Don't Get Me Started with Linda Sharp

Tears, Tongues, and Terrifying Images In Jesus Camp

Ahhhh, summer camp. A place to make friends, macrame a keychain or three, roast marshmallows, speak in tongues and writhe on the floor while worshipping a cardboard cutout of George Bush...

What was that?

It doesn't sound like any summer camp you've ever heard of?

Well, listen up then, because I'm about to enlighten you.

Forget any pastoral images you have of kids learning to canoe on a placid lake, or the good hearted fun of children short sheeting one another's bunks. Rather, imagine kids as young as five donning facepaint and brandishing pretend swords while weeping of their willingness to die for the Lord.

Welcome To Jesus Camp.

Yes, Jesus Camp.

More specifically, a program called Kids On Fire, located in (ironically) Devil's Lake, North Dakota and run by Pastor Becky Fischer, a woman who believes it is her calling to indoctrinate our youth to such a degree that they are just as willing to die for the Gospel as Muslims are willing to die for the Kuran.

If you read me often enough you can already predict what my initial reaction was to this woman and her efforts. Think homemade treats from a bovine's rectum.

But when I viewed footage from the new documentary, Jesus Camp, and actually saw this camp in action? Only one word came to my lips...

Jeeeeee - sus.

Viewing the movie, I was truly frightened by the fact that not only do parents willingly pay for their children to attend, but that the children interviewed are already so fully brainwashed into this fanaticism.

Example: A ten year old boy who speaks of being "saved" when he was five years old, because he felt he "needed more in life".

What does a child of five need to be saved from? I'll tell you. Parents who would have a five year old child believe his life is worthless and that he is going straight to Hell if he doesn't come on board the Jesus Express.

A five year old child needs to be loved, unconditionally. A five year old child needs books to read, clean air to breath, a box of Goldfish. A five year old child is a blank slate - which, as evidenced in this film, is a dangerous thing when the pen of life is being wielded by the wrong hand.

Another child is seen screaming into a microphone about abortion. She cannot be older than eight. Tears streaming down her face, she punches the air with her tiny fist condemning the act and those who would support freedom of choice, while the children around her pray over plastic fetuses.

In another scene, a roomful of children are babbling incoherently, some roll on the floor, most openly weeping, as the Lord washes over them. The babbling? We are to believe they are actually speaking in tongues.

Um, yeah.

Someone get Mel Gibson on the phone to translate for me.

According to Pastor Fischer, these evangelical Christian children are being turned into an army for Christ, ready to die for Jesus, willing to give it all for their faith.

Her view that children in Muslim countries are being taught their faith "with grenades in their hands", is her justification for encouraging these children, who should have no larger concerns in life than when the next episode of Zach & Cody comes on, that they should be willing to die as well.

Listen, I am tolerant. I respect that millions of people find comfort, solace, companionship, what-have-you, in an untold number of faith processes. But this type of indoctrination, regardless of the religion being espoused, is tantamount to child abuse.

That these kids literally worship and caress a lifesize cutout of George Bush is just a frighteningly sick commentary on how the religious right in this country view themselves in regard to forcing policy and influencing leaders.

And their numbers are growing. Everyday. Their ranks continue to swell with folks who believe it is their duty to "save" the rest of us from ourselves.

Who asked them? Seriously. Who told them to do this? God?

No, He did not. God is not sending cosmic emails or holding Tony Robbins-type sermons on the mount. People fill in the blanks. People make these choices. People make this shit up. And they hide behind their religions when they do it.

The really ironic part is this. They are so filled with the spirit, so blinded by their lemming like faith, so holier-than-thou in their belief that they are so very right, and everyone else is so very wrong, that they cannot even see the truth in the old statement that more people have been killed in the name of God than in the name of war - Crusades, anyone?

The problem is fear. People, all people, are easily frightened and threatened by anything that is different than what they know. So they strike out. They condemn. They eradicate.  Because blanket condemnation is easier than having a meaningful dialogue that may actually make you think about why you believe the way you do.  Fear, not love, is behind programs like Jesus Camp.

Listen, I think it is wonderful to raise a child to believe in something, Someone, bigger than themselves, to give them a spiritual place of refuge when life's storms blow their way. Faith, any faith, is a hand-me-down situation. But I also I believe that faith is an intensely personal relationship between ONE person and the object of that faith. Adults should gift their children with faith, allowing it to flower and grow as the child flowers and grows. Adults should not force children to embrace singlemindedness, lose themselves in tunnel vision, or filter every thought through mortal and moral fear.

But with people like Becky Fischer instilling that fear in ones so very young, all I can say is this: God help us all.

Smiling Bob Beginning To Frown?

Watch any cable programming, of any kind, and eventually you are sure to see him.

Bob.

Wait, sorry, Smiling Bob.

Because Bob is always happy.

Cheery whistling in the background, Bob and his permagrin are seen mowing the lawn, playing golf, bar-b-queing, even riding in a parade, heck, his wife is even wearing a Stepfordian grin as she gazes up at him – all activities made better, made possible, by one simple product, one simple fact.

The product?  Enzyte.

The “fact”?  Bob can get a boner again.

Ahhhh, Enzyte – "the once daily pill for natural male enhancement”.  I love that line.  Truly, has more poetic bullshit ever been scribed?

And has a more endearing pitchperson than Bob ever graced our televisions?  Unassuming, unfailingly happy, geeky to a fault, but he manages to convey a very persuasive argument to millions of men everywhere:  If this product can help me get laid, just think what it would do for someone with actual testosterone!

Unfortunately, even though all that prose and I-have-a-stiffy-in-my-pants smiles have managed to sell to 5 million customers, one segment of the population just isn’t impressed by Bob’s smile or promises.

The federal government.

Yes, leave it to Uncle Sam to render a poor fellow impotent.

Late yesterday, A federal indictment named Berkeley Premium Nutraceuticals, its owner and president, Steven Warshak, and five other individuals, including Warshak's mother, on charges that include conspiracy, money laundering, and mail, wire and bank fraud.

Part of the indictment alleges they lured customers with free-trial offers and money-back guarantees, then repeatedly billed their credit cards without authorization.

Bad Bob. Bad. Bad Bob.

The company, which besides Enzyte, also markets products for everything from cardiac health to bad memory to ingrown toenails, has been under an intensive investigation that has included the Food and Drug Administration, Internal Revenue Service, postal inspectors and other agencies.

Steven Warshak, alone, is facing 107 counts which include items like false advertising: claiming in print ads that Enzyte was developed after years of study by two doctors, one at Harvard and the other at Stanford.

Turns out he was faking it.  Steven would be hardpressed to tell you in which states Harvard and Stanford are located, much less have access to any doctors affiliated with the top notch schools.

Another charge alleges the company took old stock of a product called Rovicid, originally marketed as a prostate drug, relabeled and sold it as a cardiac supplement.

Sadly for Smiling Bob, this is not his first run-in with regulators.  In March, Berkeley Neutraceuticals agreed to pay $2.5 million to settle allegations brought by the attorneys general in Ohio and other states that the company engaged in deceptive practices in the sale of its herbal products. As part of the settlement, Berkeley and Warshak did not admit any wrongdoing.

Essentially freeing the company to continue sticking it to consumers.

I must admit two things:

1.  I am not surprised by the indictments.  At all.  In the least.  Any woman knows that if a man cheats on you once, he will probably cheat on you again.  And old Bob was way too happy to have learned his lesson the first time.

2.  I have not a drop of sympathy for the consumers who have been financially raped and emotionally molested by this company.  Anyone who turns their prostate health, cardiac care, female libido, memory problems, severe constipation, and credit card number over to a cartoonish pitchman and promises made in commercials run during South Park and Pimp My Ride, deserve what they get.

I do realize there is a fairly sizeable portion of the populace who eschew real doctors for reasons varying from distrust to embarrassment, but if you have a serious health concern or physiological issue that is disrupting your daily life, you need to get over your personal medical phobia and seek out someone who has an actual PhD and access to legitimate pharmaceuticals.

Well, what do you know?  Right now, as I’m typing this, old Smiling Bob and his Enzyte-enhanced life just came on my TV.  It takes really big balls to continue to run your ads after you are indicted on 107 counts.

Then again, they probably sell a product for that too…

Bugging OUT

You know, I consider myself adventurous. I enjoy new foods, meeting new people, and jumping head first into unfamiliar surroundings and cultural experiences.

Fine.  I don’t bungee jump or sky dive, but I’m a Mom, so that kind of risk taking got erased from the a la carte menu when I first spit out life and realized it relied on me to keep it breathing.

But back to food.  In the culinary arena, I really have one longstanding belief:  You never know if you like something until you taste it.

Basically, you cannot taste with your eyes.

I am, however, ready to eat those words today. I actually do think there is something I can pass judgment on without ever having it tickle my tastebuds.

And oh, how I imagine it would tickle.

I am speaking of the lowly cockroach.  Actually, the roaches of which I am speaking are the slightly-elevated-in-status

Madagascar

hissing cockroaches – you know, those lovely creatures that grow to an average of three inches long?

It seems that some PR people for Six Flags were hitting the cough syrup pretty hard when they came up with their latest promotion.

Ready?

The Six Flags Great America in

Illinois

, in order to hype its Halloween themed Fright Fest, is offering patrons the chance to skip to the head of every single line during their visit, if they eat an entire live cockroach.

EAT. AN. ENTIRE. LIVE. COCKROACH.

I’ll pause momentarily while you find something with which to wipe the vomit from your shoes.

Ready?  OK.

The offer is simple:  Anyone who chows down the entire 2- to 3-inch horned cockroach gets a pass for four people to cut to the front of ride lines through October 29.

I’m sorry, but there is not a single thrill ride-roller-coaster-whoop-de-do on this planet fantastic enough to compel me to raid a roach motel in order to get on first.

But the powers-that-be of Six Flags stand by their marketing gimmick, insisting it's safe to eat the crunchy critters, but health officials are cautioning participants.  “Consuming live roaches might increase risks of gastrointestinal illness and allergies,” so sayeth Bill Mays, Lake County Health Department's community health director.

You know, I don’t care if eating them gets rid of cellulite, tightens wrinkles, and makes you lose fifty pounds – there is no freaking-frightfest-Fear Factor way.

The kicker for me is that even if you can down the sizeable insect and resist the urge to vomit it back up on all those rides you get to go on, you still have to pay the regular admission price.

HELL. NO.

Fifty thousand dollars on Fear Factor doesn’t come close to my price for knocking back some horse rectum. And I have a hard time thinking there will be many takers willing to pay for the privilege of consuming cockroach.

I don’t know.  Maybe I’m just a big chicken. Maybe I’m just not as adventurous as I thought.

Then again, given my choice between that and sky diving?

Keep your eyes to the heavens, people. 

Anything You Can Grow, I Can Grow BIGGER

Can I confide in you?

This is really kind of personal, but it has been bothering me for some time now.

I am reminded of it daily, as constant taunting reminders show up uninvited. It is beginning to haunt my dreams, and everyday as my email inbox fills up, my self esteem flows out.

OK - deep breath - here goes: My penis isn’t big enough.

That’s right, My name is Linda and I have a small penis.

And as if that isn’t enough, my emails have convinced me that my life expectancy is threatened, my libido is libidon’t, that I am personally responsible for the displaced royalty of Nigeria, and that my pasta is being cooked in the wrong pot.

But back to the issue of my penis . . . It isn’t long enough, my girth is to be ashamed of, my performance could really stand to be enhanced and . . .

Whoa.

Wait just a minute.

I DON’T HAVE A PENIS.

Whew!

What I do have is an inbox overflowing with the latest garbage being SPAMMED throughout cyberspace. If the aliens came down and used my daily email to report on what is troubling the populus of planet Earth, they would quickly surmise that we are a bunch of overweight, not-long-for-this-world, uneducated, in debt, not well endowed losers.

Oh yeah, we are all also in need of mortgage refinancing and we have porn on our computers.

Come on people! Who is actually buying this garbage?

I mean someone out there must be in order for this glut of advertisements to continue.

Who out there has ponied up their credit card to purchase Human Growth Hormone (HGH) online? I bet you would be interested to find out that Elmo Lally, not Eli Lilly, is behind your purchase. That your “promise to grow muscle and live longer” is housed in a double wide, not a sky scraper.

Oh, and that your credit card balance is much more likely to grow than are your muscles.

I mean it’s one thing to buy a book from Amazon, but to buy a supply of generic Viagra from a company called ScatterTheMud.com or Viagra-buy-order-cheap-pills-online.bunchajerks.com?

I am not kidding.

Someone out there is placing their trust in a “BunchaJerks”. Please tell me what guarantees you that your magic bullets won’t be filled with a buncha sugar or a buncha cyanide?

What was that?

The website looked professional? It had pretty colors?

Oh well, I feel better then.

I’ll be the first to admit that I do a great deal of shopping online. I enjoy the convenience, the selection, the ability to do it 24 hours a day. But I am buying Jessie McCartney posters, clothing and dog treats, not financial advice, international driver’s licenses or “the ability to do it 24 hours a day”. (Again, NOT kidding.)

Lately, the majority of my spam has dealt directly with making “it” bigger, better, longer, stronger, wider and ahem . . . harder. All in as little as 24 hours.

THAT frightens me. Not because I have one, but because of all the people out there who do own one of these contraptions: MEN. Not the most enlightened of folk in the sexual arena to begin with, but when it comes to their packages? I mean a man cannot be bombarded with penile propaganda every time he goes online and not begin to look south and wonder.

I beg of you all: Learn to use your brain. We women do not need it to be a foot long, do not care if you can lift weights with it, and do not want 572% more to come out of it - yes, that was promised in a recent ad.

Save your money and take us out to dinner.  Or of you really want us to get down on our knees and worship your johnson - do the dishes.  Vacuum the house. Pick up your damned skidmarked underwear from the bathroom floor.

Consideration.  That's what really turns we women folk on.  Not some Niagra sized torrent from your loins.

Listen, I know that SPAM isn’t going away anytime soon; It’s the price we pay for the convenience and freedom afforded by the Internet. But surely we can exercise better judgment in what we purchase and . . . oh, you’ll have to excuse me. I just received an incredible offer to make my FAT AND WRINKLES DISAPPEAR!

Now where did I put my credit card?

Fashion Don't: President Bush Given Own Ass To Wear As Hat

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez has big balls. Really, really big balls.  In fact, they are so huge, it begs the question…

How does this man find pants that fit?

Known in international circles as a man with an ego as large as his waistline, he spent his time at the United Nations podium this morning, lifting himself up while grinding America’s leader into the carpet.

From calling President Bush “the devil”, to crudely stating the “smell of sulphur” still lingered in the air from Bush’s address yesterday, his words reached a normally staid assembly (whose members are often caught napping on TV), garnering laughter (an all but unheard of emotion in the UN) throughout his speech.

Seriously, the one-liners flew so frequently, you would have thought his speech writers were the same team that works for Leno or Letterman.

But, even though his grandstanding, and serious love of hearing his own voice, were painfully obvious to viewers, I am hard pressed to disagree with him on very many points.

Do I think Bush is the devil?  No, of course not.  But I fully acknowledge that he, and his League of Disproportionately Empowered Gentlemen (and lady), have steered this nation very far from anything resembling heaven.

Chavez stated, "He came here talking as if he were the owner of the world."

And you know what?  He is dead on.

I watched Bush’s address to the UN yesterday and I grimaced repeatedly as he clung to his odd John Wayne-Joan of Arc stance that it is up to the United States to sacrifice in order to change the world, pilgrim.

It’s not.  And the majority of Americans are not being spoken for when he says things like this.

And with each passing day of his regurgitated rhetoric, more people live in fear, more lives are lost around the globe, and more disinfranchised Americans question where their leadership has led them.

Face it, in the global classroom, we have become the snotty cheerleader everyone secretly hates.  We have become the football jock whose ass all the peons dream of kicking. 

No one likes us.  And that is disturbing to me because I’m a very likeable person. I bet you are too.  And yes, even you – yes you, the one over there in the corner with the hair growing out of your ears. You’re a nice person too. 

Personally, I don’t want to be in everybody’s business, heck, I have enough trouble just riding herd on three daughters, a husband, and a semi-incontinent Pomeranian. I simply want what is wanted by billions the world over - to go to bed at night knowing that I will wake up again in the morning.

The problem is that we are all held hostage by the politicians and religious leaders who claim to speak for us.

Bush no more speaks for every single American than does Castro for every single Cuban.

But they are the ones in power, ergo they have access to all the microphones and money.

But back to Chavez – who is just as big a wanker as any other politician – he hailed the recent meeting of the Nonaligned Nations (talk about a Rat Pack), presently headed by Cuban President Fidel Castro.

That I don’t agree with. There was nothing glorious about that gathering of international black sheep. If anything, it was akin to a bunch of Dylan Klebolds and Eric Harrises cutting class and planning a global Columbine in which the snotty cheerleader takes the first bullet.

So what’s the answer?  Is there an answer?

I don’t have one.  The Pope doesn’t have one. Bush doesn’t have one. And for all his bluster and bravado, Chavez is clueless too.

What I do know for sure is this:  The smell of that sulphur is heavy in the air, and President Bush does not look good in hats – especially one shaped like his own ass.

Retract or Attack? Muslim Leaders Demand Apology While Threatening Violence

Is it just me, or does anyone else think that some Muslims are embracing this presumed insult to Islam a tad too tightly? (Note I said some, I did not say all.)

That they were just spoiling for a fight, looking for an opportunity to come along which they could squeeze all the jihadist juice out of?

That they are actually living down to the Byzantine emperor’s words about their leader and faith?

Since the unfortunate quote, taken completely out of context, was uttered within the body of an entire speech nearly a week ago, the world has been pushed even further out onto the emotional ledge than we have been.

Just who is going to jump first?

The quote (yes, I know I have printed it twice now, but here it is again for those just tuning in): "The emperor," 14th-century Byzantine, Manuel II Paleologos, "comes to speak about the issue of jihad, holy war," the pope said. "He said, I quote, 'Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.' "

Evil. Inhuman. Spread by the sword.

Let’s take the first word, shall we?

EVIL: Christian churches being firebombed – seven at last count. Please tell me how those actions live up to Mohammed’s teaching of peace and love?

INHUMAN: A Catholic nun shot in the back three times, dies alongside her bodyguard, while the Muslim assailants flee like the cowards they are. Seriously, a nun? In the back? I don’t care what religion you are, this was a cowardly, inhuman act meant for one purpose only: VENGEANCE.

Not to go all Black Eyed Peas here, but to all Muslims, I ask, "Where is the love?"

And finally…my favorite:

SPREAD BY THE SWORD: An al Qaeda umbrella group in Iraq, as well as worshippers in countries all around the world, have vowed war on "worshippers of the cross."

I have to say, even though I am not a practicing Catholic, I have to agree with the comments made by Australian Cardinal George Pell who said this showed "the link for many Islamists between religion and violence, their refusal to respond to criticism with rational arguments, but only with demonstrations, threats and actual violence."

Amen.

We are talking about a quote here. The Pope did not go out on his balcony overlooking St. Peter’s Square and issue a fatwah against Islam. He simply utilized a bigoted quote from 7 centuries ago to emphasize the need for dialogue, not death, between religions.

Fine, I understand that the Muslim community is pissed off. And with each passing day in which no quote retardant is thrown on this fire, it is only going to spread, but I think the flames took off a bit too easily to begin with.

As I have stated, Christianity gets maligned, kicked around and wedgied everyday in the religious schoolyard of the world. In fact, one could easily make the case that 1.5 billion Muslims offend Christianity everyday by not believing in our God. But I have yet to see the Vatican order its 1.1. billion followers to declare war on the "worshippers of the Kuran".

Add to those 1.1 billion, the other 1 billion Christians who practice in other branches of the Christian tree, and I would say we’re set up to dish out one hell of an ass kicking, were that to be how we viewed things.

Personally, and I daresay I speak for a good number of that 2.1 billion, I would prefer to simply live and let live.  I would prefer to be happy in how I believe, loving my neighbor, treating others decently, and not intent on converting, or proselytizing to, those who don't believe as I do.

Because faith is a personal relationship between you and your deity.  True faith should serve as impenetrable armor, unchinked by those who would defame, libel, or slander it.  True faith does not need defended.  It lives in one's heart, in one's actions.

To every single Muslim, I would urge this small piece of contemplative thought: "Nonbelievers are not a threat to your faith. The Pope is not a threat to your faith. YOUR fanatic followers are the threat."

Every religion purports to teach love and forgiveness – show the world what Mohammed means to you by embracing your faith, and truly practicing what you say it preaches.

Oh Ye of Belittled Faith

Two days ago I took on the topic of the Pope’s recent speech at Regensburg University and the ensuing global fallout from 48 words carefully excised from it and broadcast the world over.

While the speech had to do with dialogue and understanding between religions, the quote he incorporated was taken as a Vatican assault and indictment of the entire Muslim faith.

“The emperor,” 14th-century Byzantine, Manuel II Paleologos, “comes to speak about the issue of jihad, holy war," the pope said. "He said, I quote, 'Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.' "

Yes, I allowed, that taken on face value, good faith abiding Muslims would be within their rights to get their burqas in a wad.

BUT, should any of them invest the few minutes necessary to research the entire speech and discover how it had been taken out of context, they would understand that the Vatican was not dissing Mohammed.

As I stated then, “The speech was a call for tolerance, peace between religions, and a urging that all people, regardless of their particular faith, make the attempt to understand that someone else’s faith is just as important to that person as is theirs to them.  That someone else believing something else, does not have to be seen as a threat.”

Islam is as much about honoring God, living decently, and treating others well, as is any Christian branch on the religious tree.

And the heart of any faith is that it fits a particular person’s soul.  It provides comfort.  It offers hope.  It is a spiritual Mapquest through this often under construction road we travel.

Unfortunately, the Islamic fallout, which does nothing to dispute the crumbled-long dead emperor’s words – rallies, burning the pope in effigy, Malatov cocktails being thrown into Christian churches – continues.

And then some.

On Sunday, a Catholic nun, returning from doing any God’s work in a children’s hospital in Africa, was shot in the back three times and killed.  Just for good measure, her bodyguard (truly, God help us, we are so messed up that a nun needs a bodyguard) was taken out too.

The assailants?  Apparently, cowards first, Muslims second, fled the scene.

Please tell me how this vigilante act does justice to the very religion we are supposed to be understanding is not rooted in jihadist violence?   

And is a slight, perceived or otherwise, against any religion justification for violence?

I have news for anyone who follows the Kuran, you are seriously outnumbered on this planet by those who follow the Bible.  And every single day, the Christian religion gets sodomized, maligned, and insulted.  Our God and Jesus are lampooned in the media, used as editorial cartoon fair, and depicted in unflattering ways daily.  The difference?

We turn the other cheek.  We forgive.

We don’t firebomb newspaper offices.  We don’t assassinate non-believers.  We don’t vow death to every Smoochie who doesn’t climb aboard the Onward Christian Soldiers bandwagon.

If you are a true devotee of any religion, it should not matter to you, should not shake your foundation, in the least, when someone badmouths it.  If anything, it should simply make you firmer in your resolve, more dedicated to what you believe.

And if you are going to turn against anyone?  Don’t rise up against the people who don’t understand you or don’t believe what you believe.  Rise up against the assholes in your own faith who are out there bastardizing it, hiding behind it, misrepresenting it, and giving the entire faith a bad name.

For Muslims, I’m sorry, but the Pope is not your problem.  Christians are not your problem.  The bad apples in the Islam pie are the problems. 

And they make it very difficult to swallow what you say you’re really about.

White Skin, Black Hearts

I have a long standing belief in a simple statement – I use it often because, well, it is so often apropos, and because it is also absolutely true.

And sometimes, the truth isn’t pretty.

Sometimes, the truth is a warthog being reamed up the rear by a Tyrannosaurus Rex on crack wearing a polyester-70’s era- LSD trip- patterned-tied-died thong.

I’ll pause while you come to terms with that mental image and the revulsion it incites in your stomach.

The truth, in this case?  PEOPLE ARE REALLY STUPID.

In fact, some people are so stupid that all they represent to me is sperm than should have never cleared the launching pad.

Allow me to introduce you to today’s Exhibit A in the These People Are Stealing Our Oxygen gallery:  April & Mark Harrington, and their twin offspring (another squirt of joy that went awry), Lamb & Lyxe Gaede.  (All profiled in a story earlier this year on Primetime Live.)

May I digress long enough to note that while science has not done a formal study on the subject, more often than not, seriously stupid people tend to name their children something ridiculous like “Lamb, Lynx, or Blade, or Apple”?

The reason this wonderful American family has strayed into my crosshairs is this:  They are White Supremacists and have so indoctrinated their children into their Nazi worshipping beliefs, that their daughters have formed a band, Prussian Blue, singing the praises of “White folk” and keeping the race “pure”.

Now, if you read me often enough, you know that I preach tolerance in this blog.  That I encourage people to “live and let live”, get along with one another, and think before you act.  But this is one f*cked up belief system that you will not find me defending.

The Nazis, and their campaign of torturous genocide, was one of the most unforgivable, heinous, horrific examples of ignorance, stupidity and fear, in the history of the world.  Darfur, quickly becoming the 21^st century competitor.

The thought that you are somehow better, worth more, have a higher place on the food chain than someone else, simply by virtue of your skin color?  That is the height of ignorance.  That is the depth of hatred.

Yes, all you White Supremisist-Hitler-Swastika-Worshipping-Trashy-Gun-Toting-Neanderthals – I’m talking about you.  You are all f*cked in the head, and the fact that you got to that place in your thinking shows you were seriously deficient in the cerebrum to begin with.

But back to April and Mark – who I am certain believe they are some wholesome version of Ozzie & Harriet – the fact that you have indoctrinated and brainwashed your children is unforgivable.

In fact, it is tantamount to child abuse.

Children are born into this world as blank slates.  They are not born hating, feeling superior to, or looking down upon, anyone else. 

It would be the people who raise them that “write” upon them with their own prejudice, hatred, and fear.

Yes, fear.

Because at the heart of all hatred, stands a cowardly, scared-of-their-own-shadow waste of flesh. Hitler is a perfect example of cowardice that hid behind power and other people stupid enough to follow him.   And as history has shown us time and time again, there is never a shortage of lemmings who so want to be part of a group, that they will jump on whatever misguided bandwagon rolls past.  They aren’t smart enough for independent, reasonable, logical thought.

Lemmings just do what the others are doing.  And what the other lemmings are doing is jumping off a cliff.

And oh, how I wish there was an actual long line of these misguided, ignorant, wastes of sperm jumping off an actual canyon edge.

How I wish they had been blow jobs instead of intercourse.

Yes, when it comes to this topic, my “Don’t Get Me Started” engine goes from 0-100 faster than a Lamborghini.

Their daughters are what you would expect from white separatists: white blonde hair, blue eyes, pale skin. 

But this I can tell you, and it backs up what I just said about children being blank slates.  My own daughters have white blonde hair, blue eyes, and pale skin.

The difference is that they have been raised to believe that it is our differences that make the world interesting.  That we can all offer something to the human landscape.  That they are no better than anyone else just because of what they look like, where they live, the kind of clothes they wear.

They have been raised to understand that good people and bad people come in every single color, religion, race, creed, belief system.

That white skin and blond hair can mask a black heart, just as easily as can any other color skin.

Bottom line:  Children hate because someone teaches them to hate.

In the "Primetime" interview, Lynx who was 13 at the time, says she and her sister were "proud of being white."

"We want our people to stay white," she says. "We don't want to just be, you know, a big muddle. We just want to preserve our race."

Psst, Lynx…your race is the human race, and we all drop trou and poop the same exact way.  No matter what warped reality your parents have preached to you, your poo stinks like everyone else's.

I am happy to report that the people in the Montana town to which this family moved, have begun to rise up against them, to begin distributing fliers letting the community know just what fine, upstanding folk the Welcome Wagon called upon, and that their guitar strumming white-glory anthems are not welcome.

These townspeople are not advocating violence.  They are distributing facts and taking a stand.

Of course, the wasted DNA which constitutes the White Supremacist Party, has begun to threaten the folk who are standing up against the Harringtons, posting pictures online of mothers, daughters, and families, who have dared to distribute the truth.

My advice to the haters?  You are outnumbered, kids. 

Oh, and the family has complained to local authorities that they are being “harassed”.  I love that the authorities turned right around and reminded them that the people of the town were simply exercising their freedom of speech, the same item in the Bill of Rights that covers their own outspoken hatred and condemnation of others.

My how I love watching someone get an elephant sized enema of irony shoved up their asses.

My bottom line is this:  You are responsible for what your children believe, think, fear, favor.  Whether that is a hatred of lima beans or a hatred of another race, a love of NASCAR or a love all cultures – you are their first and foremost classroom.

So watch what you teach.  Because the rest of the world is just waiting to make your child bang erasers after class should you fail.

Faith Has No Reason

For the past 48 hours, I have watched as the media have beaten to death yet another horse, and in doing so, has insured that the entire nation of Muslim has its collective burqa in a wad.

This time, Pope Benedict of the Roman Catholic Church has come under fire for daring to utilize a quote from an ancient Byzantine emperor while giving a speech at Regensburg University.

For the record, Benedict's address was about faith and reason, and how they cannot be separated and are essential for "that genuine dialogue of cultures and religions so urgently needed today."

Faith and reason.  Two words, which in my opinion, are mutually exclusive.

Think not?  Name any religion and in it you will find devotees practicing and clinging to that particular faith in such a way that reason has no space in any pew.  Each religion, it doesn’t matter to which one you ascribe, believes that it is the one making all the right moves, believing in the correct deity, worshipping in the proper way, confident that they are the ones who will be first in line at the Pearly Gates.

And if you were to try to persuade any one of them that they are doing it wrong and that they should come on over to the correct one, they would become indignant and demand proof.

Proof.

See, that’s where reason flies out the door.  No religion has any proof that they are the true, pure, chosen one.  They have what they have been taught.  They have a legacy of belief handed down through the generations.  They simply have faith.

And you know what?  That’s fine.  If you have found a faith that provides you with a sense of community, purpose, and comfort, enjoy it – I am happy for you.  Just don’t bring it to my doorstep or become incensed that I don’t walk the same path.

Which brings me back to the Pope’s speech.  The exact quote he used, the one which has taken on a Danish-comic-of-Mohammed quality, was from 14th-century Byzantine emperor, Manuel II Paleologos.

"The emperor comes to speak about the issue of jihad, holy war," the pope said. "He said, I quote, 'Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.' "

48 words.  In a speech which ran over 30 minutes long.  That is the portion picked up by the media and broadcast around the globe.  And if you only have that portion of the speech to go on, well then, get pissed off.  That little quote, all by itself, is a demeaning, ignorant, blanket statement about Islam.

But it was made by someone who was, in fact, demeaning and ignorant 7 centuries ago.

And that quote was not incorporated into the speech to be incendiary.

Clearly aware of the sensitivity of the issue, Benedict added, "I quote," twice before pronouncing the phrases on Islam and described them as "brusque,"

"The emperor goes on to explain in detail the reasons why spreading the faith through violence is something unreasonable," Benedict said.

"Violence is incompatible with the nature of God and the nature of the soul," the pope said, issuing an open invitation to dialogue among cultures.

At no point did he ascribe to the religious bigotry of the statement, no where in his speech did he condemn all of Islam.

The speech was a call for tolerance, peace between religions, and a urging that all people, regardless of their particular faith, make the attempt to understand that someone else’s faith is just as important to that person as is theirs to them.  That someone else believing something else, does not have to be seen as a threat.

Of course, it’s much easier to take the one quote, leave the context in the round file and get pissed off.

Which is why, two days later, violence, the very thing the Pope was speaking about, the very thing the Byzantine gent was accusing Islam of, is taking place all over the globe.

Protests, beatings, the burning of the pope in effigy, and small bombs being thrown into Christian churches in Palestine – all done in the name of Allah.

I have news for Muslims everywhere, if you wish for the world to come around to understanding that your religion and your God do not advocate violence or jihad against nonbelievers – it’s hard to take you seriously when you are screaming Allahu Akbar (God is great) while lobbing a Malatov cocktail.

I understand that Islam is about peace, modesty, and dedication.  I also understand that there are those bad apples who have chosen to pervert the words of Allah in order to justify car bombings, beheadings, and a call to a jihad whose goal is to Terminex the world of nonbelievers.

But there are zealots in every, single religion. 

People who selectively take text from the Bible, the Kuran, the teachings of Buddah, et al, and use them to justify seriously warped decisions, and seriously dangerous actions against others.

Which brings us full circle to the real meaning in Pope Benedict’s speech.  That all people of faith, any faith, must rise up against those in their religions who would use it as swords, as oppressive tools, as tools of death. 

Regardless of who you believe in.  Regardless of what you believe.  It is possible to love your neighbor.  It is also possible to allow enough reason into your faith to accept that on this big, blue marble, a person’s religious path is, to a large extent, a result of their geography at birth. Children in Muslim society are taught, from as early as they can understand, to stop, face Mecca, and pray three times a day, every single day. THREE TIMES. They are taught the Kuran in their homes, in their schools. It is not difficult, when one considers these facts, to understand the level of passion and devotion they feel. Christians, on the other hand, while believing in God and Jesus with love and conviction, tend to only stop and truly think about their faith and to worship, ONCE A WEEK, FOR ONE HOUR. Sure there are those who attend church and meetings daily, carry their Bibles with them, and faiths who come together a couple times a week, but if we're being honest, the majority of Christians are Sunday Christians, and a large segment are only holiday Christians. So again, geography plays a large role, as does the level of indoctrination one experiences from youth, in just how strongly one clings to, and how demonstrably one defends their particular religion. 

But until enough people become brave enough to open their church doors to that one word, reason, we will remain exactly what we are seeing today.  Muslims against Christians.  Christians against Muslims.  Divided, enraged, holier-than-thou blobs of people.

Who can be moved to outrage and violence, in the name of their religions, in the space of 48 words.

How Will He Beat Bluto Now?

I’m Popeye the sailor man,

I’m Popeye the sailor man,

Bowel movements won’t finish

‘Cause I ate me spinach

Ecoli has me trapped on the can.

Toot Toot.

(Yes, I know I'm bad.  But admit it - you laughed.)

OK, seriously folks, if you have it in your refrigerator, toss it, shove it down the disposal, cleanse it with fire, but get it out of your house. 

As of this afternoon, New York has been added to the list of states where ecoli has been contracted by eating spinach.

For those of you who need it in lay terms - ecoli lives in the bowels of bovine, ergo, the spinach in question has freckles, specks, and deadly dots of bacteria laden cow poo on it.  And while most humans who get ecoli cruise through with minor inconveniences like a prolonged juicing of their intestines, it can also cause severe kidney damage and death.

I don't believe I have ever seen a total, blanket statement released by the CDC along the lines of this one.  Typically, they warn consumers to look for a specific UPC number or code on a suspect product or consumable - so take this seriously and get your iron elsewhere for a while.

Take a vitamin.  Slurp up some oysters.  Chew on a rusty nail.  Just don't throw together a nice spinach salad for company this weekend - unless, of course, you are serving it with a side order of Charmin.

Poor Popeye.  Or I guess right now that would be Poopey?