Just in time for Mother's Day, the perfect gift has hit the Amazon galaxy. Tenderly romantic, capable of inducing deep thighs, er sighs, and having a leg up on the competition by being FREE, here it is, kids:
I have already gifted this to myself, pulling up to the Amazon drive thru and hurling it through cyberspace to my Kindle. Having begun to dig into this bucket of love, my breasts are already heaving at the tender way the words just fall off the bone of this manuscript.
Join Lady Madeline Parker as she runs away from her love famined, dry betrothal like a, a, a chicken with its head cut off. Salivate as she meets Harland, a sailor with a past, who marinates her in the secret ingredients of passion, gently, lovingly caressing her delicious skin, as his cologne of Original Recipe #5 fills her nostrils. She inhales deeply as his cob of corn moves closer to her cornbread muffin. Overcome with hunger, they move in haste, spilling passion's white slaw sauce like so much liquid confetti.
Breathless, he raises her batter speckled hand to his lips and whispers, "Finger lickin' good."
Will she choose a life of empty pretending, like a platter of tofurkey on Thanksgiving, back at Parker Manor, or follow her heart's desire and jump from the frying pan into the fires of love with Harland for a life on the high KFSeas?
I am only 23 pages in and yet I have tears streaming down my cheeks. Oh, wait, that's just chicken grease...
Give your mother the gift she deserves. A spork of love straight through the heart. And lots of napkins.