Bottoms Up?

My scope on the world is fairly large.  I keep up with current events, I  am up on pop culture, and I take pride in understanding the vernacular of my daughters' generation.  I'm not a prude, I read, and it is virtually impossible to offend me. My eyes are wide open, I know teens are not perfect, I know they experiment with alcohol, drugs, etc, and I also know they are insanely creative, thus being a danger to themselves and others.

But sometimes I learn about something new and am thrown off just a tad.

Today is one of those days when I look at the "ingenuity" of today's young people and just have to shake my head...

Butt chugging.

Yes, you read those two words correctly.

BUTT.  CHUGGING.

Apparently this new form of imbibing is catching on.  Bypassing that pesky mouth- swallowing-time inconvenience, young people have hit upon inserting a hose (a la enema) into their cabooses and hooking themselves up to the bags in wine boxes.  The intestine, that suck happy device in the human body, absorbs the alcohol at a very rapid rate, thus allowing the person to get drunk quickly.

Unfortunately, these brain trusts don't factor in how much faster...

A University of Tennessee student was treated for severe alcohol poisoning after enjoying a buttload - literally - of wine this past weekend.

Authorities entered the Pi Kappa Alpha house and found "bags from wine boxes, some empty and some partially empty, strewn across the halls and rooms.”  They found passed out students strewn about as well.

Lest you think this is the only creative outlet, or inlet, as the case may be, think again.

While I follow the logic behind Snopes.com's debunking of the alcohol soaked tampon myth, there is real evidence behind the alcohol soaked gummi bear phenomenon.  Yes, a tampon does have the ability to soak up quite a bit of liquid,  but once it does, it would be impossible to insert (especially for a guy - the urban legend goes that they insert them rectally - um yeah).  If left in the plastic applicator, it could only soak up a couple tablespoons, and upon insertion would burn like Hades on a hot summer's day.

Gummi bears, however, plump up like Ballpark franks and no one is the wiser as a teen happily chomps on their snack in class.

Sigh.  It makes me feel old.  Remember the good ol' days when our highs consisted of sniffing freshly mimeographed test papers as we "passed them back"?

Butt chugging.  I guess it gives new meaning to the phrase "getting shitfaced."

Comments

[Nursemegg]

Sadly, this isn't new. In Manhattan, in the early 80's I knew some surgical residents that did this all the time. weird weird weird.

[Robin in NM]

IIRC, between 30 and 40 years ago, the Penthouse magazine "FORUM" had considerable coverage of "wine ennemas" The couple would (after loading) use a tube to SHARE the wine!

[Tom L]

And here I always thought that when George, Duke of Clarence drowned in a butt of malmsey that it was a barrel.

[Nikki in NYC]

Kids today are so clever and imaginative. I never know what I am going to read about here.

[Chicky]

Mmmmmmmmmimeograph.....

[Katy]

yeah, it sucked being the last seat in the row!

[Sue, Sacramento]

We always knew when we were having a quiz or a test....we walked into class & the scent of mimeograph paper hit our nostrils!!! This new way of ingesting alcohol is disturbing on so many levels. What will they think of next.....so sad.

[Chrissy]

Ah, the smell of purple-inked dittos fresh from the office.. you're showing your age here today, Linda.

How long before these kids today (shakes fist, screams "get off my lawn") start using IV's to get the alcohol directly into their bloodstream?