It has become an almost yawn inducing cycle. With more regularity than a colon juiced with Metamucil, some conservative finds a microphone and attempts to dig the gays-are-baaaad hole just a bit deeper.
While speaking to an audience gathered at Phyllis How-Dare-Gays-Ask-Us-To-Respect-Them Schafly's Eagle Forum confab, Gohmert proposed a new research study with an eye to proving God, and nature, disapprove of marriage equality. Quoting, this will prove "what nature dictates should be a marriage.”
His scientific proposal?
Well, grab a few uninhabited islands. Then make sure there are staples with which to sustain life - food source, water, shelter. Then, on each island, plant four married couples.
Island #1 - we'll call La Isla Hetero
Island #2 - hmmmm, La Isla Peniso (Penis Island)
Island #3 - ah ha! La Isla Massengil (island of female pee pees)
And then? We wait.
(insert ticking clock sound - or Madonna's La Isla Bonita - your choice)
Wait some more.
Tropical the island breeze
All of nature wild and free...
Let 100 to 200 years pass.
Then we come back and check. According to Gohmert, this will prove that God blesses hetero unions - because, of course, on the Island of Mismatched Peepees there will be people alive and running about - and over on the islands of Matching Genitalia, all that will remain are fossilized fags.
Yes, Louis, you are correct. Two partners of the same sex cannot procreate. I think even we non PhD folk grasp that concept.
But wait! What's this over on La Isla Hetero????? GAY MEN? LESBIAN WOMEN? TRANS PEOPLE? BISEXUALS?
No, no, NO! This simply cannot be! Surely those insidious homos called upon their Greg LouGAYnis gene, swam across, and infiltrated the pristine beaches of Hetero with their fashion sense and decorating skills!
Think again, Louis.
You see, there are two components at play here with your AWESOME theory about marriage.
1. Marriage is a legal construct, not a religious one. A piece of paper granted by the state, and no where within its application does it ask, nay demand, that procreation result from the union.
annnnnnd... (this is my favorite part)
2. Hetero couples give birth to homosexuals!!!! Yes, Louis! God in his infinite wisdom, glory, and sense of humor meant to dick with the conservative grain of sand they call minds, blesses many a hetero genital hookup with a gay, lesbian, trans, bi, pan, anywhere-on-the-beautiful-spectrum-of-life - HUMAN BEING.
Which means you and Phyllis - both staunch defenders of "what god and nature intend" could smash your peepees together and MAKE A GAY PERSON!
Oh, wait, Phyllis already did that. Her son is gay. But don't say it too loud around Phyllis - it's kind of a sticking point with her.
OK, look, aside from Louis continuing to prove his thinking is directly proportional to his good looks (none) - the offensiveness and ignorance in his statements is staggering.
What would you say to infertile young people who fall for one another, Louis? How about the folks who find love in the nursing home? Should they be denied a chance to live on Hetero Island simply because they would disprove your religiously boneheaded theory?
Marriage is about wanting to be with another person - NOT about wanting to make babies.
And denying that right to marry goes against the constitution of this country you profess to love so much. WHICH IS WHY THE SUPREME COURT SUPPORTED MARRIAGE EQUALITY. OK, at least the members of SCOTUS who are actual practicing constitutional scholars, not brainwashed, lobbied, practicing Bible bangers.
Life is going to continue chugging along. People will continue to hook up and push out babies. So if you truly want to wipe out homosexuality, you are going to have to wipe out the source, Louis - heteros like you and that homo-creating she devil, Phyllis.
Islands are great. I have lived on one myself. Beaches, blue skies, coconuts. But they are pricey. Ask Johnny Depp or Richard Branson.
So instead of wasting taxpayer money on your worthless study, maybe you could try - oh, I dunno... MINDING YOUR F**KING BUSINESS - And perhaps you and Phyllis could go find a nice deserted sand spit for yourselves. You've got that nuts part down to a science.
I want to be where the sun warms the sky
When it's time for siesta you can watch them go by
Beautiful faces, no cares in this world
Where a boy loves a boy, and a girl loves a girl
(No apologies to Madonna for slightly altering the lyrics. I do believe she would approve.)