Don't Get Me Started with Linda Sharp

The World Is Not Your Bar

Woo hoo!  I'd tap that.  Gimme gimme!  Mmmmmm, mommeeeee!  Shake dat thang.

Wolf whistles, catcalls, hey babys - whatever name you want to give them, hollering unsolicited words at a female, is harassment. 

When the video made by the anti harassment group Hollaback began making the rounds last week, one could have hoped it would open eyes, provide a reality check to those guilty of this behavior. 

Wishful thinking.

Instead, the young lady (Shoshana Roberts) who volunteered to walk around New York City for 10 hours while being secretly recorded to document exactly what happens daily to females everywhere, has received death threats, threats of rape, been called an unappreciative whore.

If you have not watched the video, invest two minutes.

In all she was verbally harrassed over 100 times.  That does not include the winks, grunts, and whistles.  And don't get me started on the guy who creepily joined her in her walk for five minutes.

I have news for the men in the video, the boys and men who think there is nothing wrong with this behavior, and the women who for some reason are also blaming her for the harassment she received:  IT IS WRONG.  IT IS UNWANTED.  STOP.

Any woman should be able to walk down the street, go for a jog, shop in the mall, grocery shop without having to put up with honking, leering, you insinuating yourself into her day on any level, and rude comments.

And yes, telling someone they are "hot", "beautiful", "smokin'", whatever your go-to catcall is, is RUDE.  It is unwanted, it is unsolicited, it is frightening.

Yes, you read that right, FRIGHTENING.

I do not give a rat's right nut what your objective is, it is frightening to a female to be on the receiving end of unwanted attention.  Don't get it?  Then it has never happened to you.

Yesterday on FOX's Five At Five, Bob Beckel, misogynist pig cohost, demeaned Shoshana further by condescending, “She got 100 catcalls, let me add 101. Damn, baby, you’re a piece of woman.”

And you're a piece of shit, Bob.

His co-shit, Greg Gutfield, added that women who find this objectionable are "classist."  "She is finding fault with men in the street saying hello to her which may in fact be their only way of contacting women. It's their bar, and she's walking through it."

First of all, "classist" to not want to be hollered at?  FUCK YOU.  I don't care whether you have 2 cents or 2 thousand dollars in your pocket, it is NOT appreciated.  And as for the street, the store, the mall, the neighborhood being a man's "bar" and "she's walking through it"?

Give me a break.  The world is not your personal buffet of babes, Greg.  The street I jog on is just as much mine as it is the asshole's who honked at me this morning. 

I am not a bitch because I don't say thank you for your blaring horn.  I am a female minding my own business.

I am not a whore just because I don't smile and flirt with you when you call out my ass or tits.  I am a female minding my own business.

And I am not a cunt just because I walk faster when you offer to "tap that."  I am a female minding my own business.

MIND YOURS.

That one moment I am "beautiful" and the next receive a violent "Cunt!" speaks loads to what is behind the advance in the first place.  Entitlement that quickly switches to violence when it is not reciprocated.

When a woman doesn't acknowledge your catcall it is because she thinks you are an ill-mannered pig at best, threatening at worst.

It is almost impossible for a man to understand what it feels like to be a female constantly on guard, under assault daily, always worried about our safety.  And we ARE worried.

The entitlement culture we live in is more than worrisome.  I have three daughters.  It is a fear I wake up with, a fear I take to my pillow at night.  My daughters are not pieces of meat, sluts, whores, or potential "tap that"s.  They are young women who should be able to navigate their days without looking over their shoulders, putting up with unwanted advances, or having to say a prayer that they safely get from point A to point B.

But they can't.

Because so many boys and men think this behavior is ok.  Cool, even.

Sorry, guys, but you're not getting a date by catcalling a woman.  You're not getting her number by creeping her out.  And you're not getting laid by shouting out "I'd tap that."

To those who want to say she was rude for ignoring these men?  Sorry, no.  Inserting yourself into a stranger's day is boorish enough.  But to laden it with threatening advances, sexually explicit verbiage?

GROW UP.

To those who are now online threatening her with rape, death? 

COWARDS.  Every one of you.

Calling out misogynistic behavior is necessary.  Because there are pencil dicked pricks like you who look at women and think "pussy" and feel some sort of "right" to her body.

You want to look?  Go right ahead.  We're human, it's what we do.  Want to leer?  Fine, I can't stop you, although someone in your life should have taught you better and deserves an asskicking for not.

But that's it.  Keep your piehole SHUT. 

If you wouldn't say it to your mother; if you wouldn't want your buddy saying it to your mother - SWALLOW IT.

And even if you are in a bar, think twice, speak once. 

The world is full of douchebags.  Don't be Massengil's next spokesmodel.

When Reality Is Even Too Much For Reality TV

It took less than 24 hours to go from "assessing the situation" to canceling the show.

Yes, Honey Boo Boo has finally been cut from the airwaves.

Do not expect me to cry.

I have made no secret of my disdain for TLC's fartfest in the past.  That it found an audience beyond the disgusting behavior portrayed by Mama June and tick-about-to-pop, Alana, on Toddlers & Tiaras, was not a surprise.  This country has a contingent at the ready to embrace just about anything that finds its way to the airwaves.

Yuppies who grew beards when they discovered being redneck paid better than letting on that they were actually educated and good golfers. 

Hot tubs of human porridge where true love is always found, until the kleig lights go out and it is lost almost immediately.

A whole family of women finding fame for being famous from one of them "leaking" a sex tape.

Jungle, bare feet, bare genitals.  Who wouldn't be afraid?

The list of reality TV is endless.  Music shows, dating shows, pawn shows, cycle shows, fishing shows, talent exhibitions, exhibitionist exhibitions, and on and on.  All different, yet all have one thing in common:  they will cull a diehard audience which will defend it to its last episode as having some sort of merit.

Such was the case with Honey Boo Boo.  A family of thinly educated, proudly rude, ill mannered individuals who fell backassward into a TV show.  A TV show that was little more than all of them being boorish, talking in an language style so incomprehensible that subtitles were often employed, and the expellation of air.  Belching and farting was their go-to manuever.

Now, before anyone gets their ass in a knot - we ALL burp, we ALL fart - that's not the point.  The point is that most of us raise our children to understand, at the bare minimum, situational manners.  That there is a time and a place and an audience.

The Honey Boo Boo clan is as raw and loutish as they can be.  That they cashed checks for this behavior?  Bad on TLC and bad on a parent who would whore out their kids' atrocious behavior to begin with.

And lest you think it was all for the cameras, that no one really acts that way?  Mama June set that record straight years ago about her daughter, "This is who she is.  This is her everyday life. She's got her own little personality."

Aside from the constant unseemliness and lack of any manners or intelligence, the fact that the health of its "star" was of little concern has always amazed me.  Alana, who was a chubby child when she first belched her way onto T&T, has done nothing but grow into a seriously overweight child.

And yes, THAT IS WRONG.

Look, if her mother wants to indulge herself to the extent she does, fine.  But that child does not deserve to be a victim of her parents' choices.

Which brings us to the cancellation of their show.

CHOICES.

Apparently Mama June, who separated from love Sugar Bear (I swear, if you can't count on love born of a mutual lack of decorum and a camo wedding dress to last, what can you count on?), earlier this year, has been hooking back up with a man from her past.

Not exactly history making, that kind of thing happens a lot - on and off TV.

Well, what sets this tryst apart is that the man in her life, Mark McDaniel, was recently released from a 10 year prison stint for molesting one of her own daughters.

Yes, that's right.  Daughter Anna, now 20, came forward last week when this story first started coming to light to let everyone know that SHE is the one he forced himself on when she was 8.  From the court records:

"[McDaniel] did then and there unlawfully perform an immoral and indecent act which did involve an act of sodomy to Anna Shannon with intent to arouse and satisfy the sexual desires of said accused and said act involving the mouth of said Anna Shannon and the sex organ of the accused."

Nice, huh?

Of course, last week Mama June, not so stupid as to not understand the threat to her "bread and skettie" that a rumor of her dating a sex offender could bring, denied, denied, denied.

Until pictures started to come forward.  Oops.

And then more pictures came out.  Oops. Oops.

And then information that she was house hunting with him, and had bought him a car.  Triple oops.

Then TLC pulled the plug.

While they are happy enough to rake in the revenue from hideous behavior, they apparently can draw the line at what kind of hideous behavior.  Belching?  Fine.  Blow job from a 8 year old?  Not so fine.

What is most disturbing in this is that photo evidence has come forward that show not only June hanging out with this piece of shit, but Alana is in the picture with them.

Quick!  Someone get the paperwork for the Mother of the Year nominations!

Sadly, it is apparent that TLC should have dug a little deeper in the beginning than just pissing themselves that they had found the Holy Grail of Hideous. 

Mama June has a history of stellar decision making.  Her 17 year-old daughter Jessica's father, Michael Anthony Ford, was arrested in 2005 and later convicted of sexually exploiting a child over the Internet.  He currently resides in prison in Georgia.

Sugar Bear, Alana's biological father, was once sentenced to five years for robbing a series of campsites and setting fire to another.

Yet another daughter's father, Anna's bio dad David Dunn, did jail time for stealing a handgun and, in a separate incident, for stealing a carton of cigarettes.

See a trend there, TLC?  Newsflash:  Cheap people tend to have cheap behavior.

And again, before your rump ties itself into a sheepshank, I don't mean money buys class.  It so obviously doesn't (Kardashians).  I mean that cheap, disgusting behavior typically reflects the cheap, disgusting people in question.  And cheap people are found in every layer of the income cake.

The whole thing has been shameful from the beginning.  Anyone who thinks this group of people got a show because of anything but the trainwreck-rubberneck factor is delusional.  TLC saw a chance to exploit them, and that's what they did.

Mama June may be stupid, but the producers weren't.  If the GTL-drunkfest-vomit parade of the Jersey kids could be embraced for so long, of course this homage to trashy behavior would be taken to the unwashed bosom of the masses.

The only refreshing thing to see come out of this is that the masses, even those who so stalwartly defended the show, are now running from it in droves.  Seems people may have a taste for skettie, but not so much for child abuse.

Nice to know that some things are just too real even for reality TV.

Jesus, Mary & Officer Joseph?

At some point or another the majority of adults have seen those flashing police car lights in the rearview mirror.  You've felt your palms immediately grow sweaty, and you can suddenly hear the blood rushing through your veins.

In most cases we all know why - we were speeding, ran a stop sign, blew a red light - we KNOW we did something and got caught.

So we pull over.  We wait.  We roll down the window.  When asked by the officer, we produce our license, registration, and insurance information.  We wait some more as he or she checks everything out, returns with a ticket or a warning, and sends us on our way.

It's not comfortable, but typically it is over quickly, and we drive off - tell the truth, you are never a better driver than in those first couple miles after a ticket, right?

In some instances, we lose the officer lottery and pull an ahole.  A person with a badge who likes their authority and the sound of their own voice a little too much.  They are overbearing, threatening, and it is evident that they enjoy being a bully.

But even then, the routine traffic stop runs its course and you drive away, swearing under your breath as you are the best driver in the world for the next couple miles.

And yes, we are all aware of the horror stories, too - the rapes by cops; the absolutely unbalanced experience that exists between a white person being pulled over vs a black person being pulled over for the same offense.  These things happen and are unforgiveable.

But what happened in Indiana recently creates its own column on the traffic stop spreadsheet.

Driver Ellen Bogan saw the lights in her rearview, pulled over, and waited for the officer.  Brian Hamilton approached and asked the questions:  License?  Registration?  Insurance?  Have you accepted Jesus as your savior?

Not even kidding.

He then proceeded to ask about her faith multiple times, and went back to his patrol car to get a pamphlet to give her promoting a radio show by "Trooper Dan Jones" called "Policing for Jesus Ministries." It included a four-point list of "God's plan for salvation."

Ellen does not attend church.  But she felt threatened enough to say what he wanted to hear so she could get away from him.

She has filed a formal complaint with the Indiana State Police who are "taking supervisory action."  Whatever that means.

Now, I am sure there are many people who see absolutely nothing wrong with what Cop For Christ Hamilton did. 

You.  Are.  Wrong.

His religion, YOUR religion, have no provenance over me, Ellen, or anyone else.  Your religion is YOUR choice.  Let it reign supreme in your home.  Worship up a storm in YOUR church.  But don't bring it to my door, don't ask me about it in a checkout line, and you sure as hell do not get to proselytize to me in a traffic stop.

I am under zero obligation to worship any way.  And what YOU believe is only ONE of thousands of options out there. Frankly, what I believe or don't believe is none of your damned business.

"Have you accepted Jesus as your savior?"

The better question is when are religious people going to accept that not everyone believes what they believe and THAT"S JUST FINE?

I am completely exhausted by the continual whine by Christians that they are somehow being persecuted.  Micah Clark, executive director of the American Family Association of Indiana (a certified hate group),said that while a traffic stop might not have been the best time to quiz someone about faith, it doesn't mean the officer should lose his right to free speech.  

Bull and shit. 

This is not a free speech issue.  The government did not come along and throw him in jail.  No one has closed your churches.  Your Bibles have not been ripped from your hands.  You have not been strangled by your rosary beads in the town square.  YOU ARE NOT BEING PERSECUTED.

You are simply being reminded, REPEATEDLY, that not everyone buys into your stories, your belief system, your manmade "values" that favor you and shit on others.

We get it.  You don't like gay marriage - then don't have one.  You don't approve of abortion - then don't have one.  You love the Lord - great!  Love Him all day long, but know that using Him as a threat or a weapon flies in direct opposition of everything He supposedly stood for and taught. 

It's not persecution to stand up and remind you that your religion does not get to write laws governing the populace.

Bottom line: if you want your choices respected and left alone?  Then get it through your heads once and for all that you owe everyone else the EXACT SAME COURTESY.

Your religion belongs in your home, your church, and your heart, not in the public square, and certainly not in a traffic stop.

A Cause To Die For - Revisited

Back in 2011 I wrote the following piece after watching the movie How To Die In Oregon.  It was eye opening, sobering, and uplifting all at once.

This week there is a 29 year old young woman making headlines.  Her name is Brittany Maynard, and she has an inoperable, malignant brain tumor.  It is called a stage 4 glioblastoma and she has been advised by experts that it will be "a terrible, terrible way to die."  As such, Maynard has taken the brave and proactive step to end her life on her own terms because, as she has stated, "being able to choose to go with dignity is less terrifying."

She moved to Oregon to be able to avail herself of that state's compassionate Death With Dignity Act that allows for assisted suicide.  She has chosen November 1st and will have her husband, parents, and friend (a doctor) with her when she takes the reins of her own destiny, pain & suffering, and leaves.

For anyone commenting online that this is cowardly - you are wrong.  This is bravery, this is selflessness - she does not wish to inflict a protracted, painful period on her loved ones.  She knows what the end will be like for her, and them, if it comes on its own. 

She does not want to die. "There is not a cell in my body that is suicidal or that wants to die," she says. "I want to live. I wish there was a cure for my disease but there's not."

This beautiful, young, vibrant newlywed does not want to die, but all the wishing in the world won't make it so.  So she is giving what she has left to give to those she loves - peace, instead of protracted agony; selfless love instead of long days of heartwrenching vigil; and the permission to celebrate her life, her choice, her dignity - while she is still able to celebrate it with them.

What follows is the piece I wrote four years ago.  It is worth revisiting. 

Love, light, peace, and wonder as you take your next step, Brittany.  And may your openness, candor, and spirit move more states to adopt compassion and provide a legal means to control our final destinies when our ends are scripted in unimaginable suffering for ourselves and those who love us so.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Cause To Die For

Yesterday, while folding laundry in my room, I scanned through the HBO channels on my DISH.  I stopped on How To Die In Oregon, a documentary about the state's Death With Dignity law which allows physician assisted end of life prescriptions.

Note, I do not say physician assisted suicide.  That's not what this is.

Suicide is an act by a desperate, often depressed, mentally compromised (if only in the moment of their action) person.  This is far different than someone choosing control over how much pain they can withstand, how much intrusive medical treatment they will opt for, and how much burden they will place on their loved ones.

I completely support a person's right to choose in this regard.  It is not up to me to look at a terminally ill, pain ravaged, inoperable individual and tell them, "No.  Suffer on, baby."

But that is what so many in this country would do.  Deign to tell another individual they cannot choose to leave.  Because it makes them uncomfortable.  And in most cases, because it doesn't jive with the manmade rules of their particular religion.

As with abortion, have an opinion - that's fine.  Everyone is allowed one.  Just don't stick your nose in my uterus and tell me what to do with it.  Keep your religion out of my government, and your church instilled fears of afterlife retribution out of my pain.

It is heartbreaking to watch the movie.  Following the stories of those who could not end their own suffering is sobering.  Being allowed into the lives of those who were able to control their own ends is liberating.

These people don't want to die.  What they want, very much, is to live - healthily, pain-free, enjoying one breath after the other forever.  No one wants to die.

But we live in a country so backwards in its beliefs, beliefs so entrenched in religious rulebooks, and mindsets so puritanical that people truly think it is their right to tell others how to live.  

And die.

People should all do a "There but for the grace of..."

It is easy in the abstract to pass judgement and tell someone to "hang in there."  But what if it were you?  What if your spouse or child were suffering horribly from inoperable brain cancer, tumors growing so large they literally are pushing their eyeballs out of their sockets.  Pain so bad they can barely catch their breath.  Pain that leaves them begging you to make it stop, begging you for release.

We do not ask our pets to suffer.  We are humane, kind, loving.  We allow them peace, a gentle exit from their pain.

Yet we do not offer this most basic of compassion to our fellow human beings.

This issue, again like abortion, is personal.  If you don't support abortion, don't have one.  But don't for two seconds think no one in your church has never availed themselves of the option.  They have.  And if you believe God will hold it against you for choosing the timing of your own escape from indescribeable pain and suffering, then suffer away,  Just don't insert yourself in MY decision making, or condescend to think you have the right to make it for me.

When Death With Dignity bills come on the ballot, this movie should be required viewing before you are allowed to vote.  

Again, no one wants to die, and if living on for years and years were an option, these people would take it.  Sadly, that is not what we are talking about.  

I only hope that if fate has something like this in store for me or someone I love, there will be a Death With Dignity option available where we live.

There is a Rainbow Bridge for people, too.  If we release the leash so our animals can walk across it, perhaps it is time we take control of our own leashes so we can let go when, and if, we can no longer bear to hold on.

Greek Tragedy

The above sign was painted by the Phi Delta Theta fraternity at Texas Tech, September 19th, prior to a party.

Take a moment and let those words sink in.

The fact that those same words got the Delta Kappa Epsilon frat at Yale in hot water in 2011, does not acquit this behavior as just more "boys being boys".  If anything, it makes it worse because in that instance, the fraternity was kicked off campus for five years and that information is not a state secret.  You would think someone at Texas Tech would have intuited that perhaps this wasn't an acceptable form of communication for a party, right?

No means yes.  Let's start there.

That we are still seeing this thought process play out, or even be played with, in 2014 is shameful.  It blatantly asserts that rape is ok because "she really wants it no matter what she is saying."

NO.

If a female says NO, that is exactly what it means.  NO.  STOP.  DO NOT STICK YOUR PENIS IN ME.

Guys, if you are still confused, put yourself in the female position.  Someone bigger than you is attempting to get up in your business and you struggle while saying "NO."  Does it still mean yes if it's you?  I am being dead serious here - think about it.  Would you be understanding if some big guy ripped your trousers down and shoved himself up your ass?  Because No means Yes, right?  How about if you are compromised by alcohol or drugs and some female is trying to mount you?  You struggle and say "NO."  She does it anyway because obviously you really wanted it despite your protestations.

It can happen to you.

AND. IT. IS. RAPE.

A violation of the worst kind.

Yes means anal?

What the fuck?  Seriously, WHAT. THE. FUCK??

No, it's not a cute joke, guys.  Unless you would be totally cool with a girl whipping out a big dildo and shoving it in your ass without permission, Yes, does NOT mean anal.

Sex happens.  It does.  One nighters, quickies, long weekends - they are part and parcel of a college atmosphere.  Do I sit here as a 48 year old and wish better judgement on teens?  Of course I do.  But I am also a realist.  It goes on daily, nightly on every campus across the land.

And that's fine.

As long as it is consensual, clearheaded.  As long as both parties are conscious.  As long as neither person is being forced to do anything at any time against their will or preference.  And as long as NO is honored if one or the other decides to change their mind and not go further.

Guys, an erection is not cancer.  If you get hard, your dick is not going to fall off or attack the rest of your body if there is no sex and ejaculation.  Your balls will not turn the color of a Smurf.  And no woman owes you an orgasm just because you got wood while making out.

That this mindset exists is beyond troubling.  I have three daughters.  I know how I have raised them.  With respect, boundaries, self esteem - yes.  But also, sadly, with the knowledge that THIS exists.  That they could be a victim at any moment.

What I really want to know is who raises the boys who leave home and think this way about females?  Who puts an 18 year old on a college campus with a sexual entitlement mindset that allows them to view women as playthings, chattle, receptacles that somehow OWE them sex?

If my son belonged to this Texas Tech fraternity, my son would find his ass back living at home going to the nearest community college until his father and I deemed him fit to be around a larger population.  

Parents, you have to do better.  You have to have the hard conversations with your sons and daughters long before they head off to a college campus with no one around to police their behavior until the police get involved in their behavior.  You have to raise them to open their mouths in the face of bullshit signs like this.  Someone at that frat must have seen that and thought, "Um, whoa, not cool."  But that person did not speak up.  That makes every person in that frat culpable.

I have three daughters on three college campuses.  I should not have to lose sleep because YOU couldn't be bothered to raise a decent young man.

~~~~~~~~~

Phi Delta Theta has placed the Texas Epsilon Chapter's charter in escrow and kicked out its leaders and members "who directly violated organizational policy," according to a post on the fraternity's website. The actions come after the fraternity investigated the "inappropriate signage" at the Sept. 19 party, which the post says was unsanctioned.