Don't Get Me Started with Linda Sharp

Looking Back, Looking Ahead

Amazing - tonight we shall turn the page on another year, opening up a new chapter in which the pages are clean, the adventures yet to be written. 

We know those pages will eventually fill in with laughter, excitement, new beginnings, closures, friendships yet to be found, friendships further forged in the fires of trust, hardships, and comfort.

There will be pages with new babies, weddings, birthdays, anniversaries.  There will also be pages colored with the heartache of illness, struggles, even death.

It is all part and parcel of the deal we make with this world when we enter and take our first breaths.  No guarantees.  No promises of perfection or unending happiness.  No protection from heartbreak, heartache.  Just the knowledge that for every up there will be an inevitable down.  For every laugh we share, a tear will eventually fall.  For every exhilaration of our spirits, there will be an unexpected blow we must stand.

As I look back at 2015 - with 49, almost 50 years, of living under my belt - I am most happy to see that there is still learning to be done.  2015 has broadened my horizons, challenged my thinking, tested my heart, and most of all - shown me that, as a human being, a parent, a mother, a wife, and a friend - I know who I am, and that what I believe is unshakable.   2015 may have revealed changes yet to come, transformations I never imagined, and challenges I did not know I would call mine - but 2015 also made me braver, bolder, stronger, and clearer. 

I hope you, too, may look back on your 2015 and say some of these same things.

In looking back, I also marvel at this blogmunity, as I do each year at this time.  Born of one woman's frustration at writing with the encumbrance of editors, word counts, subject matter - DGMS somehow grew a heart, a soul, a family.  All of you reading this are a part of that family.  I have been honored to be able to meet many of you.  Having you walk out of the ether and into an embrace is never not emotional.  There are many, many more of you who still exist as lines of type in my inbox, in the comments, on my FB wall.  But behind the black and white letters, I know you.  We share ups, downs, confidences, struggles, and hope.

Yes, most of all, HOPE.  You all give me hope against a world in which the news is so very tainted with heartache, divisiveness, angst, sadness.  Hope that the world still contains far more good people than bad.  Hope that even in struggles, we are willing and able to reach out.

Which brings me to this past season of elfing.  Your generosity of both spirit and donations managed to bring that hope into the lives of 15 families.  Your donations hit $2325 (we still have just under $270 left).  With that money we provided grocery store gift cards, Walmart gift cards, boots, coats, clothing, toys, even a small Christmas tree and decorations.  Food was, as it has increasingly been the past few years, the most wished for assistance.  I always find that the most heartbreaking.  We may not all know what it is like to not be able to afford food, but we have all felt hunger.  Most of us are blessed to have it be the type where we worked through our lunch hour or are trying a new diet - all the while knowing food is within easy reach.

But hunger in which a parent routinely eats the crust left over from a child's peanut butter sandwich, or chooses pangs of their own over seeing their children go to bed hungry?  I don't know that kind.  And it is not because I am better than someone else.  You aren't either.  It is because we have been lucky.  Lucky to keep a job.  Lucky to be in the right place at the right time.  Lucky to have a bank account capable of sustaining unforeseen circumstances. 

The people we help have done nothing wrong.  I vet them as much as I possibly can before using your donations.  They are not drug addicts.  They are not welfare cheats.  They are not criminals.  They are PEOPLE.  Caught in a bad economy.  Caught in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Caught in nightmares not of their own making.

One of our own DGMSers posted some of her pictures of her daughter's happy Christmas morning in our FB group - I hope you have had a chance to see them.  If we receive more pictures, and I am given permission, I will post them.  I promise.  Many people are loathe to "put my kids out there" (quoting), however, and I understand that.  People can be cruel, people can be heinous.  And while I hate that it is this way - poverty is embarrassing - and there are tweens, teens, etc, that we help.  This is a public blog - I cannot control who comes, sees, right clicks, etc.  Just please know that their gratitude is real, heartfelt, and profound.

2016 is a few shorts hours away.  Thank you all for adding immeasurably to my life, to changing it in so many ways, to embracing my family and the stories I tell of them, and to making not only my life, but the lives of so many others, BETTER.

Now, let's all walk into 2016 together.

Linda

 

One More Christmas Card?

I received a request from one of our DGMS family members on behalf of a dear friend of hers.  Her friend shoulders more than ten people should have to in this life.  Her oldest daughter was born with "major medical problems" and her life is one of a gradual progression towards death.  14 years ago she lost an infant son to SIDS, and her youngest has Down Syndrome.   To quote Lori, she "is one of the strongest women I have ever (EVER) met."  This amazing mother posted this simple request to her Facebook wall.  It is not for her, but for her child.  If you have a moment while sending out Christmas cards, please send one her way.   For the cost of a single stamp, you can send love across the (s)miles.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have a special Christmas request for my dear daughter, Ada. As most of you know, Ada, is dealing with some serious health issues which are impacting her in severe ways - she has cerebellar (brain) atrophy and, as predicted, her symptoms are getting worse. Her ability to speak, walk and eat are more impaired than ever and I don't know how long she will be here. More than anything, I want her to have a sense of peace and love each and every moment of her life. Earlier this year when she was transferred into a nursing home, I started a postcard campaign for her and you guys really rallied. Her walls were decorated with artwork, cards and poster from all over. It was beautiful. I would like to ask this of you again, She now lives with two other disabled adults and I would love for her (and them) to see their sweet little home being made bigger by the works, thoughts, art and prayers of people who care about all of us. Please take a moment and send a card of some sort to :

Ada B.   35 Oakridge Blvd, Monroe, MI 48161 Thank you all for helping ease the sorrow.

One Last Push Of The Sleigh

With shipping deadlines looming, we have time for one last push of the sleigh this holiday season!

Earlier this week I received an email from a mom asking for help to make Christmas just a bit brighter.  Their story touches the heart, as do all the emails I receive.  It also makes me realize yet again how lucky I am, how capricious is life, and how easy it is to take anything for granted.  This mother has two young children (elementary school aged).  Two years ago her husband died in an auto accident and they ended up having to alter their entire family life to try to survive.  She (like many of us) was a stay-at-home mom at the time, and while her husband's job was not glamorous (he worked as a mechanic), they managed to get by. 

After his death, she and her two small children moved in with her mother who is disabled and on a fixed income each month.  While it has given them a small roof over their heads (apartment), this mom struggles to juggle a full time job (Big Lots), her children, and caring for her mother.  You could feel the level of exhaustion, exasperation, and desperation in her email.

All she really wants is food for her family and the chance to put something "in the corner" (they cannot afford a tree or real decorations) for her kids to open on Christmas morning.  Her heart breaks every time her kids ask if she thinks "Santa will forget us this year?" 

I have promised her that won't happen.  A grocery gift card will be on its way - enough to give her wallet breathing room for a month.  And Santa will be providing some magic, not just "in the corner" but under a tree.  Yes, the first thing this Christmas Elf did was get a prelit tree and some ornaments and stockings from Walmart and get them sent immediately.

I sit here in awe of all she (and so many parents like her) manage to juggle each day just to survive.  I admit I have never had to worry about food for our kids, a house too cold or hot, and Santa has never "forgotten" them.  And while I don't get to see my spouse but every couple months, he is alive and well.

If you can help with one last push of the sleigh, the link is open, and you will be lifting hearts and the corners of two little mouths.

Linda

 

Integrity Is The Name Of The Game

For those who have followed this blog for the years it has been up and running, it is no secret that I am proud of my children.  Rudy and I have raised them to be strong in character, centered and balanced, and with a complete connection to their self esteem.  I have always felt that we have done a good job. 

Today, I am more than reminded that we have done a good job.

My children do not suffer fools, cannot stand hypocrisy, fight for the underdogs, and have a complete disdain for a lack of honesty in others.  They also know how to draw their own personal lines in the sand.

It is difficult to type this, but with Carson's permission, I will.

As of today, Carson has decided to leave soccer behind.

It is not because C doesn't still love the sport.  I promise you, that is not it.  Carson has killed herself to advance in this sport since the age of 5.  She has sacrificed a social life to pursue higher levels.  It has afforded her opportunities to play on the other side of the world, to experience things others her age only dream of, and meet so many new people.  But it has always had a cost.  Emotionally, physically - the toll has been a constant.  Injuries to her body, ankles that must be in braces for every game, every training session.  Injuries to her heart - well, those have been the bigger erosions through the years.  I have written about them here before.

This past collegiate season has been the hardest.  From day 1 of pre-season, there has been constant disappointment, heartbreak, and quite frankly, emotional abuse at the hands of the coach that has extended to the entire team.  Yet through it all, Carson has held her head high, played her best ever, and worked her hardest to support the new players, the existing players, and keep them positive.  On a roster of 30, C is only 1 of 9 who have played every game this season.  That speaks to her work ethic, her skill, her passion and drive.

But stats on a cold webpage hide the behind-the-scenes emotions that have been choked on. (And while I would love to scorch the earth here, I will refrain.)

Today, Carson once again called upon the biggest attribute any player, or quite frankly, human being, can possess - their integrity - and said, "ENOUGH."

Call it an acknowledgement of diminishing returns, an unwillingness to sell her soul anymore, or simply being brave - I call it all three.  (And yes, there is anger - thoughts of how many programs she could have played in - there is disappointment, there will be a huge period of adjustment as C lets go of a massive chunk of identity.  But there is also bone deep conviction in doing the right thing, and that no longer includes allowing someone else to do as they will to her and others just because they think they can.)

Today is hard.  Today I watch my child release a dream early.  We have always stressed that this game had an expiration date.  Graduation, injury, etc.  Today Carson decided that she will control the when, the where.  (And as C leaves, I am certain others will be emboldened to stand up for themselves and follow.)

Today I sit here acknowledging not only an end of an era, but the beginning of one.  Carson's future is limitless - her art, the skill and passion that will take her even further than has soccer.

And today, as I sit here with tears in my eyes, I could not be prouder of all Carson has done, all that Carson is letting go, all that Carson is yet to become.

Onward, C.  Onward...

To Pray Or Not To Pray - That Is Not Really The Question

Yesterday, as we all again felt the heaviness in our shoulders, our hearts, our spirits over yet another mass shooting - I expressed my frustrations in this post:

Sorry, but I don't want to hear about "praying" in these situations anymore. We need to stop looking UP, and start looking straight ahead at the problem and each other. Wishing mass shootings away only insures we have more. There are roughly 6,000 actively practiced religions in this world and all that praying isn't changing the fact that there have been 334 days in this year so far, and 351 mass shootings. If there is a God - or 6,000 iterations of "God" - perhaps God is waiting for us to take responsibility for our destiny. Faith is all well and good, but what is needed is action.

A long discussion thread grew, several taking it as a personal affront to their chosen faith and prayer practices.  That was not the intent, the meaning.  Clarifying my position did not do much to blunt the feeling of some that they were under attack.  While I understand the human response in circling one's emotional wagons when feeling slighted, in the light of day, I would continue to encourage everyone to see past what feels like an indictment of faith, to the bigger message:

Prayer alone will not fix this.

We must finally be moved to action.  We must stop simply beseeching whatever god we have chosen to worship, get off our knees, and be moved to effect lasting change.

I do not, as was remarked about my stance last night, have "disdain for people who pray."  Not even slightly.  My position on religion/faith/prayer is well documented through the years.  At its best, it provides comfort, community, calm.  Those are all wonderful things.  And when something horrific happens in this world - as it does almost daily - seeking refuge in spirituality is a completely normal, natural reaction.  We default to what we have been taught, what makes us feel safe, centered, sane.

Again, good things.

But at its worst, religion breeds extremism - we see that daily, too.  The most glaring examples being ISIS - the complete bastardization of Islam, and Christian fundamentalism - CHRISIS, if you will - the complete bastardization of Christianity.  Both mindsets operate from the same place - we are so very right, and you are so very wrong and must pay.

True Muslims, as do true Christians, abhor all those who seek to justify their rhetoric and brutality by hiding behind the robes of the deities and warping the words contained in their religious tomes.

Good people - in every faith - outnumber the bad.  Yet somehow the bad continue to operate unabated; dangerous mindsets are encouraged and fomented by politicians and religious leaders; and then when those minds act out - as we saw yesterday in California, last week in Colorado, etc - we offer prayers.

And little else.

THAT is what my post was about.  Not some blanket condemnation about praying, but a blanket condemnation about not doing anything following the prayers.

Prayer and action can work hand in hand.  Again, at its best, prayer can be used to help a person feel fortified, shored up, emotionally centered and ready to move forward.  At its worst, prayer is just a series of silent words, and an expectation that an unseen force will fix "it."  Soup kitchens, mission trips, Habitat for Humanity - all excellent representatives of faith in action; prayer in action.

My disdain - yes, I will use that word myself - is largely directed at politicians who take to Twitter, Facebook. and Instagram to alert their followers that they are "sending up thoughts and prayers."  I have great disdain for them because they are the ones who are completely capable of ACTION, yet DO nothing.  Their "prayers" are meaningless because in a country where we have had more mass shootings in 2015 than we have had days crossed of this year's calendar, not a single thing has changed.  Our elected representatives can be moved to action, but until we get off our knees and move towards them, demanding it, they won't.

I was raised in the Catholic church.  I may not attend these days, but I have not forgotten things like free will being the greatest gift and challenge given to us by God.  Free will means we have choices, we have abilities, we have room to effect change.

So please stop kneejerking that you are being told you cannot pray.  That you are being told prayer is stupid.  Yes, some may think that, infer it, state it outright, but that is not my message.  I encourage every person to do what makes them stronger, emboldened, determined.  And if, for you, that power, that vigor, that stamina is found in prayer?

Pray.  Pray hard.  Pray for strength.  Pray for guidance.  Pray for determination.  Pray for fortitude.  And then when we stand up and open our eyes, let us join hands and start moving.

We the people, people. 

Room In Our Sleigh For Everyone

Every year at this time, I get the pleasure and absolute privilege of "elfing."  What started years ago as a way for our blogmunity to help keep Santa alive for those less fortunate, has grown to touch hundreds of lives across the country. 

We have bought beds, pillows, and warm comforters (that still remains one of our greatest Yes, Virginia efforts) for a family; warm clothing, coats, boots, mittens for countless children and adults; kept electricity and gas on in many homes; placed toys under trees and smiles on little faces; reminded teens that the world is full of good people who care; and put food on the table for so many others.

Sitting here this morning, working on another wish list, I found myself thinking about the world around us, the strife, the polarizing issues and politics that constantly divide us into groups.  We all take the world in differently, filtering it through life experiences, geography, education, religion - and we all respond accordingly.  What makes sense to one person may be completely anathema to another.  In a world with billions of people, that is to be expected.

But in the end, what binds us is our humanity.  Our politics and practices may be different, but what we experience on our most basic levels are the same.

We all understand hunger.  We know what it means to be afraid.  We all have experienced sorrow, and know that we will again.  The same with joy and laughter.  Exuberance of the spirit knows no language, borders, barriers.  And parenting is the same across the board.  We literally breathe for our children, are willing to sacrifice anything for their safety, their security.  And their smiles are riches that cannot be translated into gold.

Love is a language of the soul, the spirit.

That is why we do what we do at DGMS with Yes, Virginia.  I don't think about the politics, religions, personal viewpoints that may be held by the people who reach out to us.  I simply ask, "What can we do to help you?"

THAT is the gift I receive each year when I am granted the privilege of being the DGMS Elf.  And that is why I do these updates.  YOU make this possible.  And like me, I know you don't care about anything beyond making life a little less heavy for those in need.

Thank you all for this yearly reminder that the world IS full of good people, LIKE YOU, who will never stop caring, never stop asking "What can we do to help you?"

(And thank you for helping spread the word about what we do.  Every donation is making a difference. Now, back to elfing...)