crossdressers.  They are not Klinger, not even remotely.

And they are not a danger to the military.  That only exists in Trumps' and equally small minds in this country.

If you are an advocate, you need to actually understand those for whom you are advocating.  The fact that so many have been posting Klinger this morning tells me that you still have some blanks needing filled in  If you fully understood, you would never have hit the share or upload button.  You would immediately understand why it is harmful and dangerous.

I get it.  Hell, I even admitted it when I first wrote about Toby being trans.  Advocacy is easy.  This is something different.  When something becomes the very fabric of your life, you begin to truly understand it, learn about it in the deepest ways.  It stops being fadvocacy - the "Hey look!  My heart is big and I changed my Facebook profile picture!"  And it begins to take shape as real people, real emotions, the real dangers they face daily.

No, I do not think those who showed up in my feed with Klinger this morning are bad people.  Quite the opposite.  I think they are good people, hell, GREAT people, who simply need another page filled in and turned in their ever expanding notebook of knowledge.

I promise you, I still have miles to go in this regard before I sleep, as it were.  But in this case, I do know more, understand more, am living more - and as I typed:  As the mother of a transgender son, I ask you to educate yourself. Hell, I will implore you, get on my f**king knees and beg you. EDUCATE YOURSELVES.

It is the only way we make true progress.

Class dismissed.

GET HIM OUT

So this is how Trump greeted the day.

These are the tweeted words from the reprobate sitting in our nation's highest office.  

These are the words that show he has zero understanding of the word transgender.  Zero comprehension of transitioning.  No desire to educate himself about the human beings who are transgender.

He just has bigotry, willful ignorance, and HATE.

In these Tweets he has confirmed that in his eyes, entire swaths of people are, well, not people.  It has been Hispanics, Muslims, black people, and now it is transgender people. 

My son is not a "disruption" or some drain on resources. He is a human being with intelligence, compassion, and more bravery than this POS will ever understand.  Every single day my son wakes up in a society that disparages him, threatens him.  Every day there is another story of a transgender murder as some shitbrained hetero lets loose on them for feeling "hoodwinked."  

And today he wakes up to the President of the United States issuing a very plain statement that he and every transgender person is a disruption and a financial drain, therefore unfit to serve in this nation's military.  

This completely strips away the humanity, the bravery, the intelligence, the patriotism of those transgender citizens who are in the military currently, or who may have been planning on joining.

Fine.  If this orange shit stain doesn't want my son, I'm glad.  Was Toby planning on signing up?  No, his plans lay another direction.  But at this rate, with a temper tantrum toddler running the show, I would not want him in the military.  Toby, OR ANY SOLIDER, is not a disposable chess piece. He is not a pawn to be sacrificed for the king in some game.

So what happens?  As of 2014, approximately 15,500 transgender individuals were proudly, actively serving in the military.  With an estimated 150,000 having served before.  Are they discharged now?  Stripped of their veteran status?  Poof.  Sorry, but you give our POTUS oogies so take your patriotism and get the fuck out?

For those who truly have zero grasp on the costs of transitioning?  I'll help you out.

First of all, there is NO ONE SET PATH.  Some people simply dress to pass.  Some choose HRT.  Some opt for surgeries.  And some do nothing but survive.

Toby has been in therapy for two years.  OUR DIME.  NO INSURANCE COVERAGE.  $120 per session, currently twice a month

Toby has been on HRT for a year+.  OUR DIME.  NO INSURANCE COVERAGE. $55 a month

Toby has had top surgery.  OUR DIME.  NO INSURANCE COVERAGE.  $7800

That last one?  We are thankful as can be that we could afford to help pay for this necessary step, a step that was as much emotional as it was physical.  It was a one time expense.  Not some recurring demand on our resources.

As for the other two, there are no more draining expenses as there are with a serving soldier who needs therapy for depression, PTSD.  Or medication to control any number of other issues.  I am more concerned with the spike in active duty soldiers on psychotropics, which are readily dispensed.  That is far more alarming than my son's small tube of compound cream.

Oh, and because facts are fun:  

The military spends five times as much on Viagra as it would on transgender troops’ medical care

Anyone who believed Trump when he held up a PRIDE flag at one of his rallies last year is an idiot.  A stone cold, depressingly gullible idiot.  He has surrounded himself with bigots, science deniers, religious zealots, and proven imbeciles (see DeVos and Perry and well, all of them).  He and his cadre of power teat sucklers view the entire LGBTQIA with disdain, as less than.

Anyone who has in the past poo poo'd my fears for my child can step the fuck off.  Anyone who voted for Trump, third party, or wrote in Harambe or Spongebob and wondered why you no longer have a place in my life?  You had a hand in this.  Understand yet?  What more do you need to see happening to understand what it means to be targeted?  Don't answer, I know.  Until YOU have a target on your back, you don't give a shit.  First they came for...

What he has stated today is so far beyond the pale. This is not a Commander-In-Chief. It is a Commander-In-Thief - he has stolen all honor, dignity, and respect from the office of POTUS and thrown it away.  He does represent ALL citizens, only those who cheer his name at his continued Fluff-The-POTUS Rallies (like the one last night when he stated he should be on Mt. Rushmore.  I'm not kidding.)

At this point, I only have one thing to say.  Robert Mueller, please move faster.

GET. HIM. OUT.

They Simply Do Not Care

Like so many involved, engaged citizens (and there are more than ever these dark days), I watched as the show played out on the Senate floor.  Yes, show.  That's truly all it was.  Theater, smoke and mirrors, the illusion of democracy in action.

What were they voting on?  How the hell should I know?  Even GOP senators are on the record as saying they have no idea what is in the cauldron brewed up by Mitch McConnell and his Stygian witches.  No CBO score.  No peeks.  Nothing.  Just "Trust us, you'll love it.  23-36 million other people won't, but here, have a billion dollars for your state and another mill for your re-election campaign."

It's no surprise that bribes "sweeteners" were offered to those who publicly claimed to be "concerned," "thinking about it."  Hell, the POTUS even was on TV threatening the job of one of them.  So, in the end, what is a soulless, Jell-O spined, self interested grifter supposed to do?  Poor things.

All Democrats voted against moving forward.  Only TWO Republicans - Collins and Murkowski - voted against.  

Yes, that means even John McCain, fresh off his I-Have-Brain-Cancer sympathy inundation, voted for this.  Again, whatever the fuck THIS is.  He, cosseted by wealth and insurance, flew in and voted YES to getting one step closer to gutting the ACA and condemning tens of millions in the process.

As I wrote on FB earlier:

I am almost beyond words. The vote that took place puts us one step closer to threatening, endangering, ENDING the lives of millions and millions and MILLIONS of citizens. My dearest friend is ALIVE because the ACA made it possible for her to get insurance which made it possible for her to have NINE tumors removed from her head.

And do not sit back all complacent because you have employer provided insurance. That is just as much in the gun sights.

Even with insurance, the vast majority of people in this country are literally one unexpected health crisis or accident away from financial ruin.

Today was about party and power over citizenry and country. The GOP simply does not care about you or me. Their cowardly senators and congresspeople refuse to hold town halls for fear of having the truth shoved in their faces. They do not listen to the pleas of their constituents. They are in lockstep behind a corpulent orange power teat. It's time to storm the castle, folks...

Was the Affordable Care Act ever the best answer?  No, but we knew that going in.  BECAUSE WE WERE ALLOWED TO SEE IT, READ IT, DEBATE IT.  But for all its flaws, it helped millions obtain insurance whether through the exchange system or expanded Medicare.  People are alive today because of those two things.

Take a look at your own life, your own bank account.  What happens if you are in an accident?  Go to the doctor for a check-up and find out you have cancer?  Hell, what happens if your baby is born premature?  Your 10 year old soccer player tears his ACL?  

Devastation.

Even with insurance, the vast majority of people in this country are literally one unexpected health crisis or accident away from financial ruin.

What's your plan when your aged mom or dad needs assisted living?  You'd better plan on being the one doing the assisting because as finances drain, they are also gleefully pulling back on Medicaid.  The GOP controlled house's budget proposal moves to partially privatize Medicare and guts social programs such as food stamps.  Over 4.4 TRILLION DOLLARS.

That there is any support among citizens for this owes more to a base conditioned to having a Pavlovian response to the word Obama and more interested in erasing it from the history books, than in actually educating themselves about how their lives will be affected.  Sure, there are some whose eyes are finally, begrudgingly opening to the reality that they let their love of tribalism, bigotry, bombast, and their own ignorance con them into this deadly dead end.  But not enough. What will open more is the pain coming down the pike straight at them. 

And if the GOP finally manages, after 61 tries, to repeal the ACA and make these drastic cuts - poor people will be the first to feel it.  And there are A LOT of poor people who vote for these cretins.  Hell, there are still a lot of people - poor, comfy, rich - who don't know that the ACA and Obamacare are the same thing.

We are already a country with the teeth of a third world nation.  So many insurance programs do not include dental insurance, ergo, so many citizens cannot even afford basic check-ups, being forced into the chair only when the pain is excruciating, and the only option is pulling the tooth.  Two years ago it was reported that the number of people seeking help in an ER for "long delayed dental care" had doubled since 2000.  They are not getting dental care in an ER.  They are getting pain management.

The ACA made dental coverage for children a required benefit but did not go far enough in including adults.

Nearly one in four (24 percent of) adults who were insured for a full year reported not getting needed dental care during the year due to affordability issues. While those with lower to middle incomes were most likely to have trouble affording this care, even among adults with incomes at or above 250 percent of poverty,it was still the most common type of care that they had to forgo because they could not afford it. - FamiliesUSA

That's just dental care.  How often do people put off seeing a doctor, hoping away symptoms, doing the "it's not so bad...yet" thing?  

I get it.  Our healthcare has been monetized to the point that we literally are nothing more than a line item on a spreadsheet.  A spreadsheet with the sole purpose of having a very healthy bottom line for investors, insurers, drug companies.

We are a means to an end, and quite frankly, if we don't finally get mean, it will be our end.

It is time to rise up and remind them all who they work for.  US.  Not lobbyists.  Not the Koch brothers.  Not Trump.  All of them, including the Human Hubris machine work for us.

If we wait till they wheel out McConnell's cauldron and dump his sickening brew over us all, it will be too late.  People will die.  Babies, toddlers, kids, teenagers, millennials, baby boomers, senior citizens - WILL DIE.

We do not have to wait.  We have to organize.  For ourselves.  For each other.  

Take a good look at how things have transformed since 1/20/17.  We do not have a democratic republic.  We have a dynasty (key word NASTY).  We have a dictatorship.  We have a banana republic.  We have a monarchy.  And those within?  They simply do not care about us.

It's time to storm the castle...

Saying Goodbye To Our Little Ro

I have watched.  I have consoled.  I have offered condolences over the miles.  I have felt the pain of the loss, but always at least one degree removed.

I have written about the loss of others' precious furry family members.  And I thought I got it.  I thought I would be ready.  

But like so much in life.  There is knowing, and there is knowing.

And until last night, I simply didn't know.

What I have always called "the deal with the devil" - the pact into which you enter when you allow a pet into your life, your heart, the fabric of every sunrise, sunset; the agreement that states, should life go according to plan, you will have to say goodbye at some indeterminate moment down the road - I knew the rules, but I did not have any way of truly knowing the cost.

Last night I learned.  Last night I paid.  As did Culley, Kendall, Toby, Rudy, the grandrents, my sister, and anyone who has had the privilege of spending time with our baby girl, Oreo.

After almost 14 years of giving us love, laughter, frustrations, and the need for an ever present lint brush supply, we had to say goodbye.

And we are at a loss today - awash in pain one moment, silent smiles the next as we scroll through our phones, so full are they with pictures of a dog that was always smiling.

Oreo came into our lives because we needed hermit crab food.  Let that sink in.

Yeah, we were those people.  

Walking into a Petland, prepared to spend $5, we walked out an hour later with much less money and a 1 pound 4 ounce ball of black and white fluff.

It was not a hard decision for the kids to name her Oreo.

And while I now know that buying from a pet store only perpetuates the horrendous puppy mill industry, a mistake I will never make again, we have not a single regret about how she came into our lives.  She was meant to be a Sharp, and she was as lucky to find us as we were to dimwittingly decide on the spur of a face lick that "Hey, we need a dog!"

And what a dog she has been.  I was blessed to have a sister whose dogs have always been the most polite, well behaved, secure animals you could meet.  Kim came to visit, and with her help and guidance, she taught us how to build an amazing canine companion - socializing, making her understand she was NOT the alpha, getting her acclimated to sights, sounds, textures.  I will never forget building a tunnel from two chairs, a sheet, and a floor of aluminum foil, coaxing her through with an endless supply of treats.

Kim taught me crate training - that it was not cruel, but comforting.  She taught me and I taught Oreo - consistency, commands, a vocabulary that would include the big words like WALK, TREAT, BYE BYE, and family words like baby (for each new cat addition), out, front (to get her to come immediately), tell me! (bark, bark, bark), Auntie Dip (Kim), Grandma Jerri and Grandpa Rudy (her couch companions), Unclepap (an endless supply of treats), Grandma Marilyn (Ro loved her shoes).  And of course, the never ending supply of nicknames:  Ro, Pooh bear, Pooba Doo, Sunbear, Rufus, Little Bitch (so named by Toby after pooping her crate and needing a bath at 6am when I was out of town),  Ro Ro, Shithead (pronounced ShiTHEED), My Pokemon, Pooter, Poot, Pupper,  Borf, and whatever other sounds fell out of our faces at the time.  After all, it was the tone of the voice, not the name that she immediately understood.

Culley loved teaching her to roll over, lay down, come, sit, stay - her patience was a bottomless well, and Oreo worshipped her.  She was carried and loved and cuddled, and encouraged.  And before we knew it, we literally could not remember life without her in it.  

She was a Sharp.  She loved her people endlessly.  She cared for us when we were under the weather, just knowing.  If you sat near her, she would need to put one paw on you - your leg, your foot, your arm - didn't matter - just to feel connected.  

Kendall called her Sunbear - and between them existed a love that miles could not disrupt.  Kendall would Facetime just to talk to her, go on walks with us.   Oreo would light up even brighter when Kendall would come home for a weekend.  And Kendall would hear nothing of her growing older, her reply always being, "She's going to live forEVER."

And then there was her relationship with Rudy.  Oy.  She loved her Daddy.  When he was around her feet barely had to touch the ground.  He was her Paris Hilton.  Her year spent living with him at Gateway was wonderful for them both.  She loved just watching TV with him at the end of the day, and he adored her company.

Toby has always been her Mowgli.  Toby is like that with pretty much every animal he meets, but with Oreo, he was a best friend.  She was forever patient as he would dress her up, make her crowns, take picture after funny picture of them together.  And it was Toby who was with her when the first seizure struck earlier this year.

Rushing her to the vet, xrays, exam - soon we knew she also had an enlarged heart.  Medication became part of the routine - anti-seizure three times a day, heart twice a day.  Toby and I used our normal sleep patterns - me taking the early shift, him giving her the final pilling of the night.

We did what people and pets do - we adjusted to our new normal, and life went on.  Oreo loved getting little balls of cheese three times a day (only way she would take the damned pills), we created a hallway barrier to the litter boxes so she could not indulge in her truly favorite treat: cat "fish sticks" and blocked off the bottom step so she would not wear herself out trying to go up them.

And she was doing good.  Living for her walks twice a day, loving the new stairs we bought to help her get up on to her favorite spot - the couch, eating well, smiling, happy.

Until a week ago.

The quick coughing that had usually been an indicator of brief over excitement, grew in length.  By this past Monday, the only relief was when she was passed out on the tile.  I knew she was in distress and took her in.  Her vet of 11 years gave her a sedative to help pull her out of the cough spiral in which she was stuck, xrayed her, and determined that her trachea had collapsed (sadly common in small breed dogs).  Every breath in and out was a struggle for her.  And given her age, and other health issues, surgery simply was not an option.

We left that day with a syringe of sedative (in case she got caught in a cycle again), and the loving, but honest words from Dr. U that we were coming to the piece of road when we would need to be making that decision.

But my heart still believed Kendall - She's going to live forEVER!

Vets, pet care specialists, pet owners who have walked this awful road will all tell you that you will just know.  That your pet will know, will telegraph to you that it is time.

It's true.

As Toby and I hovered all this past week, we noted every thing that was somehow different.  Even without sedatives, she would simply lay on the cool tile, never once going near the couch.  Even the smallest movements - stretching, walking to get water, go out to potty, would trigger her coughing, gagging, fighting for air.  In the backyard, she started to seem lost, unfocused.

And then yesterday, she would not eat.  Not even her favorite roasted chicken.  Not even her coveted balls of cheese pills.  She lay on the tile, not asleep, just staring.   By yesterday afternoon, I lay on the tile next to her, talking to her, listening to her breath pattern that was just different.

And looking into her little Milk Dud eyes.  Her gaze said, "Please, Mommy, help me."

I hollered for Toby, called the vet, and we went in.  We both just knew, even before the doctor listened to her lungs.  We knew.  It was time.

And love has never had such a high price tag in our lives.

We had always promised her that we would never let her suffer.  That we would make it hard for us, not her.  That we would be brave enough to say goodbye.

Through tears, Toby and I called everyone to let them know, to put them on speakerphone so she could hear them one last time.  It was heartbreaking.

When they gave her the first sedative shot, and inserted the catheter, we held her in a blanket and Facetimed Culley and Kendall.  Through tears they poured out their love to her.   Her eyes, so ready to fall asleep, stayed open as she heard two of her favorite people saying her name, speaking their love.

Finally, cradled between the two of us, the doctor asked if we were ready.  I know we nodded, and she pushed the final medication into the tube.  As she drifted off, I said her favorite words to her, "Mommy's got the baby, Mommy's got the baby" - the reassuring words her alpha would whisper anytime she was sick or recovering from anything, as I would stand and hold her like a baby, doing the mommy rock back and forth.  Toby told her over and over what a good pupper she was and that it was just time to "go bye bye." 

It was the most beautiful, awful moment of our lives.

And then she was gone.  

Her tiny tongue, always so pink that Toby called it "Tuna tongue" went white.  And in her final offering, all that she had left to give, she peed on Toby.

Through our overwhelming grief and tears flowing like a river, she gave us the gift of one last laugh.

We stayed and held her for a while, marveling at how tiny she is, how peaceful she now was.  And then, arrangements for cremation made, we kissed her one last time, and went home.

Walking into the house, the first thing I encountered was the barrier to the litter boxes, and I dissolved.  I fell against the wall and just sobbed.  There was no need for the wall of stuff anymore.  Not the one there, not the one at the bottom of the staircase.

Sleep was not easy, and I found myself wandering the house at 130am, swearing I could FEEL her, that every dark shadow was her.

This morning, opening the refrigerator, the first thing I saw was her cheese.  I again dissolved.

Because today I KNOW.  I know the price.  I know the pain.  I know I will "see" her everywhere for a long while to come.  But I also know that she needed Toby and I to love her as much as we did, to know her as much as we did, in order to help her go.

For 14 years she loved us as hard as we loved her, just as unconditionally.  Her love, her presence, her smile was a gift.  What will remain of her body will stay with us in a box on the mantle, but as for everything that truly was Oreo?  Well, Kendall was right, she will live in our hearts forever.

Rest in peace, sweet baby girl.  The Rainbow Bridge is waiting for you.

 

 

 

Complacent = Complicit: A PSA About Skin Cancer

These days we hear the words complacent and complicit thrown around a lot.  And rightfully so.  Given the goings on in our politics, and the blatant ineptitude of our sitting POTUS, being complacent when you are in the position to effect change = being complicit in all the embarrassing, ignorant, and horrifying behaviors taking place.

Now, writing Donald Trump pieces is like turning on the faucet - they flow out quite easily.  So while I could sit here and pound out another 1,000 words about his latest foibles on the international stage (Poland - ugh, oy vey), today's post regarding the twins complacent & complicit are a little closer to home.

My home.  My foibles.  My stupidity.  My complacency.  My owning being complicit.

I have skin cancer.  Again.

Now, that is not some unique, singular achievement.  My generation and those before it all have struggles with the fallout of growing up with no sunscreen, hideous sunburns, basting in the sun with cooking oil, and taking 30 minute naps in tanning beds.  My father has had over 40 skin cancers - all types - removed.  His dermatologist should have a frequent fryer program - Every 10th biopsy free!  My siblings have all had biopsies and removals.  I have had several in the past myself.

All of that is to say, I should know better.  I know what to look for.  I know I should be getting checked regularly.  And in this recent case, I knew, for a long time, that something was wrong.

I was complacent.

I watched it grow.  A bandaid became a morning routine as it began to leak.  But beyond that bandaid, I ignored it.

I was complicit in it getting worse.

I focused on other things, most especially my family.  Given the past two years of our lives and the revelations taking place, that was easy.  My priority has been them, not me.  Understand, that is not an excuse for my behavior.  Just one of the reasons I gave myself for letting one day slip into the next, one week slip into the next.

Complacent, complicit, complacent, complicit...

The past months, however, I have worried more and more.  My thoughts going to the darkest places - melanoma, cancer in my system, death.  Each Sunday night I would tell myself, "Tomorrow morning you WILL call the doctor and get an appointment."  Yet Friday afternoon would come and I had not yet made the call.

Humans are funny this way.  Not funny-ha-ha, but funny in how we behave and get caught in personal shit spirals.  Mine became:  I know this is bad, but if I go to the doctor I am going to find out it is bad so I won't go to the doctor to find out it is bad but it is getting worse but if I go to the doctor I will find out it is worse, and on and on...

Fast forward to the end of May.  The place on my upper thigh had grown, as had its place in my daily thoughts, my bad dreams, my sleepless nights.  So I finally took a deep breath, sat down at my computer, pulled up our new insurance and looked for a dermatologist who accepts our plan.  Like so many doctor choices done this way, I chose my new derm based on:  Hmmm, good school, nice picture.

Highly scientific, I know.  I am practically qualified to be Surgeon General in Trump's administration.

I dialed the number, made the call, and got an appointment.  The morning of my visit, I was beyond nervous.  Not just because I was worried about what a diagnosis would reveal, but because I was embarrassed.  

Yes, I freely admit I was embarrassed.  Anyone who has ever avoided the dentist till pain drives you to the chair, understands what I am talking about.

So, I sat in the exam room, gave some details to a nurse, then the doctor came in.  She was lovely, gentle, and I immediately crumbled.  I cannot remember all the words that tumbled out, or exactly when she handed me a Kleenex, but I sobbed out the past two years of my life, that I know I had ignored myself yet again, and that I was terrified.

She then looked at the spot on my upper thigh, along with two other areas.  She never changed her demeanor, stayed calm and reassuring, and did her best to ease my mind.  She and her assistant then took three biopsies.

The week between those and the phone call with the results dragged.  And I did what humans are wont to do - I worst case scenarioed.  I worried about leaving my family.  And I kicked my ass over and over and over.

Hearing the words "All three are basal" was accompanied by the Hallelujah chorus - well, at least it felt that way.  For the uneducated, in the world of skin cancer, being told it is basal is like winning the lottery.  The one on my arm, and the one on my abdomen - basal.  The dreaded one on my upper thigh - basal nodular - meaning deeper, but still workable.

The phone call ended with three appointments on the calendar - one surgery at a time, each two weeks apart.  I have had one so far - still sporting what resembles a mini c-section of stitches (about two inches across).  The next one takes place on the 11th when I will get these sutures removed and she will operate on my leg.

When I finally posted about the first surgery last week - as I was laying on my couch feeling the lidocaine wear off - people were wonderful and loving, but I also know they were surprised.  Mostly because for over a decade I have been pretty open here at DGMS about the day-to-day of the Sharp clan.  This time I had not written anything because, well, embarrassed, ashamed, and I know I am smarter than this.  

Well, as powerful as are those emotions, my desire to help others via being a cautionary tale is even more powerful, so here I am.  Telling you, begging you, pleading with you - check yourself, have someone check the parts you cannot easily see.  And like our global terrorism tagline goes:  If you see something, say something.

Skin cancer can be dealt with when caught early.  No, getting your skin shaved or cut out for a biopsy is not pleasant, but it is bearable.  Having the surgeries to completely remove a growing threat?  Not fun.  But so much better than the alternative. 

More than four million cases of basal cell carcinoma are diagnosed in the USA each year.  An estimated 87,110 new cases of invasive melanoma will be diagnosed in the U.S. in 2017. An estimated 9,730 people will die of melanoma in 2017. Melanoma accounts for less than one percent of skin cancer cases, but the vast majority of skin cancer deaths. - Most recent statistics from SkinCancer.org.  

I knew all this, and I still waited.  I'm an idiot.  I sit here and freely type that.  But if my admission of idiocy, my complacency that could have very well ended in my being complicit in a death sentence, encourages even one reader to disrobe, check themselves out, and then pick up the phone to a dermatologist, then it is worth the embarrassment I feel.

Please know that I appreciate the outpouring of love and support since I posted about this on FB a week ago, but also know that if you would like to kick my ass for waiting for so long, I am willingly bent over, and the line forms to the right.

Declaration of IndepenDUNCE

Our nation was built as much upon words as it was upon blood, sweat, tears, and the abuse of others who were brought here to shed their blood, sweat, and tears.  Our history is not pretty, there is much over which to be ashamed.  I am not of the mindset of, "Well, I never owned slaves, so I get to feel nothing about it."  Rather, I study, continue learning, and grasp that while I obviously never owned another human being, I am most certainly related to those who did.

Part of that studying is understanding, appreciating, and in some instances, even memorizing portions of our founding documents.  

Like so many of my generation, Schoolhouse Rock did more than insure I will never forget interjections!, Lolly's adverbs, how a bill becomes a law, or the preamble to the Constitution.  It ignited a love of learning.  It made things like the Declaration of Independence accessible, interesting to a young mind.  So I read, I learned more, and I grew up with a true appreciation for the words that helped form the freedoms we enjoy, the liberties we may pursue, the life one takes for granted in these United States.

I find history to not only be engaging, enthralling, infuriating, and exhilarating; I find it to be important.

Those who congregate on the right side of the aisle would have us believe that they, too, appreciate and strive to protect the words, the ideas and ideals set down by our founding fathers.  I mean, they like to invoke the whole "founding fathers" and "patriotism" thing at every turn to defend their often indefensible actions, right?

So one would think that when NPR took to Twitter on the 4th of July to tweet something, line by precious line, from our country's very formation, these patriots would put MAGA cap to chest, cheer, retweet, and hit that little heart icon.

Well, one would think that.  If these god fearin', Amurikuh lovin' souls actually had any grasp of their history.

Instead, as one line after another was Tweeted by NPR, they took umbrage, their outrage grew, and they attacked via 140 characters.  For what did they intuit, bless their hearts (dripping with Southern insincerity)?  Well, they took each line that was Tweeted as an attack by NPR on their Tangerine Hero.

Seriously.

Lines like these:

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.

He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.

He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.

He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.

And this gem:

He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:

Oh, how they took to Twitter to rattle their sabres, threaten the powers-that-be of NPR, and defend their King Donald against this maliciousness.

The problem is, these geniuses had zero understanding of what they were reading.  None.  These lines, ALL OF THE LINES, are about King George and his behavior that led to the colonies declaring their independence from his tyranny.

That's right.  These country loving, founding father worshipping, flag draped folks did not know they were reading the Declaration of Independence 140 characters at a time.

When their ignorance was pointed out to them, they did what these idiots always do, they got huffy, preachy, and indignant.  Then they took their Twitter balls and went home.  Some even erased the evidence of their profound fatuousness.  

Here's the thing, and why I am calling this out here...

We live in a time when we literally carry computers around in our pockets.  Information is right at our fingertips.  Can't remember the name of the rock band that elevator muzak came from?  Google.  Need a quick homemade brownie recipe?  Google.  Who was that actor in Die Hard 3?  Google.  I cannot understand the lyrics of Rob Thomas's new song.  Google.

Any question - GOOGLE GOOGLE GOOGLE GOOGLE GOOGLE.

There is nothing you cannot query, no information gap that you cannot attempt to fill.  So ignorance of this kind, in this day and age, IS AN ACTIVE, BELLIGERENT CHOICE.

These people think education is elite.  No, actually.  Education, continuing to learn things throughout life, is actually what life is about.  As the saying  goes, The more you know, the more you know.

They could have popped any of those lines into the Google search box, hit enter, and immediately, and privately, found out what a dunderhead they are.

But here's an even larger issue, dear Trump supporter.  Perhaps, just perhaps, if reading words set down by our founders about a maniacal, overbearing, loutish, power hungry tyrant immediately brought Donald Trump to mind, as well as elicited your kneejerk response to defend him against anything, perhaps you need to rethink your hero, and your brand of patriotism.

The truth is that there are an overwhelming number of lines in our Declaration that could have been written about the current Oval Office Golfer-In-Chief.  You recognizing those things, while not recognizing the source, should tell you that perhaps you already know you have hitched your wagon to an outhouse, not a star.

Now, after having to eat some humble pie in terms of your ignorance of the Declaration of Independence ON JULY 4th (Oh, the irony), it should not be that hard to go one teensy step further and ask yourself, "Perhaps there are other things I don't know?"  

Now, in asking yourself that question, and daring to fill that Google box with queries, you will find yourself scared, I know that.  It takes bravery to risk finding out you are wrong about something.  It also takes accepting that cognitive dissonance is actually your friend.  Because when that naggy feeling hits your gut and your head starts to hurt, that means you have rubbed something you think you know up against actual information that may change it.  It doesn't automatically mean it is FAKE NEWS! or lies.

Now, keep going.  And remember...

It is ok to be wrong.  Even about Donald Trump.  

He never deserved your vote to begin with, but he certainly has proven he does not deserve your continued allegiance now.

The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

Replace King of Great Britain with POTUS.  And then Google.  For the love of any God, and country - GOOGLE and start daring to learn.  Attempt the revolutionary act of risking being wrong.

If you actually hold truths to be self evident, then Let Facts be submitted to a candid world and your brain.  Our country depends on it. 

Free Dumb Isn't Free

Today we celebrate the birth of our nation.  The day when 13 colonies, via the Continental Congress, told England to take a flying leap, that we would do this thing on our own, and formally adopted the Declaration of Independence.

Our forefathers had already been in open conflict with England for a year when, on June 7, 1776, Richard Henry Lee of Virginia presented a resolution with these words: "Resolved: That these United Colonies are, and of right ought to be, free and independent States, that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain is, and ought to be, totally dissolved."

By July 4, 1776, the Declaration had been penned, and with minor modifications was voted into the fabric of this fledgling nation.

In order to truly wrench ourselves free, it took more than pen to parchment, however.  It took bravery, blood, sacrifice.

As the saying goes, Freedom Isn't Free.

Those three words have resounded through conflict after conflict as the years have rolled on.  Both here and abroad, they are the emotional marching orders, the ethos of those who stand up and move forward in defense of our country and innocents around the world.

Freedom Isn't Free.

One need only look at any picture of Gettysburg, Arlington, the Vietnam Memorial, the burning remains of the twin towers, flag draped coffins being airlifted back to the states from countries afar, funeral processionals for police officers gunned down in hate crimes, mass shootings, sometimes just sitting in their cars.

Sacrifice is all around us.  So much so that we have become inured to the sights, the pictures, the body counts.

It doesn't mean we are bad, uncaring people.  The majority of us are not.  The majority of us are open hearted, open minded, and deeply feeling creatures.  But we are also victims of a type of exposure therapy - continued exposure that wears down our shock response.

Today, as we look back at 1776, it is hard to not also look at 2017 and the sad, stark contrast.

In 1776, those men, flawed as they all were, did have a vision for this endeavor of theirs.  Their words resounded with the audacious, the bold, the profound.  Their words, and the amendments that followed, have been our roadmap for 241 years.  Through their words, they endeavored to think as far ahead as they could.  They drew on what they had escaped from, formed ideas and ideals for a greater nation than the world had yet seen.  The even provisioned for someone coming to power as President who may prove completely unfit, unqualified, and a danger to the populace.

Yes, in their limited wisdom, even they knew a Donald Trump could come to be.  They had seen insanity, hubris, tyranny, and stupidity in power.  They had escaped insanity, hubris, tyranny, and stupidity in power.

Yet here we are.  July 4, 2017, with insanity, hubris, tyranny, and stupidity elevated to the nation's highest office, and are painfully learning that Free Dumb Isn't Free either.

Free dumb has already cost us our standing on the world stage.  We are mocked, we are demeaned, we are intentionally left out because other world leaders understand that our current POTUS is not to be trusted - not only because his trail of criminality is legend, but because his grasp of anything beyond the wood or putter in his hand simply does not exist.

Free dumb has cost innocent lives, as having it in power has unleashed the worst elements in our society.  Free dumb has so demonized entire swaths of people - Mexicans, Muslims, LGBTQIA, women - that throats have been cut on a commuter train, innocent men have been gunned down in a bar (their crime?  Being brown.) by those who feel sanctioned by our President to lash out with impunity.

Free dumb has emboldened the racist criminals in our police departments to shoot first and dare us to ask questions later.

Free dumb is tearing families apart as even those adopted as infants and toddlers, yet sadly not formally made citizens by parents who did not understand the process, are deported back to countries they have never known.  Reading this report sickened me.

Free dumb is deporting hard working people who have done no wrong to anyone in these States, other than come here and try to earn a living doing the jobs no one in this country will deign to do.  (For the record, I do believe in laws, yes, even in terms of immigration.  I also believe in assisting them in coming out of the darkness and obtaining work visas, green cards, etc. so they may fully integrate into this country.)

Free dumb is costing us more lives overseas as the ignorant hubris and dangerous Tweet storms of Trump provoke those who already wish us harm.

Free dumb has torn families apart as racism, bigotry, misogyny, and willful ignorance have been exposed, and those of us who value all of humanity simply cannot condone these violent, despicable, inhumane beliefs in those with whom we share blood.

Free dumb is endangering our journalists as our Commander-in-Tweets further ingrains in his dirt dumb base that anything they disagree with is FAKE NEWS! and sees nothing wrong with supporting a candidate who body slammed a reporter, or Tweeting a mocked up video of him slamming a CNN headed figure in a WWE skit.  That video, incidentally, was created by someone who goes by the name HanAssholeSolo, a real gem whose lifeblood seems to be creating memes, gifs, and videos about Jews, blacks, women, Muslims - all the same groups his Orange Fuhrer regularly disdains.

Free dumb is costing us our national parks, our wildlife, our science.  

Free dumb is leaving hundreds of important posts unfilled in the State department.

Free dumb is slowly, purposefully fomenting a bloodlust born of certitude among his followers.  Their threats of violence are on display daily.  Like their Tangerine Tzar, aggression is their kneejerk response to anything and everything.  And when this combination of ignorance, hatred, and hostility reaches critical mass, it will explode.  With 300 million guns in this country, millions in the hands of the mentally unfit, the intellectually incurious, the conspiracy theorists, the InfoWars devotees, and the trigger happy dullards - there will be blood.  More than has already been spilled by those who seek to harm anyone who causes them cognitive dissonance.

Free dumb is not free.  

Our forefathers knew what it looked like, knew the dangers of it.

How sad that today, when we should be celebrating their brave steps to secure our freedom, we sit staring open mouthed as Trump further provokes North Korea via Twitter, and further reinforces that we allowed free dumb, free reign.

("Does this guy have anything better to do with his life?"  Oh, Dim, Dim Donald, the f**king irony...)

As the fireworks and rockets red, white and blue glare in the sky tonight, millions of us will be looking up and wondering just how many will have to pay the price?

Free dumb isn't free.

Stop Acting Surprised

Like the rest of the world, I have watched as Donald Trump's recent tweets have gathered steam, invoked the imagery of female "bleeding" again, threatened and demeaned journalists who would no longer heel, and today repurposed an old WWE skit which now shows him laying out a male figure with a CNN logo head.

And like the rest of the world, ok, ok, scratch that, the sane, adult participants in the world, have been sickened, repulsed, and embarrassed.

But unlike many, I have not been surprised.

And frankly, anyone who is - whether a pundit on TV, a politician with the power to actually effect change, or an average Joe on the street - is disingenuous at best, blatantly stupid at worst.

Acting shocked at this behavior is ridiculous.  Donald Trump 2017 is exactly who Donald Trump has always been.  A loudmouthed conman-grifter with a petulant, bratty need for approval, and a schoolyard bully with a lust for revenge.  

He is the toddler who never hears the word "No."  

The middle schooler who straps frogs to bottle rockets for fun.

The angsty teen who could never get his dad's approval.  

The pudgy 20 something who lurks in the 4Chan basement preaching to an equally disgusting choir of non-men who blame all women for their inability to get laid.  

The ignorant 30 year old who believes his wealth allows him to grab whatever pussy walks past.  Self aggrandizement is the air he breathes.

The 40 year old who careens from one midlife crisis to the next, trading in wives like others trade in baseball cards, and bragging to the world about his cringe inducing exploits.

The 50 year old who Archie Bunkers his way through life and business deals - bloviating, blustering, brow beating - because those around him need their paychecks.

The 60 year old who believes a spray tan, scalp surgery to get rid of bald spots, and a gold plated toilet convince the world he is all that and a bucket of KFC.  (Well, we DO believe he is a bucket of KFC.  That much is obvious.)

And a 70+ year old who still never hears the word "No", surrounds himself with frightened sycophants, screams the equivalent of "Get offa my lawn" into cyberspace, and binge watches FOX.

He is the sum of all those years, all those parts.  And his behavior has never been in hiding.  Maybe you never paid attention till he swanned down the Trump Tower escalator and declared his candidacy, but this man who disgusts you today, is the same man who called himself John Barron and John Miller and phoned in "scoops" to Page Six and People - detailing his sexual prowess (gag), who he was dating, who wanted to bone him (clue: no one).  This is the same man who cheated openly on one wife while forcing the next to tout his sexual abilities to the press.  The man who constantly went on Howard Stern and played up his player status.

The man who has cheated, lied, manipulated, grifted, shifted, shafted, laundered, gone bankrupt repeatedly, lost casinos, attained a reputation so bad that no US bank would touch him, and who is on tape bragging about "grabbing them by the pussy."

He has lived his disgusting life as out there as one can imagine.  So to act like the past few days have given you the "vapuhs, Miss Scarlett" is laughable.  I have zero respect for any pundit or GOPer who took to a microphone to act "disheartened" about his derogatory remarks about Mika and Joe.  And yes, that includes the GOP women who stood at podiums and decried his treatment of women.  Seriously?  NOW?  Calling Mika "dumb as a rock" or accusing her of "bleeding badly from a facelift" at Mar-A-Lago on NY's Eve are your red lines?

Give me a break.

And as for Mika and Joe?  They do not get an autopass here just because Trump has now turned on them.  They emboldened him, sucked up to him, used him for ratings boosts, and enjoyed being buddies right up until it was no longer expedient to do so.  They were complicit in his obscene run to office.  It does not mean they now deserve to be blackmailed or abused, but it doesn't make them complete victims here.  Lay down with dogs...

Donald Trump is the same incompetent, illiterate, unqualified, misogynist piece of excrement he HAS ALWAYS BEEN.  That you have chosen to look past it, excuse it away, and prop him up speaks worse about YOU, than it frankly does about him.  He showed who he is every single step of his pathetic life and campaign for the Presidency.  Every disgusting, shameful, immature, sophomoric, sophmoronic, unprepared, unintelligent, incoherent piece of this shitstain puzzle was there on full display.

You don't get to feign buyer's remorse either. You did not purchase some mystery box, hopeful and excited about what could be inside. You bought a mangled, broken, stained, leaking reality star marked "As Is - Final Sale" on the discount shelf at Walmart.

You - GOPer politicians, preachers, power teat suckers - chose to ignore it in pursuit of your agenda.  The media chose to embrace it all because ratings.  And the willfully ignorant, badly behaved, racist, homophobic, proudly stupid, dangerously dimwitted found their standard bearer.  Shit, one look at any of his rallies should have been enough of a clue to you that this human lightning rod was attracting the absolute worst of our society.  Yet you let it happen.  He incited violence, and you turned away.  He TALKED ABOUT HIS OWN PENIS IN A DEBATE and you chuckled.  You - McCain, Christie, Cruz, Rubio, Bush, et al - you were all openly mocked by this cretin, your wives were dragged into it, yet you chose party over country and propped him up when your own campaigns had been sacrificed on the gilded altar of his hubris.

At this point I simply have no idea how these sad excuses for public servants can look into a camera and find the mangled words to excuse this behavior.  Sure, I get why Huckabee-Sanders, Spicer, and Conway do - they are paid  lot of money and get lots of airtime - those are powerful aphrodisiacs.  But Ryan?  Priebus?  McConnell?  

Fuck it - it's all about the power teat with them, too.  They can act shocked and saddened all they want when asked about Trump's tweeting, but the reality is they just do not care what he does as long as they are allowed to operate behind closed doors and further their own agendas.  They have the perfect distraction.  A human violin they can play as they need.  Stroke him, smile and wave as he jets off for round 34 of golf, hell, encourage his bad behavior because he doesn't understand what they are doing anyway.  

Trump is intellectually incurious (gets his "news" from FOX and Infowars - child sex slaves on Mars, anyone?), has the attention span of a cocaine fueled gnat (demands briefings be in bullet points not paragraphs), understands nothing of governance (Wait?  I'm not KING?), healthcare ("It's complicated."  Duh, Donny.), poverty (he would not cross the street to pee on a poor person who is on fire - he despises lesser thans), the military ("I know more than the Generals" & "I have a secret plan to defeat ISIS in 30 days" and people believed him), ANYTHING, and is only interested in playing to his base of equally dim mouth breathers.  So they let him.

And those people?  Oy.  They are eating this up like a fresh pile of biscuits at the Golden Corral buffet.  They are face first drinking in the drippings from this human chocolate fountain.  They love it, cheer it on because it acquits their own day-to-day bad behavior, the way they move through their worlds - hurling insults, abusing strangers, bullying anyone they can just to feel like a "big man" for a moment.

They are who they have always been.  Only now, they have been unleashed by a man who mirrors their behavior, plays to their biases, foments their fears, and acts like the biggest bully in the bar where everybody knows your shame.

Handwringing, clutching your pearls, wishful thinking, and acting shocked will not bring this to an end.  Robert Mueller eventually will, anyone paying attention to the gathering storm in that direction knows this.  But until then?

Stop acting surprised.  It is not believable, and frankly? It makes you look as stupid as the orange ballsac in the Oval.