You've Got To Be Kidneying Me

Divorce is seldom pretty.

In fact, the majority are downright contentious, rude, brutal.

Seldom does a marriage gently fall apart with the two participants waking up one morning, smiling sweetly at one another, and one saying, "Hey, this just isn't working for me anymore.  You?"  And the other, after a thoughtful interval, and the ruffling of the other's hair, "No, not so much for me either.  Wanna split?  I can download the divorce forms while you shave."  "Sounds like a plan.  Been great hanging out with you though." 

Rather, divorce typically stems from a betrayal of trust, a violation, a withholding of love, lack of committment, a Grand Canyon sized rift.  Emotions explode, fingers are pointed, juvenile behavior abounds, and the only real winners are the lawyers who surgically divide assets and legally dissolve the pairing.

Some people are so "hurt" (I use quotation marks because while hurt may be the initial feeling, it is actually revenge, hate, and vindictiveness that draw out the proceedings.) that they turn the legal process into a battleground.  Every cup is a brawl, every book on the shelf in the study a skirmish, and every penny in the bank accounts a Waterloo.

By the time it's over and the papers are finally signed, it's hard to even recognize the folks in front of the judge as the same ones in the wedding portrait in the sterling silver picture frame they fought over like Iwo Jima.  (The frame, not the portrait.)

Where went the love?  The passion?  The joy?

It seems that the force which brings two people together is only beaten in strength by the force which tears them apart.

That can be the only excuse for the latest divorce headline making the rounds:

Man Wants His Kidney Back

Yeah.

Apparently, when they were married, Dr. Richard Batista didn't blink when the love of his life, Dawnell, desperately needed a kidney transplant.  She had his emotional heart, so why not one of his literal organs?

So in June of 2001 the transplant was done.

Fast forward to 2005 to find Dawnell filing for divorce.

Hit the FF button one more time to today to see Richard holding a press conference over said kidney.  Of course, being a doctor and all, one hopes he doesn't actually expect her to fork it back over, however, in lieu of the pee processor he is suing for $1.5 million.

What an ass.

His justification?  He believes she cheated on him with her physical therapist. 

In addition to moaning about providing her with a million dollar home to live in, that he gave her the kidney to help their marriage (what, Richard?!? There were problems before?!?!), and how after two failed transplants, "I was the only one to step up to the plate," he said of his wife's alleged disloyalty, "It put a hole in my heart that still exists. To this day, I'm a man of pride. To be betrayed that way, humiliated - I can't even began to say.

"There's no deeper pain or betrayal from somebody you loved and devoted your whole life to," he told a news conference at his lawyer's office in Garden City on Long Island.

Sure there is Richard.  Say, ohhhhhh, I dunno....some asswad asking for his kidney back or for compensation because he feels his manhood has taken a ding.

Dawnell's attorney is not yet responding to the lawsuit, so we don't know if, in fact, infidelity was at play in the now-kaput marriage, or what, in her view, led to the breakdown of the union.

Look, I don't like cheaters.  I don't care what your reason.  Shitty spouse, unhappy with your homelife, midlife crisis, secretary in a tight skirt - I. DON'T. CARE.

If you are so inclined to begin cheating, man up or woman up, and address your problems with your spouse.  Whether that means counseling, deep heart-to-hearts to reconnect and find common ground, or a dissolution of the marriage - DO IT.  Sneaking around is chickenshit.

And if your marriage is one for the compost heap?  For God's sake, have a little dignity about it.  Sure, your feelings may be toast for a while, but life does goes on.  You don't have to get all give-me-my-record-collection-and-kidney-back about it.

According to Raoul Felder, an attorney who was interviewed, "He doesn't have a kidney to stand on.  This is one of the most tasteless marital acts of the century. It makes him a laughingstock."

Seymour Reisman, another attorney with 40 years experience agrees, "A kidney is not a marital asset.  The husband did what all of us, if given the opportunity, are expected to do - help another person. This claim eight years later is without merit and vindictive."

To the "good" Doctor?  If you thought holding a press conference over something this assinine would garner you public support?  Think again. 

WKRG.com

Sorry about your divorce - been there, done that, I know it sucks hind tit - but you're a sniveling, self important, self aggrandizing whiner who needs a personality transplant. 

Your current one is now on life-support.

Comments

[Leigh]

"Hey, this just isn't working for me anymore. You?" And the other, after a thoughtful interval, and the ruffling of the other's hair, "No, not so much for me either. Wanna split? I can download the divorce forms while you shave." "Sounds like a plan. Been great hanging out with you though."

That is almost verbatim how my divorce went.

One day we looked at each other and said...let's go get married. Then 8 years later we looked at each other and said...lets go get divorced! We walked hand in hand into the courthouse and asked for all the paperwork with smiles on our faces. We sat there and filled it all out all the while discussing who got what assets. The people at the courthouse said it was the most amicable parting they had ever seen. We were best friends when we got married (for insurance purposes) and we were still best friends when parted because there was just no longer any reason for us to be together. Time has passed and we are still friends, but not as close as we once were.

Hopefully his guy will get his dose of karma in the end.

[Kerry]

My ex- brother-in-law was permanently injured in a work accident that gave him a settlement for pain and suffering, and in KY, that money is not considered a martial asset. So, even though my sister was working for several years supporting the family when he wasn't, when they got divorced, he asked for everything that was paid for out of this money...including my sister's boob job which he encouraged her to have. Although he did get a lot of things, including my sister's 6 year old mini-van and 1/2 of her pension savings (he drained his, so she didn't get any of his) the court said "no" to the boob job request. It was classified as a gift.

I'm really surprised that they didn't make her reimburse him, because the judge was the biggest asshat I've ever heard of. He decided to try something "different" he read about in a book (!) and instead of granting my sister the primary custody she had had for the 2 years during the seperation, he ordered them to "birdnest." That is when the kids technically get custody of the house, and the parents rotate moving in and out of the house on a weekly basis. Talk about messed up.

Of course, my "only concerned about the kids" BIL gave this up when my sister conceeded to give him a bigger share of the house profits. Basically she bought the kids back. I could go on.....

[Nikki]

As far as legalities go, there is no court in the land who will give him the kidney back. Nor will they give him the esitimated value of the kidney -- mainly because sales of human organs is illegal and this would essentially be a sale. Sometimes divorcing people get a little nuts and lose all perspective and common sense. If he was still happily married to Dawnell and read this at the breakfast table about someone else he would have looked at his wife and said "Can you believe this asshat?"

[Lisa]

"I'd have taken the kidney back all by myself with a dull butter knife and a pair of pliers"...Thanks for the water spewing out of my nose, Lori. Too Funny!

[Lori in Texas]

I don't know, guys... I gotta play Devil's Advocate here.

If I had donated a kidney to my first husband, I'd want the damned thing back now. God's honest truth. The guy caused me nothing but misery - and if he'd thrown infidelity in on top of the rest of the crap he shoveled on me, I'd have been taking the kidney back all by myself with a dull butter knife and a pair of pliers.

Having been in a hellish marriage, I can kinda see where this guy is coming from. In a way.

[Michelle in IL]

I can't believe this guy. I mean yeah I know he is upset and hurts and I am sure if it were me I would have SAID the same thing but NEVER actually acted on it.

[Dorothy]

We know where the missing kidney is. Any ideas where he might have left his SOUL? His sense of DECENCY? His PRIDE? What a jerk! There are no "take backs" on doing the right thing.

[Katy]

Put this guy right in the bowels of asshats right along with the guy who is STILL trying to get $50 million (or whatever the amount was) for his pants being ruined by the dry cleaners...... GEESUS. (shaking head in disbelief)

[Paul Klemme]

If his personality is on life-support, his character is DOA. Most of us have done or thought of doing some pretty low things when we perceive a hurt or slight against us, but most of us also just leave it as that: thoughts. To actually hold a press conference... I wonder if he expected support from other cuckolded men out there? I've had two former wives cheat on me, and I'd STILL give either one of them a kidney if they needed it, but hey, that's just me...