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Friday, November 12, 2010

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great message, the only problem is, the people who should hear this, won't.

"and school was the highlight of their lives." Carrie, you are SO right.

I hate to tell you all this, but it never ends. I am 50+, retired, living in a golf community. Our lives are ruled by a small clique, who frankly have nothing greater to boast of in their lives than being president of the womens golf association.

I am a retired attorney, who knows I made a difference. These 'ladies', (and I use the term loosley) look down upon me because I am not a good golfer. (I wear a hat that says "I golf my IQ") They chase away any good golfer who is younger than they (I'm not as good, so I'm still here) Then they wonder why the ladies golf association is shrinking in membership.

Pety people who wonder why they have no friends are self-fulling.

The sad part is, while approaching 60, I'm still dealing with the same s**t.

In 5th grade, I sprained my ankle horribly and was on crutches for 10 weeks. Each of those weeks, I was knocked down with my own crutches at least once. Through most of 6th and 7th grade the guys had a sort of competition to see who could sit near me in class and throw/stick something in my ears. THEN the "dyke" stuff started, and it only went downhill from there...

Like you guys, many of these people have looked me up online over the last few years, and while I do add them if they send a request, I delete them a week or so later if they don't have anything of substance to say. (That's most of them.)

I look at it this way, though: What I have seen of them on facebook, they are all living in that same shitty little town, they all married each other's brothers and cousins, and school was the highlight of their lives. So much so that many of them now work in those same schools trying to relive the glory days. All they did was make me stronger, and they are the ones ashamed - I didn't do anything wrong.

To all of you who were bullied in school...I learned in therapy that these people were jealous of you or were so insecure that they had to pick on someone they deemed less of a person than themselves to make their own lives feel more significant. Think about that. You were somehow a threat to them.

There was a girl who bullied me all through junior high and high school - she was so mean to me. She teased me if my hair was messy, she teased me because I was short, because I was too skinny, she teased me if I had a pimple on my face, or if she found out I had a crush on a certain boy. She was loud and obnoxious and just plain mean. She was the reason I never went to any of my reunions. Years later, I found out she was dying of pancreatic cancer (she was only about 30)...I went to see her - she was in and out of it, but remembered enough to ask me why in the world I would come see her. I told her that I forgave her for being so mean to me and that I hope she could forgive herself for being such a bully to me and other kids. She admitted that she was lonely and it was her way of getting attention. When I left her house, I felt nothing but pity for this girl who terrorized me all through school. She is gone now, and even though I forgave her more than 20 years ago, I still have nightmares about her that make me wake up screaming.

The point I want to make, is for all of us who were bullied - it's divine to forgive, but even better if you can manage to forget. My hope for you is that you are able to forget some day.

Fat, skinny, ugly, black, white, gay, or straight, we are all beautiful people who deserve better than what we got. Let's hope this generation can erase this horrible thing that people do to each other.

I was picked on too. I can still hear them with their stupid comments over my weight or hair or whatever I was doing that was different.

Look how scarred some of us are all these years later. I worry for my 7 year old nephew. He is a very sensitive, gentle boy. A perfect target. When does it end?

When I went to my ten year HS reunion, I took my husband (boyfriend at the time). I admit the reason why was because I wanted to SHOW HIM OFF to all the jerks who treated me like crap and called me ugly and fat.

We sat at a table that had nobody sitting there. Since I was a loner I had nobody I was really hoping to see or talk to. Sure enough, several of my "popular" classmates and their spouses sat at our table. I was dumbfounded. Anyway...one of them was the boy who tried to ask me out in junior high so he and his pals could make fun of me for being gullible and thinking he really wanted to ask me out...I totally wanted to tell his wife what a a-hole he was to others when in school.

There was a girl in junior high who had it out for me. I tried to avoid her on a daily basis. You know, take certain routes from one class to another so that our paths would not cross. She made comments about my body that I could not never change. "Your arms are so long. They hang down like a gorilla's". To this day I remember all the remarks that she made and the rumors that she spread.
Last summer there was a big high school gathering. I was sitting at a table with many other women laughing, goofing around. A woman approached me and asked if I remembered her. She was smiling and clearly hoping to join the group. I looked right at her and responded "I'm sorry. I don't remember you at all." LIED RIGHT THROUGH MY TEETH. I knew exactly who she was.

Shawn -

I, too am "friends" on FB with people who treated me like crap in jr. high. Most actually appologized for it - which helped. A few didn't - and I have come to the realization that it's THEIR problem - not mine. I am a wonderful person, and if no one wants to like me, or accept me for who I am, well them please bend over and kiss my fat @ss, cause I just dont care anymore! Life is too short!

You are a great person - remember that!

I too was bullied as a child. Called fat...ugly...asked out by a cute guy in front of a bunch of people so they could laugh at me if I said yes (just like Never Been Kissed character Josie...). I threw out my junior high school annuals a few years ago because I coudn't take having them in the house because someone got hold of them when they were being signed by others and wrote mean things about me (You're a tank and other insults). Those insults hurt to this day.

I don't trust others not to mock me, hurt me, take advantage of my willingness to help...I had a "friend" when I started working at my current company years ago..I got moved to a different job in the company and she got "upset" with me and began to ignore me to the point she would come ask my office mate what he wanted from a local restaurant for lunch and not ask me. Want to know why she got mad? She would come into my office and talk to me for an hour before she started work at 8 (I started at 7) and I got told to tell her not to do that. She told someone I had gotten "full of myself".

I was a loner because of it and still am. I really have nobody I call a close friend except my husband. If we were to have a fight and I needed someone to talk to...I don't have anyone except my therapist and he is not a friend..he is paid to listen.

I read a book by called Please Stop Laughing at Me which is a book about someone who survived bullying (Jodee Blanco is the author - tho not sure if I spelled it right).

Bullying scars for life. I am "friends" on Facebook with some who didn't treat me very nice when in high school and I often wonder why I bothered to friend them. I still view them as they were when they treated me like crap.

Your son is very lucky to have an accepting, understanding mother like you!

This was awesome! Adam Lambert has done one of these as well.

All children are different in so many ways. This is just one of his ways. And different is GOOD. Different is ultimately what makes life worth getting out of bed for in the morning. Different is where beauty lies. Hatred, bigotry, ignorance - these are all learned. I breaks my heart how many children come into this world as blank slates and are written upon with their parents' prejudices and garbage. Just know that I have three daughters heading out into this world who will always look for and embrace EVERYONE. They would love to meet your son.

Thanks. My son is a wonderful sweet and loving boy. He also loves Barbies, and his favorite color is pink, and he loves to wear high heels and skirts (he does not wear them to school, but he does wear fancy scarves). He's only in first grade and we have had the "why am I different mom" talk more times than I can count. I worry about him every single day. I know it's going to get harder and harder for him and it makes me weep inside. He is who he is and he is loved completely for just that, being who he is, but at school, where he is different and not afraid of being different? Here is hoping this makes an impact on the rest of his life.

Diane, you have a beautiful heart. In my book, that makes up for physical beauty any day of the week - I am proud to call you my friend.

I'm glad to see that people are starting to take bullying seriously and not treating it as just "something kids do". It's always been wrong and it's heartbreaking that children had to die to get our attention focused on it.

My cousin recently ran into a classmate who was picked on in our high school (34 years ago!) for being one of the few Jewish kids and he still remembered the bullying. He mentioned how much he appreciated that she and I didn't make fun of him back then. It really set me back to think that after all this time he still remembered and was affected by what happened so long ago. Even words have consequences and I'm trying to remember that and be more positive lately.

I was bullied as a kid for being ugly. That wasn't a choice, any more than sexual orientation is. I thought about killing myself EVERY SINGLE DAY. Thirty years later, I still hate to look in a mirror.

I fervently hope that this anti-bullying campaign does some good. No kid should have to feel that way.

I was also bullied - and although it wassnt because of LGBT reasons - it still made my childhood school years horrible. I do not tolerate it.
I have told my daughter that EVERYONE is equal! Her elementary school is HUGE on anti-bullying - with a zero tolerance. I am glad! My daughter goes out of her way to play at recess with the kids who dont have any one to play with. I am so proud of her for being that way! She has such a wonderful heart!
I am 44 years old - and I pray that I live to see in my life time - a world where every single person is EQUAL. Treated the same and has the same rights!

I was bullied as a child. I think it's the sole reason I always stand up for the underdog. This message is about 40 years too late for me, but still timely for every child out there. I made a pact with myself this week that I am going to start seeing the good in people instead of critizing and gossiping. I am tired of all the negativity and I am determined to make it stop in MY life. How bout you? Will you make the pact too?

I'm sick and tired of hearing about youth committing suicide because of discrimination. What happened to allowing people to be who they are and express themselves as they wish?? I was bullied as a kid and I've even dealt with some in my adult life as well. I know bullying and discrimination has been occurring for generations but it's time to stop it and I'm fed up with it as well.

Thank you so much for posting this, Linda!!!! As I said on Facebook, I am warning all of my friends right here and now: From here on out, every time I see or hear someone use the phrase, "That's so gay..." in a derogatory manner, I will be confronting them. I've had enough. I hope everyone will do the same. It's time to stop the hate, stop the bullying and be a part of the solution.

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