I hate to break it the guys out there, but we women really don't want a man who can "go all night."
Long enough to satisfy us? Sure. But that really has more to do with body parts other than your third leg. If all you're relying on is your custard cannon, that's a pretty sure bet we're eventually going to go into an Oscar worthy performance to just end it based on boredom or chafe factor.
And contrary to all the email you receive, we don't need "it" to be able to "knock down walls" or "gush like Niagra Falls." (I am quoting actual email sales pitches there.) My vagina is not made out of brick and mortar and I hate doing laundry anyway - so "572% more" on my sheets is not the way to my heart.
Sadly, millions of men still garner most of their sexual know-how from the forum section of Penthouse (sorry guys, but co-eds typically do NOT ride around naked in a VW Bus just looking for sex, and I have yet to have a plumber come to my house who illicits a desire to have him snake MY drain.), porn movies (contrary to what you may have seen, we do not want to have sex on copy machines, with aliens, or with aliens on copy machines), and each other (worst possible place to get your "Miss"information).
We're much simpler than that. We like to make-out. We like a slow burn leading up to an inferno. So if you're not investing some time in foreplay? Any spark you perceive is just that - perception, NOT reality.
Sure, we enjoy a quickie every now and then, but make no mistake, those are a gift, from us to you. And there had better be some reciprocity somewhere in the near future. We may not have balls, but we experience that "blue" feeling just like you.
But back to the real reason for the rant - the backass thinking that men have about what being a sexual stud is all about.
I present to you, Exhibit A, 28 year old mechanic Sergey Tuganov, of Russia. He bet two women that he could "go all night" - 12 hours - with both of them.
To help him achieve his goal, make sure he was "up" to the task, as it were, he employed a little medicinal assistance. He "guzzled" an entire bottle of Viagra.
Yeah.
He then proceeded, like some fleshy piston, to pump away for twelve hours. (I do so hope they had a case of KY on hand, or on...well, you know, otherwise, talk about getting a "rug" burn....)
Well, he succeeded in "going the distance". Unfortunately, as soon as he had won the bet, he dropped dead of a heart attack.
Yeah x 2.
One of the women, named Alina, told police, “We called emergency services but it was too late, there was nothing they could do.”
So guys, let this be a cautionary tail tale, ok? Twelve hours nonstop is just plain stupid. About as stupid as downing a bottle of boner meds to make it happen.
Pick your shit up. Tell us we're pretty. And then act like a 15 year old and remember what it was like to make-out. If you do those three things, I promise you, we won't care if you only last two minutes. Just take us along for the ride, ok?
Rest in piece, Sergey.
Yet another fabulous entry for the Darwin Awards!
Posted by: Valerie | Monday, March 02, 2009 at 11:05 AM
I agree. Why don't men talk (seriously) with each other like women do? A lot of their problems could be solved if only they would. Why don't they understand that porn is for men, totally unrealistic and NOT AT ALL what normal women want. Linda, you are exactly right when you say we want to "make-out" like 15 year olds, you know, when he was "trying" to get to the "homerun" and we got so worked-up, we "let" him. Of course, in any relationship there is give and take, and my hubby and I, after ten years of working at it, seem to have figured it out. "Knock-wood"--no pun intended!
Posted by: RBlues | Sunday, March 01, 2009 at 03:48 PM
(This is all so irrelevant for me. And can I add, I'm totally a fan of all nighters? Guess it's a bit different with women though...lol)
Posted by: Carrie / Quik | Sunday, March 01, 2009 at 11:37 AM
IT's sex...it's NOT a marathon!!!
When will men learn? Oh, wait, my husband has and that's why he's still my husband after five years!!! LOL
Posted by: Susen | Sunday, March 01, 2009 at 10:27 AM
I've always said that marathon sex is overrated. Good Lord, I'd be bored to tears. I am in total agreement with Linda on this one!
Posted by: audreyf | Sunday, March 01, 2009 at 09:25 AM
Nikki, like the energizer bunnie...just kept going and going...
Posted by: Mary Lou in FL | Saturday, February 28, 2009 at 07:25 PM
What a dumb idea all together. I cannot imagine how he did not feel a need to stop long before then due to pain. Unless it just got plain numb. Which happens. And he kept going and going without feeling anything.
He won his bet all right.
Posted by: Nikki | Saturday, February 28, 2009 at 07:04 PM
All young men, upon becoming sexually active, should be given a framed, bordered copy of today's blog!!!
Posted by: Linn | Saturday, February 28, 2009 at 04:32 PM
Stupid is as stupid does!!!
Posted by: Susan In Florida | Saturday, February 28, 2009 at 03:08 PM
Very well said Ms. Sharp---especially in reference to what real women want. I ~HATE~ porn, well written erotica, now that via fantasy I'm able to slink into, but that’s a completely different ballgame in comparison to porn.
It really is too bad about the stud, sincerely, I can't say he deserved what he got because after all we have the will to do as we choose, however we don't possess the will to choose what we want, not at this juncture any way. And what he wanted was dumb, so I say all in all yes it is a tragedy....and pretty stupid to boot, foolish dead man.
Posted by: Sherrijax in Texas | Saturday, February 28, 2009 at 11:57 AM
Killer SEX!
I suppose he got what he was asking for right?
Posted by: Toni in Dallas | Saturday, February 28, 2009 at 11:13 AM
As one of my male co-workers said when I showed him this...
"At least he won the bet!!"
Posted by: Carri from MI | Saturday, February 28, 2009 at 09:57 AM