Don't Get Me Started with Linda Sharp

This Is What Pulling Shit Out Of Your Ass Looks Like

Laughably Sad? Or Sadly Laughable?

New Poll: Less Than Half Of Republicans Believe Obama Was Born In U.S.

If Only All Problems Could Be Handled Like This...

Like I said before - what a novel approach - actually SIT DOWN AND TALK IT OUT.

Beck: An Endangered Species We Should Let (Hell, Encourgage To) Die Out

Is it wrong for me to be hoping his head literally explodes off his shoulders during one of these rants?

Full Court Press of Hope & Prayer Requested

I just received this note from DGMS regular Ame's daughter, Deirdre.  They both need as much support as we can muster - NOW.  Deirdre, please give Ame a hug from me and tell her we are sending much love her (and your) way - Linda.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hello my name is deirdre barkley and my mother is ame kane barkley from up state new york. Around 1 o'clock this morning my mother awoke screaming and about an hour later she went off to the hosptial. It turns out she has a large ulcer in her intestines or her stomach.she is now going into surgery.its just the two of us and we are both scared, her the most. The doctors say she is going to be in the hospital for about a week. The thing is, is that she doesn't have insuranse to cover anything and this is making her even more nervous and scared and with college coming around the corner (I am in 12th grade) this makes her break out in to sweats just thinking about it.

I know from what my mother raves about u all the time. If  you could roll up your magic sleevs and make something happen... That would be beautiful. But as of right now we need prayers. And I think we need that the most.

Thank you for putting a smile on my mothers face everyday she vists your blog.

Hope to hear from you soon
Love deirdre

Cure What Ales You

I am SO glad we have politicians looking out for we taxpayers.  Keeping an eye on the ball, as it were.  Going after the big issues.  Fighting for the little guy. 

You may think I'm talking about the number of people still losing their homes to foreclosure.  Meh.  Kidstuff. 

Or the insurance blight - the number of uninsured Americans grows larger each and every day.  Pfft.  Small potatoes.

Those two wars are still taking lives and sucking money we don't have.  Yawn. 

No, there is a problem of epic proportions facing us this week.  It threatens to rip the remaining fabric of our society to shreds, leaving it looking like one of those stylish fringy scarves the youngsters are all sporting now.

Once again, that imposter President of ours - you know, the racist one with the white mother and grandparents, the one who was actually hatched from an egg in Area 52 (located in Kenya), the one who will not stop until Joe The Plumber's dreams of owning a make believe plumbing company are completey squashed, the one who eats MUSTARD ON HIS HAMBURGER!!!!!  - is taking a big steamy dump on all that is American.

This week, when he has that widely reported beer with Professor Gates and Officer Crowley at The White House, they will be (insert ominous refrain) DRINKING THE WRONG KIND!!!!!

That Marxist, facist, socialist, Hitleresque, Muslim-loving, apologist bastard!

But fear not!  Representative Richard Neal of Massachusetts is on our side.

When he heard that Obama will be drinking Bud Light, Crowley will be tipping Blue Moon, and Gates will be imbibing either Red Stripe or Beck's, he went into action.

He sent a strongly worded letter to the President pointing out that Budweiser is a Belgian company, and that both Miller and Coors are the products of a United Kingdom conglomerate.

Holy Patriotism, Batshitcrazyman!

He urged the President to serve the only beer that makes sense.  The beer that will bring us all together around the campfire to sing a drunken verse of Kumbaya - SAM ADAMS.

Yes, by drinking an American made beer, that shall surely cure what ales us.  Racism, ignorance, rampant douchebaggery...

If we had only known this a couple hundred years ago...  Thank you, Representative Neal.  You are a true patridiot.

SYTYCD

I'm a fan of So You Think You Can Dance (LOVING me some Evan), but Jon Stewart's new show SYTYCD - So You Think You Can Douche - looks like a a winner, too.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
So You Think You Can Douche
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Joke of the Day

You Are What You Tweet

Captain Kirk agains takes on Sarah Palin's poetic ramblings - this time from her Twitter account.  Not sure where she gets this stuff, but that old joke about the "Klingons around Uranus..." comes to mind...

Widening The Racial Divide

For as much as the election of Barack Obama to The White House proved that many, many people in this country couldn't care less about the color of a person's skin, his election has also shone the light on the fact that there are many, many people who are still ignorant racists.

What was an undercurrent - admit it, we have all felt it for a long time, since before the election results - has slowly been percolating higher and higher. 

(Let's use as an example America's preeminent hosebag, Glenn Beck, who actually went on a morning show this week and said of the President, he's "a guy who has a deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture. I don't know what it is...This guy is, I believe, a racist."

Hey Glenn - I know you've been busy what with inciting the intentionally stupid rabble, teabagging, and crying on cue, so it may have escaped your notice, but President Obama is HALF WHITE.)  

When the Professor Gates arrest happened, race became the debate.  Would it have happened the same way to a white man in his own home?  Who's to say?  Personally, I think Gates's color did play a role in his treatment, but I also think his behavior towards the officer ratcheted the tension up even more.

Of course the police department categorically denied any bit of racism being involved.  God knows police officers are ALL honest, caring, open minded, color blind public servants.

Puh-leez.

We have had enough of them caught on their own cruiser cams acting like pompous bigots to know the truth.  Racists exist in police work just as they exist in every other occupation you can name.

Making sure to underline that is Officer Justin Barrett of the Boston Police Department.  He apparenty did not take kindly to an article in a local paper and made his true feelings known to the writer in an email.

His true feelings include Gates being a "jungle monkey."

You can read the entire email HERE.  Barrett is currently suspended.  (Unfortunately, not by his testicles.)

(Pssst...hey, Justin!  For someone who starts off his email by lecturing the writer about writing, touting your own experience as an English teacher, you fail at composition.  Those are some of the purtiest run-on sentences I've seen since, well, 4th grade...)

Giddyuck

I don't get it.

And no matter how many stories I read, I guess I never will.

What swirls in the cranium of a human being as they look at an animal and makes them go, "Ooooh, yeah..." (in their best Barry White voice)?

I've written about men caught pounding dead deer poon in a ditch; men caught doing baaaaaad things with sheep, and the guy who died after dangling a carrot in front of his anus and being Seattle Slewed to death by a horse.

And while there are a million puns to be made at their expense, the first utterance I always have is "ICK."

Well, yet another animal admirer was caught "riding bareback" in South Carolina.

Meet Rodell Vereen, 50.  Rodell loves animals.  Really loves 'em.

A month ago, stable owner Barbara Kenley caught him on surveillance camera having sex with one of her horses.

He returned to the scene of his love crimes on Monday.  She was waiting with a shotgun,. but opted to call the police instead of shooting him and ending up behind bars herself.

He is now in jail.  According to a family member, Rodell has some mental issues (ya think?) and has not been taking his pills.

Well, hopefully they can rein him in and get him the help he so obviously needs.

As for the horse?  When asked for comment, she just shook her head and said "Naaaaaayy..."