« Keep Your Pants On... | Main | Hidden Valley Raunch »

Thursday, May 24, 2007


Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.


This is the first time I've read your column - great stuff! I'm now officially in American Idol withdrawal which will probably subside around October, when I start my Christmas shopping.

Not a bad season for me overall, except for the nasily "stylings" of Chris Richardson. I even liked Sanjaya and Haley, so see even they have fans.

I'll definitely be reading your column next season!

I'm feeling the general malaise I always feel at this time of year. When I was younger it was that track season was over. Now, I'm counting down the months until January when the awful AI auditions start again...and we get to read Linda's recaps again. Just a little less than 8 more months!

I don't think Blake ever wanted to win. I love the guy, but I didn't want him to win. It's just not his thing. I love how genuine he was when Jordin won. I believe he whispered "I love you." and "Knock it out." as in 'I know you're winning, so good luck.'

While the results show was stuffed full of fillers, I enjoyed it. Especially the group preformances and the African's childrens choir.

I've truly enjoyed your blogs this season. Although my favorite laugh out loud moment had to be Sanjaya's happy pants....can't say I caught on to that while I was watching the show. Anywho...I look forward to the blogs next season.


so glad i found your site this year. i cant wait for project runway. between you & the prboys. many, many laughs!

thanks again!

You commented that if his name was Eric or Shawn, he could have gotten a pencil or something with his name on it...Maybe that is true NOW but when I was a kid in the 70's, no such luck!!! Shawn was not a popular or common enough name unless you spelled it Sean. I went to Magic Mountain as an adult and they had a street sign in the gift shop with my name on it!! Of course I bought it!

Hey Linda, I too have very much enjoyed your column. You amaze me with your attention to details that I totally missed, and your entertaining wit. My only concern is that I have occasionally read comments from you and your commentors regarding people's looks. Jordin can't help the fact that she is so tall. Blake can't help being so short. Melinda has some sort of issue with her neck. Critizing their clothes or their vocals is ok with me. But some of us just aren't that attractive so making fun of the way someone looks is way out of line to me. I know it was done in jest, maybe I am too sensitive because of my own shortcomings in the looks department. I wouldn't want to be compared to Shrek, even though he is a great guy at heart. Will continue to enjoy your column though...

Great wrap-up, and an even better body of work Linda. I never did the "blog" thing (I can't say that I like the word, sounds like something that my dog did...) but, bound you'rs by accident during.... I honestly can't remember!
Was that "YOUR" Rudy posting here?!? If so, (methinks not): note to Rudy, it's ok bro! Hey, it's not like she's spending her total waking days being a cheerleader coach! But, I'm not bitter!
I too feel a little disappointed in the overall ending. I enjoyed most of the finale, and pretty much didn't like what Linda commented on. I hope Jordin has a better first year as the Idol than Taylor has, but, felt at the end of last year Kat should have won, IMAO. I can't say I'll run out and buy this years AI group CD, but look forward to Jordins.
Thanks again Linda!

Better late than never, I say! : )

Paula seemed to me to have less hair (maybe with it being straight and less full), but I could see swelling in her nose regions and what looked like a bit of bruising under her left eye.

When they made Blake and Jordin open up with "Saw her Standing There" I almost threw my remote at the tv. SHITE!

Margaret Fowler kissing Ryan made me so glad I stayed tuned. I don't think that was planned, but had me howling and the look on Ryan's face was beyond hilarious! When Nigel air-lifted (amazing strength for such a small man) her out of her seat and up to the stage, his hair looked like he'd been in a frizz wind storm..WTH?? He makes TONS of money and walks around looking like that?

I had a good chuckle when Shallandric asked if the trophy was engraved because he'd never had his name on anything! I guess it's safe to say he gets paid in cash or doesn't work, but maybe if Mama had named him something like Eric or Shawn, he could have gotten himself an engraved pencil or something.

Loved Blake and Dougie...Blake is talented and you could tell at the end that he really didn't want to win...I wouldn't want to sing that finale song again either!

Melinda sounded terrific and I think she sounded better than Cece. I agree on the dress...at least a slip should have been thought of! Death to the stylists once again!

I thought that Clive Davis might have been taken "Garble 101" with Paula as his instructor because trying to follow him was as confusing as listening to her!

Sanjaya with Joe Perry? Would noone sing with him??? ROFL!! I agree...Steven Tyler needs to use one of his scarves to beat him!

Taylor..yummy!! Sigh! I did notice in the Beatles montage, that his lip was channeling Elvis...what up with that?

Did Bette have some work done. She sounded "off", but I thought she looked great. I think her show in Vegas is one I'm going to have to see.

Kelly..Kelly..Kelly. Hey, it's cool to have curves and all, but please do wear some clothes that actually fit and aren't one big jump from splitting! She sounded great, but if she's using the stylists from AI, don't...just don't! I'm not micro-tiny like Linda, nor am I a size 12, but I feel like just because they make the clothing in big sizes doesn't mean everyone should wear them. Know your body type, clearly Kelly does not! She goes from Mama Cass to a Stripper from Bazookas in short time. I thought during her first song that the pink under the tunic was shorts..it was a skirt? YIKES!

I think Carrie looked and sounded awesome and I kind of liked the JEANS under her dress. At least they fit, which is more than we can say about Kelly! Her dress in the montage was WAY too short which is totally unlike her. Maybe they ran low on the budget and it was supposed to be for Haley! : )

Ruben looked like he needed a tommy gun for his Mafioso suit. He's still awesome!

I agree it's a shame that Kat and Fantasia couldn't be bothered. Fantasia is in a broadway show, but we're supposed to believe that she doesn't have an understudy? Did they ever say where Kat was?

I found it convenient that Randy's tie and arm regalia just happened to match Jordin's dress perfectly! Hmmmm....

And as clearly off-center as Paula is, you can tell she loves the contestants from the joy she exhibited at each performance and had nothing but positive encouragement for them all. I did hear that her reality show has been cut to just 6 episodes instead of the 8 they had signed for due to wacky behavior on her part. Who knew??!! ROFL!!!

Linda, you're the bomb....I'm so glad you'll be making it work with Project Runway...I can't wait!

Marya, she most definitely did use the word in her comments above, and I immediately thought of you! Linda always delivers. (Do your Control-F to find it.) Even Sandy delivered!

Linda, at the risk of making the comments section sound like the bloated finale you recapped, I'll add my thanks to you for your most excellent writing and humor. And since your husband popped his head in, let me add that behind every good woman is a good man. You have sacrificed some very useful things (like sleep and quality cuddle time) to keep us entertained. I for one will keep on reading. After all, you're an official Favorite!

Oh yeah, you would be GREAT on "The View" if it were on HBO!!!

Thank God for Linda Sharp and all of the commentees here! Thank you all for saving my mind from completely melting down from many non-adult-conversation hours spent at home! Though I LOVE LOVE LOVE the fact that I can stay home now after working for 20 plus years, let's just say I welcome the "intellectual aerobics" I get from this site! I find you all very entertaining and thought provoking, so again a big thank you!

LInda - thanks for the MOST exciting part of AI this season - your comments! You have great talent.

Friends were talking about who should replace Rosie on the View, and I said "Linda Sharp!" So when they call you, DO consider it.

It was 40 years ago today . . . I think THAT's the big reason they did the Sgt Pepper tribute. Yes, it's been 40 years and I remember when it was released!

Linda - you rock (and roll) my world with your recaps and I was also very pleased to find you write from your heart on other topics as well. You've made me laugh, you've made me cry and you've set me to thinking about the ways of the world. I feel as though you're a friend 'tho we'll (probably) never meet/

Thank you so much for it all - I look forward to more and to next year's recap should the shark not have grabbed AI's ass between its incredibly sharp teeth last night.

hey mrs. sharp, I guess this is it! It's been fun and thanks for being hilarious. you haven't used my new vocab word yet mrs. sharp, that would've been the icing on my birthday cake! Oh well, but you should most def consider doing so you think you can dance. . . man, I wanted Blake to win. . .oh well, despite everyone's anger to whatever "unfairness" there may have been towards Melinda and unfairness towards Blake in that stupid songwriters piece o' crap they call a song, we can all agree on the fact that anyone is better than having Sanjaya win this thing! Was it me or did it seem like were making fun of Sanjaya and trying to "rank" (hehe) on him instead of show him as a talented celebrity???????

Rudy! While we can understand you want your woman back and we appreciate your generosity in sharing her during AI season, can't you please share her with us a little this summer? SYTYKD is rife with hilarious Lindism possibilities. Would you be able to sleep at night knowing you've deprived the world of a little summertime humor and pleasure? Maybe she could do a Blog Lite - Summer Version. Just hit the highlights? Nah, I don't think Linda does ANYTHING half assed...Sigh...It is very vool that you are a nice, supportive husband. I've got one, too, so I know how lucky Linda is!

I stumbled onto your site late into the AI season. Best thing that happened to my morning coffee...worst thing to happen to my quilting!(I loose about an hour or so of sewing! I can think of worse things tho...)Instead of a reader, maybe now I can participate. Can hardly wait for Project Runway and again, loved all your blogs on AI. Now you are bookmarked!

At this risk of sounding like a Neanderthal, I want my wife back! As I am sure you all know I dont get veto power over DGMS but I am hoping for a NO to SYTYCD.


Oh Liiiinnnndddaaaaaaaa!!!,
I just wanted to tell you--oh most wonderful, brilliant, gorgeous, Blog goddess that you are...that So You Think You Can Dance comes on TONITE.
Just thought I'd announce that just because...I thought you'd like to know. Not that I'm trying to persuade you to blog about it but, if you do so happen to get the urge and tune in tonite, and then if you just so happen to feel the urge to make another friendly visit to you keyboard...dont fight the urge! Go with the feeling!
But again, I'm not necessarily trying to butter you up into blogging SYTYCD Oh Great Almighty High Priestess of Internet Blogs :::bats eyelashes:::

Ok, seriously though, I just wanna say that I LOVE your blog Linda and have immensely enjoyed reading your blogs during this past AI season. Thank you so much for sharing your wit, intelligence and sharp observations with us all, it has been great! There are a whole bunch of crappy blogs and online messageboards that lie within this cyberspace wasteland we call the internet, but your blog Linda, stands out like a diamond in the midst of junk and trash; like a clean tissue in the midst of used snot rags.
Thanks for sharing your gift of wit and writing with us! :-)

Why does Mama Hurl keep putting her little girl through the obvious misery and trauma of Sanjaya "exposure"??? The child desperately needs to be rushed to a psychiatrist and put on tranquilizers....post haste!!!

I actually enjoyed the show, though it had its ups and downs. I thought the duet with Blake and Doug E. Fresh was actually quite entertaining, and it had me asking "How'd he do that?" a couple of times. I also enjoyed Kelly's appearances, though I was glad that the kids were out of the room for her first one. I didn't feel like explaining the meaning behind her lyrics to my overly-inquisitive 12-year old. Tony Bennett was outstanding. I actually found myself getting almost-verklempt when he sang the last few lines of his song while the audience was on their feet cheering. Loved the Melinda/Gladys Knight/KiKi moment, as well as Melinda's trio with BeBe and CeCe Winans was awesome. Taylor Hicks made me smile, as usual, and I thought he was very good. I had to fast forward through Bette Midler after the first half-verse of her song. It was awful, awful, awful. I think she may have been ill last night - it doesn't seem normal for Bette to lower the key of her song by about a half octave and still not be able to be on pitch for any of her notes.

I thought Ruben Studdard, fresh from his gig posing for milk carton pictures, sang well. He did look like the oldest 29-year old in the world in that suit, though. Did anyone else think it was weird to hear Ruben singing the Beatles' song about an acid trip, "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds?"

I'll keep reading, Linda, and I'll look forward to your post-Idol blogs...


Thanks for the fun this season. I nearly laughed out loud when Ryan said "In January, we'll do it all again." Then I realized it will be here sooner than I think! Here's hoping for a better set of finalists next year.

To MommytoKimberley&Riley,

"Dead on balls accurate" is one of the funniest lines from one of the funniest movies: My Cousin Vinny.

As you probably are already aware, Jordin was one of 2 "utes" in the finals!

I liked the Ruben/Jordin duet. For me, one of the better performances of the show.
Good song, and it was nice to see Ruben again as hes kind of out of the limelight, good to hear his smooth velvety voice.

The Smokey Robinson medley was great. All the guys sang well, even Sanjaya on that one.
Linda, I agree, seeing Brandon sing again made me realize that if he had just connected more earlier on, he really could have won this thing.
Hes that good.

Melinda singing with her old backups showed that she is really just as good as they were, and blended in very well.
Her career will be solid, I'm sure her phones ringing off the hook now with offers.

Gladys Knight, always amazing.
And it was cool to see Mel and La Kisha sing with her, esp La Kisha really stood out and did a great job on that one.

Does anyone notice when Haley getse her one liners that she sings in a group song, that she always has to sex it up?
Forget her outfits, she always gives this flirty fake dumb look to the camera.

None of the other girls have to do that. They all can SING. Haleys voice is average and she knows it, so she knows she needs to do the short shorts, and flirty looks for anyone to notice her in this crowd.
Kind of annoying, bc its sooooo obvious.

Linda: Your recaps are better than the shows. Enjoyed every one. Missed this week's shows - no Melinda why bother? But you covered all the bases and made me glad I watched baseball instead.

Blake needs to be careful. They have right of first refusal with the runner up. Like Bo Bice and his first album, he may not get to make the kind of music he wants to either.

I will continue to read and may even watch PR if you are going to do the recaps! Thanks for the humor and insight. You are a gem.

Linda, thanks for a wonderful season. You are a terrific writer and a beautiful woman (Mommy and wife, too, I know!). I don't always agree with your POV, but enjoyed it just the same. This show, along with the 'Give Back" show were the two highlights to my tv watching experience over the past several years. It was great!

I my gosh, until I read your blog today, I always thought the words were "what would you do if I sang out a tune..." Learning that it's "sang out OF tune" certainly makes the next line to the song make more sense! I'm surprised Mr. T hadn't busted through my shower wall yelling "learn the words fool!" Thanks for the laughs and also the education!!!

You are so funny, I have enjoyed this blog immensely. Keep up the good work.

I sooo... agree about Haley. What is with that tongue. I said the same thing to my husband. She must take eewwww... lessons from Constantine M. He makes my skin crawl. I feel dirty everytime I see him. He makes me need a shower as does Haley.

I was beginning to worry that Taylor Hicks wouldn't be on the show at all .. after clive davis' comments about how he might boost his sales with his new single release - good grief - if i were him i wouldn't have shown up .. it was point blank rude. loved seeing the old idols - kelly has voice but her look .. wow. The show was so boring I couldn't believe it - Smokey, Gladys and Taylor the reason I didn't switch to Lost earlier .. oh Ruben sounded very good too .. think of last year - the show was beyond great - this one - not so much... I'm glad the season is over - it was dull dull dull .. just like the show last night .. I think I'll pop in my dvd of last years finale show and learn to enjoy AI again ..

This was, in a word, PAINFUL to watch!!! I find myself reading, Linda, and thinking that we see many things so much the same. Kelly Clarkson's bouncing made me nauseous and the booty hangin' out was a bit distracting. The girl can wail for sure but needs some bigger duds. I am not a stick girl either and I wear my size for the sake of all others around me. Glad Jordin won!! She is a sweet girl and a great singer. Wanted Melinda though, she is truly one of the great ones. She held her own with Gladys and Bebe and Cece. She rocks. Will miss your recaps but will still come around for your insight. Not a fan of Project Runway, but I will enjoy your other topics and your great wit and humor.

One more thing, now we know why Randy had on the Sgt. Pepper's jacket. He was just a day early for the tribute.

As for "muffin top" the girls on "What Not to Wear" are very specific about "no muffin top!" Just wear your waist a tad higher and pants a little looser and... problem solved. It is not the body that is the problem. It's the clothes. Doesn't that make everyone feel better?!

Could Haley "lounge lizard" (did you see the pointed tongue slither out?)have mugged any more? Everytime they showed her I just said "Yuk!" Hasn't her cruise ship sailed?
Now you all have to leave poor Bette alone. I adore her. But I have to admit after watching last night I was dreading having to read what everyone had posted. She is still awesome. American Idol sometimes just brings out the worst in people. Am I right?

I actualy thought Green Day was pretty good. I personally didn't know the song but I enjoyed them. Of course, I am a pretty big Green Day fan. I went on iTunes and preordered the "instant karma" album as proceeds of the album are going to help stop what is happening in Darfur. That is why Green Day was on the show...to help boost sales of an album with a good cause.

Highlights of the night for me: Taylor singing his song, Gladys and Mel & Kiki with the rest as backups, Mel and the Wynans.

Made me sad that we didn't get to have Mel in the finals. I like Blake but Mel deserved to be in the finals not him. He knows it I'm sure. Jordin can thank those who voted Blake in and Mel out, as Mel would likely have mopped the stage with her.

Thanks for clearing up why The Beatles songs were featured so prominantly.

Lowlights: Bette Midler, Sanjaya and the Golden Idols.

I would have loved to see more of the African Childrens Choir as they exuded joy and happiness. The world needs more of that.

Linda -
Thanks so much for being the best of part of this Idol Season. I boycotted the final two shows in support of Melinda, but your recap made me feel like I was there. Are you always this funny? I'm looking forward to Project Runway - thanks for signing on to that project!

Here's the deal...you posted a GREAT recap at 2 AM and then are commenting at 6 AM. Do you not need sleep?!?! I have 3 daughters too and I'm exhausted after just watching that 2 hour Idol fest. Actually, I think I was tired before it being May and all. I'm going to rest up and look forward to your Project Runway posts. Can't wait! Your recaps were actually better than watching the real deal. Thanks for a great season!

Thanks Linda! I'm so glad I stumbled onto this site! You have made me laugh although I tend to disagree with you more than I agree, I still enjoy reading the blog!
I thought it was a great finale considering the other 5. I would much rather see the past idols performing than artists who want their time in front of the viewers. Kelly was great and now I cannot wait for her new CD. Clive Davis is getting OLD if he thinks this Kelly won't sell. My 7 year old even liked it (he didn't catch the lyrics). Smokey, Gladys, and Tony were GREAT! Again, my 7 year old pointed out how old they were and I told him they may be old but they can sing circles around the youngun's singing now!
Not a Beatles fan so I must have been the only one NOT to realize it was all Beatles music and what was up with the Sgt. Pepper salute???? Other than what Kelly sang, it sucked wind!
LOVED Blake and Doug E Fresh and I have never been a Blake fan. My son was loving it. I had to tell him that was rap before it went all ghansta and turned into crap I won't ever have in my house! But Jordin got stiffed having to sing with the least successful idol ever (Taylor could rebound possibly)! Even Melinda (who wasn't a finalist) got to sing with real artists!
I also have to say that I loved the Sanjaya thing! Lighten up about the comparisons to the famous great men. It's called satire people--look it up! Sanjaya entertains and he will probably be the best draw on the tour, not that I will be seeing it.
I also didn't like the Children's Choir. I know that is awful but I FF through this part.
Those Golden Idol awards have got to go. Why do they feel the need to continually pick on those who aren't quite there? Oh well, SSDD where this is concerned!

I am glad Jordin won and even though it wasn't a shock, it was a great moment! I agree with you, Linda. She is still just a kid and that was an honest, pure moment for her. I wish her and Blake all the luck in the world. He really impressed me with how much of a gentleman he is. I wouldn't have thought it but he is. Don't know if I'm in for another season unless they can get some better folks on the show and not focus so much on the bad.

Linda -
Thanks so much for being the best of part of this Idol Season. I boycotted the final two shows in support of Melinda, but your recap made me feel like I was there. Are you always this funny? I'm looking forward to Project Runway - thanks for signing on to that project!

I owe my daughter a huge debt of gratitude for introducing me to your AI blogs! It's entertaining! AND it's refreshing to know that not EVERYone's language skills have deteriorated! Skip "Project Runway"! Move on to "So You Think You Can Dance!"

I admit 2 hours was a long wait- BUT at least we were not told- 'just in a few minutes we will find out, who is the next american idol'- every other 10 minutes, like the last seasons. Loved Smokey Robinson and Gladys Knight parts. Melinda & KiKi looked as if they were in heaven- with a legend.

No I don't think it was suppose to be funny that Sholandric Stallworth sang without a mike- I think american idol was proving that his voice was loud enough to be heard in the top of the kodak theater. Which apparently it could be heard. They showed the audition and he WAS pretty loud.

I hated that they compared Sanjaya with other "true visionaries - JFK, Martin Luther King, Ghandi..."- That REALLY sucked.

Poor Bette Midler, at least if the song was going to be butchered- it was done by the original artist.

Thank you Linda for taking the time out from your family, sleep and of your busy schedule- to type out the recaps and keep us laughing ;-)

Linda...was your "reference" from Brer Rabbit? (smile) Pretty kewl (cool)! I couldn't watch last night. I felt this was "predetermined" and thought, "why bother?" Besides your recap of the event was far more entertaining, I'm sure. Although I would have loved to see Keeks, Mindy Doo w/Gladys and Mindy w/Bebe and Cece. It probably would have been good to hear Rubes and Keeks or Mindy and Rubes perform a duet! See you on the runway!


I second Annie's comments. I stumbled onto your blog during the round of 24 and am now a steadfast fan. It's almost like you take the words out of my mouth at times - and I freely quote you to all my friends. Thanks for all the laughs this season!! I cannot wait for your take on Project Runway (my second favorite reality show), and hope you do a SYTYCD blog - I need something to read with my morning coffee!

Thanks again!

Cheers for a season-long of great recaps! I had to laugh at your Green Day comment, because (being a fan since I was 13) when they came on stage I shed a tear and said to my roommate - this is the Apocalypse. Great minds eh? Thanks for posting the ending of the show too, curse my tivo. Despite the end of AI, I'll continue to be a reader - keep up the good work!

I have to say, I stumbled across this page several weeks ago while reading EW's idol take. EW doesn't hold a candle to your writing, and you can tell that nobody else who writes about AI, really studies the show like you do. I'm thrilled that you'll be taking on Project Runway, and I'll tune in every day until PR comes on..just to keep up with your hilarious and generally "dead on balls accurate" (movie quote..anybody know that one?) view of the world. Your AI review has been the one thing that made AI worthy of viewership this season. Thanks for making a mediocre season alot more fun.


Our resident writing pro, you really knocked it out of the park on this one. I fast forwarded through nearly everything but Blake's number and Gladys Knight with Melinda and LaKisha,thanks to a heads up from bloggers I most admire.

Again, lines worth taking to a creative writing class, or stealing entirely:

"Carrie was having a follicular showdown with Paula"

"Waxed our skis with Crisco and are flailing helplessly downward".

You are the best Linda! Many thanks.

I certainly hope no one had to use the same microphones as Blakey and Dougie after they horked all over them - eeeewwwww. They must have been dripping~

Sandy, I'm also in the Big Butt club (My mother - "Honey, you can't buy those pants - they make your rear end look too big!"). All right, I'll give your suggestion a go - all the Blake spitting is upsetting my stomach.

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned - I ranked against the great Kelly Clarkson and how her cup runneth over last night...

But she did break the first two commandments of fashion...

Thou shalt not wear clothing two sizes too small for thous fleshage.


Thou shalt look in a reflective surface prior to bestowing thy bounty on thous assembled throng.

You are truly a great and talented woman. Glad we had the chance to meet and to let you know your web site is now in my favorites. By the way i thought the confetti was absolutley spetacular. don't ya think lol
great reviews cant wait to do this all again next year and who knows maybe just maybe my daughter will be in it :)

OK, let's see if I can help get it out of your head...

"Girrrrrl, you really got me going, you got me so I can't sleep at night..."

Not working?

How about Blake's "Pfft, spit a horka, click a doo beep a bop a psst kitch de boom ah ah ah AH klessssssssssp ack"?

I think that one's really catchy myself.


I honor of Kelly's Booty, how about "I Like Big Butts and I cannot lie..." P.S I have a big butt so I'm not RANKING on Kelly! :)

Linda, help me - I have had "This Is My Now" going through my head all morning. The horror. . . .

I've loved your comments - found you 1/2 way through the season. Thank you!

How about taking on So You Think You Can Dance?

We do a pool for AI, and now will do one for SYTYCD. Would love to read your comments.

When does Project Runway start?
My DVR doesn't show it yet.

The comments to this entry are closed.