As I wrote earlier today, we know that there is a contingent of folks who are wringing their hands, rending their garments, and shitting their pants all because marriage equality became the law of the land, thus sending them into a paroxysm of oogies.
It won't affect their personal lives - trust me, it won't. Those expressing themselves in a style most often seen in zoo settings: monkeys flinging their poo - need not fear that their mailboxes will suddenly bulge with gay wedding invites. No one is going to enter their houses of worship and force them at gunpoint into a same sex marriage. And no amount of marriage equality is going to cheapen their own adulterous affairs, humdrum unions, and third divorces.
But don't let facts get in the way of a good Chicken Little moment or two.
Bryan Fischer, the Pat Robertson of the airwaves, was so overcome with the vapuhs, Miss Scarlett, that his Tweets reflected not only no relation to reality, but added excessive insult to those who actually lived, died, or endured the very real injuries.
Riiiiight, because allowing everyone equal access to the legal union called marriage is SO the same thing as hijacked airplanes, towers falling, thousands of innocent lives lost.
SO. THE. SAME. THING.
Bryan, your morals just need to step off. They apply only to YOUR life. So if you think same sex marriage is wrong? Do not have one. It is so very simple. What happened yesterday is the legal reminder that this country is composed of many more people than just your small minded, "family values" crowd. And that you can no longer hog all the wedding cake.
Comparing equality to the horrendous agony that survivors and families have lived with every moment since that nightmare morning, is reprehensible. It cheapens the lives of those who perished; it flips a bird to the suffering of those who have only memories to hold; and it reinforces the mindset of religious victimhood that these miscreants have raised to a sickening artform.
But wait. It gets better in a totally gets worse kind of way.
Yes, he then goes on to Tweet a comparison between sanctioning the union of same sex individuals and ... Pearl Harbor.
Yep, totally the same thing.
He went on to Tweet that the SCOTUS were "Rainbow Jihadists." Yeah, that. Makes me envision terrorists with bombs made of Skittles. Like rogue Oompah Loompas who got fired for getting caught dipping their feet in the chocolate river.
Bryan, you didn't get your way. We get it. But the more you people stomp your feet, tear at your hair, and wet your beds - the less we people, who actually understand why extending equal rights to all is important - CARE. And quite frankly, the more we laugh at all of you. Yes, you and your hyperbolic radio show, your Presidential clown car occupants candidates, your FOX News hosts who, at this point, just make shit up because they know they have a captive audience of folks who may know the names of every NASCAR racer, but have zero idea how many judges make up the SCOTUS. You can tell these people anything as long as it feeds their inner narrative of whiny victimhood, persecution, and idiocy. Fill their trough with a constant supply of mental slop and they will continue to lap it up, and you will continue to have a job wherein you grift them endlessly.
But here's the thing. You are becoming obsolete. Maybe snobsolete is the correct term because you and your cronies have the ass to think you can bend the entire electorate to your way of thinking, worshipping, behaving.
That would be a theocracy, dear Bryan. And if you would stick your head out of your insulated bubble every now and again, you would see that churches are less and less full, and that theocratic rule is simply not going to happen on our watch. And there are far more of us than there are of you.
But you never pay attention to that. That's why Karl Rove is still waiting for Mitt Romney to win Ohio.
Your ideas, your zealotry, your hubris - they are wasted energy. And to what end? You will not win this one. Or the many more just like it coming down the road.
Equality is here. Without towers falling, bombs being dropped, lives being turned to ash, or monuments needing erected over the waters where dead bodies are forever entombed.
But take heart, dearest Bryan. Even though important changes did take place yesterday, one thing remained solidly the same.
You're still an asshole.