An Inconvenient Truth: Too Many People Live Life With Their Heads Up Their Asses

Anyone who reads me regularly knows I believe something very simple about human beings.

Whether it is shoving a lit firecracker up their caboose, engaging in animal acts with , well, a dead animal, or disciplining their child with a BB gun (no, I am not making that up), there is always some member of the human race ready to reinforce my basic premise:

People are stupid.

I don't care how many Space Stations we build, how many faces we transplant, how many 80 year olds are able to achieve erections through pharmaceuticals, or how effectively we can harness the restorative powers of stem cells, we are inherently stupid.

We are also fearful, biased, geographically ignorant, pompous, self righteous, holier than thou, two faced, and mean.

And while there are, at any given moment, millions of people doing millions of stupid things from which I can pick and choose to bestow honors, today’s recipient of the I’m-More-Limber-Than-Nadia-Comaneci-Because-I-Can-Stick-My-Head-Up-My-Own-Ass-Not-Just-Near-It award goes to Frosty Hardison of Federal Way, Washington.

I would like to pause for a moment to point out that no Nobel winner has ever been named Frosty, Tripper, Bubba, or Scooter.

Why is Frosty in my crosshairs, you ask?

Well, it seems his daughter’s high school class was going to be shown Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth – the compelling, Oscar nominated documentary on global warming. (If you haven’t seen it, you should. I realize it is not as gripping as a fiftieth viewing of, say, Dodgeball, but give Vince Vaughn’s balls a break and add it to your NetFlix cue.)

For those who live in a cave and are not familiar with the basics of the film, allow me to enlighten you…

Whether you like him, hate him, or believe he is more boring than watching cheese mold, Al Gore sets forth the facts and data, supported by the scientific community, on the issue of global warming, and brings home to the viewer just what a swiss-cheesed-ozoned planet we are allowing our children to inherit.

Eye opening nuggets, hard to see through the tinted windows of our Humvees and Escalades, include:

~ At least 279 species of plants and animals are already responding to global warming, moving closer to the poles.

~ The flow of ice from glaciers in Greenland has more than doubled over the past decade.

~ The number of Category 4 and 5 hurricanes has almost doubled in the last 30 years.

Those are easy to shrug off, I understand. After all, how many of us could even name 279 species of plants and animals, let alone give a rip whether they decide to pack up the U-Hauls and move? To the layperson, as long as they continue to see dogs pooping on their front lawns everyday, and Kris Kringle’s Christmas Tree Tent on the empty corner lot every yuletide, then all must be right with the world.

But what about this ominous warning from the World Health Organization? Deaths from global warming will double in just 25 years -- to 300,000 people a year.

Or this one from the Arctic Climate Impact Assessment: Impacts of a Warming Arctic, from Cambridge University? The Arctic Ocean could be ice free in summer by 2050.

Naturally occurring phenomenon? Sure, partially.

Obviously, the planet is always in a state of flux, we know that. Planet Earth has had more alternations to her physical appearance than Cher, for God’s sake. (although research does show them to be roughly the same age).

But natural changes like earthquakes, tsunamis, volcanic activity, and glacial shifts have been given a huge boost by we overachieving little occupants since the Industrial Age.

Our fluorocarbons had eaten a discernable hole in the atmosphere by the 70’s (You didn’t think those Farrah Fawcett laquered hairstyles could be worn without impunity, did you?). And our love for all things fossil fuel have so increased the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, that global temperatures continue to rise yearly. (Yes, your 12 mpg Show-Off-Mobile comes with ABS, a moon roof, heated seats, DVD player, and the ability to kill your great grandchildren.)

According to the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC), this era of global warming "is unlikely to be entirely natural in origin" and "the balance of evidence suggests a discernible human influence of the global climate."

And this data is supported by scientists from all corners: the American Meteorological Society, the American Geophysical Union, the American Association for the Advancement of Science and the National Academy of Sciences.

I don’t know about you, but I am humble enough to admit that these people, while probably not near as stylish, are smarter than me.

Not so, Frosty Hardison.

His vehement objection to the school’s proposed showing of An Inconvenient Truth is this: "Condoms don't belong in school, and neither does Al Gore. He's not a schoolteacher. The information that's being presented is a very cockeyed view of what the truth is. ... The Bible says that in the end times everything will burn up, but that perspective isn't in the DVD."

Ahhhhhhh, I see. Screw scientific data. Ignore the millions of cars spewing exhaust into the air every rush hour. Neglect to mention the tribe-mobile you use to drive your seven children from A to B each day, Frosty. This is all God’s doing.

I tell you, poor God takes it up the dirt road for everything these days, doesn’t He?

He flooded New Orleans with Hurricane Katrina because He was pissed about abortion. He started the war in Iraq because He hates homosexuals. He sent the tsunami because Thailand didn’t believe in His majesty. (All of these views have been extensively spoken by Christian leaders and published in national and international media.)

And according to Frosty, the end of times is near because each summer is hotter than the last.

I see. So God, who according to everything I have ever read in the Bible, could wipe us all out with one pass of his Almighty eraser over the white board of humanity, is actually an eight year old boy who likes to fry ants with his magnifying glass? Watching us slowly heat up, legs kicking, till all that remains is a puff of smoke and a crispy carcass?

(Frosty also believes the earth, despite all accepted scientific dating processes, is only 14,000 years old, not 4.5 billion years old. Hmmm, Earth must be a woman – we always lie about our ages.)

This is why I don’t go to church. Because it churns out people like this.

I believe in God. But I also believe in personal responsibility. He gave us free will and we have used it to selfishly poison the air, the water, the food – but we look good doing it in our SUV’s, private jets, ocean liners, and McMansions.

But Frosty bitched to the school board, and school boards, being made up of some of the most stupid, and balless, people on the planet, suffered Costanza-esque shrinkage and gave in, placing a moratorium on the showing of the movie, unless, are you ready?, the teachers could present "opposing views".

That’s fine, but according to one of the teachers affected by this brilliance, "I can’t find anyone to say the planet is getting colder."

Laurie David, a co-producer of the movie, was taken aback, "I am shocked that a school district would come to this decision. There is no opposing view to science, which is fact, and the facts are clear that global warming is here, now."

But wait, Frosty’s wife, proud American, Gayla, has her own problems with the movie. "From what my husband has expressed to me, if (the movie) is going to take the approach of 'bad America, bad America,' I don't think it should be shown at all. If you're going to come in and just say America is creating the rotten ruin of the world, I don't think the video should be shown."

Let’s just start with that first sentence, shall we? "From what my husband has expressed to me…"

I see, so Frosty the No-man informs all your personal opinions, does he? Here’s a thought, how about you actually see the movie for yourself and then attempt to formulate your own thoughts? We woman have been free for many years now, Gayla. Did you know we can even vote? Drive a car? Tell our husbands they are complete idiots?

Yes, the movie does take America to task, but rightfully so. With about 5% of the world’s population, we emit roughly 25% of the global-warming gases.

I love this country too, Gayla, but we are a selfish, gluttonous, overweight, short sighted group of people.

We are delivering deficits, a Social Security program that is projected to be as dry as the Sahara, and an ozone with more holes than my husband’s underwear drawer, to our children.

We need to do two things: 1. Acknowledge the problem and apologize for being such pigs, and 2. Get off our collective asses and begin changing what we can.

In addition, we have to stop treating our kids like they can’t handle the truth. That they are just as stupid as we are. They’re not.

They can handle reading a Harry Potter novel and not convert to Wicca. They can receive honest sex education that teaches more than just "Don’t do it!" and still choose to "not do it." And they can see a documentary about global warming and draw their own conclusions.

Kenna Patrick, a senior at Jefferson High School in Federal Way, sums it up, ""Watching a movie doesn't mean that you have to believe everything you see in it."

(Tell that to the millions of adults who still refuse to enter the water because they saw Jaws in the 70’s.)

She continues, "I think that a movie like that (An Inconvenient Truth) is a really great way to open people's eyes up about what you can do and what you are doing to the planet and how that's going to affect the human race."

Out of the mouths of the babes who will ultimately have to pay for our sins.

Listen, I understand requiring a nod to creationism to balance out evolutionary Darwinism in the classroom - the majority of people on this planet believe in something more divine that a simple Big Bang and a slow crawl to an upright position. But to keep the very real issue of global warming out of the classroom simply because a man named Frosty wants to blame it all on God?

You know, Frosty, even if you believe that "the end of days" is nigh, you’re still mortal and have no freaking clue when the last day actually is, right? So it seems to me, you might, for the sake of your seven children, want to do what you can to keep this planet habitable until God peels back the entire ozone and says, "Game Over".

But then, that would require rational thought, and God knows, the biggest inconvenient truth these days is, we human beings have solidly put that on the endangered species list too.

Comments

[Dave]

My mistake... it's the Copenhagen Consensus Center. Check out their website...www.copenhagenconsensus.com

A great book to help you understand what's in it for those who are believers in global warming is The State of Fear by Michael Chrichton of Jurassic Park fame(hardly a conservative or bible thumper)

[Dave]

Whoa....as Dennis Miller said, "In a hundred years the temperature has gone up 1 degree? They didn't even have indoor plumbing back then, how scientific could this be?"

It is 1 degree out right now, how about bringing some of this global warming to Chicago?

I am going to start buying up Kentucky and Tennessee land...the new Florida.

Ok, let's get serious...

1) Is this warming out of the ordinary historically?
2) If it is, is it man-made(as opposed to the solar flares)?
3)If it is, can it be reversed, and at what cost?
4)Can this money be better spent on other global issues like clean water systems, vaccinations, anti-malaria and food? The UN seems to think so, check out the Copenhagen Conference results.
5)You also assume the net gain is negative. Many who believe all that you an Al believe also see the net gain as a positive worldwide.
6)Some scientists believe airborne particulates could actually lower the Earth's temperature by reflecting the sun's rays.
I love your wit and intellect, but please do more reading than USA Today and Al Gore.

Carbon Hog

[LJ]

Linda--Thanks for your well-stated and intelligent blog. I am also impressed by your sibs. Critical thinkers rule! I don't know if 'Sharp' is a pen-name or not, but it sure suits you!
A midwestern LMSW.

[Linda Sharp]

TJ-

All I can add to what you said is "AMEN".

I have often thought, that with all you have seen, endured, and been called upon to do, that for you - your refuge is in your fishing and that God is no further than the end of your fishing pole.

Hugs to you,
Lin

[T.J.McCue]

Sis, on the subject of church we are certainly of the same mind. I was just telling Ahna that I do beleive whole heartedly in GOD, but the church itself is a scam. It is set up to be a business and nothing else. The last 4 times I went to church over the last 2 yrs, the surmon consisted of the financial report of the church. Sorry I do not care. I have a closer connection with God when I am fishing then when kneeling in church. T.J.

[Linda Sharp]

Jim-

Thank you for your comments - I appreciate the feedback.

My reasons for not going to church are many, only one of which is that churches do churn out people who are afraid of one another, people who believe that anyone who does not believe as do they are going to hell, people who do not allow that another religion or even thought process might have validity to another person.

I was raised in the Catholic Church and had a front row seat for some of the grandest hypocrisy going.

I believe in God, Jim. I do not, however, believe in many of the people who use Him for their own personal gain, as a way to shun responsibility for their errant ways, as an excuse for anything they do not like or understand.

As for the majority of Christians? I believe they are no different than the majority of Muslims - they simply wish to worship in the way they were raised, and live in peace. Unfortunately, extremists exist in every segment, every society, every religion. And they get the most attention.

So if you do not like how your Christian leaders portray you, rise up and make them sit down.

Sadly though, it is not just Christian extremists who spout such drivel. Churches are filled to the brim each weekend with followers soaking in every word being spoken, as if it truly were gospel.

Fear is the heart of every religion, Jim. Way in front of love and peace. Fear of going to hell should you not be worshiping correctly.

I could go on and on - but as I said, my reasons for no longer attending church are many, my belief in God is secure, and He is listening anytime I want to talk to Him.

[Jim]

Linda,
Do you really think that a majority of Christians have the same views as Frosty? I am Christian and a conservative I have agreed with everything you said about global warming. I am concerned that you seem to lump all Christians into the same group as the "so called Christian leaders" that claimed that "He flooded New Orleans with Hurricane Katrina because He was pissed about abortion. He started the war in Iraq because He hates homosexuals. He sent the tsunami because Thailand didn’t believe in His majesty. (All of these views have been extensively spoken by Christian leaders and published in national and international media.)" These people are fanatics and do not represent the core of Christians in this country. I also find it disturbing that you would use these fanatics as an excuse to not go to church as stated when you said, "This is why I don’t go to church. Because it churns out people like this." While Frosty is way out of line, please don't make the mistake of equating him to all Christians. That is totally unfair.

[DB]

Yes, American’s do need to rent a clue. We can all pull our heads out and THINK about all the little decisions we make each day, which collectively makes a significant impact on our environment. First off, I would like all the Nike attired gym rats in my neighborhood – the ones I see each and every morning hurrying out to get in their cars to drive to our local gym THREE friggin BLOCKS away - to think about what they are doing. My neighbors –typical thoughtless and hurried citizens – get into their running shoes, walk out to the garage, get in their car, drive three blocks north to the gym, spend 45 minutes running on an electric treadmill, drive home and take a shower. They change into their work uniform, drive their kids to the elementary school ONE block away and then drive on to the big office building literally three blocks south. People have stopped their car (while wearing their gym clothes) as I have been walking to work and asked me if I need a ride. Oh yes please, save me from the very scary act of WALKING and drive me to the gym. HELLO? Is it really, really dark up your own ass?

Poor old Frosty…Frosty… is that as in Frosty the Snowman? Anyway, who was it - Mark Twain maybe - that said, “It is better to be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” Maybe Old Frosty should have stuck a corncob pipe in that mouth of his.

[MissyKissy]

So global warming aside (albeit a very real issue), I live about 10 minutes away from Federal Way which in turn is about 30 minutes away from Seattle. It's comforting to know that I live in the land of Frosty McIdiots and the worst American Idol auditions ever. Let's not forget about the man who was killed from having sex with a horse (you know the story, his rectum ruptured. Go figure)! You're welcome America. Tune in next week.

[Lori in Texas]

Speaking as a conservative, Republican voter who has done my own research on this, I would like to chime in and say that global warming is, indeed, a fact. It is happening and it's happening a lot faster than most people realize. The science behind it is *not* "liberal" - it is real, documented scientific fact. Anyone who ignores the damage that has happened to our planet - and is happening to our planet on a daily basis - has their heads stuck up their butts, their eyes duct taped shut and their ears filled with ca-ca. Wake up, people.
"An Inconvenient Truth" and Al Gore aside, the entire world needs to rent a clue and make some serious changes - and FAST.

Do the research yourself. Don't listen to "talking-heads" in the biased media. Talk to some scientists - geologists and environmentalists in particular. One of my closest friends has a Doctorate in Geology. She lives in upstate New York and speaks on the global warming issue. She laughs at Al Gore's "documentary" because she says it's too watered-down and too soft on the issue. She says the reality we are facing is MUCH worse.

Don't let the media and the politicians do your thinking for you. Go out and meet people who have actually done the research and who don't have any agenda.

[Linda Sharp]

Hating the messenger (Gore) doesn't change the message. We are f*cking this planet up for the generations to come and therefore need to bear some responsibility for trying to do better on our way out.

Just because I won't be alive when people need to wear SPF 4000 doesn't mean it absolves me of responsibility.

And if all Gore wants is to stay in the spotlight, what about all the pocket protector wearing scientists who have been banging the same drum?

Are they just trying to get laid and win a gold statue too?

Well, get laid maybe...

[T.J.McCue]

Sis, please do not tell me you have fallen for that crap spewed by Al Gore. The man has only one angle and that is to keep himself in the spotlight.
No where in his film does he
mention the fact the polar ice caps on Mars are melting faster then our own. Now I don't think the 2 rovers we sent there are producing enough carbons to affect the planet that much. Also every "expert" in his film are
very very far left.
As far as his oscar nomination goes, do you think that Hollywood would give a damn about him if he was a conservative? NOT!
I'm not saying that we humans don't have any impact on the environment but it is not as drastic or scary as Egoman Al Gore wants you to believe.
If you beleive his garbage I guess it would be G.W.Bush's fault when Yellowstone finally blows up. T.J.