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Thursday, November 29, 2007


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I'm sorry, but y'alls masseuses need to just Shut The F*ck Up and RUB, dammit. The last time I had a massage, I thought I'd died and gone to outer space. The woman was in-friggin-credible. Pretty new-agey music playing softly in the background, two water-fountains... and NO frigging idle chatter from the rubdown lady. BLISS, I tell you, BLISS.

Linda, take duct tape next time. Man, I'dda slapped that silly bitch. Sideways.

The last massage I had, the masseuse spent the whole time telling me about all the chores she made her elementary-age children do around her farm. There was a lot of talk about shucking corn. . . . it was very bizarre. Then she proceeded to almost break the bones in my foot, she was so strong - probably from shucking all that corn.

I had a masseuse fart once when she was rubbing my back. Obviously I wasn't going to say anything, but she felt the need to acknowlege it. "Whoops! I guess I'm the one who's relaxed." I couldn't control my giggle at that point.

Reminds me I have a $20 gift card for Mervyns leftover from last christmas. Guess I should go buy some socks.

I love massages but I don't want them TALKING to me. Ruins the whole relaxation vibe.

Oh My Gosh - That's the worst! I can't stand the chatty type when I'm looking to get rubbed down! At least you didn't shell out the $120 bucks!

Can i get your aunt's address? :-)

I must be more naive than I thought...what could be dirty about hot stones?

Love your massage story...I've had one like that before too and barely made it out of the room before I lost my composure! For me,it's hard to relax when someone that out there is trying to connect with me. Ain't no way it's happening!

I almost choked choked choked on my ham & cheese cheese cheese sammy! When will I learn to not have anything in my mouth whenst reading this?

Do you feel more spiritual, now that your energies have joined? And does Rudy know your joining energies with others? LOL ;)

I have an aunt like this loon. She is very "mother-earth". Always worried about poisons in our atmosphere. Flipped out when I painted my 3 year-old daughter's fingernails because of the toxins. Vegetarian, grows her own fruit, herbs, veggies, you name it. But, she smokes reefer like it is going out of style. She feels that it comes from the earth and is, therefore, good for her. Frees her mind or something like that. Nice lady, but pretty goofy!!

I know it is not as good as the free cosmic massage that you received today, but I do have a great masseuse, who has wonderful HOT stones, 450 count sheets and does not really talk much at all. She is very reasonable too. But then again you may want to go back and have space cadet cleanse your aura again.

I am TERRIBLE at using gift cards of any sort. I can't tell you the number of Book-a-Million, Free Movie passes, even one for Ruth Chris' that I never used. The last one was the most painful. If it's not near my house, I don't make the long drive to use a gift certificate. My son is TWELVE. Last weekend I cleaned my desk and found a gift certificate for $25 at Babies R Us that was given to me at the BABY SHOWER......

Check out my recap of last night's episode:


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