Greek Tragedy

The above sign was painted by the Phi Delta Theta fraternity at Texas Tech, September 19th, prior to a party.

Take a moment and let those words sink in.

The fact that those same words got the Delta Kappa Epsilon frat at Yale in hot water in 2011, does not acquit this behavior as just more "boys being boys".  If anything, it makes it worse because in that instance, the fraternity was kicked off campus for five years and that information is not a state secret.  You would think someone at Texas Tech would have intuited that perhaps this wasn't an acceptable form of communication for a party, right?

No means yes.  Let's start there.

That we are still seeing this thought process play out, or even be played with, in 2014 is shameful.  It blatantly asserts that rape is ok because "she really wants it no matter what she is saying."

NO.

If a female says NO, that is exactly what it means.  NO.  STOP.  DO NOT STICK YOUR PENIS IN ME.

Guys, if you are still confused, put yourself in the female position.  Someone bigger than you is attempting to get up in your business and you struggle while saying "NO."  Does it still mean yes if it's you?  I am being dead serious here - think about it.  Would you be understanding if some big guy ripped your trousers down and shoved himself up your ass?  Because No means Yes, right?  How about if you are compromised by alcohol or drugs and some female is trying to mount you?  You struggle and say "NO."  She does it anyway because obviously you really wanted it despite your protestations.

It can happen to you.

AND. IT. IS. RAPE.

A violation of the worst kind.

Yes means anal?

What the fuck?  Seriously, WHAT. THE. FUCK??

No, it's not a cute joke, guys.  Unless you would be totally cool with a girl whipping out a big dildo and shoving it in your ass without permission, Yes, does NOT mean anal.

Sex happens.  It does.  One nighters, quickies, long weekends - they are part and parcel of a college atmosphere.  Do I sit here as a 48 year old and wish better judgement on teens?  Of course I do.  But I am also a realist.  It goes on daily, nightly on every campus across the land.

And that's fine.

As long as it is consensual, clearheaded.  As long as both parties are conscious.  As long as neither person is being forced to do anything at any time against their will or preference.  And as long as NO is honored if one or the other decides to change their mind and not go further.

Guys, an erection is not cancer.  If you get hard, your dick is not going to fall off or attack the rest of your body if there is no sex and ejaculation.  Your balls will not turn the color of a Smurf.  And no woman owes you an orgasm just because you got wood while making out.

That this mindset exists is beyond troubling.  I have three daughters.  I know how I have raised them.  With respect, boundaries, self esteem - yes.  But also, sadly, with the knowledge that THIS exists.  That they could be a victim at any moment.

What I really want to know is who raises the boys who leave home and think this way about females?  Who puts an 18 year old on a college campus with a sexual entitlement mindset that allows them to view women as playthings, chattle, receptacles that somehow OWE them sex?

If my son belonged to this Texas Tech fraternity, my son would find his ass back living at home going to the nearest community college until his father and I deemed him fit to be around a larger population.  

Parents, you have to do better.  You have to have the hard conversations with your sons and daughters long before they head off to a college campus with no one around to police their behavior until the police get involved in their behavior.  You have to raise them to open their mouths in the face of bullshit signs like this.  Someone at that frat must have seen that and thought, "Um, whoa, not cool."  But that person did not speak up.  That makes every person in that frat culpable.

I have three daughters on three college campuses.  I should not have to lose sleep because YOU couldn't be bothered to raise a decent young man.

~~~~~~~~~

Phi Delta Theta has placed the Texas Epsilon Chapter's charter in escrow and kicked out its leaders and members "who directly violated organizational policy," according to a post on the fraternity's website. The actions come after the fraternity investigated the "inappropriate signage" at the Sept. 19 party, which the post says was unsanctioned.

Comments

[Nikki in NYC]

These guys are idiots. Their national pulled their charter, which is great, but I think their university has to go further. Keeping this mentality on campus is not acceptable. Too many colleges cover up sexual assaults and other bad behaviors by a few students and it puts ALL students at risk. Just not acceptable.

[Linda S to Chicky]

Trust me - it felt great to finally have some time to sit down and write here.

[Chicky]

...P.S. We know you are busy busy busy Linda, but Dayam! We missed you!

[Chicky]

Since we don't have kids, we constantly worry about our friends' kids. We have a 14 year old daughter of a friend who comes to visit us from New York on occasion. I have frank conversations with her about what she would do in certain situations. She knows that NO means NO, that she has the RIGHT to stop at any time and to tell someone if someone hurts her or tries to hurt her. All that being said, this child looks as if she could be on the cover of the next SI Swimsuit issue or the Victoria's Secret catalog - and the boys see that too. Just because she has boobs does not mean she is ready (mentally or physically) to take on the burden of having sex. I pray every day that no asshole kid who thinks boobs equate to maturity decides to try to force himself on her. We talk a lot about boys and she KNOWS, but I still wonder if she grasps exactly what boys are capable of - and it worries me.

[Linda S to Robin]

Yes, the fraternity has been stripped of its charter.

UPDATE: Phi Delta Theta has placed the Texas Epsilon Chapter's charter in escrow and kicked out its leaders and members "who directly violated organizational policy," according to a post on the fraternity's website. The actions come after the fraternity investigated the "inappropriate signage" at the Sept. 19 party, which the post says was unsanctioned.

[Robin in NM]

PLEASE tell me that the Fraternity and particularly those members who painted and put up that sign have been strongly invited to continue their education SOMEWHERE ELSE

[audreyf]

WHAT.THE.FUCK. INDEED!Seriously?! The fact that they made a SIGN speaks volumes about the lack of maturity, and if my son were anywhere near these morons, I'd kick his ass all the way to Sr.year!I am sending my son off to college next year, with a nice long chat/reminder of how he is to conduct himself. So far, he has barely held a girl's and has yet to kiss a girl or have a girlfriend. Going to college shouldn't change his core being, but if it does, you might be seeing me on the 6 o'clock news!

[Another Lori in TX]

YIKES, that's crazy!

[Tracy In Cincy]

I'm speachless. I can't believe that was posted, and no one said anything. This seriously makes me sick to my stomach.