Don't Get Me Started with Linda Sharp

Words Matter

This morning, as the embarrassing transcript of Trump's AP interview was attempting to be read by those brave enough to risk cerebral hemorrhage, something truly stark in its contrast was taking place on a stage at the University of Chicago.

President Obama sat between a group of young people, talking, listening, engaging.  It was a conversation about civic engagement, community organizing, relating to one another.  His presence was, as it always has been, calming, soothing.  His words were, as they always have been, articulate, thoughtful, measured.

And for almost 90 minutes, people the world over watched, listened, and reminisced.  We remembered what it was to have an adult in the position of most powerful leader in the world.  We remembered what it was to have a President who paused as he answered questions - truly taking in the query and giving a response that contained information, thought, context.  We remembered what it was like to learn from his words - history, governance, world affairs - and to be spurred on to learn more.

More than anything, we remembered what it felt like to be proud of the person representing our country on the world stage.

Contrast that with the Trump interview in which he puts Palin word salad to shame.  Hell, Trump makes Palin come off as a poet laureate.  Compared to his inability to even fully answer a single question, Sarah Palin was a gifted orator.  His interview rambles, meanders, falls in holes, obfuscates, and stymies.  His vocabulary is frighteningly limited, his need for self aggrandizement simply frightening.

To use the Gertrude Stein quote, "There is no there, there" when it comes to Trump's capacity for thoughtful discourse, comprehension, or intellect.

It is embarrassing to read through and amounts to nothing more than a series of pats on the ass for himself, and the repeated use of the word "great" in relation to everything he touches, his achievements (which are nil), and his relations with other world leaders (they are laughing) = great great greatgreatgreat.

Coming on the heels of this verbal Chernobyl, President Obama's appearance was like brain balm to those us for whom attempting to comprehend Trump has caused chapped cerebellums.

Watching President Obama, listening to him draw those young people out, I was repeatedly reminded of what a leader should be.  A leader must engage with the people in the conversation or there is no conversation.  The young people on stage covered many colors, ethnic backgrounds, and yes, even politics - a young man in college, a Republican, sat next to Obama.  And when he was engaged by the former President, it was with interest, thought, sincerity.  Anyone watching could tell the young man felt safe.  And he felt heard.

That person stood out to me because, while I cannot understand anyone being a Republican given what that party stands for (or what they stand against), I find it even more challenging to grasp a young person aligning themselves with that mindset.  I completely respected that when Obama engaged him in a one-on-one, he started off by acknowledging a hard truth - that being a young Republican on a college campus has to be more than challenging, especially these days.  Colleges are places where minds should be expanding, not stagnating.  Places where a student is rubbing up against all kinds of people, cultures, mindsets.  A place where their horizons are growing by leaps and bounds.  Where stereotypes they may have grown up believing are busted by actually meeting people who do not fit them.

Sure, a place like Liberty University will help reinforce those stereotypes, limit those minds, and keep them locked in step with very small marching orders in terms of thought, but state colleges, liberal arts colleges, etc, offer a young person a chance to test what they think they know against reality.  And that typically means they start to throw off the mental chains that have confined them and they become more open, accepting, thirsty to learn more about the world in which they live.

So yes, I imagine being a young Republican is a hard badge to wear.  And President Obama acknowledged that, drawing the young man out.  And as that young man spoke, the President leaned in, actively listening, and when it was time, he asked more questions.  That boy may not agree with Obama's politics, but I guarantee you he felt HEARD.

As the conversations continued, I watched that young man closely.  As Obama spoke about our history, our actual shared goals that get blurred by rhetoric, that college student listened and I saw something happening.  I watched cognitive dissonance taking hold - you could literally see it in his face.  He was struggling against what he was taught to think, what he thinks he thinks, and trying hard to reconcile that with the measured, intelligent, articulate, fact based responses coming out of our 44th President.

When it was over, I kept watching.  The former President was shaking the hands and hugging each person that had shared the stage with him.  When he got to that young man, the handshake was genuine, they spoke quietly to one another, and that young Republican smiled, not wanting the conversation to stop.

Such is the gift of words.  The gift of being in the presence of greatness, of intelligence, of someone who sees you, hears you, lets you know you matter.

The intro of A Tale of Two Cities has been on a loop in my brain the rest of the day:  It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

Trump personifies the worst - in shallow thought, in ineffectual deed, in a proven incapacity for intelligent discourse.

And President Obama personifies the best - reminding us of our history, how we got here, breaking down our struggles, reminding us that we are all in this High School Musical together, and more than anything else reigniting the embers of hope in what we can be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you missed it, here is the full video.

Remind Yourself What Greatness Sounds Like

You Reap What You Sow

Today is Earth Day.  Hundreds of thousands are taking to the streets across the country and around the world in support of Mother Earth and SCIENCE - the very thing that will help us treat her better, understand her more, extend her life, and in turn extend our own.

As we are now weighed down by an administration peopled with those not smart enough to pass a high school Chem class, daily we see the cutbacks, programs discontinued, funding suspended.  The results will be dire, lasting far beyond the days of the Trump regime.  Ices will continue to melt, oceans will continue to rise, emissions will continue to eat away at our protective layer.

Articles about the dangers being courted and embraced by these intellectually dim bulbs are everywhere.  So today I am writing about a different kind of pollution.

Noise.

In the shape of a corpulent windbag out of Austin who rants until he looks like a tick about to pop, and who has a following of compromised, easily led, bumper sticker thinkers and conspiracy theorists, including the one who inhabits the Oval Office.

Yes, I am speaking of Alex Jones, the brainless blowhard behind InfoWars.  

His rants always result in his skin going the color of a deep summer tomato, sweat beading on his receding hairline, and tears filling his rheumy eyes as he warns his listeners about everything from pedophile pizza parlors to chemtrails to gay frogs.

I'm not kidding. 

Daily he goes apoplectic about some crazy theory he has found by digging through his own toilet.  And his listeners gobble his verbal diarrhea up like it's their last meal on earth.

Look, carnival barkers have attracted the gullible since the first curtain was erected.  As a species we like to be titillated, teased, offered a glimpse at things few will ever see, and be privy to inside information.  Barnum knew it, grew rich from it.  Glenn Beck knows it, and filled his coffers from chalk dust and Vicks tears.  Trump knows it, he is President because of it.  

And Alex Jones knows it.  By constantly sliding off the mental tracks onto his own inner third rail, he electrifies his listeners, planting every half assed and full assed theory under the sun.  Nothing is ever what it seems in the Jonesosphere.  Everything is deep, dark, secret, and scary - VERY SCARY.  Nothing is to be believed, except of course, what Jones bellows.

Like his endless rants about the horrific killings at Sandy Hook Elementary.  The life ending, life altering shooting that took 20 little children and 7 adults has been repeatedly denounced by Jones as a hoax, a government set up, a false flag event.  His same dribble about Oklahoma City, Columbine, 9/11.  Small minds like his can never accept that big shit happens.

His endless taunts about Sandy Hook being a hoax, that the children were all actors, that none of them really died fed the weak minds of his listeners who fill their own tiny lives with meaning by thinking only they know the truth about, well, about whatever shiny object their gaze is directed towards.  The results of Jones's heinous ramblings meant that grieving parents in Newtown became and still are - five years later - targets of these wetbrained dullards.  Facebook pages and websites exist allowing them to group together creating an even larger, more noxious organism to feed off itself.

Their stalking, taunting, harassing, and cruelty towards the parents who lost children that day is galling.  And Jones has made sure that their need for conspiracy "speed" is always met.  He whines, rants, barks, threatens, filling his microphone with spittle and his listeners with fomented faux rage.  When Trump not only engaged him, but became a vocal fan of the crackpot during his campaign, InfoWars was pushed even further, in the minds of Alex's listeners, into legitimacy.

Dead children be damned - the dollars flowed in!

But karma does what she always does.  She sits and waits, biding her time - often frustrating us with her endless well of patience - until the moment presents itself and she pounces.

You see, Alex Jones is in the middle of a nasty custody battle over his three children.  His ex is working to remove them from his temper, his bile, his toxic influence.  Alex and his attorney are arguing that his on-air persona is just that - a cultivated facade, a hoax, if you will.  They claim Jones is a "performance artist."  

His attorney has told the court, “He does it with humor. He has done it with bombasity. He has done it with sarcasm. He has done it with wit.” The attorney swears that it’s something Jones can and does turn off.  (Insert sound of InfoWarriors anuses tightening in unison at the mere thought of their moonfaced god not really believing what he preaches to them.)

His ex-wife begs to differ and is in court because she fears for her three children, ages 9-14, currently in his custody.  Her attorney argues that Jones has openly bragged about being “superpowerful” and “superaggressive” and that the person on-air is the same person when off-air.  Her concerns are valid.  Presented in court were recordings from when his oldest was 12.  He has allowed his oldest son to be on his show, gleefully telling listeners his staff have "taken him under their wing" helping him record his own InfoWars style rants.  "He is undoubtedly cut out for this, and I intend for him to eclipse what I’ve done,' Jones said. 'He's a way greater person than I was at 12."

As for that "superpowerful" and "superaggressive" personality?  Jones has not helped his case in that regard, having to be admonished and threatened by the judge to turn off his bodily antics as the opposing lawyer speaks.  And Thursday afternoon he blew up shouting, “You sit here and twist things; I’ve never seen anything like it in all of literature or the movies. You have won the award, sir. No decency, zero.”

Seriously, Alex?  Do you hear yourself?  You are the king of sitting on your ever widening ass and twisting things.  You literally howl at the parents of dead children that their children were never real to begin with.  Allow me to use your own words:  You have won the award, sir. No decency, zero.”

Compounding this delicious schadenfreude is his own statement, released last evening:

After decades of showing no respect for the dead, openly disparaging grieving families, spreading insane theories like so much manure on a cornfield, and courting as much public attention as possible, you have the gall to now preach about your children?  About respect and responsibility?  About privacy and best interests?

Cry me a river - if the tears don't come easy, ask Glenn if you can borrow his trusty Vick's container.

OK, I personally think your children should be left out of the news and opinion pieces - they are minors and have no control over having issued from your disgusting loins.  But you?  Sorry, asswipe, you are fair game, and you deserve to get as good as you give.  Or in this case, as BAD as you give.  You deserve to have your pimpled ass raked over the public coals, have every aspersion in the books cast at you, and have your every lunacy rebroadcast at every turn.  Those rants that you are so proud of, that afford you your private studio and 7,600 square foot house?  ALL FAIR GAME.  You record them and upload them with pride.  You literally cried on-air about President Obama and Hillary being "demons from hell" who "smell like sulfur."  You savaged philanthropic efforts by Bill Gates as being some nefarious "eugenics project."  You wail about chemtrails turning our kids gay.  You salivated at the world's biggest carnie declaring himself a fan and coming on your show.  

You don't get to back away from your insanity now because it is inconvenient to your current cause.  Perhaps you should have taken note how your new boyfriend, "The Donald", has never let court proceedings get to the point where he is dragged in.  He knows what his personal grain silo is filled with and fears having it exposed to daylight and the public.

As for your claim that this is just a character you play?  My advice would be to watch your back.  Your InfoWarriors are not the most stable pieces in the Jenga tower and do not like being lied to by their heroes.

Performance art or not, you reap what you sow, Alex.  And in your case, it is a bumper crop of karma.

It's A New Day

We are now three full days from when Toby underwent top surgery as part of his transitioning.  

Three days of pain med stupor, lots of napping.

Three days of becoming an expert at measuring, charting, and clearing his drains. (Yes, drains are employed for constant fluid removal, as the body's response to the surgery and creation of all that new space is to flood it with fluid.  The fluid must be drained and the area is wrapped and compressed so it heals properly.)

Three days of Mom and Dad sharing nursing duties.

Three days of Mom helping with nursing doodies.  :)  (Arm movement is pretty restricted, so...)

Three days of being so appreciative for your love and support.  Your well wishes, prayers, love, and light have been amazing, and more than that, they have been FELT.

And three days in which Toby keeps looking down the inside front of his shirt and emerging with a smile.

Even wrapped up, drains in place, it is easy to see the transformation.  Toby sees a body far more aligned on the outside with who he knows himself to be on the inside.  I see, well, what I see is that it just looks right.

His chest now simply looks the way it should have always looked.

In the very beginning, when I wrote about his coming out to me, I explained that in that moment, all the pieces about him that had floated around in my subconscious, suddenly locked together in a blinding moment of clarity.  The AH HA! when everything suddenly makes perfect sense.  This step is the natural extension of that clarity.  

I know there are readers who still cannot comprehend the whole transgender "thing" (not my word), much less Rudy and I being completely supportive in all the steps we have taken with Toby thus far.  What I will continue to stress is that we, especially ME, after having been around this person nearly every day for over 20 years, knows him.  I am as close as an outsider can be to knowing, to understanding his inner truth.

This is who he is.  Who he has always been.

It is simply our privilege to be his parents.  To help him.  To support him.  To watch this transformation taking place.  It's not scary, it's not odd.  Every step has been thoughtful, deliberate, considered, advised.

And every step, especially this one, has found one song playing on repeat in my head - Feeling Good.  It encompasses his happiness, his wholeness, his being exactly who he is.  Lyrics altered for the occasion...

Birds flying high
You know how he feels
Sun in the sky
You know how he feels
Breeze driftin' on by
You know how he feels
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For him
And he's feeling good!

The Waiting Is The Hardest Part

My child is in surgery right now.

That statement, in and of itself, is not precedent setting.  Kendall has had three knee surgeries, wisdom teeth have been removed, etc.  But today is a little different.

Today, Toby is having top surgery - yes, our transgender son is having his breast tissue removed.  And no, it is not a piece of parenting road Rudy and I ever envisioned walking.

Yet walk we are.

Parenting is, after all - in our opinion at least - an all in, go where it goes proposition.  That means knee surgeries, wisdom teeth, Wonder Womaning in when one was discovered to be in an abusive relationship.  It means the highs, the lows, the accolades, the fuck ups.  The joy, the pain, the laughter, the tears.

And, more than anything, the completely unexpected.

As I sit here in the waiting room, my thoughts are all over the place.  I flash to when Toby was born.  Perfect, beautiful, full of life, that cheek dimple on full display.  Then just as quickly I see the moment he came out to me.  I see the couch in the living room, the fear in his eyes, the hesitation in his voice as he struggled to find the words that would set us down this uncharted path.

And then, I see him here in the waiting room a couple hours ago, surgical gown on, taking funny selfies, amusing Rudy and I so as the tension and nerves could not find footing.

That is who Toby James Sharp is.

A human being who thinks of others before he thinks of himself.  And for that, especially today, we are forever grateful.  In the run up to this surgery, he has been nothing but excitement, positivity.  It has allowed the rest of us to indulge our rotten humor.  See our family group texts this morning:

It allowed Rudy and I to hug him as they took him to surgery, and not be gripped by fear.  It allows us to currently sit here, watching the Champions League game on our computer and breathe easy about what is going on just down the hall.  

Toby is unafraid, so we are unafraid.

Parenting is dicey.  You bring a child into your life and you move from one day to the next.  Maybe you never have a hiccup that jerks you out of the pages of a parenting digest.  Maybe your life is just one big Hallmark card - it happens.  But the more likely scenario is that we are all on our own journeys, juggling the unexpected, mitigating what we can, adapting to the circumstances presented.  It could be autism, depression, cancer, cystic fibrosis, broken hearts, broken bones, suicide, accidental death - you name it, there is a parent(s) charting their course through it.

Everything I have listed, I have watched a dear friend face.  Friends with children who do not fall into the societal "normal" but who are an endless joy to their families.  I have watched friends fear their child will never make it beyond the incubator in the hospital, so tiny, so compromised, yet proving themselves to be a mini prize fighter.  I know what it looks like to see someone walking awake through a nightmare that will never end.  

For all the years I have shared my family with the world, I know what it has looked like.  High achieving, beautiful, stable, healthy kids - three of them.  How in the world did we get so lucky?  <---I have thought that repeatedly through the years.

Let me make it clear right now - I STILL THINK THAT.

This piece of road - Toby being transgender - does not make me feel unlucky on any level.  Rudy and I still feel absolutely blessed.  Toby may not be the gender we thought he was at birth, but he is the person he was at birth, the person he has been his entire life.

Toby gives even when others take without end.  Toby has patience beyond the saints.  Toby loves without limits.  Toby inspires.  Toby is brave, funny, kind, compassionate, smart, talented, athletic.  Toby IS joy.  

Toby was not a planned child - but hey, how many children are truly according to some time table - we were happy and done with two.  But he came.  And for 19 years, as Carson, he added life, love, happiness, and laughter to this family.  Since becoming Toby, he has added no less.  If anything, he has added more.

As with Hurricane Iniki in 1992, that hit Kauai and left us with nothing but each other and a four month old Culley, Typhoon Toby has come along and made us realize that our parenting talk is also our parenting walk.  The hurricane solidified for us that our moral fiber was unshakable.  We could buy another TV.  We could not buy another us, or Culley.

With Toby, his transgender status simply highlighted that what we always talked - acceptance, unconditional love, advocacy - were more than just words.  They are the ethos of Rudy and I as parents.  

Toby's physical appearance changes today.  It is a profound step in both psychology and physicality.  

What doesn't change is WHO he is.  Who WE are.

We are the very proud parents of three amazing children.  

And what I want to stress to you, above all, is that you do not get to choose where your parenting road will go.   How you navigate it, however, reveals the person you are.  Be the parent who loves no matter what.

Thank you for letting me ramble as we sit here longing for more updates.  As they say, "the waiting is the hardest part..."

Truth Or Scare

Well, it's been a helluva run, this planet Earth of ours.  It's seen highs, lows, floods and famine, dinosaurs, asteroids, hemorrhoids, volcanoes erupting, tornados, tsunamis, hurricanes, monsoons, haboobs, man's inhumanity to man, man's amazing outreach to man, saints, sinners, killers, leaders, barbarians, and innocents by the billions.

She has weathered it all, not giving two shits in a whirlwind how we manage.  Just watching, evolving, eroding, decaying.  As the dominant species on the planet, our legacy is also not giving two shits in a whirlwind about how we treat her - taking what we want, ripping, tearing, abusing - our hubris making us believe we can never do any actual damage that, you know, could come back and bite us in the collective ass.

Science and all its messy facts and data are inconvenient, not to mention way too far above most people's heads.  Easier to deny than to learn.  And a popular mindset among climate deniers and planet rapers is, "Well, if it happens someday, I'll be dead."

Usually that "it" is in reference to the air we breathe, the bees that literally insure we have food, the ice caps, etc. 

But a much larger danger inhabits the planet these days.

An ignorant, know nothing blowhard who is now playing at war.  A man who inherited position and wealth.  Who has never actually worked a day in his life.  Whose golf exploits are legend.  Hordes of his citizens are brainwashed into thinking he is all that and a bag of potato chips.  They tremble with delight when he speaks to them, they profess undying patriotism and allegiance to the state.  They hate the outside world, having all those ignorances and fears reinforced every time dear leader appears before them.  When he speaks, he taunts the world, threatens countries near and far.  An arsenal at his disposal, he is like a child playing at soldier, only he is no soldier, no true leader.  Just a hubris laden dullard who employs fear to get and keep his way.  And should you cross him?   Watch your back forever.  He holds a grudge like no other and will eventually hunt you down for retribution.  He also has an irrational need to win, to grab his metaphorical balls and flip off the world.  And the world despises him.  Leaders of other countries have nothing but disdain for him.  They laugh at him.  All the while worrying about his legendary emotional instability and the cadre of yes men who surround him.

I am not talking about Kim Jong Un.

I could be.  The descriptors all fit exactly the same.  But in this case, I am speaking of our own Easter basket of insanity and rotten eggs, Donald Trump.

And that's the problem.  These two mental defectives, who have no one around them to tell them NO, are now engaged in the most dangerous game of chicken this planet has ever seen.  Millions and millions of their citizens' lives hang in the balance, millions more in neighboring countries are on edge, and they do not care.  What's at stake for them is saving face, being the biggest bully on the playground, and not being the first to blink.  And the means to their ends could well mean our end - nuclear weapons.

Two temper tantrum, pants shitting toddlers with access to the weaponry that has the ability to end us.  They have no understanding of the science, the fallout, the absolute devastation.  I am sure they know they have a place to hide, deep underground.  But they care not one whit for what is callously called collateral damage - meaning us.

Yes, you, too, Trumpsters.  Why you continue to believe Trump actually cares about your losery lives is beyond me.  This man would not cross the street to pee on you if you were on fire.  You were an easily led collective, practicing selective blindness to his past, his present, and the future he clearly promised at every rally, but which you are now stunned to see unfolding.  (What's that?  The wall would put your house on the side of Mexico?  Too bad, so sad.  Your husband was just deported?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  What in the everloving f**k did you think was going to happen?  HE. TOLD. YOU.)  

You voted for a carnival barker, a professional conman.  Ever see the movie Matchstick Men?  YOU are the old couple at the dining room table giving Nik Cage their life savings.  You are Nik Cage at the end of the movie when he gets Nik Caged by a better conman.  You voted this maniac into power, and deserve every bit of the disgrace and reality coming your way.  The problem is the rest of us do not deserve it.  We outvoted you, yet there he is, your Tangerine Hero, eating chocolate cake, playing golf, and dropping bombs.

This man who swore he would be too busy working for us to ever play golf, took off again yesterday for Florida and was on the golf course this morning.  His threats against North Korea still hanging warm in the air, and he takes a long weekend.  This is his 17th time to golf in 12 weeks.  You people harangued President Obama for every stroke he took, yet refuse to call your dear leader on this hypocritical, expensive bullshit.  I swear, if he started telling you he got 18 hole-in-ones today, you would believe him.  You know who else does that?

Kim Jong Un.

Because who is going to call him out?  Bannon?  Ivanka?  Jared?  His sons, Beavis and Butthead?  Of course not.  They have all hitched their wagon to a czar.  And they know damned well the penalty for dissent.

What Trump supporters need to start trying to understand is that to the rest of the world, he is the United States' Kim Jong Un.  Trump is not respected, he is ridiculed.  World leaders laugh at him.  They strategize how to mitigate his follies and fuck ups.  They discuss how best to handle him.

And now, this ridiculous foam fingered mindset of "We're #1!" has its finger on the button.  This bloodstained notion that we can just run roughshod into and over other sovereign nations because WE'RE AMURIKA, DAMMIT! is coming back to finally bite us in the egotistical ass.  And when it does, people are going to die.  A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE GOING TO DIE.

Are you ready to be collateral damage when Trump takes his bravado one chest thump too far?  Ready to watch your children die in nuclear winter?  Because it will happen.  Kim Jong Un thinks of YOU the way Trump thinks of Un's citizens - he doesn't.  You are nameless, faceless, and they are reckless, careless.

Here is what I will tell you about the citizens of North Korea - they want to live.  They have families, jobs, passions, ambitions.  Yes, they live in an unthinkable oppression (look in the mirror), but they laugh, they cry, they love - JUST LIKE US.  Their lives have value.  Why do so many people - looking at you Trumpsters - not understand that?  You, in the red MAGA hat, are no more important than them.  You just happen to have the freedom to make some choices, spectacularly bad ones, but you still get to make them.  We ARE them. They ARE us.  

Yesterday Trump dropped a MOAB in Afghanistan.  His glee all too apparent as he gets to play with his new toys.  And the problem with that is simple - he is ratcheting up each time, and we are becoming more inured each time.  So when he finally asks for the briefcase "football" to be opened, the populace will just think, "Oh, well, I guess that IS next."

We are not #1.  Not in anything.  Not in health, education, science, economy.  Hell, not even in having an unstable, egomaniacal dictator at the helm of our country.

We share that honor with North Korea.  These dangerous children are one and the same.  Call them Kim Don Un(stable). And they are now engaged in a deadly game of Truth or Scare.

God help us all.

Sorry, planet Earth, it was a helluva run.

When It's None Of Your F**king Business

I do not watch Survivor.  Let me state that up front.  Nothing against the show, I used to watch it, I just haven't in a long time.

That being said, I know it is out there.  Can even name some of the players.

As of this morning, I can name two in particular:  Zeke and Varner.

As of last night's airing of the Survivor episode, their lives are both forever changed.  One, I hope for the better - Zeke.  One, who deserves the derision tsunami heading his way.

You see, Zeke Smith, in a heinous moment of what is charitably described as self preservation, was outed by Jeff Varner as being transgender.  Jeff being almost assuredly ready to be voted off the island as they sat around the fire debating who would "die" in that episode.

His words meant to provoke some sense of outrage from the other competitors. “Why haven’t you told anyone that you’re transgender?”  The words dripping with "Ah ha! You big deceiver!  NOW let's see who gets voted off!"

The video is out there to see.  The shock, the hurt, the confusion written on Zeke's face.  His piece, sharing so openly about his life and that moment, can be read here.  It is a heartfelt, candid, baring of the soul that I would encourage all to invest in.

Varner quickly found that his big reveal only revealed one thing - That he is a shitful excuse for a human being.  A vote was not even necessary.  He was gone.

That being said, his flame may have been extinguished, but his actions have stoked a raging bonfire of discussion.

For me, it boils down to one thing - when something is none of your fucking business.

This notion that Zeke was running some deception on everyone is one of the main misconceptions about transgender people as a whole.  Living their lives as who they are is not a deception. It is what you do every single day you wake up, get out of bed, and go out into the world.  Do you have a fat ass in your past?  Maybe you were anorexic.  Did you used to be an insufferable asshole who saw the light and changed?  Maybe you hit a puppy with your car when you were 16.  Did you have a mastectomy and now wear inserts in your bra?  Are you being treated for depression?  OCD?  A disease?  Perhaps you can't get an erection without a pill?  Do you have a foot fetish?  Have the hots for your boss?  Do you have herpes?  HPV? HIV?  Poison ivy?  The list of what lives under your surface is endless and nobody's business unless you tell them.

A transgender person is under no obligation at any time to inform you that they are transgender. This notion of "deceiving" is utter and complete bullshit. You are not entitled to a transgender person's history or transition path. If they choose to share it with you, that is their's to decide.  And if you have been trusted with their personal truth, it is not yours to disseminate to others.  

If a transgender person decides to tell no one, it is not about deceiving you.  It is about a personal choice.  Quite frankly, it should be as important as telling you what their favorite flavor of ice cream is.  IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHO THEY ARE AS A PERSON.

My son is transgender.  We made a decision almost a year ago to be public about this.  To be open and honest and candid in the hopes we could open some eyes and hearts and minds.  To make this relateable.  To help people see that he is a human being - no more, no less than are you.  To pull back the curtain on what transitioning means, to teach that every transgender person is on a singular, unique journey of their own.  That just as there is no "one size fits all" with cis people, neither is there a "one size fits all" for transgender people.

And the reason is that human beings are complex.  Every single one of us is just that:  SINGLE.  Unique, different in a million tiny ways.  What happens next is that society decides certain things that set a person apart from the herd are scary, bad, to be subject to discrimination, ostracization, demoralization.  We have seen this pattern repeat throughout the history of humanity.  Religion, skin color, sexual preference, gender identity - all being dragged to the chopping block.  

And when too many in society gather around that chopping block, the most heinous things take place.  The Crusades, slavery, lynchings, beatings, hell, even the Crucifixtion took place in the bloody warmth of group think.  Ooo!  I'm safe because the finger is not pointed at me!

Outings, like Zeke's, are no different.  The trans suicide attempt rate is 41%, largely because society is a scary fucking place for transgender people.  Transgender women of color are murdered at an alarming rate.  MURDERED.  Because this idea of "deception" is so ingrained that people feel substantiated in killing another human being.

Let me again be clear - IT IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS.

Our choice has been to be open, transparent as we travel this path with our son.  It is with his knowledge, consent, and contribution that I write about it.  That is OUR choice.  For now.  At some point down the road, the only new people who will know he is transgender are those he chooses to bring into his confidence.  A new friend, a professor, perhaps a lover.  And at those points, he will control the narrative.  He will decide.  And it will be scary every single time because of this notion of deception.  Not because he is deceiving you.  But because you may be masquerading as an open, accepting person when in fact you are revealed to be a shitful, ignorant bigot.

Transgender people are not running some scam on you.  It is not a ruse.  They are simply trying to live their lives, just like you, just like me.

I see this online a lot:  MYOB.  Mind your own business.  If this is your mindset about your particulars, why would you think it does not extend to everyone else?

I applaud Zeke for his bravery, his grace, his ability to even respond when this happened to him.  I have seen many start to argue "well, he went on a big program, so he took this chance."  Apologists in action.  Yes, he went on this show.  As the competitor he is.  As the man he is.  He did not trade on the word transgender to get noticed by producers.  He simply went on as a competitor.  He did not go on to have some asshole betray his confidence and then use his being transgender as some unforgivable sin.  

And for those who have made much over the fact that they are shocked Varner, a gay man, did this to another person is the LGBTQIA community?  Don't be.  PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE. Period. There are good, bad, shitty, compassionate, backstabbing, conniving, and honest ones in every strata of society. Being gay does not mean someone can't still be an inherent asshole. Being transgender doesn't mean someone can't be a racist. Being Christian doesn't mean someone is actually loving. The LGBTQIA community is not one big kumbaya collective.  There is cattiness, hate, and yes, discrimination within the ranks.  Sad, but true.

What Varner revealed about himself in that episode is who he is as a HUMAN BEING.  His homosexuality has as little to do with his humanity as does Zeke being transgender.

Look, you have been around transgender people your entire life.  You just don't know it.  If you feel deceived to read that statement, ask yourself WHY?

And then read this statement till it sinks in:  This is one of those times when it's none of your fucking business.

Just Another Day In Scare-adice

Benjamin Franklin once famously wrote that "in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” 

Well, that may have held for a long time, uncertainty being the hallmark of human behaviors, and all, but these days there seem to be permanent additions to the list of inevitables.

Like...

Trump will head to Mar-a-Lago like a UTI patient heads to a toilet.  Indeed he just returned from there and has already announced he shall be heading back again this coming weekend.  Taxpayer costs be damned.

Airline passengers will be subject to arbitrary exclusions like leggings, deadheading flight crews, frightening other passengers by *gasp* wearing a headdress or speaking in a brown language.  Quite frankly, I am far more frightened by someone in a red MAGA headdress than a hijab, turban, or taqiyah.

And, we will continue to take our deep sighs as more gun deaths fill our news feeds.

Today, while the world was directing its indignation (rightfully so) at United Airlines "passenger re-accommodation system", another story was bleeding, quite literally, into the headlines.

At an elementary school in San Bernadino, California, a man entered, found his estranged wife in her special needs classroom, and began firing.  

Cedric Anderson, 53, managed to kill his wife, Karen Smith, also 53, as well as an 8 year old boy standing behind her.  He also hit a 9 year old standing behind Karen, before turning the gun on himself.  (I will never understand why these cowards cannot just eat their precious gun and leave innocents out of their misery.)

The 8 year old boy, whose only crime was being in the wrong place at the wrong time, died at the hospital.  Tonight, instead of eating dinner, watching cartoons, playing Nintendo, doing homework - Jonathan Martinez lies dead in a hospital morgue, his family devastated.  Their world now devoid of cartoon colors, only gray remaining.  Their food will forever taste like ashes.

Because some cowardly fuck with a criminal history of domestic violence, drug, and weapons charges, had access to a gun.

Cue the impotent tweets of "thoughts and prayers" from our politicians.  The same politicians who could effect meaningful change, won't.  We know that.  If Sandy Hook taught us nothing but this, it's that our politicians care more about keeping the NRA and gun manufacturers happy than they do about keeping even its youngest constituents safe.

I mean, what's some dead children here and there, after all, right?  We have to protect and nurture that seriously bastardized 2nd amendment at all costs.  And apparently it needs regularly fed the blood of innocent bystanders in order to thrive.

And before anyone begins masturbating their barrel and screaming about arming schools - this crime was over and done before anyone knew it was happening.  The only thing that could have tipped this off is perhaps a metal detector between two sets of self locking doors that engage when something is actually detected.  

Cowards use the element of surprise.  Period.  They do not send a Tweet, status update, or balloon bouquet ahead indicating what they are about to do.  Where's the fun and body count in that?

I do not have any perfect answer, any more than does anyone else.  I am not a gun grabber, and I perfectly understand the original intent of the 2nd amendment <---AMENDMENT, meaning it was not in the original Constitution or Bill of Rights.  If anything, I would love to see an uprising of gun owners who take the responsibility and ownership of weapons seriously - I would love to hear them begin to craft reasonable, actionable proposals that may just help everyone.  You're out there.  LOTS OF YOU.

In the absence of that?

Metal detectors?  Yes, sadly, at the very least, these could provide a layer of security at schools, businesses.  Stringent background checks?  Of course.  That one is common sense, and frankly, if you have nothing to hide you should not have anything to bitch about when your background check takes a while.  Of course, in a country with well over 300,000,000 guns in circulation, circumventing a background check is pretty damned easy.

Death, taxes, airline inequities, Mar-a-Lago on lather, rinse, repeat, and bullet riddled bodies.  

In a country where we have had over 16,000 gun violence incidents and over 4,000 deaths in 2017 - that last one is surely making old Ben Franklin expand his list of two and spin in his grave.

We the people own this because we the people allow it.  A more perfect union?  Hardly.  Just another day for you and me in scare-adice.

Rest in peace, Jonathan and Karen.

Flying The Unfriendly Skies

By now the videos have all gone viral.  A 69 year old United Airlines passenger being violently removed from his Sunday flight, blood on his face, glasses askew, passengers vocalizing their disgust as he is literally dragged up the aisle and off the plane.

His crime?

Leggings?  Nope.  He was not wearing the offensive garment that garnered United such "wonderful" press less than a month ago when they refused to allow a 10 year old to board until she changed clothes.  (Yes, I know she was traveling with her family on employee passes.  I also know she is TEN YEARS OLD.)

Was he spouting dangerous words like "bomb"?  No.  Not even close.

His crime was being in his paid for seat when United needed four people to not be so they could accommodate a deadheading employee crew.

That's right, the flight was not even overbooked.  It was perfectly booked, perfectly filled by those who had paid for their tickets.

But they decided that their employees took precedence over their paying passengers and called for four volunteers.  Vouchers were offered, there were no takers.  Vouchers were upped to $800 per person and a hotel stay.  Still not enough takers, so United did a random computer pick of passengers and told them to get off.

This man needed to get back to work - doctor at a hospital - every bit as much as United's employees needed to get to their job this morning, however, United's gate agents decided the paying passenger came in second and had him physically removed by airport police.  He was knocked unconscious in the process.  He then somehow managed to get back on the plane and was removed on a stretcher and taken to the hospital because of his injuries sustained when they wrestled him off the first time knocking his head violently into an armrest.

The video is damning.  And there is plenty of it.  And it does not matter that United is now trying to hide behind the legalese in the Contract of Carriage - they have ignited yet another public relations dumpster fire and deserve every bit of the outrage coming their way.

Having grown up in this industry and having worked in it as well, I can tell you that, yes, airlines overbook flights.  Just like hotels overbook rooms - I worked in that industry as well and HATED working the 3-11 shift at the front desk when all the rooms were filled and a confirmed guest came in at 9 pm only to be told, "Sorry, but we have to walk you to X hotel."  (Walk being the terminology for placing a guest at a neighboring facility.)  They were never happy and I did not expect them to be.  

Overbooking is done because passengers and guests cancel, miss their flights, change their plans at the last minute.  It is all about gambling, playing the odds, and hoping you (the airline/hotel) win the roll of the dice.  Often the company loses the gamble and all guests show up, expecting their confirmations and money paid to be honored.

When that doesn't happen with an airline, well, let the games begin.  Announcements are made, vouchers are offered, and hopefully the needed passengers will step forward and accept what is offered in return for an alternate flight.  I have done it, Rudy has done it, our whole family has done it, banking vouchers for future travel.  

And that's fine when your travel plans are flexible enough to play the game.  You win, the airline wins, life goes on.  But sometimes no one is willing or able to alter their travel plans - they have a cruise on the other end of their flight.  They have work at the other end of their flight.  Perhaps they have a job interview, a loved one in the hospital, show tickets, OR they simply do not wish to take a later flight.

Rule 25 in the Contract of Carriage (that people read as faithfully as they read the iTunes bible of rules thrown at them when they upgrade) states,  “If there are not enough volunteers, other Passengers may be denied boarding involuntarily.” 

This man was not denied boarding.  He was already boarded and in his seat.

The "random" computer draw likely bypassed first class passengers and those holding United frequent flyer status, as the CoC also states “in accordance with UA’s boarding priority.”  That little line makes things a tad less "random."

So, what happens next?

Well, the local gate agents who decided to pursue this Hunger Games scenario probably did not envision their actions would be recorded and their entire airline would once again be front and center in a PR bloodbath.  They, like their airline's lawyers, are standing behind the CoC, trying desperately to spin their actions and deflect from the shitstorm of public ire now aimed at them.  (And no, it does not matter that this was a regional carrier - Republic - flying under the United Express brand - passengers book their flight with United, regardless of who the airline contracts to carry them.  United owns this entire problem.)

"We followed the right procedures," United spokesman Charlie Hobart said in an interview with the AP. "That plane had to depart. We wanted to get our customers to their destinations."

Um, this whole fiasco resulted in the plane's departure being delayed by three hours.  Chicago to Louisville, if driven, takes roughly 5 1/2 hours.  Perhaps United's better PR move would have been to either avail itself of its code sharing agreements with other airlines and deadhead their crews that way (commonplace), or told the crew to drive.  Hell, given the money they are going to lose to settle this quietly with the man who was dragged off, and the mountain of bad PR insuring those who have a choice will choose another airline, they could have gotten a private plane for their crew cheaper than this upcoming outlay.

Their CEO released a completely tone deaf "apology" this morning:

"I apologize for having to re-accommodate these customers. Our team is moving with a sense of urgency to work with authorities and conduct our own detailed review of what happened.  We are also reaching out to this passenger to talk directly to him and further address and resolve this situation."

It is pretty obvious that your paying passengers did not want to be "re-accommodated" for your employees.  

Should the man have tried to get back on the plane?  No, at that point he should have been on the phone with the nearest attorney, but he had paid for his seat and had patients to see this morning in Kentucky at his job, which - LISTEN UP, UNITED - IS EVERY BIT AS IMPORTANT AS YOUR EMPLOYEES' JOBS - and emotions were running very high.

Will United "win" with flying colors in this case should it advance to its inevitable litigious state?  NO.  Not even the Contract of Carriage will save them in the court of public opinion, and that is the court that ultimately matters to their bottom line.  The most likely scenario is that they will try to quietly settle this for a large sum and a non-disclosure agreement.

Perhaps this industry, which has successfully monetized every facet of the flying process - from suitcases to seat selection to boxed food - should finally start paying attention to its customers.  It is simple, really.  We, in good faith, pay for a service - you, in turn, provide said service.  We agree to understand situations beyond your control like weather and mechanical delays, you agree to not gamble with the service we paid you to provide.

Because the actual bottom line is this:  Without us, you aren't just delayed, you are grounded.

What Can We Believe?

On Christmas Day in 1998 a movie made its way to the big screen.  Starring marquee names such as Robert DeNiro, Dustin Hoffman, Woody Harrelson, and William H. Macy, the story chronicled a sitting US President who, within weeks of the election, is caught in an underage sex scandal - fondling a Firefly Girl when her troupe visits the White House.  

What's a power hungry administration to do?

Deny, divert, distract, of course.

In order to do that, a political spin doctor (DeNiro) is called in whose idea is to create a "war" somewhere far flung, somewhere with minimal name recognition, somewhere they could point fingers, cameras, and public attention.  To quote his character, "To change the story, change the lead."

DeNiro enlists the aid of a top Hollywood producer, and the "war" takes off from there.  Actors against green screens, a hero soldier, danger, threats, even an innocent kitten (white - chosen specifically for its innocence) all play their parts in swaying the unwashed masses away from their President being a pedophile to him being the savior.  Willie Nelson is brought in to create an anthem, The American Dream (We Guard Our American Border), as the news is being fed information about Albanian terrorists sneaking across the Canadian border with suitcase bombs.  

As the farce grows and the public takes the bait, Woody Harrelson's character emerges (obtained from a military mental facility - he is expendable) as a hero soldier who had been captive in Abania, and who, in his captivity video and photos, strategically tore his sweater to read "Courage, Mom" in Morse code.  Merle Haggard then creates the song Courage Mom and plays it stadium wide to tears.  Completing the musical trilogy, they "find" an old song (complete with pops, scratches, and skips) in the National Archives called Good Old Shoe. Harrelson's character?  Sgt William Shumann.

Yes, chaos ensues, but the focus is firmly shifted, patriotic frenzy takes hold, Harrelson and Hoffman are conveniently disposed of, and the President successfully wins re-election.  What Firefly Girl?

I enjoyed the movie back then, but remember thinking that this kind of thing could never be pulled off.  I mean, surely we're not that stupid are we?  That easily led?  But the internet was still in its infancy, not the 24/7/365 news source/blog/competing narrative website galaxy we have now.  Hell, it was only 6 years earlier that Desert Storm was brought to us via shaky night vision feeds on TV and Wolf Blitzer pointing to an actual map on CNN.

Fast forward to our current scandal ridden POTUS who is being heavily investigated, that noose tightening around him and his cronies, and who has an obvious need to change the narrative.  Pundits have worried and warned for two months now that he may very well stage something in order to "change the focus," "appear a hero."

Suddenly, innocents are attacked with sarin gas in Syria.  The culprit?  Assad, who by every account is a heinous, ugly, horrific, bloody "leader" whose human rights violations rival a 24 pack of Charmin in length.  Gut wrenching pictures fill our screens, our Twitter accounts, our Facebook feeds.  Children piled like logs, hospitals, already compromised by the endless attacks there, strained to the breaking point, a bereft father holding his dead twin toddlers as he weeps over having lost them, his wife, and 20 other family members.

Anyone with a heart has been affected.  Anyone with a heart and critical thinking skills immediately tried pointing out that THESE are the refugees being denied entry to this country by Trump & Co.

That the attack took place, I do not dispute.  Syria's actions against its own people is legend, and Assad is propped up by Putin, who has doubled down on defending the reprobate even after the sarin gas was verified.

Fast forward to Trump standing at a podium acting sad about the dead children.  (Forgive me, but having watched that man's rise through the 80's to now, the only thing he is ever sad about is bad publicity about himself.)  “That crosses many, many lines,” Trump said on Wednesday. “Beyond a red line — many, many lines.”

He then indicated that military power was on the table.

It does not take a rocket scientist to see where this was going.

While again at Mar-a-Lago Thursday night, squandering our tax dollars under the guise of meeting with the Chinese President, Trump dined as bombs fell at Al-Sharyat Air Base in Syria on his order.  Observers say the air field and planes were "almost completely destroyed." As were 9 civilians, including - oops - 4 children.  (Reliable sources say that the "almost completely destroyed" field and planes were being used again to launch attacks less than 24 hours later.  Hmmmm, it's inconvenient when optics and facts don't back up your PR campaign.)

Meh.  Remember Old Shoe!  Look at the kitten!

As we all went to bed last night, the stories about this retaliatory attack began to fill our feeds.  I don't know about you, but I did not sleep well.  The plot of Wag The Dog kept repeating in my head.

Talk about a diversion.  All anyone is focused on today is Trump's strike.  Not his potential treason, the FBI investigation, his libelous and slanderous accusations against President Obama, or the way he stomped his feet and his GOP cronies changed the Senate rules to get around not having the votes for his SCOTUS pick.

His easily led followers all grabbing their crotches and shouting "Fuck yeah, Amurica!"  Patriotic frenzy ratcheting up.  Expect a theme song any day now, something country, something the rubes will download and sing with tears in their eyes about how we're #1! and bullshitbullshitbullshit...

So what can we believe?

Well, believe that 72 people died horrifically in the gas attack in Syria.  Believe that Trump told Putin before this bombing took place - that has been verified.  Believe that Putin warned Assad it was coming.  Believe that if you or your child is in the military, your/their life just got more dangerous.  Believe that the person with the most to gain from this "attack and retaliation" is our own POTUS.

As for his motive?  There is nothing to believe in the Spicer-Tillman narrative being bandied about.  Congress was not consulted, all those GOPers who stood in Obama's way when he talked about airstrikes in Syria? Well, they are now grabbing their dicks and cheering hypocritically.  And as DeNiro's character said, "change the story, change the lead."

What Russia?  What collusion?  What treason?  Nunes who?

Just remember, these investigations are ongoing, heating up, and revealing more new information daily - all of it damning to Trump.  

Playing at war is no joke.  Threatening other leaders is serious.  Taunting them, daring them is beyond irresponsible.  We have a child in the White House who sees our weaponry through a Call of Duty lens, and everyone as expendable as long as he survives.

We are being wagged.  Not just the dog, but the whole damned country.  Just don't take your eye off the ball here.  

Not even if they introduce a theme song, Willie Nelson, and a kitten.

Sing it, Willie & Company...