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Seriously. You will feel like you've surely been licking LSD stamps... This is so wrong on so many levels, but it draws you in...
Kendall walked in when she heard the second song start - like The Beatles, you simply do not dick around with Wicked. But the greatest comment came when Culley came in with "WTF" all over her face.
Kendall, "You know they're lip syncing, right?"
Culley, "Of course they're lip syncing. They're PONIES."
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Leave it to SNL to highlight the lowlights. :O)
(Best line of the show last night? The sportscasters doing more advertisements, "When you're feeling something fungal down in your lady jungle...Gyna Lotrimin!"
and, of course, "There ain't nothin' finer, than a yeast-free vagina!"
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Watching the coverage of the 8.8 earthquake which has taken a devastating toll on Chile, the smaller outlying islands, and also of those shores now threatened by the energy released into the Pacific. (CNN has Elliot Yamin on the phone - he is in Chile currently - roughly 90 miles from the epicenter - and was awake in his hotel room when the earthquake struck. Very frightening experience...)
The energy released by this earthquake is estimated to be 10X more powerful than the Hiroshima bomb, 100X more powerful than what struck Haiti - no wonder the tsunami warnings extend so very far from the epicenter. A wave with that energy behind it, out in the open ocean, can reach speeds of 500 mph. Keeping an especially close eye on my former home of Hawaii as they prepare to evacuate all coastlines, on all islands, as the waves are expected to reach the state around 11am local time.
I'm looking out at a beautiful sunny day here in Texas, and it is one of those surreal moments when you know what pain, suffering, and chaos is taking place out of one's line of sight...
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UPDATE 630p EST: JUST GOT THIS FROM LEIGH:
Hey y'all, thanks for the love and concern! Yes I am home and for the moment upright and poised over a bucket. It seems I am having a severe allergic reaction to one of the drugs they gave me. I had a headache before they started that turned into a migraine and when I asked for phenergan they gave me zofran. This was only the second time I have ever had the stuff but the first time I was already in the ER and they were able to care for me through that. Now I am home and puking (owwww) and dry heaving (double owww) and ready to crawl out of my own skin and itching like mad and still have a migraine. I have also been told I am having hallucinations and talking to people that aren't there. Called my little sis who is a nurse and she suggested if it gets worse to head to ER. So I will keep y'all updated in between periods of worshiping the porcelain god and unconsciousness.
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From her Facebook wall - a friend posted this update: Got a text from her saying "home from surgery. Cant stop puking. Drugs wearing off. Awake during whole thing. OWWWWIEOWWOWW"
Big naked hugs, Leigh. ~Linda (and Toni & Jackie, take off those damned bells before you hug her, they may get caught on the stitches...)
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OK, let's get it on the record. After this many seasons, I will come clean. I HATE RESULTS NIGHTS.
Not because of the emotional component. That part's fine, and I expect these kids to get spastic colons over who gets canned. I can even take A, I stress A, returning Idol to pimp a new song of theirs. They earned it.
But it's the stuffing of these episodes like they're some Butterball turkey on Thanksgiving that I cannot stand. It is done for revenue's sake, not because we are all out here in TV-land saying, "Gee, I wish American Idol could be longer. Maybe they could add a spelling bee or a science fair!"
Just get on with the damned results. Not only because there are 16 year olds on your show developing ulcers and popping Pepcid from the drawn out stress, but because THIS is what DVRs were made for, and anyone who has one isn't watching all your ^&*%$# commercials anyway.
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They share the same dream. (To find out what's in those Coke cups?) They shared the same stage. (Yes, the neon Cheerio of destiny got a work out.) This was the opportunity that had longed for (To just get to this place to be able to participate in one of those sweet, sweet GROUP SONGS!), but their destiny is unclear (unless you are one of the Certified Public Certifiers of Idol, the Golden Globes, the Oscars...). All will be fighting to secure their spot in history. (History is a tad overblown, then again, this is Ryperbole...)
And THIS. IS. AMERICAN. IDOL.
Dressed in his Sunday best, Ryan thanked everyone for over 24 million votes this week, then bid the judges a how do you do?
Ellen looked like a waitress at a soda fountain in black and white with a checkerboard b/w tie. All she was missing was one of those paper wedge caps; Randy, Randy, Randy - I guess there is such thing as a bowling cardigan. It had everything but the name Larry stitched on the chest; Kara was working some black leather and had a dagger dangling twixt her boobs; Simon was ready for a relaxing night of carnage in a white shirt. (Better to showcase the blood stains.)
Attempting to juice the whole Ellen Hates Simon Hates Ellen thing running rampant on the web, Ryan, of course, brought it up. He asked Simon why he is harsher this year. (He's not. But that seems to be Ellen's chief complaint if TMZ is to be believed.) Ellen tried to play it off, clearly uncomfortable with what Ryan was doing, and joked about liking ripe bananas.
Like I said in last night's recap, it has not escaped notice that everytime he says something cutting (read: honest) to a contestant, she has jumped in to lessen the blow.
He then picked on Kara's obsession with Casey, and then pointed out that Kara's husband was in the front row tonight. He is the furthest thing from Casey you could imagine. Accountant? Maybe. Paper pusher? Sure. But long haired, hunky, musician? Um, no. Kara's hubby may make sure your car gets its oil changed regularly, but Casey makes sure everything stays lubricated...
Ahem...
This led into my favorite part (here's a hanky to wipe the dripping sarcasm off your monitors) - the GROUP SONG. All 24 of them attempting to lip sync and dance to American Boy.
Allow me to channel a Jewish Aunt. Oy vey.
I was just waiting for one group of kids to smash into another. That's a small stage to work on, and they were like subway trains passing with inches in between. (Anyone else catch the This-is-so-effing-lame look Casey threw to the camera?) And the song was so autotuned, so produced, even if Katie had not forgotten the words once, and Tim had not completely forgotten to sing INTO THE MICROPHONE, it was obvious there is no way in the world they sound like that together.
I wrote, please God, make it stop. Mercifully, He did. And blessed me with a bounty of 8 commercials. (Come to think of it, I do believe one was for Bounty...)
Back from said advertising, the girls were assembled on the No Loveseats. Ryan dimmed the lights, had the back row stand, and then dispatched them pretty quickly:
Siobhan - SAFE; Haeley (with another huge flower arrangement sprouting from her head, and another gallon of glitter on her face - someone stage a Claire's intervention NOW) SAFE; Michelle - SAFE; Katelyn - SAFE.
This left Katie and Janell - Janell putting on a good face, Katie looking like she was going to revisit lunch on top of the front row's hair.
As it was, Katie's bile could rest - Janell was given the heave-ho. Dressed for sorority rush in tight JEANS, heels, and a lemon yellow sweater with turquoise trim, she made the most of her final chance to sing What About Love - props for not crying, and bonus points for such a great attitude.
One of the true highlights of the evening came next, Allison Ireheta was on hand to sing her latest single, Scars. I had forgotten how much I love this kid.
Dressed in black boots, those popular catscratch stockings, a black mini dress with a huge bustle (seriously, what memo did I miss that we are all supposed to make our asses look bigger now?), and her bright red hair (with blue highlights) cascading down her shoulders, she rocked it.
Scars is an emotional, slower tempo song, but she was like the second coming of Kelly Clarkson - raw power, emotion - love her. And I couldn't quite tell, on the very last line when she sang, "Did I say something stupid?" Was that head jerk and fingerpoint at Simon? :O)
Go, Allison. Great things are ahead. (Only drawback is that her performance totally highlighted the fact that no girl on those couches is even worthy of holding her bustle, let alone taking over her fourth place spot...)
With the lights down again, Ryan asked the front row to stand. Paige, Lacey, Lilly, Crystal - All SAFE. That left Ashley and Didi. Ryan asked them to come to center stage. Ashley looked beautiful, as if dressed for a date, in a strapless, blue, form fitting dress. Didi was dressed for a garage sale.
After some sweet words from Ellen about new beginnings, just another experience, etc, Ryan dispatched Didi back to tagging knick knacks in the carport, and Ashley back to obscurity.
I'm not sure who, of the two girls, was more shocked. At the very least, I remember Ashley singing. I remember absolutely nothing about Didi.
In his oh-so-sensitive way, Ryan asked Ashley, "Well, what do you think?"
Anyone could see she was shell shocked, broadsided, and more than a little pissed. What was written on her face was, "Well, a-hole, what do you think I think? I think I'm going to punch you in the weiner."
What she diplomatically choked out was, "I think I'm going to sing." And she did, reprising Happy, even getting through those lyrics that should have warned her off choosing this song to begin with So what if it hurts ... Don't care about all the pain in front of me... without turning the show into American Crydol.
Idol Commandment #75: Thou shalt never chooseth a tune whose lyricseth denote sorrow, tears, or referenceths to the word goodbye.
Another break and we returned to find the boys on the Settees of Sorrow. Before Ryan asked for the lights to be dimmed we got a humorous moment of footage of the prior day's rehearsal. Apparently not understanding that they were being whisked from their accomodations straight to the stage, without a stop at wardrobe - Tyler showed up in a spa robe, socks, and ankle boots. He looked like a cousin of cousin Eddie sent to terrorize poor Chevy Chase at Christmas.
Lights down...
Back row were on their feet: Big Mike - SAFE; John - SAFE (he was surprised, frankly I was, too); Aaron - SAFE (DUH - if Kevin Covais could make it to 11th place...); Todrick - SAFE.
Tim and Joe were left and no one was more surprised that Tim to hear that Tim was staying for another weak. That's too bad because Joe Munoz truly had one of the more solid showings on Wednesday night and deserved more time on that stage than the boy with the Condom Coif.
Coming back from another break, Ryan began passing the corporate hat for Idol Gives Back on April 21. (Note to all: I will not be recapping that episode. Watch it for what it will be, entertainment with a lot of tear inducing footage. I find it hard to make fun of something so innately serious - even when it's done by Idol.)
Kris Allen was recently in Haiti with the United Nations Foundation - he had planned on appearing on George Clooney's telethon a couple weeks back, but, "I was walking in to the offices at 19 and Simon Fuller came up to me and Simon Fuller was like, "How would you feel about going to Haiti?' and I said, 'That sounds way better.'"
Good for him.
He was on hand to sing The Beatles Let It Be, and as he sang, they showed footage of him in Haiti helping the humanitarian agency. I actually teared up at the images of him playing with the children - that is who this guy is - soft spoken, deeply feeling, unassuming. Just a regular guy who got a huge break in this life, but seems to keep it in perspective. I still think Adam Lambert deserved the title based on his massive talent, showmanship, and potential, but Kris is a truly decent man, talented in his own right. Let It Be was stripped to just a piano, and Kris on his guitar, and it was pretty great. If you want to download it, head to iTunes - 100% of the proceeds will go to the United Nations Foundation to help those still reeling from the natural disaster in Haiti.
Back to the couches, lights down, Ryan asked the front row to stand. Casey - SAFE (seriously, why did they even bother having him stand up?); Jermaine, dressed like an extra from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air - SAFE; Lee - SAFE; Andrew - SAFE.
Tyler and Alex joined Ryan at center stage. Tyler was pretty chill, after all, he was standing next to the kid who nearly shat his drawers on national television. Alex, for his part, had taken on a distinctly embalmed quality - all the color had been drained.
But mullet trumped spa robe and it was Tyler who was sent back to the 70s. Alex just about threw up. He was that shocked.
(So much so that those four seconds when you thought your TV went wonky and lost its sound? Well, that was because young Alex apparently, in the heat of the moment, spontaneously combusted into profanity, and they cut the sound in the broadcast we saw. All LIVE shows have a built in time delay now so as to protect we delicate Americans from another attack by Janet Jackson's marauding nipple. And if you watch it back, they do a quick cut to Casey's stunned face - whatever slipped out of Alex's mouth must have been a doozy.)
Which actually is to his credit - because he knows damned well he did not deserve to be staying. Even if Tyler came off like a poor man's Mick Jagger, Alex was a million percent worse. (A poor man's Zac Efron?)
Let's hope he makes the most of his stay of execution next week.
As the other three ejectees joined him on stage, Ryan rolled a montage of their collective short, but sweet, journey.
Sad to see four kids have their dreams die in the spotlight, but let's be real here - four weeks from now, will we even remember their names?
So what's your take? Did your fave survive? Was justice undermined by a legion of teeny boppers and their cell phones? Chime in!
(We'll do this America's Next Top Model style and erase those who get bounced...)
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If you are friends with Leigh on Facebook, you will know she is having to undergo some heart surgery on Friday. For those of you not up to speed, here is the email Leigh sent me when I pressed (like the nosey bitch I am) for details.
And as usual, she left ME in stitches...
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The girls' performances were surely sponsored by Lunesta. Across the board, people agree that the first LIVE night of Idol Season 9 was not exactly a barn burner. A carbon monoxide leak? Maybe. I sure felt sleepy. But are our expectations too high, perhaps?
I think not.
After all, we have heard repeatedly from the judges how this year's group is so very talented, so very varied, so very fabultastic. So why did Girls' Night leave everyone so very, very drowsy?
Nerves? Of course, and who could fault them for faltering in their first true foray in front of the unwashed masses? Poor song choices? Always. That's inevitable. But come on, when you are given access to the entire Billboard Chart history (well, at least the songs cleared by AI), picking the homerun song isn't quite likely.
But therein lies the beauty of the show. If we didn't get to watch these kids mature, make better song choices, and ditch the questionable head regalia girls always seem to favor in the early eps, would we really stick around for five long months? Of course not. Not even the promise of Barry Gibbs's nipples or Meatloaf's sweaty carcass pushing up on a finalist is enough to keep us watching if we don't care about the kids.
That being said ... here's hoping the boys can bring some much needed "oomph" (God help me, I'm quoting Randy) to the proceedings...
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With the guys in a police line-up, Ryan walked past, "Last night the ladies took the stage (and turned it into a slumber party), and tonight it's your turn to separate the men from the boys (Turn your head and cough?)..."
Loved his deliberate stop in front of Beaver Cleaver.
THIS. IS. AMERICAN ... Simon, stop talking. (Can these two ever just get on with things without put downs, double entendres, and gratuitous I-have-the-mic-now-bitchisms?)
The guys were intro'd and flowed down the stairs like a testosterone waterfall: Todrick Hall, Aaron Cleaver, Jermaine Sellers, Tim Urban, Joe Muoz, Tyler Grady, Lee DeWyze, John Park, Big Mike's Big Mouth, Alex Lambert, Casey James, and Andrew Garcia.
A quick howdy-do to the judges - Ellen wearing Simon's black sweater from Tuesday night, Randy Huxtable working a cardigan from Cliff's closet, Kara I'm-A-Hell's-Angel-On-The-Weekend DioGuardi in chains, studs, and rivets, and Rico Suave' Cowell, casual in a white dress shirt unbuttoned to reveal his forest of chest foliage.
Talking about last night, and advice for the guys, Randy noted their "interesting diversity"; Kara cautioned them to watch out for "nerves" and to basically go to their happy place (kind of dangerous advice for a guy, Kara); Ellen talked about how surprised she was to realize it is "totally different here than at home. If we're saying you don't sound good, you sound worse at home."; Simon was as blunt as a spoon, "If you lose it tonight or forget the words, your career is over."
Oh come on, Simon. Lose that threat. This year's Hollywood Round put paid to that. How many of those guys on stage totally brain farted their lyrics - even in the final performances - yet still made it through?
Up first, Todrick Hall, our 24 year old writer, actor, dancer. Nice kid, you like him right away. He took the stage dressed in JEANS, a gray shirt, biker boots, a ref whistle, and a black leather jacket on which he had installed a solar panel - is that a tax write-off like insulated windows?
Ryan announced he would be singing Kelly Clarkson's Since U Been Gone, but what he sang was truly unrecognizable.
At first, I kind of liked it. After all, they constantly hear "make it your own" and "take a risk." Well, what could be riskier than to take a hit from the first American Idol and flip it around so completely that it held your interest, turning you into an aural gold miner, panning for the original nuggets?
I actually kind of liked the twists and turns until he hit the chorus. If there were nuggets here, they were pyrite, not gold.
Ellen said the "chorus was a little rough, the singing wasn't the greatest, but you're such a great performer"; Randy called him "mad talented" but cautioned him to never "completely obliterate a song"; Kara echoed Randy's comments, but acknowledged Todrick "took a risk"; Simon, always ready to Hannibal Lector a kid's dreams, cut to the heart of the matter, "You came over as a dancer trying to sing, rather than a singer who can dance ... you completely murdered the original song ... verging on stupid."
But how do you really feel, Simon?
As Ryan discussed the comments with Todrick, the camera did a quick cut to Beaver who was wetting himself up in the balcony...
Young Cleaver was next - Aaron Kelly, the person who received the cute, nonthreatening teen boy baton handed off by David Archuleta. His Cleaverness aside, I think he looks like the lovechild of Matthew Modine and David Faustino from Married With Children.
Despite a serious fulb of his lyrics to Angel during his final H Week performance, Aaron fills a much needed demographic pie slice, so here he is. Dressed for an outing with friends for some Skeeball at Dave & Buster's - Aaron wore JEANS an untucked plaid shirt rolled up to the elbow, and an entire tube of hair gel.
Singing Here Comes Goodbye, I admit the kid has talent, but I also admit to snickering a tad because the song's lyrics are so far beyond his current range of life experience. No worries for him though, the tweens will happily be burning out the number 2 on their cell phones for him.
Simon called it "quite a good performance" but told him he needs to work on the "self belief, confidence"; Kara told him, "You have no idea how great your raw talent is. You'll get better every week."; Randy complimented his "huge voice"; and Ellen assured him that he's going to be there " a long time."
Note: Finger origami is not just lame, it's double lame when guys do it. Please stop.
Jermaine Sellers is at the top end of the age spectrum at 27. But he's not too old to learn a lesson. His video package included his final performance of Man In The Mirror and his admonishing the band for messing up the end. He took advantage of his interview to admit that, while he felt like "Boo Boo The Fool" when they messed it up, he would never throw anyone under the bus again.
Taking the stage to sing Get Here, he was dressed in JEANS (I swear Idol should come out with their own line), a black shirt, biker boots, a black silk flower on his lapel, and a top coat with tails. Oh, and he is Season 9's resident Chapeau Chap.
He is obviously comfortable on stage, and has an interesting range to work with, but if you rewind and look away? Dude sounds like a lady. Seriously.
Ellen is a "huge fan" but felt he was "pushing a little too much ... trying too hard"; Randy started with an ominous, "YO." Then he reiterated the "trying to do too much vocally" refrain; Kara told him to make his runs meaningful. (Like ecoli, Jermaine, not like a bad burrito from Taco Bueno); Simon said it "sounded so over the top" he may very well have "totally blown" his opportunity.
Ellen chimed in after Simon (she has done this consistently - softening his harsher critiques) with, "I think people will vote for you."
This was followed by Ryan asking Jermaine if he had made up with Michael after the whole band-bus debacle. Jermaine: "Michael who?"
Now, it was not a slight to the show's music guru who came up on stage - Jermaine was seriously perplexed because he had sung MJ's song during that whole bus crash.
Hugs were exchanged, let's move on.
Up in the Red Room, Ryan pimped the most stupid contest in the world, the Design-a-Coke-Cup Challenge. If you give two poops in a whirlwind, head over to AmericanIdol.com for details.
Tim Urban was up next - Tim's the guy who didn't make it into the Top 24, but through a poor turn of events for one guy who did, he received a magic phone call from producer Ken Warwick tellings him he was back in. (Ken is slowly regaining the hearing in his left ear from that phone call.)
On stage, he walked out in JEANS (ok, seriously - tonight's episode brought to you by DENIM: The Fabric Of Our Contestants' Lives), a zipper laden Member's Only jacket, and a helmet made of hair.
On the record right now: I HATE, DESPISE, ABHOR, WANT-TO-SHAVE every head coiffed this way. It looks like a hair condom.
Trojan Tim chose One Republic's Apologize, and boy, does he have a lot to be sorry for. Uncomfortable on stage, cat rebellion inducing falsetto, it was all so very bad.
Simon congratulated him for coming back, but then said that "based on that performance, we made the right choice the first time around." He called him "weak ... not a natural performer ... your voice isn't good enough."
Kara said the "music overpowered" him; Randy brought it to his attention (why someone didn't during rehearsals is beyond me) that he doesn't have a falsetto; Ellen was left with, "with the sound down, you're adorable."
OK, so he gets the deaf community vote? I don't think so. Cute doesn't cut it at this stage of the game.
Up next was Joe Munoz, 20, a student, and someone who has had precious little face time this season. Unfortunate because the kid can sing.
Choosing You and I Both by Jason Mraz, he sat on a stool in JEANS, a black jacket, and a metallic pashmina?!?
OK, neckery aside, I like his voice - it's smooth, clear, effortless. Plus he was enjoying himself so much that I found myself smiling in return.
Ellen said he was "so right there" and "really, really good"; Randy said the song choice was "not quite, for me for you, but you worked it out"; Kara said there were a few "issues" but that he was "so far, the best"; Simon lectured Joe about the power of Idol in being able to make worldwide stars, and then informed him that he wasn't one of them, calling his performance, "ok, safe, forgettable ... rather limp ... like our host."
OK, someone get the vat of Jell-o and just let them wrestle this thing out.
Moving on to Tyler Grady, he of the rectangular jaw and Leif Garrett hairdo...
Tyler chose to sing the 70's anthem American Woman dressed in black leather pants, a blue button up shirt, with cufflinks, no less, and a sad looking blue scarf as a tie (seriously, that thing was so shriveled it needed Viagra). After a slow intro, the band picked up, and he busted out his best Val Kilmer-as-Jim Morrison moves. Sorry, but this kid is more about the show than the vocals. He's not a bad singer, but man, is he distracting.
Simon said it looked like he went to "Pretend To Be A Rockstar School"; Kara asked him to "do something more than the schtick"; Randy said it was "style over substance, and if anyone knows about that, it's Mr. Substanceless Style himself; Ellen said he was good at "copying the poses" but was "lacking the charisma."
All that being said, I think he could get better and provide much needed Summer Tour energy.
Lee Dewyze, 23, separated at birth from Elliott Yamin was next in the Cheerio.
He chose one of my favorite songs, Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. On stage with his guitar, some JEANS, and a t-shirt emblazoned with "My Weapon of Choice" (although the guitar hid what that weapon was), he took the song, twisted it a tad, but stayed true to the original. He was a little shaky in spots, but overall, I like the guy's raspy quality.
Ellen called it a "really good song choice" and lauded his "distinctive sound"; Randy said "it didn't quite work" because Lee is "more of a rocker" (Randy, stop calling Ellen, "E" - she gives you that look every time you do it - sooner or later she's going to bludgeon you to death with one of your oversized wristwatches.); Kara told him to "attack" things with more "soul, blues, rock"; Simon disagreed and said, "I thought this was the best performance. This guy is a naturally good singer."
John Park is a mystery to me - obviously he can sing, but he has received so little coverage, he has practically been tattooed with the word CHAFF across his forehead. Good thing his hair helmet covers it...
I do remember John was the one Shania went all double entendre about - "bottom end" and all. For that, he is willing to marry her.
John chose God Bless The Child, and he looked good on stage in JEANS, a gray T, a black blazer, and boat shoes (ahhhh, I love it when the 80s come back to haunt the fashion world). The kid has a really nice voice, but it was an odd choice - maybe if Idol adds a Gospel theme night, but for his first outing? I honestly could not decipher half the lyrics he warbled and was happy when it was over.
Simon called it "very flat, zero emotion ... kind of a pointless performance"; Kara said there was "no connection, it was a bit sleepy"; Randy said it made John come across as "old, out of sorts"; and Ellen said his song choice was "not one that gets the young girls to vote" although she, personally, liked the performance.
Then it was Big Mike's turn. Of course we got to relive the moment we have relived at least five times since we originally lived it - the phone birth of his daughter. One last "Ahhhhhh" and can we move forward? OK.
On stage in a bolt of plaid fabric stretched across his wingspan - that child is ripped - playing his guitar (yes, wearing JEANS from Del Griffith's favorite store, Chalmer's Big and Tall - extra points if you get the reference and can name the movie), Mike sang This Love.
OK, I can't help it. The guy is not Pavarotti by any means, but I like him. He makes me smile. Yes, it's personality over pipes, but personality does count for something.
Ellen echoed the voices in my head with "so much personality"; Randy said Mike "brought the energy up"; Kara said that while he is not "outrageously great" he is comfortable with himself; Simon likened him to the "support act before the main act."
I don't think he's in any trouble for a few weeks to come. Plus, if we're lucky, we may get to see that phone birth again ... and again ... and again...
Alex Lambert, 19, is a high school student from Texas who also favors that smashed to the head hairstyle. Points to him for dissing, and rightfully so, Mary Powers for her heinous behavior towards him during Group Round. Comfy watching the show from home, Mary?
Alex chose to sing Wonderful World - dressed in a beige jacket, JEANS, and dimples - though his cuteness could not overcome his total deer-in-the-headlights performance. He stared into the camera with a look that said "I am one sneeze away from adding a Goodyear sized skidmark to my underwear."
Oh it was bad. And that one line he repeated several times? "Here with me ... ... ... ... ... ee?"
Simon said "that was the most uncomfortable performance of the night"; Kara said "he needs a hug"; Randy told him to "do it with conviction" (that's right, Andrew. If you're going to lay down a skidmark, don't think bacon, think hamhock!); Ellen complimented him for "holding onto the mullet" and then compared him to "an unripe banana."
He still has a peel? Get it? Appeal? Ahem...
Finally, tonight's dessert course, Casey James, our 27 year old musician from Texas. In his video he admitted to being a little embarrassed by all the Kara attention.
So what happens?
The poor kid has to struggle through his entire song while Kara and Co. play immature, distracting games.
He looked good (duh) in JEANS (double duh), a white, untucked shirt with black embroidery, and a headful of Pantene products while he played his guitar and sang Heaven. But from the very first note, when the audience started laughing at Kara's arms being waved by Randy, he had to struggle to stay focused. Look, the guy isn't being voted off this, or any, island anytime soon, but still - is it too much to ask the judges to keep it together and show a tad of respect?
Kara started with "I don't recognize you with your shirt on."; Ellen added, "I could feel Kara undressing you with her eyes" but said he was "going to get votes like crazy"; Randy said, "great song choice"; Kara piped back up with "You are eye candy, but you are also ear candy."; Simon offered, "We were both cursed with good looks." He liked that Casey's stage presence is "very honest, very sincere .. obviously the cougar likes you..."
And Casey looked like he wanted the floor to open up and swallow him.
Bringing up the rear, the much anticipated performance by Andrew Garcia. Unfortunately, he tried to top what he did with his acoustic version of Straight Up during Hollywood Week by giving Fall Out Boy's Sugar, We're Going Down Swinging the same treatment.
It didn't work.
Sugar is meant to be a big, raucous song - not a stripped down, unplugged dirge. Andrew: great voice, totally wrong song.
Simon called it "too serious, too undulgent, a bit forgettable"; Kara said that while he is "great" it was a "strange rendition of the song"; Randy just added, "I'm a fan of you."; and Ellen encouraged him with, "I think you're going to stick around."
I do, too. He's good, not egomaniacal, and he had the pimp spot of the evening. He's far from in danger.
So, let's hear it for the boys. Maybe a little more pulse than the girls? Who are your early favorites? Anyone else feel for Casey? (Down people. I said FEEL FOR CASEY. Not anyone else want to feel Casey?)
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Hi Linda -
I was hoping I could get some of our DGMS positive energy flowing my way to Wisconsin. Here is why...
Back on December 29th - the day from hell as I refer to it...My husband Jeffrey was on a rescue call, and walking down the home owners icy stairs he slipped, went flying into the air and landed with his left leg bent under him with him on top of it. At first they thought he may have broken his ankle. Turned out nothing was broken, but he had muscle damage & severe bone bruising. The Dr's said that is almost worse than a break. That night coming back from WalMart (getting his prescriptions filled for him) my radiator blew. Thankfully I was blocks from home and managed to get the car into the driveway! I always joke that I am changing my last name to Murphy because Murphy's law definitely applies to my family. if it's going to go wrong - it will! A few weeks later Jeffrey came down with a case of cellulitis in his injured leg - seems that a scrape from the fall got infected & that was the result. A week and a half of being in the hospital and 1800.00 antibiotics (I still think they were made from gold - sheesh! Thank Goodness workers comp is paying!!) later and he is on the mend! Going to physical therapy - regaining his strength, a work release date of March 16th - everything looking great! Hurray! Yeah, not so much!
His leg had been bugging him the last few days - so a call to his Dr. today a trip to the ER - turns out that his white blood count is sky high, the cellulitis is back - worse than before and to top this sh*t parfait? He has a blood clot in the bad leg to boot!
This has me completely freaked out - and scared sh*t less! His dad started out this way, cellulitis, then skin wounds that wouldn't heal till he lost a leg. (Oh yes, he is a diabetic, so was his dad) His dad passed away last November from an infection in his good leg that caused him to go septic. I guess this is still so fresh in our minds, that why I am reacting as I am.
So if I could get that wonderful energy myself and our 6 year old daughter Hailey would be so grateful. She loves her daddy - and I want him to be around to watch her grow up.
Thank you so much Linda,
-Jamie in WI
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Jamie - sending every positive thought, prayer, hope, and cyberhug I can. Please keep us in the loop, ok? ~ Linda
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