The beauty of youth is that we go through a period where we feel immortal. That blissfully ignorant belief that nothing bad can touch us, we will live forever, and that 40 is OLD.
And then we hit the brick wall of life, lines get deposited on our faces, and experience begins to let us know that what we once viewed as untouchable is actually incredibly fragile, capricious, and subject to all manner of circumstances beyond our control.
Accidents, illnesses, disease. Three equal opportunity destroyers that touch a life with no regard for the love that surrounds it, no concern for who may be left in their devastating wake, not a care for the emotional carnage left behind.
By the time you reach my age, 47, it is safe to say you have either been impacted directly in your family, or one step removed into the circle of friends, by untimely death. So unlike death by old age - the kind where a life has been fully realized, fully lived, fully loved; the kind where a body simply wears out and goes to sleep forever; the kind we all wish for our loved ones, for ourselves.
No, unexpected death yanks the rug from beneath our feet, comes up from behind like a thief in the night, or broadsides us like a runaway truck on the highway. One moment someone we love is there, sharing our days, our secrets, our laughter, our tears; and the next moment they are gone - their light snuffed out as easily as a candle flame.
Tonight our DGMS family is comforting one of our own, Tracy, as she and her family face the next breaths without her beloved sister, Kim, taking them, too.
Kim, only 54, was diagnosed a mere two weeks ago with ovarian cancer. Insidious, it did what it does. It grew at an alarming rate, and was essentially untreatable. Even the options that were available carried extreme risks, and an estimate of 1 week to 2 months to live - Kim decided against them. That was October 9th.
She entered hospice yesterday, bravely facing a certain end, unsure only of the time left to express love, to laugh, to hold a hand.
Like all of you who have been following Tracy's updates, I was stunned to read that Kim passed away TODAY. As Liz shared with me in a private message earlier: #cancerfuckingsucks
With Tracy's permission I wanted to reach out to see if anyone would like to/can donate towards helping her family with final arrangements as we did with Toni. You can use this link: Namaste. It will take you to Paypal where donations may be sent via my email address: [email protected].
I sent this quote to Tracy a few minutes ago as we were chatting: There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.
As Tracy's tears finally come, I want to thank you all for the support you have been offering her across the miles. As I told her, aside from my daughters, starting the blog is the best thing I have done with my life. It has brought us all together. In joy, in laughter, in crisis, and yes, even in grief.
Like the tears in that quote, tonight YOU are the messengers of unspeakable love for Tracy.
In loving memory of Kim. Gone far, far too soon.
I received a check today from Linda and I just want to thank everyone for their donations and thoughts and prayers. The memorial was on Saturday, and it was nice to see how many people's lives she touched.
My sister was a very giving person, almost to a fault. She would give a stranger her last dollar if she thought they needed it. I felt blessed being around each of them and hearing their stories about Kim.
I really miss her, but I know she is happy now and would want all of us to be happy in our lives and happy with our memories of her.
It's funny how people you have never met can make you feel so loved. Thank you all so much. I love each and every one of you.
Posted by: Tracy in Cincy | Monday, October 28, 2013 at 05:27 PM
My prayers and thoughts go out to Tracy and all of Kim's family and friends.
Posted by: Theresa from Virginia | Wednesday, October 16, 2013 at 09:57 AM
Thank you to each and every one of you that have left me messages on here and on facebook. I am sorry I have not responded to each one. I have been trying to keep myself busy and keep my mind elsewhere for the last couple of days.
I got to spend time with my granddaughter yesterday for her birthday and last night with my daughter Caitie. Those distractions were so needed.
Today I stayed home from work, mostly because I knew today would be the day I really, truly had to deal with the loss of Kim. Today, I have nothing to keep me busy.
I love each and every one of you and I am so grateful for Linda bringing us together. <3
Posted by: Tracy in Cincy | Monday, October 14, 2013 at 10:15 AM
Linda, I too was stunned by how quickly this all unfolded, from Tracy's first post a few weeks ago about her sister being sick to the devastating news on Wednesday, and then last night. Thank you for so eloquently putting into words (as usual!) what we were all feeling. Hugs Tracy.
Posted by: NH/NY Diane | Sunday, October 13, 2013 at 06:24 AM
Tracy, I am very sorry for your loss. I hope that Kim did not suffer and that she left this world in the comfort of her family's love.
Posted by: Nikki in NYC | Saturday, October 12, 2013 at 11:34 PM
Tracy I am so very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine your pain. Sending love, support, energy and light your way. I hope you are able to find some comfort in the love coming your way from your DGMS family.
Posted by: Tracy from Cali | Saturday, October 12, 2013 at 11:26 PM
Amen. Love you Tracy.
Posted by: audreyf | Saturday, October 12, 2013 at 10:59 PM
Tracy, all our prayers are with you and your family.
Linda, only you can truly capture moments like this, good and bad in such an eloquent way, and a way that touches us all.
Posted by: Rudy | Saturday, October 12, 2013 at 10:46 PM
Tracy, know that we are all thinking of you and your family, sharing your tears and sending you hugs.
Posted by: Jackie | Saturday, October 12, 2013 at 09:46 PM
Linda, once again, you leave us speechless with the perfect post! Tracy, my virtual sister, my tears tonight are for you. It will be my honor to contribute to the Namaste fund. “I felt a Divine Presence; a kind, loving, beneficent presence, and really, that was enough”
I know Kim is right there, being embrace by the Divine Master.
Excerpt From: Annie Kagan & Raymond Moody. “The Afterlife of Billy Fingers.”
Posted by: Magda from Texas | Saturday, October 12, 2013 at 09:39 PM
Thank you for bringing us together Linda. Tracy, there are no adequate words, but know that we are surrounding you and yours with love.
Posted by: Amy in CT | Saturday, October 12, 2013 at 08:34 PM
I love you too Tracy...if you need a shoulder, or someone to vent to, you can count on me. Linda, this was beautiful.
Posted by: Chicky | Saturday, October 12, 2013 at 08:34 PM
Tracy, I love you.
Posted by: Katy | Saturday, October 12, 2013 at 08:19 PM