And They Called It Pappy Love

…or Old Folks Get Orgyggy (however, I didn't think you'd be able to pronounce that correctly: or-ji-gee)

It’s a universal truth that every single one of us gets squeamish at the mere thought of our parents, or grandparents, getting jiggy.

In kids’ minds, parents and grandparents are asexual disciplinarians, first. Human beings, second. Sure, they have genitals, but only to pee out of, and when not used for that purpose, are firmly hidden behind Sansabelts and housecoats. And as for breasts? Most of us envision our matriarchal figures’ to resemble something you could more likely make balloon animals out of, not something that incites lust.

Oh, and in our minds, the number of times they have had sex is exactly the number of children they raised.

So the thought that they might still get all hopped up on each other is just plain gross. All that untoned, weathered flesh. Your father, hair mussed up, breathing heavy, decked out in a plether thong. That same woman who constantly intoned "Eat your vegetables", eating, well…your Dad’s vegetable.

My God, the mental image alone is enough to take the sight out of my mind’s eye.

So imagine walking in on it in real life.

That’s what happened recently to a couple orderlies at the Edith Scarborough Nursing Home in England.

It seems that a group of senior residents wanted to celebrate the 90th birthday of one of their female friends.

Nice thought, right?

And 90 is a huge milestone – one most of us won’t come close to hitting.

So, how to commemorate just such an occasion?

A cake? Nah, too ordinary.

Margaritas? Been there, drank that sixty years ago.

How about a new walker with bright yellow tennis balls on the bottom? Hell, no – too pedestrian, and besides, she got one for Christmas from her great-grandkids.

I know!

Let’s have an orgy!

And so they did.

I’m not kidding.

Taking place after midnight on October 28th of 2006, three low hanging Lotharios and six pruny but promiscuous enchantresses, assembled in the facility’s recreation room, and left all their worries, and clothes, behind.

According to one of the staffers who discovered the party, "They really set the scene. They’d got their hands on candles, which they lit, and even put on music to create a sexy mood."

Rumba music.

Oh, it gets better.

When the codger coterie was discovered, they were all slathered with oil.

Forget heart healthy canola. This was a full blown (well, not really – according to staffers, the men were having difficulties starting their engines, as it were.) Mazola Party.

So, imagine. Nine Geritolites, slicked up like otters after the Exxon Valdez, grooving to rumba music, trying to "get the party started."

They’re lucky someone didn’t slip and break a hip.

The staffer went on to say, "They were all naked. Believe me, it was the scariest thing I’ve seen in my life."

Surreal, maybe. I’ll even give you downright disturbing. But scary?

Hell, it gives me hope!

Unfortunately for the Nasty Nine, the nursing home took a very puritanical stance against their birthday suit party, and kicked them all out of the residence.

Personally, I think that’s a little extreme. Ask them to confine their activities to their own bedrooms, maybe. Ground them from Wheel of Fortune for a week. Even withhold their tapioca, but kick them out?

Quite frankly, I’m impressed with them. Sure, it may make me squirm to think of a bunch of 90 year olds staging the toga party scene from Animal House, and I certainly don’t want to insert my own grandparents into this mental picture, but come on.

At an age when most people have difficulty with their own names, these nine not only remembered, but were attempting one of life’s great pleasures – the liberated libido.

I say, more power to them, and that I hope to still be grossing out my own kids when I’m 90 years old. God knows my husband and I oog them out already and we’re only in our 40s and reasonably toned.

Ahhhh, 90. That gives me 50 years to figure out: What kind of balloon animals do go best with a plether thong?

Comments

[Gialynn]

Bye Sanjaya. I will miss you. Why? because you weren't all that talented, but you sure were entertaining. And in this particularly sad time, we need someone to lighten things up! After seeing him tear up last night, it made me and I believe everyone else, realize that he's just a kid. And a kid who took all the potshots well. I do wish him the best. Now, did anyone else notice that Randy was wearing a magenta shirt last night YET when Fergie was singing....he had on a white shirt?

[Michael Thomas]

Your not correct about the judging of the top 24, the public does vote.

[jimmy sgotbigballs]

Love, check your sources before you go go congratulating people for "getting it on" in their nineties.. Check where the article you are paraphrasing actually comes from.. It was written by Mike Foster of The Weekly World News, and as we all know The Weekly World News has been responsible for such headlines as "Bat Boy Found in Cave", "Aliens Back Clinton", "LA Quake Opens Gateway to Hell" and the hilarious "Bat Boy Escapes", mind you this periodical of high acclaim has "actual" photos of these events..

[grey granny]

Granpa says and says do you have an address for a nudest resort in Fla.?