Don't Get Me Started with Linda Sharp

Dying To Be Famous

Viral.

In generic medical terms it means something that is infectious, spreads, and (if not life threatening) must simply run its course.  There is no cure for a cold.  It is viral, antibiotics will not touch it, and it will eventually fade away.

Much like the cyber memes, hijinks, and videos that infect millions of viewers rapidly, then fade away, opening up room for the next big thing.  (Think ALS ice bucket challenge, precocious child dancing, etc.)

Things that go viral online may provide a quick laugh, tear, or feeling of community to the viewer, but to the one who created the "cold," temporary fame is their reward.  And that is what they live (and die) for.  

In a world where everyone can truly have their 15 minutes - intentional or not - some people cannot resist the siren call of the page view. The Kardashians have gotten rich by exposing their lives, in which they do nothing but expose their lives, in order to get more eyeballs wanting to see them expose their lives some more.  They are famous for being famous.  Personally, I find the clan repulsive and without merit, but I will give them this - they figured out how to monetize mediocrity.

And all it took was Kim making a sex tape and Momager, Kris, insuring it went viral.  She sneezed that mess as far and wide as possible and then sat back and waited for the clicks that would ultimately lead to TV shows, endorsements, clothing lines, make-up, online games and emoji sets for her brood.  And her nest of chicks paid attention - they learned very quickly that in order to keep the eyeballs and the virus alive, they must feed it regularly - selfies, assies, boobies, more assies constantly added to the cyber petri dish that is their livelihood.  

Honey Boo Boo is a clASSic example of viral.  Abysmal parenting and horrendous behavior created a virus that still will not fully fade - an STD on the soul, if you will.  TV shows, paid appearances, thinly scripted reality programming, and even worse behavior insured they will continue to pop up like a herpes sore on a regular basis.

And while it is easy for a rational person to look at these dumpster fires of exposure and roll their eyes, basically be resistant to the virus, the problem exists in a generation that has not only caught it, but bought it.  Young people who watch this phenomenon and think, "I SO wish I were that famous!"

Soon, they begin measuring their mood and worth by how many Instagram followers they have.  How many people click by to see what the latest highly filtered selfie, contouring lesson, excruciatingly planned vacation snap, or piece of clothing is today (or this hour)?  How many followers are riveted by their quirky Twitter presence?  How many likes has the latest bathroom mirror reflected ab, snapback, fuckboi pose garnered?

The thrill is in the number of views.  I get it.  I do.  How could I not?  I sit here, typing in this space, yes, partially because sometimes things need to come out lest my head explode, but mostly because I want to share, and hope that people will stop by to read, think, maybe start a conversation.  A couple months ago a single piece I wrote garnered over 1/2 million views in 72 hours, and it is still being shared, so yes, I understand the gratification that can come from sharing a piece of yourself.

When there is actually something to share.  A thought piece on current events.  An art piece.  A make-up how-to video to help the less cosmetically gifted.  A TED Talk.  A snippet from a news program, gathering, or interview.  Sports highlights.  Hell, even a cute kitten video shared just for the feel good "AWWWWW" factor. 

But there is a whole other level of fame chasing out there.  Youtube accounts proliferate with wannabe Kardashians and Jackasses.  Young people so convinced that their fame and riches are just the one perfect virus away.  Parents have been caught running Youtube channels that exist to showcase them pranking/abusing their own children for laughs.  Idiots aplenty have their fellow idiot friends film them doing stunts with cars, skate boards, pick up trucks.  Pain and damage be damned, heck, the more pain and damage the better chance of the video going viral.  Tosh.0's show exists to find these brain trusts, mock them, and bring them on the show (after they have been discharged from the hospital or jail) to mock them some more.  And those people are thrilled at the exposure.

Sadly, as two young people found Monday, the brainless lengths they were willing to go to in search of their big break of fame ended beyond the hospital and into the morgue for one, into a jail cell for the other.

This is Pedro Ruiz III, only 22 years old.  Handsome, a father of a three year old, with another on the way.

And by all accounts in love with 19 year old Monalisa Perez, mother of his child and child to be.

They have had a Youtube channel called La MonaLisa since May.  On it they load videos they describe as "stunts, challenges, pranks and fails".  In a recent one this exchange takes place, “Imagine when we have 300,000 subscribers,” Perez says to Ruiz. “They’ll be like, ‘Oh my god, hi!’"  He responds with equal enthusiasm, “I told them the bigger we get, I’ll be throwing parties. It’s a small town, why not?”

So, in order to continue gaining subscribers, Perez says Ruiz came up with, well, we'll let her Tweet explain:

"most dangerous videos ever"

This from the great minds of two people who should be concerned with living and protecting their children, but no, hamstrung as they were by youth, and the young's cerebral incapacity when it comes to rationale and caution, more focused on 300,000 followers of their idiocy.

And for the millions of things they did not understand, they did grasp this one:  in order to keep the attention, you have to ratchet up the reason to tune in.  (See the Kardashians endless supply of divorces, nudity, and self created drama.)

Pedro had decided they would set up their Go Pro and film her standing one foot away and aiming a loaded handgun (a gold Desert Eagle .50 caliber handgun — considered one of the most powerful pistols in the world) at his chest, his chest protected by a hardcover encyclopedia.

I know, I know, insert eyeroll.

Even better?  They would have their 3 year old daughter feet away from the festivities.

I mean, what's the worst that could happen?  Only 299,999 viewers?

They hit RECORD, she took aim, and guess what?  The encyclopedia was as worthless as a shield as it is an information source in the age of Google. The bullet went straight through it and straight into Pedro's chest, killing him.  Recorded for infamy, with his little girl as a witness.  

Now he is in a morgue, she is out on bail awaiting her July 5th court appearance on second degree manslaughter charges.

But hey, they are now famous, right?

This entire tragedy reeks of a generation desperate to be something for nothing.  And while the jokes easily abound, especially in terms of Darwinism, it should cause people to stop and rethink what viral fame is worth.

An ass selfie, like a common cold, may indeed run its course, but not all viruses are that benign.  Some, like HIV, ebola, or stupidity can turn deadly in the blink of an eye.  

I suspect that Monalisa and Pedro never envisioned that dying to be famous would involve literally dying to be famous.

RIP Pedro.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oh, and be sure to subscribe to the DGMS email and share this with your friends. KTHXBAI!

#heavysarcasm

We Do Not Rule The World

As the mother of three, all who love to travel, explore, and are unafraid of the world in which they live, I watched the news of Otto Warmbier's arrest in North Korea, back in January 2016, with a sick feeling in my stomach.

My young adult children have all traveled abroad, experiencing different cultures, foods, experiences, and yes, LAWS.  That cannot be understated when your child, regardless of age, begins planning a trip outside their own country.  I have stressed this to them.  Their laws are not our laws.  Their standards of behavior, decorum, respect, etc are not identical to ours.  And the biggest one of all:

WE DO NOT RULE THE WORLD.

Otto and his family came face to face with this reality when he was arrested for what we US citizens would scoff at as barely an infraction - the theft of a small poster from a hotel employee area.

But Otto wasn't in Kansas anymore, Dorothy.

Otto was in North Korea.  And while we may find their laws absurd, and their punishments barbaric, they run their little slice of land as they see fit.  Stories that leak out are legend.  Abuses of their own citizens beyond the realm of comprehension. The forced idolatry of their Dear Leader, a farce.

But it matters not what we think of how they run a rodeo.  It's their rodeo.

Otto had the wanderlust gene my children share.  A smart young man, accomplished throughout high school and into college, and thirsty to add to his life experiences.

It is that last one that tripped him up.

No one travels to North Korea without knowing the history and behavior of the regime.  They have heard/read the stories of picture perfect cities (often full of brightly colored buildings which are no more than empty cracker boxes), heavily contrasting with the stories of poverty so extreme that people eat insects, grasses, whatever they can scrounge.  Hell, a frog is a heaven sent meal.

They also know about the prisoner camps full of people who committed infractions no more serious than Otto's; some there because they were related to someone who crossed the regime - whole families taken prisoners because of relation.

They know.  Travel advisories are plentiful, news stories in regular rotation, and warnings at every turn.  We may be able to obtain a visa to travel as a tourist to NK, but it is not advised that we do so.  Yet tour companies do very well arranging trips into the mysterious, isolated nation.  But even they are very careful to make sure their participants - like Otto - are aware of protocols, laws, expected behaviors, etc.  They are also accompanied by tour company chaperones, and always saddled with NK government "minders" that monitor their every move.

As the story goes, Otto stole the small piece of propaganda, was caught on CCTV, arrested and charged with a "hostile act" against the regime, given a farce of a trial two months later, and sentenced to 15 years of hard labor.

His parents only knew of these events through media and our state department.  They saw their child sobbing at his sentencing.  After the trial they heard nothing from Otto until the phone rang two weeks ago.  Only it was not Otto.  Their son was in a coma and being released and sent home to them.

A coma.

As a parent I simply cannot begin to comprehend the fear, dread, and helplessness that coalesced as their waking nightmare since his arrest.   Then to have it culminate in a coma?

The NK story is that he got botulism, took a sleeping pill, and slipped into this mysterious coma last year.  The doctors in Ohio who took care of him once his plane landed last week estimate he sustained a catastrophic brain injury around April of 2016 - the timing being shortly after his "trial."  The MRI scans sent home with him by the NK doctors showed devastating evidence that his brain had “extensive loss of brain tissue in all regions of his brain.”  They conjectured that the most likely cause was cardiopulmonary arrest which would have cut off the brain's blood supply.

While doctors could find no evidence of botulism, much less broken and healed bones, etc, a senior American official has said he has seen intelligence reports stating that Otto was beaten repeatedly.

While North Korea is legend when it comes to stories of horrific abuses of prisoners, they have tended to shy away from torture with American citizens.  Of the 16 documented American prisoners since 1996, while there are stories of nightmarish abuse, many tell stories of being treated well, allowed to read a Bible, keep their iPad, even email with relatives.  The sense has always been that NK is very much aware of how it is viewed in the world and wants to appear reasonable and humane to foreign prisoners. 

But then there is Otto.  That was a problem without a solution for the NK government and it is widely speculated that is the only reason they sent him home - they did not want him to die on their watch.

Yet, he did die.  Surrounded by his family, Otto passed away this past Monday afternoon.  A beautiful, young, promising life - gone.  Leaving far more questions than answers about WHY.

Of course, the armchair State Department has been out in force on both sides - comments like "We should bomb that f**king country!"  "Otto never should have stolen."  "The punishment didn't fit the crime!"  "This is Obama's fault!" (isn't everything?)  "He knew the dangers going in and still went."

The bottom line is this - WE DO NOT RULE THE WORLD.  So those who want to bomb another country for one of our citizens breaking one of their laws is, well, stupid.  And it doesn't matter that we would never sentence someone to 15 years over a poster.  Our laws do not travel with us.  Our laws stop at our borders.

As for it being Obama's fault or Trump's success?  No on both counts.  The previous administration did try to negotiate him out.  In fact, they never stopped trying.  Obama's administration worked very hard on behalf of Americans detained abroad throughout their 8 years.  “Their tireless efforts resulted in the release of at least 10 Americans from North Korean custody during the course of the Obama administration.”

NK would not give Otto up.  Until it was clear he was dying.  This was not some miracle performed by Trump's fractured, piecemeal, half empty administration.  It was a matter of timing and Trump just happens to be in office.

So frankly, his bluster surrounding the Warmbier's nightmare is hubris and empty rhetoric.  WE DO NOT RULE THE WORLD.  And if an experienced administration could not secure his release?  I'm sorry but this is not an episode of The Apprentice in which you can fire Kim Jong Un.

As a parent, my heart will never not be in a vice when my kids take off for parts unknown.  That is part and parcel of being a parent - that deal with the devil you make that in exchange for their amazing presence in your life, you agree that they are now your oxygen supply.  But I will not tell them they cannot travel.  (Well, NK, not withstanding, but they have no interest in that land beyond news stories.)  Culley just returned from Mexico and is currently planning another trip to Paris.

Am I afraid given the spate of terrorist attacks in Europe?  Of course.  But then, I am afraid when she crosses the street.  I am afraid of anything happening to my children.  But I will never try to clip their wings.  Rudy and I have given them exactly what the Warmbiers gave Otto - a lust for life, a desire to learn, support to pursue their passions, and the understanding that this world is as remarkable as it is because of our differences.  I want them to experience, meet, immerse, and learn.

My heart breaks for the nightmare the Warmbiers have lived since January of 2016.  It is simply beyond comprehension.  That their only solace is being able to hold their son as he slipped away?  It is cold comfort, but a small ray of light around which they may find a scintilla of peace.

Otto deserved so much better than what he endured.  He deserved a rational response, commensurate with his transgression.  He deserved to be treated humanely, decently.

But I type those words as an American, and must remind myself:

WE DO NOT RULE THE WORLD.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rest In Peace, Otto.  The world is truly now yours to explore.

Hope's Dying Embers

I don't sleep through the night.  Not exactly shocking considering my 25+ years as a mother coupled with my advancing age.  So it is not uncommon for me to be trolling Twitter, Facebook, the news in the wee to early hours.  I learn a lot, and am oftentimes one of the first to catch breaking news.  

Such was the case as the pictures from west London began hitting Twitter via the BBC feed.

Grenfell Tower, a 24 story apartment building, was on fire.  A fire in a highrise at any time on the clock is heartstopping, but that this one broke out just before 1:00am makes it heartbreaking. Families all abed dreaming peacefully, suddenly thrust into a waking nightmare.  

The fire quickly engulfed the entire building, raging through the night.  As morning broke, this was the scene.

It does not take a forensic fire specialist to know that within these pictures, people were trapped, dying.  As of this writing, the death count stands at 17, those in hospitals at 78 - 18 listed as critical - and the missing now conjectured between 50 and hundredS.  The search for more casualties will take days as the building is unstable and crumbling in places.

I watched as one family took to Facebook Live from within their 23rd floor apartment in the building and my heart was gripped.  I cannot imagine the fear, the anguish of having small children, the knowledge that the building may become your tomb.  There is still no word if they managed to get out, to be rescued, however, one community leader has stated that no one on the top three floors got out alive.  Reports from witnesses detail residents on lower floors using sheets knotted together to climb out windows, of children, even a baby being tossed out the windows to people below.

It immediately made me think of 9/11, of people choosing to jump, so bad was the heat, the smoke behind them in the buildings.  

Another picture grabbed at my heart.  This one, an elderly man desperately trying to signal for help from his apartment.  He was trapped for almost 12 hours before fire fighters were able to rescue him.

That man is all of us, every single one.  Despite his age, his ethnicity, whatever his religious preference may be - reflected on his face is our sameness.  Fear, bewilderment, desperation, and a deep desire to live.  

How did this happen?  Could this have been prevented?  There is speculation aplenty.  A male resident who called emergency services reported that his refrigerator had exploded in his 4th floor apartment.  But what started as a small fire in one apartment quickly engulfed the entire structure.  Unfortunately the tenants had been vocal about safety/fire issues for years, feeling their concerns were falling on deaf ears.  From a British report :  

In a series of blog posts, a residents' group called the Grenfell Action Group repeatedly criticised Kensington and Chelsea Tenant Management Organisation (KCTMO) - the company which manages the tower block - over its fire safety record.

A blog post from the Grenfell Action Group from November 2016 said "only a catastrophic event" would expose issues residents had.

November 2016.  Just seven months ago they were vocal about fears of this kind.

The apartment building was erected in the 70s, with refurbishment work complete in May 2016 - this included some sort of cladding applied to the exterior to make it more attractive to surrounding more affluent areas.  As to what that cladding was made of, and its possible place in this blaze, that remains for investigators to sort out.

People die every day - accidents, random violence, workplace shootings, school shootings, shootings at a baseball park.  People go to bed at night with plans for the next day and never wake up again.  Hold your loved ones, your friends close.  Tell them they matter, that you love them.  Because there is no guarantee that you or they will not wind up in the next breaking news story.

The only thing that is certain right now, is that the building in west London continues to smolder, people are still missing, hearts are breaking, and hope is fading like the dying embers.

Take Me Out At The Ballgame

This morning, while practicing for the yearly Dem vs Rep charity congressional baseball game - played since 1909 - scheduled to take place Thursday at Nationals Park, a gunman opened fire on those assembled.

They included Steve Scalise (majority whip), Rand Paul, Mo Brooks, and many others who comprise the GOP congressional baseball team and their security details. 

Yes, the assembled were Republicans.

And no, that should not matter.

Yet as soon as the BREAKING NEWS gifs went up on social media, the outrage lines were drawn.  GOPers pointing fingers at violent liberals (not exactly our hallmark, but whatever fuels your faux indignation), and Dems quick to point to the GOP legislation that allows mentally ill people to legally purchase weapons - as if that makes it ok that these people were shot at.

None of this is right, none of this is helpful.

But politicizing outrage has become a predictable piece of the fallout following an attack of any kind.

I do not support or agree with the political leanings of people like Paul or Scalise (who is currently undergoing surgery following having been shot in the hip), but I certainly do not believe they deserve to have their lives endangered because of their beliefs.  I abhor, on every possible level, the current occupant of the Oval Office, but I do not wish him harm.

But this is the kind of thing being fomented by dog whistles (see Eric Trump literally saying Democrats "are not people"), micro aggressions (how many times can Kamala Harris be interrupted by white men while asking questions?), and careless verbiage (2nd amendment solutions, anyone?).  

Reading the comments and Tweets this morning following this shooting, the shots being fired online are indicative of a citizenry harshly divided, and gleefully kept so, by each side of the aisle.  And the danger in that exercise is not found within people like you or me - regardless of which side you fall on - it is within the fringe.

And fringe exists on every side of the political pillow.

The shooter this morning is in custody, and described as a "white male."  (James T. Hodgkinson, 66, of Belleville, Illinois - and to save you from stalking his FB page, he was a Bernie Sanders supporter, Hillary hater) So, of course, we will see words like "mentally disturbed" instead of terrorist, "terrorist" being reserved as the synonym for "brown."  

As to his motive?  NO ONE KNOWS RIGHT NOW.  So how about we focus on the fact that this happened instead of trying to politicize our outrage and weaponize it as a sling or arrow against the other side?  Yes, 93 people a day die in gun violence in this country, and yes, that needs discussed, addressed, remedied, but attempting to add to that number by killing politicians is not the answer.

I see liberals throwing this in the face of conservatives right now, as if they somehow deserved this because of their flawed legislative policies and hypocrisy.  STOP.  Feeling vindicated in the face of bloodshed is just perverse. I see conservatives viciously attacking liberals this morning.  And I have to ask, where has this outrage been as not one, but two Democrats have dropped out of races in the past two weeks because of death threats against them?  Surely, if politically inspired violence is what you are railing against this morning, your rage has been on their behalf as well, right?  Right???

<insert crickets>

Literally.  I have asked this question to several this morning and have been met with either silence, being blocked, or "This is not the same thing libtard."

How is this not the same thing?  People are being targeted, threatened.  This morning literal blood was shed on a baseball field.

It is exactly the same thing, it is unacceptable, and should be sickening to anyone, anywhere on the political spectrum, for the same reason:  IT IS WRONG.

Yet because we are increasingly encouraged to see one another not as fellow human beings, but as opposition soldiers, this is what we get.  

Those Republicans did not deserve to be shot at.  Gabby Giffords did not deserve to be shot.  Planned Parenthood workers did not deserve to be shot at.  Revelers at the Pulse nightclub did not deserve to be shot at.  Lincoln, Kennedy, Garfield, Reagan, McKinley, Roosevelt, Long, Malcolm X, MLK, Wallace - did not deserve to have their bodies violated by bullets.  

I get it - we are all frustrated, demoralized, angered, feeling impotent in the face of an election that each day reveals more evidence of being hacked, outraged as healthcare is threatened behind closed doors, and incredulous as the checks and balances of our system seem to be failing.  But violence is not the answer to any of it. 

This morning people gathered on a ballfield to prepare for a charity event.  They were shot at, five were shot. 

If we cannot come together to condemn this act from ALL SIDES, then we, as a citizenry are simply striking out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thoughts are with all those who were wounded and traumatized in this attack this morning.  And THANKS go out to the Capitol Police who were able to apprehend the shooter.

PRIDE Is Not A Sin

June is PRIDE month for the LGBTQIA community.  A time to step forward, literally march, come together, embrace one another, and very proudly proclaim, "This is who I am, this is who we are.  We are here, we have always been here, we matter, we deserve to live fully, freely, with all the rights and protections afforded all citizens."

What started as a single Gay Pride Day, chosen in the month of June to help commemorate the Stonewall riots, has grown through the years to encompass the entire month.  As stated on the Library of Congress website, "The purpose of the commemorative month is to recognize the impact that lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender individuals have had on history locally, nationally, and internationally."

History.

Yes, history.

The spectrum of human beings has existed since human beings have existed.  Living, loving, contributing.  And throughout history, throughout cultures, those who did not fit the skinny spot of heterosexualism were not really given much of a second glance - they were just people.  

I find myself pondering how we went from people just being people, to people targeting another group by defining them by one characteristic - their sexuality.  That who they physically loved completely obliterated anything else about them.  It is ridiculous to me.  Humans have lived through times and places where people literally fucked whatever hole was available when they got the urge - it did not matter in Rome, and it certainly did not define a person's sexuality.  They were simply being sexual in the moment.  

Ahhhhh, but then along came religion.  And religion began to do what it does so well - scare, condemn, and control.

A great example is that blasted list of "seven deadly sins" that so many like to hurl throughout cyberspace as a defense for their bigotry and hateful words.  They have been out in droves since June 1 - so full of faux indignation that an entire month is given to acknowledging the existence of those they are taught are a pestilence, so emotionally rabid over Facebook adding a PRIDE flag emoji, their hatred turning blinding over the USMN and USWN soccer teams having the audacity to wear jerseys with rainbow numbers on their backs this month - it is all head shakingly DUMB.

Yes, dumb.  The amount of energy that they put into pouting, shouting, ALL CAPS COMMENTING, threatening, and demeaning other people is just stupid.

Especially their attempt to sully the word PRIDE.  Because it is, of course, listed in their coveted, but only conveniently followed list of seven deadlies.

I have tried to rationally explain the history behind their "list' to several, but it is literally impossible to speak truth to stupid.  They do not want to hear it.  Much like trying to discuss the actual origins of things like Christmas trees - history only matters when they can use it as a cudgel.

Those sins of theirs were actually designed by a desert wandering mystic named Evagrius Ponticus back in the 4th century A.D. He set down a treatise he called “On the Eight Principal Vices.”   His student, John Cassian, filtered that down and created the list of Seven Deadly Sins - they being: greed, lust, envy, gluttony, anger, sloth, and of course, pride.

Nowhere do these "sins" appear in a list in the Bible.  They were simply integrated through time and religious politics to be a list of marching orders of sorts.

So how easy to grab that list, and conveniently weaponize one part of it against the LGBTQIA, especially during a month called PRIDE.  (These holier than thous completely ignore how they revel in acting out ALL of these in their own lives.)

Here's the thing - PRIDE is not a sin.  Especially during this month of recognition.  I want my son to be proud of who he is.  I am proud of who he is.  Hell, I am in awe of who he is, because it takes strength, courage, resolution, and daily personal internal work to maintain the resolve that he should be proud of himself.

I am so tired of heterosexual people whining about how they should get a march, a month, an emoji.  Listen to me - I AM HETERO.  We get that shit every single fucking day of our lives.  I can walk down the street with my husband holding hands, swapping spit, caressing his back, and no one even blinks.  My heteroness is reinforced everywhere - movies, TV shows, magazines, perfume ads - everywhere I turn I see MY life reflected back at me by a puritanical society that long ago normalized it as "the right way".  I move through life drenched in this privilege.

My child does not.  His LGBTQIA friends do not.

They move through life desperately looking for some, any reflection of who they are.  That is why it is such a big deal when a massive celebrity steps forward and says, "I'm gay."  Why Laverne Cox is profoundly important in Orange Is The New Black.  Yes, she is a wonderful actress, but she is also transgender.  Why RuPaul's Drag Race reaches far beyond mere entertainment to literally touch the hearts and souls of anyone who society scorns as different.  Why the theater community has always been important - it recognizes everyone, not just on the page, but on the stage, both in the characters written and the actors cast.

And it's why a goddamned pride emoji on Facebook matters.  It is a tiny representation and acknowledgement that within the billions of people who have Facebook accounts are millions of people who are not hetero.  As of late 2015 there were over 6 million people on Facebook, in the United States alone, who proudly identified themselves as LGBTQIA.  With a study indicating that people are coming out on FB at twice the rate of each prior year, it is easy to say that number is in the double digits - in the USA alone.

I will say it again, I want my child to be proud of who he is.  I want my child to be unafraid of being who he is.  He is doing the work to make that possible within himself.  Sadly, there is a large segment of society whose only "work" in this regard is to continue to weaponize their ignorance and hate.  They are aggressive and threatening.  They shed the blood of those they deem different, even going so far as to kill.  They are raising children in households where many of those kids will fall victim to self hatred because of what they are being taught  

PRIDE is not a sin.  PRIDE is what happens when a human being feels good about themselves.

To the entire LGBTQIA community - every single beautiful, complex, talented human being it encompasses - I see you, you matter, and I AM PROUD OF YOU. 

Losing My Religion And Finding Faith In Myself

Last night, London experienced yet another terrorist attack courtesy of warped religious dogma.  Yes, the attackers screamed some version of praise to Allah, but heinous acts and behavior are carried out in this country and around the world daily in the name of the Christian God as well.  Certitude is dangerous.  And when certitude is combined with religion, people become targets and people die.

I wrote these words exactly two years ago today.  I hate that this morning, as more people lay dead around the world as a result of that certitude, they are more timely than ever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Study after study continues to reveal the exodus taking place from organized religion.  Since 2012, 7.5 million people are estimated to have walked away.

In terms of young people leaving their churches, excuses get thrown up by leaders like "It's not cool. That's why they left."  But the reality is that young people are the ones who have the closest view to why religious doctrines, tenets, dogma, rules, and threats are so much papal bull, as it were.

Young people today are growing up in a world where their friends are openly gay - and guess what?  They know firsthand that they themselves are not turned gay because of association with someone who is.  They know that acknowledging a transgender person's struggle to live honestly as who they know themselves to be is not a virus they are going to catch by being friends.  And they know that not every person who is a different color or from a different culture means them harm.

So to sit in a pew and be lectured at in what is completely opposite of what they know and experience daily?

THAT is why people are leaving organized religion behind.  Why young people grow up rolling their eyes, and why adults - who are open minded enough - have finally had their fill of guilt, threats, and carrots.

I was 18 when I stopped attending church.  That was the point I was no longer under my parents' roof and they could no longer order me into the car to go sit and be lectured at each Sunday.

It was exhilarating to be out from under it.  When some of your earliest memories are of sitting in a church and thinking to yourself that "this is stupid"?  Well, that was age 6, so do the math. 

Yet even though I was no longer walking into a cathedral, the "nag" still existed in the back of my mind.  The one that is generated by fear.  Even understanding the word indoctrination, and knowing that it was at the heart of my worries, worry I still did.  Worry about heaven.  Worry about hell.  Worry about my pew punchcard not getting filled.

Even as I got married (not in a church) and had children, who we agreed would not be raised in religion, the "nag" persisted.  Helped in great part my my mother who, to this day, worries about my confident disregard for everything she chooses to cling to.

Rudy and I both knew we did not want to inject dogma into the lives of our children.  No matter how you like to parse it to make your choices seem prettier or more noble, imbuing a child with a specific set of religious rules and doctrines is brainwashing.  It is indoctrination into group think, with little to no room for self expression, questioning, or acceptance of any other thought process.

Call it a gift if you must, but the reality is with your gift you have effectively cut off your child's room to think, analyze, and choose for themselves.  And no, my children have not suffered for our decision.  Anyone who knows them know them to be compassionate, intelligent, open minded, giving, self confident, thinking young people with stables of friends in every shape, size, religion, no religion, culture, and accent.  Do they judge?  Yes, they do.  If you are an asshole, you need not apply.  Beyond that?  Come on in.  Sadly that is not the experience they have had with their religious comrades who talk down, judge them, and vocally inform them they are headed to hell.

It was not until I hit 40 when I actually got over the "nag".  The fear.  40 years old and finally able to say out loud, "I don't need it, I don't want it.  And that's FINE."

So I get it that people struggle.  I do.  But I also know that there is life beyond religion because I found it.  I have found a fuller life.  A life where acceptance is the norm.  A life where my faith is in action, not on some attendance/tithing sheet in the rectory office.

A while back I mentioned how I wish people would just walk away from their churches for one full year.  Leave the structures and the strictures and just live by heart.  Not because somebody at a pulpit is scaring you each Sunday, threatening damnation, or promising salvation.  But because as decent human beings, we do actually know how to live the right way.

And no, I am not espousing or promoting atheism, although there is absolutely nothing wrong with believing only in treating others decently.  And I am not talking about leaving faith behind.  Faith goes with you if it fits.  Faith is not something to which only a pastor, priest or imam holds the key

Ask yourself, what are you afraid would happen if you walked away from it for a year?  Discover God on your own terms?  Develop a relationship that does not involve a middleman or price tag?

If the mere thought frightens you, you need to ask yourself WHY.

More importantly you need to take a good hard look at your faith's guidebook.  No, not the Bible, or whatever tome your religion holds dear.  But the rulebook preached at you that keeps you distanced from others, and judging.  This is not about condemning you, but simply asking you to honestly look at what your religion teaches, requires.

Does your religion hurt other people?

That's a dicey question because it calls for the bravery to have the answer be YES.

Does your religion cause your thoughts, words, and deeds to injure others?

Does your religion claim to have the keys to the kingdom and that everyone else should be prayed for because they are wrong?

Does your religion have you believing Josh Duggar is somehow not a criminal and Caitlyn Jenner is some abhorrent creature? 

Does your religion espouse the "love the sinner, hate the sin" crap?  Because it is crap.  It is self righteous and shameful because all it does it provide you with a holier than thou "out" for your hurtful behavior.  I have news for you.  We "sinners" don't want your love because your love is judgement wrapped up in condescension and the belief that you are right and we are wrong.

Does your religion teach that certain folks are going to hell?  Certainly not YOU, but other people, you know - gay, lesbian, trans - the ones who make you feel oogey.

Does your religion teach you that "those" people are deviant?  Predators?  Molesters?

Does your religion teach that women are less than men?  Must be submissive?

Finally, does your religion make the promise of salvation in exchange for something?

If the answer to any of those is yes, then you ARE involved in the systematic hurting of other people.  And for that reason alone, you should grab your god by one hand and your integrity by the other and walk away.  If even for a while.  Get some distance.  Get some perspective.

Sartre wrote in his play No Exit, "Hell is other people."  He was right.  And these days, those other people are so often the ones who firmly believe they have a Fastpass to heaven just so long as they treat "others" like shit here on Earth.

Think not?  Then explain the Duggars.  Admittedly hiding a repeat offender child molester all the while running for Senate espousing that molesters should receive the death penalty.  Ignoring the pathology at play under their own roof while making robocalls stating transgender people are pedophiles.

And even when asked about that last one in the interview last evening, Michelle had the stupidity to say, "I stand by that.  It's common sense."

I give her credit for one thing.  The straight face while this hypocrisy spewed from her gob.

Hiding behind a "Because God" mindset does no one favors.  It does not make you smarter.  It does not make you think.  For some it does not allow you to think. It does not make you even come close to asking questions.  Because God... 

And it's "Because God" that the religious apologists are out in full force defending the Duggars.  "Well, he said God forgave him."

Well, two can play at that game.  I talked to God and He said that Josh Duggar and his parents are criminals who preyed on the most innocent among the flock and that they will all be burning in Hell like tator tots for all eternity.  And that all the people defending the actions will be skewered like human shishkabobs and deep fried forever.

Why is THAT any less believable?  Less valid?  What's that?  How do you know God didn't say these things to me?  Prove it.  Just be sure you use that same litmus test on Duggar.

And you know, even if God - however God may exist - does forgive Josh?  This is reality - the flesh and blood here and now - and we have societal rules in place to protect one another, and punish those who break the laws.  The fact that his parents hid from the laws until they could no longer touch Josh?  That technicality doesn't make his CRIMES less heinous, or make them go away.

People are leaving religion because the smell of hypocrisy is akin to that of a cattle farm.  And one can only take so much before they get sick to their stomach.

Do not think that you can hide behind some weak, "But they are not real Christians" defense either just because you are not comfortable with some of the things they say or do.  Yes, they are real Christians.  In fact, chances are they would say that YOU are not the real one because YOU don't interpret the way they do.  And if you defend your chosen religion while at the same time saying, "Well, I don't believe everything it says/does/thinks..." then why are you staying?  My hope would be that you are working to change it from within, not staying because of inertia.

Walk away.  If even just to find a better fit, walk away.

You won't burn.  The church won't fall in on itself.  And if there IS a God?  It seems your behavior, not your attendance, is the key here.

Are there exceptions?  Of course there are.  There are some churches that break from the hierarchy over them and preach an actual gospel of love thy neighbor, welcoming everyone, ministering to everyone, teaching their young congregants that everyone is OK.

Sadly, those are not the majority.

And it's to those that I direct this.  Without the influence of organized religion, you are actually free to think for yourself.  It actually becomes kind of mandatory.  You are free to throw off the mental shackles that keep you distanced from other people.  To meet them.  Talk to them.  Experience them.  Gay people don't have any agenda other than wanting to be treated as full and complete citizens who are allowed to live peacefully and freely.  Transgender people are not looking to molest your toddler.  They are looking for love, acceptance, compassion, safety.  The same as you, the same as me.

Sure, you may have a community in your church, but did you know it is possible to build a community without your church?  One that includes ALL kinds of people, not just like minded people?

Without religion's rules hanging over your head, you may finally realize the humanity you have in common with everyone.  Had I stayed in my religion, I know exactly what I would have been expected to condemn, do, think, be.  And I don't want that.  I want to make my own decisions about each person I meet, based on how they treat me, treat others.

Because that is what is at the core of every human being.  Humanity.  The ability to recognize, sympathize, empathize with another.  That doesn't happen when you segment.  That doesn't happen when you allow yourself to be told what to think, when to think, who to hate, how to hate.  (And it IS hate.  No matter how you try to wrap it up, your condemnation, denigration, and judgement is experienced as hate by the one on the receiving end.)  That doesn't happen when you are immersed in a belief system that protects actual child molesters yet condemns a human being allowing us to see them at their most vulnerable in the hopes they may help someone else.

John Lennon sang it: 

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Live for today.  Take a chance.  God is not a commodity that can be held captive by a building.  God belongs to whoever wants Him.  And faith is not something that can be purchased with the passing of a basket down the pew.

You may say I'm a dreamer, but with each passing day, I'm definitely not the only one.

Defending The Indefensible?

It's been an interesting past week.  Trump trumping his heretofore Trumpiest in an even more Trumpier move to be the most Trumpy - announcing he will withdraw the United States from the Paris Agreement.  Essentially giving planet Earth the orange finger.  Climate change, global warming, carbon footprints, starving polar bears, melting ice caps, the globe's brightest scientists, and 192 more enlightened countries be damned - Trump stomped his feet, echoed some Hitler speech sentiments about being laughed at, took his (snow)ball and went golfing home.

Yes, today he went golfing for the 22nd time in 19 weeks.

At least he is good at something.  At least I would hope he is good at something he does so often.  Although he probably cheats at golf the way he cheats at everything else. For the record, his golfing does not bother me.  Golfing is relaxing.  I do not deny any President their need for a regular breather/relaxation.  Rather I take issue with his sneering Tweets towards President Obama whenever he would hit the links, yet he sees no hypocrisy in his own actions now.

Ahhh, hypocrisy.  It plays quite the 18 holes itself, does it not?  This past week saw hypocrisy score a hole-in-one yet again when comedian Kathy Griffin posted a photo of her from a shoot in which she is holding up the severed, bloody head of our Putter-in-Chief.  It was the brain child (pardon that pun) of her and photographer Tyler Shields.  TMZ gleefully posted it, and Kathy added to the virality with a video on her Twitter feed in which she stated, "I caption this 'there was blood coming out of his eyes, blood coming out of his ... wherever."  This obviously mocking Trump's infamous, yet not campaign ending slur at Megyn Kelly's expense.

But where one was blown off as merely "locker room" banter a la "grab them by the pussy", Kathy's attempt at dark humor backfired spectacularly.

And I get it.  I do.  To a point.

I do not need to post the image here as it has been everywhere and if you have not seen it, avail yourself of Google.  It was gross.  It was sinister.  And in a world where the act of beheading actually takes place and is uploaded to Youtube so often that Youtube has a hard time keeping up with taking the ISIL "Faces of Death"-esque videos down, it crossed a very visceral line for many.  

That it made the sitting POTUS the star of the act?  Yes, disrespectful.  In fact, the entire thing was not very well thought out.

That being said, I defend her right to think it up, create the prop, and pose for the picture.  This is the United States of America - she has as much freedom of expression as do the folks who thought endless effigies of President Obama were cool yard ornaments.  

Was it a valid threat of murder against Trump?  No.  Kathy's reputation is for verbally cutting people off at the knees, not literally at the head.  She is a take down artist, not a take out consigliere.

So am I defending what she did?  You're damned right I am.  As to whether she deserves all the fallout that has tsunamied her way?  I do not defend her from that, even remotely.  I defend the tsunami.

That's the great thing about this country.  You can be an ass.  You can run your mouth.  You can call the Commander In Chief a "cock holster."  You can wear your white sheet at KKK rallies or draw up a perfectly spelled sign and attend the March For Truth.  You can stand in Times Square in your underwear and a cowboy hat and make money.  You can sleep with your boss's spouse.  You can go to church.  You can mock religion.  You can shit in a can and exhibit it as art.  You can burn a flag, a bra, an effigy of the first (half) black President.  And yes, you can douse a styrofoam head in a bad Trump wig with ketchup and take a picture for all the world to see.

We can do all these things and more.

None of it physically hurts another citizen, so have at it.  You are protected - express your little heart out.

But once you do, you cannot feign surprise when not everyone is on board with your chosen form of "art."  Your free speech and freedom to express it is a door that swings both ways.  My opinion of your genius is just as protected as your rally, screed, exhibition, or photo.  Just because you can do something does not mean you are insulated from consequences in the public square.  That means while the government cannot scoop you up and jail you, your boss can fire you, in Kathy's case - CNN fired her from future broadcasts; an equality rally can take place right across from your cross burning; I can wear horns and a forked tail right outside the doors of your cathedral; and the entire internet can weigh in on your "brilliance" in beheading the current White House occupant.

We all need to defend our right to express ourselves.  I don't like your MAGA hat or Trump bumper sticker or Confederate flag.  That means I can scream in my head, out loud, flip them or you off or wear a t-shirt, hat, or wave a flag that that supports MY expression.  It does not mean I get to Sharpie your sticker, yank your hat off your head, or cut down your flag.  That is vandalism or assault, and those are illegal acts.  So you don't like what Kathy did?  Great, Tweet your heart out about it.  Never buy a ticket to her concerts again.  But send her death threats?  Sorry, no.  That crosses an actual legal line from freedom of expression to actual harassment and violence.

The hypocrisy since the photo has, to me, been more disturbing that the actual picture.  The collective conservative pants shitting that has taken place, the holier than thou-ness of it all - "We NEVER did that to Obama!" - is laughable.  See below.  Ring a bell?  These ALL were all over Twitter and Facebook and right wing echo chambers for eight years.  And they were spread like melted butter on hot bread - GOPers defending them as "funny", "not serious", "not real libtard" (all real quotes easily pulled from Facebook pages that STILL proudly contain these pictures.

You don't get to hang the President from a tree in your front yard and laugh about it and then get the vapuhs because a liberal comedian meets your version of "funny" with her own.

Trump and his miniony children took to Twitter to get in on the Kathy backlash, even after she publicly apologized for the lapse in judgement and bad joke.  POTUS even tried to invoke poor 11 year old Barron in a Tweet.  

This hypocritical garbage would be laughable if it were not so, oh hell, it IS laughable.  President Obama's children spent 8 years in which their father, their mother, they themselves were relentlessly mocked, called monkeys.  Trump led the charge constantly stoking the fires of birtherism.  Death threats against the president were higher than at any other time in our nation's history.  So forgive me if I call bullshit on this lame attempt to use Barron's wittle feelings.  

This is a child who is NEVER seen with his father outside highly organized events like the inauguration, the Easter egg roll.  Trump doesn't head back to NYC on the weekend to see his young child, he heads to the golf course.  And frankly, maybe Melania needs to keep a better eye on Barron's internet usage.  HE IS ELEVEN (and his father is the least popular man on the planet).  Or if he did see it and expressed concern, sit the child down and explain how the Presidency brings out the worst in some people.  That this kind of thing happens to all Presidents, but that his father is the most protected citizen in the country.  And then include the part where Kathy Griffin APOLOGIZED, IN TEARS.  Hell, make him watch that video.  Have a meaningful dialogue about bullying.  Shit, sit Trump down and have a meaningful dialogue with him about bullying.

He is the king of bullying other people.  Name calling is his stock in trade.  His reputation for revenge is legend.  

And one last thing in terms of using Barron Trump - Griffin's photo shoot won't even come close to the continued viral mileage - vileage? - of his own father being heard talking about how he "grabs them by the pussy."  He not having a "hard time" with that "sick!" recording proving what a shitstain is his father, Donny?

Again, I saw the photo the morning it hit the internet.  I cringed.  And then I went on with life because I knew she was allowed to do it, and I knew that the world would have its say back at her.  We all get critiqued.  And when you put yourself out there you do not get to only hear the good stuff.

Bill Maher is learning that yet again today.

Last night, on his show Real Time, while interviewing Republican senator from Nebraska, Ben Sasse, the two bantered back and forth about the boundaries between adolescence and maturity.  Bill joked about how adults in California still dress up for Halloween.  The Senator replied that it did not happen in his state (yeah, right), and Bill replied, “I’ve got to get to Nebraska more.”

Mr. Sasse then said: “You’re welcome. We’d love to have you work in the fields with us.”

At which point Bill stuck not one, but two feet in his mouth with the very poor, jokey reply, “Work in the fields? Senator, I’m a house n***er. No, it’s a joke.”

You don't need to get HBO to catch the clip - again, avail yourself of the Google and you will see he was clearly in joke mode.  What you will also hear is the audience's disapproval, and you will see Bill realize he had crossed a line, even for him.

Now, personally, I hate the word, because I hate the history that birthed it.  And I do not think a white person needs to utter it (see KKK rallies) ever.  And I especially do not want to hear someone like Maher - who has a really big microphone - make some casual, careless joke out of what was the very real experience of innocent human beings.

IT. WAS. WRONG.

That being said?  I defend his right to say it, and I defend the rights of every single person to have an opinion and be part of the backlash.  I defend whatever decision HBO may come to regarding Maher.  Maher got his free speech, and now he will get his free consequences.  The same lesson learned by Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, etc.  Run your mouth all you want, but do not act surprised when not everyone is on board with what comes out of it.

Look, we have reached a place in this country where civil discourse is dying.  It is being replaced with constant name calling, derision, heinous memes, mocking gifs, Twitter bots, and a President who constantly foments more of the same.  Courtesy in thought and deed are mocked.  And trying to be a standup person and defend someone can literally get you killed.  So frankly, it is not a surprise when a Colbert refers to Trump as a "cock holster" for Putin, or a Griffin holds up a fake head. And a lot of us do laugh because political comedians help us release some of the depression, tension, frustration we feel each day.  (And GOPers, do not act like you aren't laughing at Dennis Miller, Chonda Pierce, and the ever maniacal Ted Nugent - you are.)

But the reality is I keep waiting for us to hit bottom, because once there, we will have no choice but to start pulling one another up, but every time we seem to get close, someone pulls out a bigger backhoe and we fall further into the hole.

And that, I simply cannot defend.

Let Them Eat Fake

What just transpired in the Rose Garden is not surprising.  Disheartening, yes.  Sickening, most assuredly.  But surprising?  Not even remotely.

Trump did what he was expected to do.  He put us on a list of three countries, including Nicaragua and Syria, that will not participate in the Paris Agreement.  As of this date, 195 countries have signed.  (For the record, Nicaragua refused to sign on as they stated it was not tough enough.)

But because Trump is about revenge above all else, and because his arch nemesis, the man in black, er, sorry, the black man, President Obama, signed the United States into the agreement, it must be undone.  Like the Affordable Care Act as a whole.  Like the birth control provision it contains.  Like protections for LGBTQIA citizens.  Like anything Obama had a hand in.

This 70 year old reprobate, who has proven himself woefully ignorant on just about every topic under the sun, has decided that the sun can continue to eat this planet up, and he is more than willing to assist its speed.  Climate change evidence be damned.  The man with the best words, who listens to himself, has decided that the science he cannot even begin to understand, well, it doesn't matter.

And you know what?  To him it won't.  By all accounts, he is one large KFC bucket away from his canned ham of a heart exploding.  (Which comes first?  The impeachment or the coronary aneurysm? I'm sure there is more than one sports book in Vegas laying odds and taking bets.)  And his equally dim progeny only care about having their inheritance protected by sucking up to Daddy's corpulent power teat.  So let Rome, and the world, burn.  They'll be in the White House playing fiddles (made in China - same factory as his ties and Ivanka's shoes).

The saddest part of this action is to see his dirt dumb base cheering it on.  And it is not because they understand something, anything, about the Paris Agreement, climate change, science in general.  It's because they are, like their hero, all about hate, vengeance, victimhood, and "winning."  They are the ones who elect leaders who bring snowballs into Congress as some half assed proof that global warming is a hoax (Senator Jim Inhofe).  The ones who cheer representatives who declare God will correct whatever we f**k up in the climate

Not kidding about those.

This past Friday Rep. Tim Walberg (R-MI) held a town hall in which he proudly replied to a constituent who asked if he believed in climate change, "Well, as a Christian, I believe that there is a creator in God who is much bigger than us.  And I’m confident that, if there’s a real problem, he can take care of it.”

Yeah, THAT is running around in governance.  And he is not alone.  The move towards a theocrazy grows daily.  Religion seeping in more and more, rational thought being shown the door.

So, no, it is not a surprise that Trump flipped the world the bird.  He knows the world despises him, that world leaders laugh at him.  But he also knows that all he has to do is mumble "God" and he has blind support in the House and Senate and in his horrendously hypocritical supporters.

They are cheering loudly online this afternoon.  (They have zero concept that it will take upwards of four years to actually withdraw from the agreement.  They believe that because he says a thing, POOF, it is done.)  His millions of Twitter-bots are reTweeting and liking his every 140 character brain fart.  They don't know why they are cheering.  The real people, not the bots. The bots are actually doing what they are designed to do - give the appearance of support.  The real folk?  They have not clue one.  Seriously, try to engage one, draw one out.  Ask them to explain what is so great about him removing us from an international agreement meant to help protect this planet, to help keep it inhabitable for future generations.  ASK THEM.  PUSH THEM.  Within two sentences you will be called a "libtard snowflake" and they will invoke some version of "suck it up, he's YOUR President" "Hillary is a criminal" "Obama ruined us the last 8 years" and their favorite "Get ready for 8 years of Trump and then President Ivanka."

(Point of order - no, he is not my President.  He goes out of his way to make sure me, and all those who do not agree with him, know that.  We are regularly called losers and enemies by this manchild in his 140 character screeds.  He makes it clear he is not our President.)

Trump has so convinced them that anything they do not like is fake.  Fake news, fake media, fake science, fake popular vote count, fake investigations into Russia collusion.  Fake, fake, fake.  

So why should they believe that the seas are rising?  That the ice caps are melting?  That weather systems continue to change in dramatic ways?  That we should be more responsible?

They have been given permission to stay stupid.  Sarah Palin started the trend towards idiocy being fashionable, education being elite.  Being dumb took on a certain cache', if you will.  Then along came Trump, and he let loose the dogs of boor.  Boorish, rude, dangerous, STUPIDITY was acquitted and released from the chains imposed on it by enlightened society.

Trump's tour de farce was an abysmal, embarrassing failure on the international stage.  What he did today only serves to cement that we have allowed a true idiot to ascend to the most powerful position in this country.  Not the world, mind you.  Make no mistake - we are NOT the leader of the free world any longer.  Germany?  France?  Sure.  But we have been firmly shown to a seat at the kiddie table.  Actually, scratch that.  Trump has chosen a seat at the kiddie table.  A table where he can play in his food, douse it all with ketchup, and fling forks full of chocolate cake at the grown ups' backs.  

As a country, we do not deserve a seat at the grown up table, a voice in any intelligent conversation.  We elected a human hamster wheel to represent us.

He does not care.  Not about you.  Not about me.  Trump continues to behave exactly as he has always behaved - without consequence, without thought, with only the greater glory of Trump as the goal.

Historians differ on who exactly uttered the infamous quote "Let them eat cake."  Attributed most often to Marie Antoinette and an attitude of "fuck the little people", Trump has take that view and torqued it.  HE will eat the chocolate cake (most beautiful).

As for us?  It's pretty plain that King Donald prefers to "let them eat fake."