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Octuplets’ mother wants Oprah to turn her into a $2m TV star
(She wants to be a TV expert on childcare? Give me a break. Oh, and as a point of curiosity, the older children are ages 7, 6, 5, 3 and 2 - the two year olds are twins. If all these children were conceived via IVF and implantation? I'd say there's a doctor out there with some explaining to do.)
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Continuing the crazy train of spurned spouses and lovers who want unusual things back when they are dumped...
Richard Batista, the man who wants his kidney back from his estranged wife, has been momentarily bumped from the spotlight by the trial of Thomas Lee Rowley, 28, of Victorville, California.
Apparently, the jilted Mr. Rowley paid for breast implants for his girlfriend when they were an item. Ahhh, nothing says love like some new funbags.
However, once dumped, Thomas decided to repossess the breasts, sotospeak. In July 2006 he attacked her as she walked out of her mother's home, stabbing her repeatedly in an attempt to remove them.
His roommate at the time of the attack, Dennis McGill, testified during the trial that Thomas told him, "I'm gonna cut 'em out and get em back."
And then what, Tom? Use them as coasters? Conversation pieces on your mantle? Or just something to fondle in the night?
He is on trial for attempted murder, assault with a deadly weapon, stalking, burglary, and false imprisonment.
The woman required surgery, including repair of the implants.
We'll see what the punishment turns out to be. I say, put him on the "rack".
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It's safe to say you all know where I stand on this by now. So I'm simply going to post the latest interview with Grandma who is currently taking care of her daughter's (Nadya Suleman's) six children, ages 2-7. She says she has told her procreation-happy daughter that when she is released from the hospital, "I'm going to be gone."
Oh what a tangled web we weave, when we decide to over-conceive...
(And one of the funnier comments - I mean that in a dark humor way - I have read about this? "A vagina is not a clown car." Priceless.)
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We were all dumbfounded when Drew Peterson found another dumb young woman to wear his ring a couple months back.
With his current legal wife's (Stacy's) whereabouts still unknown (I think we all know what happened, we just don't know where her remains will turn up), publicity whore Peterson appeared in a pretaped interview on Nightline Thursday evening.
Drew watched the broadcast with his latest fiance', 23 year old Christina Raines. Apparently, she does have at least one ounce of sense in her head...
In the interview he talked about how he likes the early stages of a love affair - well, who doesn't, Drew? - but then admitted that in his past relationships he began to lose interest when "there was no excitement in the marriage anymore."
Of course that would be us women folk's fault: "The women I was involved with would change or wouldn't do anything to keep me happy as man. So the relationships broke down."
Keep you happy as a man? Let me guess, that translates to kiss your bulbous ass, never talk back, have your dinner on the table at night, focus solely on you to the exclusion of the rest of the world - children included, and have sex with you at the drop of a Viagra?
Martin Bashir, the interviewer, pressed him to explain. "Oh, romantically. They would get tied up with the kids and so forth and there was no excitement in the marriage...they seemed to be bored with me after a few years."
Horrors! You mean these women had the audacity to try to nurture the kids?!?!? Gee, I bet they were so selfish when you would come home. I bet they acted tired, maybe even stressed. Oh! And I bet they sometimes didn't even have on mascara or a Frederick's of Hollywood teddy.
Man, those ungrateful bitches. No wonder you would lose interest, Drew. After all, you kept yourself fit, trim, handsome - and I bet you were a Harlequin Romance Novel lover come to life, huh?
GAG.
"I'm basically attracted to young, beautiful women with good personalities... That's what I'm attracted to."
I hear ya, Drew. When our flesh is tight, when we haven't had any of the kids you get us pregnant with. When our biggest concern is what color thong we're going to surprise you with at night? Yeah, those are the days, aren't they?
You pathetic piece of excrement.
Drew, you're FIFTY-FIVE, have you looked in the mirror lately, hon? That reflection is not exactly YOUNG, VIRILE, or HANDSOME. It's portly, has a set of luggage under its eyes, and a whole lot of gray hair (I would hazard a guess that your nether regions could be mistaken for Santa's beard) - not exactly the calling cards of YOUTH. I highly doubt people on the street mistake you for one of the Jonas Brothers.
Well, apparently Christina decided the interview foreshadowed quite a bit of what her life with Peterson would come to be - she may be 23 and tight, but she already has two small children, you know - and a fight ensued. She decided to give back the engagement ring, pack her bags, and leave with her children.
Only Drew wouldn't allow it. Color me all shades of shocked.
Enter Christina's father. He called the local police when Peterson would not allow him to get near his daughter, grandchildren, or their things to help them move out. FIVE squad cars arrived to facilitate her safe egress from Petersonland where women go in, but never come out - ALIVE.
Christina and the kids moved back in to an apartment she had shared with an ex-boyfriend. I would hope there are good locks on the doors. Drew doesn't seem to have a track record for relationships ending on a "we can still be friends" note.
As for Mr. I-Like-'Em-Young-And-Stupid? He admitted in the interview that he has enjoyed all the attention from the media. Attention generated by the disappearance of his fourth wife Stacy, and the homicide investigation surrounding him and the demise of his third wife (who called the police 18 times during their marriage).
Yep, Drew. You're just like an American Idol, aren't you? All the TV cameras and paparazzi clamoring for your attention.
But the one picture we're all really waiting for is coming. And we'll all be watching when it does. Just be sure you give us your good side when they take your mug shot, you murderous, conceited, self absorbed piece of rectal crust.
(You can watch the interview HERE - if you can stomach it. He is disgusting, cocky, and comes off as so sure he will never be caught, that he is a "good guy." Did you know he met Stacy when she was 17 and he was 47? He says he checked the lawbooks for the age of consent - oh goodie! 17 - and they started dating.)
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I can think of little else that could have been waiting in my inbox and managed to put such a smile on my face.
Jackie's grandson is here! Congratulations to the whole family! (And please tell Kayla, she's does good work - he's GORGEOUS!)
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Bradley Ray Torres
January 30, 2009
8 lbs 3 ozs
21 1/2 inches
2:15 pm
It was a very long night and day but he finally made his appearance - complete with drama. Kayla just refused to dilate even after 18 hours of pitocin to "speed" things along. When he started showing signs of distress, they did the smart thing and took him via C-section. The little monkey was not in perfect alignment so no dilating was ever going to happen. The cord had also become tangled around his neck. But he's here now, and he's perfect. Mom and dad are both doing well, too. Kayla says her nose is itching to death - hmmmm - the morphine maybe?
Thanks for all the prayers and support. DGMS'ers are the best!!!!
"GreatNana" Jackie
Being held by Great Nana as new Uncle Eric looks on.
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Raising teenagers in this day and age is not easy. I have two of the good ones and it still can be a challenge. Trying to balance their growing independence with the fact that they are still, in the maturity / common sense department, KIDS. Giving them a little trust "rope" at a time and hoping they don't hang themselves with it. Spooling it back in when they do.
I'm very lucky. All three of my daughters are A students. They hang with good friends. They are compassionate, kind, aware. Raised from the get-go with the concept of consequences for actions, and the knowledge that I will not cover for them should they screw up, discipline these days is a very rare occurrance.
In the event someone needs a reminder that their room is not a haven for swine, or that their sister's feelings actually DO matter, too, I tend to zero in on what they value most: their cadre of small, electronics. Cell phones, iPods, iTouches, the Wii.
Anyone with a teen knows that denying them an apparatus on which to text message is the equivalent of throwing them into social Siberia. Disconnected, they fall into line pretty quickly. Seriously, you have no idea how quickly my oldest can clean her room when I'm in possession of her cell.
Again, I'm lucky. I don't have to discipline but once in a blue moon (or dark mood - that's mostly Kendall).
So when I read a story like the one I'm about to relay, it truly sends a text message of WTF?!?! straight down my spine.
In Laurel, Delaware, the parents of a 16 year old daughter used a prepaid phone card system to control their daughter's cell phone use. They began to suspect she was stealing money from her mother's purse to buy additional minutes.
The suspicion was confirmed when the father heard her on her cell phone in her room and knew that she had no minutes left on the card they provide for her.
He took her phone from her.
Exactly what I would do. In addition to grounding her ass and coming up with some insanely creative ways for her to pay me back every cent she had stolen. Cleaning shit up at the Humane Society comes to mind.
The daughter did not take kindly to her lifeline being removed. Her reaction? Not begging. Not pleading. No apologies or promises of never doing it again.
No, instead she went to the kitchen, grabbed two large knives and went after her mother and father.
I shit you not.
The parents managed to get to their bedroom where they locked the door and called the police. All the while the girl was hacking away at the bedroom door.
When police arrived it took them a full ten minutes to calm the girl down and convince her to drop the knives. She was then arrested and taken away.
Good. As I just told Kendall, I would hold the police car door open for them to put her in.
She has been charged with possession of a deadly weapon during the commission of a felony, two counts of aggravated menacing, terroristic threatening, disorderly conduct, theft, criminal mischief and possession of a deadly weapon by a person prohibited.
She is currently in a juvenile detention facility as she cannot make the $14,000 secured bond.
Again, GOOD. Bravo to the parents for not bailing her effed up ass out of jail.
Now, I'm a realist. A kid does not get to the point that they consider losing their phone a reason for justifiable homicide without some help. A history of acting out, disrespect, and me-me-me syndrome seems much more likely than a sudden snap of some twig in her bratty head. She obviously has some issues already on board, and my guess is that the parents need to be re-evaluating how they arrived at this place in their family dynamics and retrace the way they have raised her.
BUT, she is also 16 years old. There is right. There is wrong. And there is no gray area for chasing your parents with cutlery.
Behavior like that is just, all pun intended, off the hook.
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When the eight tiny lives came into this world earlier this week, the world was stunned. Doctors, because they were only expecting seven. Gawkers around the globe because, well, let's face it - that's A LOT of children at one time.
Of course, speculation, conjecture, and judgment was rife. With no details about the mother being made public by doctors, and a mother not quite ready to make a formal statement to the curious public, we all did what we do - we discussed.
And while we chatted about it, the media began digging. They got Kate (of Jon & Kate Plus 8 fame) to offer "advice", and they started asking around. Folks being the helpful sort they are, several neighbors were happy to talk to the local television station - not revealing the mother's name, but letting us all know she already had six other children.
Naturally, that rubbed many the wrong way. SIX children and yet some doctor went along with fertility treatments? Plus, the woman lives with her parents and those older children in a small house.
Curiouser and curiouser.
Well, today comes additional information from CBS News that the family filed for bankruptcy and abandoned a home roughly a year and a half ago. Ask anyone who has traveled the road of fertility treatements - they are NOT cheap, and NOT handed out like candy by your insurance provider.
Enter the ethics questions...
What doctor in his/her right mind would agree to IVF and embryo implantation on a woman who is 33 and already has SIX children ages 7 down to 2?
Seriously - who would advocate this, much less perform the procedure?
Look, the children are here, so you cannot exactly put the little genies back in their bottles, but come on...
Where is the personal responsibility on the mother's part? And where is the medical and ethical responsibility on the part of whoever aided her in this pregancy to begin with?
CBS interviewed Dr. Michael Tucker, scientific director of Georgia Reproductive Specialists, asking for his take: 'As the story's unfolded and it's gone from the potential use of just fertility drugs, or misuse thereof, to actual, apparently, IVF (in-vitro fertilization) with transfer of embryos, this is just remarkable to me that any practitioner in our field of reproductive medicine would undertake such a practice.'
He added, when asked about the ethics involved in treating a woman with six children, 'I'm stunned, actually, that a clinic would proceed to treat a patient in this circumstance.'
You and the rest of us, Dr. Tucker.
I wish all of those babies strength, health, and a happy life - I really do. But someone needs to examine the system breakdown that got them here.
(You can read additional details in THIS ARTICLE. Thanks to Jennifer for the heads up.)
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It gets "better"... from HuffPo
In an exclusive interview with momlogic one neighbor, who asked to remain anonymous, revealed that the very pregnant young mom was THE hot topic of conversation at the neighborhood Christmas party. He says "From what I heard she likes kids, she wants a jillion kids. She even lied to the doctors who impregnated her."
When asked if he knew who the father of the baby is, the neighbor said, "She is single. She used a sperm donor, someone she knew, who donated sperm a long time ago. He donated the sperm for the first six kids and she used his frozen sperm for these one."
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OK, one last round in this Bataan Death March of auditions.
We’ve survived a kinder, gentler, Extreme Home Makeover Idol where every contestant has a backstory worthy of at least a new set of hardwood floors.
We’ve seen Golden Tickets flash by like streakers in a Ray Stevens tune, but have not enjoyed the company or vocals of those holding them.
And we’ve wondered just how much money is made in whitening fees by dentists across the land during the summer audition months. (OK, ok I wonder that. There are a lot of sparkling Chicklets this season.)
So let’s get through this last one together...
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Promising that they’ve "saved the best talent for last", Ryan intones T.I.A.I. and off we go to San Juan, Puerto Rico and NYC. Now, conventional wisdom would put half the show down south, then bring it up north for the second half of the episode. But like Paula on her meds, what fun would that be?
So we endured a frenetic back and forth.
First up in NYC, 18 year old Bronx beauty, Adeola Adegoke, who turned in her resignation letter the day before – so confident in her talent and a trip to Hollywood. She tells us people compare her to Mary J Blige, Mariah...
I actually saw a warning flare go off in my head.
She launched into And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going from Dreamgirls, which was a complete nightmare. She could not remember the lyrics and could not lose her heavy accent.
(Tangent: I have forever been mystified by an accented singer’s ability to completely lose it when singing. Anyone else? Hmmm? Buehler? Buehler?)
Simon told her she was "shockingly bad" which only made her sing harder – I guess that’s the vocal equivalent of playing Pictionary and drawing harder when your partner doesn’t get what you’re doing?
Randy dropped this nugget of wisdom, "Singing is not your skeez, dude." Skeez? That sounds like something a doctor should look at, Randy. I'm sorry, Mr. Jackson, but it appears you have an acute case of skeez on your...um... satchel. You'll need to apply this ointment three times a day.
Not all was lost, however. Simon did the chivalrous thing and called Adi’s former boss to get her job back.
Cut to San Juan... first in to see the judges was Jorge Nunez, 20, who sang a Spanish version of My Way. WHOA. Boy could have been singing me his laundry list and I wouldn’t have cared – he was amazing. Uno ticket to Hollywood, por favor.
Jessika Baier flew to San Juan from Michigan to audition. She even paid for nine relatives to fly with her. Jessika is a contest addict, having entered roughly 700 singing competitions in her life. According to her, that’s how she finances herself. Based on the cost of FunJetting nine people to San Juan, I was hopeful, despite the hideous hot pink dress and matching hair flower she wore.
Yikes.
She shrieked her way through a version of I Surrender, and while I can understand how she can win in karaoke-land where half your competition is swilling Jaeger – she is not ready for primetime.
What followed was a montage we’ll just call They’re Full of Sh*t – the sentiment being expressed by many contestants over the judges’ rejection.
Back up in NYC, Melinda Camilla was ready to "uplift humanity to a place of love and positivity cause I’m happy. And I’m happy while I dance naked in my room."
I tried that once and just about passed out from laughing at my reflection so hard. Warning: Don’t Bugaloo naked. You’ll scare the cats.
Melinda is a happy soul. She is also beautiful, a necessity when you decide to wear your hair 1/8 of an inch long. As for her affinity for dancing naked? I cannot be the only one who expected to see it happen as she gyrated in that flimsy dress with cleavage that would make Paula Abdul blush.
In the audition room, Simon immediately liked her, saying, "You look very fresh." (As opposed to those day-old, kind of moldy auditioners?)
Singing Feelin’ Good, I found I couldn’t help myself, I was grinning. She is upbeat, effortless, smooth. Even Kara called her a "vitamin boost." She’s the kind of infectious that’s good to spread around, so we’ll see her next week in Hollywood.
Following her in NYC was Jackie Tohn, a guitar player and singer since she was a child. Her choice of song was Jason Mraz’s I’m Yours, a song many auditioners chose to eat this evening. Sorry kids, but there are some songs which are so truly stylized that they should never be attempted by anyone but the original artist. Singing Mraz is about as good an idea as busting out Bjork.
But sing she did. Too effected for my taste, although I did like the throaty Kirstie Ally-Demi Moore thing she has going. As the judges began to critique her, we got our drama for the evening when the entire panel of sunshades came crashing down on them. Oh the hilarity! Oops, I mean humanity!
Tragedy averted by the techs who quickly swooped in, the judges put Jackie through to the next round.
Back in San Juan, Chris Isaak finally got some airtime again as they played Wicked Game behind footage of many tears, pleas, and pleases from the cesspool of nontalent.
Thank God for a commercial break which brought us back to...
The cesspool of nontalent in NYC: Kate Cassidy, who I wish would have gotten crushed by all those men rainin’ down; Carlos Santo who was Livin’ La Vida Loca – he was crazy all right; Jasmine James who apparently got her auditions mixed up. STOMP is auditioning in the hotel next door, Jasmine.
And of course, teased since last night’s promo, Mike Perlman, who appeared to be Metallica, Rush, Poison, and Def Leppard – if you stuck them all in a Blend Tec for a WIll It Blend segment. Dressed in a black hairband wig, a sleeveless concert T, skin tight pants which were half tiger stripe and half leopard, and of course, carrying the requisite 80’s boombox.
Dear God, did we really carry those huge things around? Rhetorical question. Of course we did. My boombox was the size of a twin bed mattress.
I mentioned the cesspool, but upon returning to San Juan, this episode officially sh*t the bed. Not kidding. I don't even think a set of rubber sheets could have saved us at this point.
Meet Joel "Crazy Rocker" Contreras, who got WAY too much face time. We saw him playing the guitar and screaming a song at a man, "I’M SELLING ICE CREAMMMMMMM!!!! (For the devil?) We got to see him wearing my daughter’s Ren Fest Plague Rat costume and molesting ladies in the street, and then finally, he walked into the audition room as the Human Ipod, carrying a large iPod cutout.
I’ll just quote Simon – it was "excruciatingly bad" and did not improve when he pulled out a lion hand puppet and sang The Circle Of Life. His five minute segment culminated with him running through the facility in a blue unitard screaming "I got a NO!"
The producers also get a NO. Seriously guys, WTF? Someone beg Nigel to come back to the show, please? (It seems like the new PTBs belong to a religion which follows the mantra WWSD - What Would Skeezus Do?)
Would things improve in NYC? Um, no. Dressed in a polyester shocker circa Saturday Night Fever – wait - you know, I take that back. Even Tony Manero would look at that shirt and go, "Whoa."
Nick Mitchell, aka Norman Gentle (why? I have zero clue.), was wearing a tie dye poly nightmare, khaki shorts, and what looked like coral lipstick. None of it was funny.
His rendition of And I’m Telling You was even less so which resulted in this exchange with Simon...
Norman: You hurt me where you get kicked sometime.
Simon: I thought you might like that.
Norman: You mean the way you like it when Seacrest does it? (add heavy lisp, flashing of eyes, pouting of coral lips.)
He then got to grab a chair and sing Amazing Grace, which required the addition of glasses. (All the better to see himself suck?) He got through about two lines and then began to vamp again.
OK, we’ve completely jumped the shark. I would not have been at all surprised to cut to a shot of the ocean and see Fonzie gliding by on waterskis.
Seriously, American Idol producers? On behalf of your millions of viewers – I believe we crossed the Seriously Pissed Off line with this guy. He wasn’t funny. He didn’t suck or not suck. It was like watching ugly paint dry.
Kara told him, "I’m thoroughly entertained. YES. You don’t have a shot in hell, but thank you."
Randy gave him a "Yes, whatever." And we shall have to endure him in Hollywood.
Seriously, I can even speak for the tweens who watch this show: OMG.
We endure Norman-Nick and Crazy Rocker for over TEN MINUTES, yet you cram Ashley Hollister, Kenny Hoofpaver, Kendall Beard, and several other Yeses into TEN SECONDS?
To borrow from Randy... Hey! Producers! Editing is not your skeez, dudes! (But you can borrow my ointment.)
After another break, we endured more CHEESE in the form of aural Velveeta Nicole Laraway – sorry hon, but The Rose wilted; Mark Granata, who I did not want to pull back from the ledge; and Michael Sconiers who, if I see him next to never, will still be too frequent.
Back in San Juan, the sugary sweet factor hit overdrive – someone nail me with some insulin, please! Meet Monique Torres, 16, and her 9 year old manager, brother Christopher.
Of course
Monique announced she will be singing You Can’t Hurry Love, to which Randy asks Christopher, "Should she be singing that, dude?"
The miniature Ari Gold wagged a finger her way and said, "Think carefully."
OK, I thought the girl had a beautiful voice. Sweet, but not nasally like so many teens. Smooth, a nice easy sound. Then again my ears were still numb from Crazy Rocker and Nickman. My cat horking up a hairball would have probably been music to my ears.
Inexplicably, Randy said no, and Kara said she’s "not quite ready."
Seriously. You give a what-the-hell ticket to Amazing Disgrace and you tell this kid NO?!?!
Luckily Paula and Simon had enough sense to give her a shot. Dear God - I used "sense" and "Paula" in the same sentence?!?!? Isn't that one of the signs of the Apocolypse????
Last up in NYC? Alexis Cohen. Remember her from last season’s auditions? She of glitterbomb – Fbomb fame? Alexis is the trainwreck who was covered in more stardust than a Libby Lu birthday party and who set a record for the AI logo profanity shield when she was rejected.
She has returned – like this season – a kinder, gentler version. Her hair is normal, she didn’t sparkle at all, she even made polite conversation in the holding room, and chanted, "num, yo, ho, reng, gay, ho, kyo." to calm herself.
She launched into Madonna’s Like A Prayer for the judges, but there wasn’t a hope in hell of getting a golden ticket. SHE. CAN’T. SING. But she can flip off Simon again, necessitating a double AI Logo insertion.
So much for inner peace. Ahhh, Alexis, you had me at bellow...
Last in San Juan was Patricia Lewis Roman, accompanied by her entire family, which looked to be about half the population of San Juan. (I think the island was actually tilting.) Her parents got married at the hotel where auditions were being held so she hoped that would bring her good luck.
Oh come on, Patricia. That’s all? Your parents got married there? Where’s the precocious sibling? A newly shorn dog? A fat pink rabbit? A backstory worthy of a Movie of the Week starring Meredith Baxter Birney?
She sang I Wanna Dance With Somebody for the judges, and personally I thought she was decent. I liked her smile, and she didn’t make my dog hide. But the judges weren’t convinced and gave her 30 seconds to change their minds. She did so by singing in Spanish. And so, with Golden Ticket in hand, her entire family pulled musical instruments from their asses and a parade began!!
I’m not kidding.
In all, San Juan could only produce 9 worthy wannabes to Manhattan’s 26. That much to choose from, yet we had to endure the Human Ipod and some dude who probably still lives in his mom’s basement.
Like last night, I’ll echo my kids again... Are we there yet?
Breathe, Linda, breathe. Num, yo, ho, reng, gay, ho, kyo, num, yo, ho, reng, gay, ho, kyo....
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Just got this from Jackie...
My granddaughter, Kayla, is at the doctor's office right now for the third time this week. She's not officially due til February 6 but has been showing some signs of eclampsia. After lots of testing for the past few days, they are considering inducing TODAY. They are contacting the hospital now for a time to bring her in.
It's really happening - I'm about to become a 54 year old GREAT grandmother. I'm a basket case right about now, and we could all use some prayers and good thoughts.
Jackie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You got it, Jackie. Cyberhugs coming your way, good thoughts in the air, and big smiles for your soon to be new addition!
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