Don't Get Me Started with Linda Sharp

It's Lina's Day!

Some Enchanted "Eh"vning

"Some enchanted evening

you may see a stranger.  

You may see a stranger across a crowded room.

And somehow you know,

you know even then 

That somewhere you'll see her, again and again..."

Rodgers and Hammerstein, South Pacific

~~~~~~~~~~~

Beautiful romance, beautiful lyrics, beautiful musical.

But in the real world, it's that last line where things take an ugly turn in a relationship.  The "see her/him again and again" part.

If absence makes the heart grow fonder, constant exposure surely kills the romance.

Earlier this week I ran across an article bemoaning this state of being in marriages/relationships and laying the lion's share of the work at the man's feet.  Fine, it was written by a man, and written as a "secret to spicing up your marriage" but the reality is that just as it takes two to make a spark, it takes two to keep the little ember hot enough to occasionally still burst into flames.

I completely agree with the "secret":  Date your wife.  I do.  But wives, you'd better pony up and date your husbands, too.  If only one is making the overtures for a period of time, that one is going to eventually say eff it and stop.

Dating.  Think back to the time before you had entered the hallowed halls of your spouse's undergarments.  When all you thought about was entering the hallowed halls of your spouse's undergarments.  When you wanted them to be interested in you, stay interested in you.  When your heart beat faster.  When you could feel his/her heart beat faster.

Where does that go?

I'll tell you.  It goes to a town called Complacency, which can be found at the intersection of Lazy and Takeforgranted.

All those niceties you were so diligent about while courting - you know, ladies, you shaved your legs constantly, your hair always looked nice, your make-up was impeccable; gents, you showered, shaved, groomed, wore deodorant, cologne, brushed your teeth, used mouthwash - and you both helped keep the Tic Tac factory in business.  You fit like puzzle pieces as you drifted off in the afterglow of a hearty romp, and if one person turned over, you both turned over.

Fast forward - you get married, you get into the day-to-day ruts we all know so well, you get distracted, tired, pissy.  You have kids and it gets worse.  That hot and heavy breathing in which you used to live to indulge?  That's replaced by hot and heavy breathing in the form of one of you snoring and pissing off the other one.

You let yourself go.  Period.  That's what happens when you stop taking care of your personal WOW factor, and when the person who should go WOW when you walk into a room, now cannot even be bothered to look up.

Sex is a distant memory, or worse (in my opinion), an obligation.  Some "special thing" you do on anniversaries, birthdays, or when you are drunk.  A bone(r) you throw your partner once in a while if only to not have to do it for a while.  Suddenly, your bed is all about sleep.  Cuddling falls away as you insist on YOUR side so you can get some sleep.

Recognize yourself yet?

Suddenly you are so far apart that even the best OnStar agent couldn't direct you to your partner's heart.

Shame on you.  Both.  Because as I said, it takes two to let it get to the place where you are now beergutted, widebottomed, unkempt, foul breathed, hairy legged, uninterested and uninteresting.

So back to dating your spouse.  That really is the mental place you must return to.  But let's be honest - is your sig other someone you would have wanted to date when you started dating?  Are you?  Probably not.  Brutal truth there, but truth it is.

You need to start TRYING.  You need to start CARING.  You need to start PAYING ATTENTION.  If you want someone to want you, you have to be someone worth wanting.  So does he/she.

Shave your damned legs, ladies.  Do your hair.  Guys, start packing that Tic Tac box in your pocket.  And wipe your damned asses, will you?  If you are sending your shitstains through the laundry, that's the impression you are making.  It's a skidmark shart, not a Hallmark card.

Now, obviously you're not going to drop 30 pounds or excavate your abs overnight, that's got to be a commited work in progress.  What you CAN do immediately is work on those small things above, making an investment in yourself, in him/her, in your appeal.  Kind of like staging a house for sale, stage yourself for appeal to your man/woman.

And for God's sake, make yourself more interesting.  Climb out of your rut, expand your mind, learn something new, DO something new, re-engage in life, invest in yourself as a person.  The more interesting you become, the more you will be interested in each other.

It's common sense.

Look, you love one another.  That's why you got together to begin with and took the step to formalize it with promises.  But love is not a license to let go, give up, break your promises.

The worse in "for better or worse" is about sickness, job insecurity, natural disasters, asshatted relatives.  It's not about morphing into the worst version of yourself and expecting the other person to accept it.

And again, I stress, it cannot be one sided.  If a person tries and tries and tries again, repeatedly making overtures, planning things, making gestures and the other person is just indifferent?  Well, guess what's going to happen?  That person is going to finally say "F*ck it" and shut down.  And how sucky will it be when YOU finally wake up and realize what a complacent, take-for-grantedy asshole you've been, start trying, and the other person chooses protecting their heart against your track record?

Take a good look at your relationship.  Take a good look at the other person in it with you.  And then take a very honest look at yourself.

Before you book a table for date night, ask yourself, "What do I bring to the table?  And what can I do to bring more."

Some enchanted evening

When you find your true love,

 When you feel her call you

 Across a crowded room,

 Then fly to her side,

 And make her your own

 Or all through your life you

 May dream all alone.

You don't have to keep dreaming all alone.  With concerted effort, you can leave the town of Complacency and start cruising the highway of romance once again.

And who knows, some enchanted evening, while dreaming together, you may even roll over again when he/she rolls over.  And we all know - THAT is true love.

A day to remember just how far we've come as a nation, while acknowledging we still do not have all the answers and have many, MANY miles of road in front of us.

Also, a day to remember that while we may not all agree on a single path forward, we DO agree on the destination - the one set out for us so very long ago:  Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Enjoy your cookouts and be safe!

Gone To That Fishin' Hole In The Sky

My childhood memories are wrapped up in TV shows I used to sit and watch after school with my siblings.  The Mickey Mouse Club, The Monkees, That Girl, Gilligan's Island, My Three Sons, The Andy Griffith Show...

Sure, I know we were catching most of those on their second wave through TV land, but we loved them all.

Especially Andy Griffith.  Who among us didn't want that father who carved time out for fishing, always had something level headed to say even in the face of his child's foibles, who had the patience of a saint with all those around him, and who could sing a song on the front porch?

He died this morning at the age of 86. 

Yes, his career spanned generations and many movies & TV shows, but for me, he is locked in my heart, walking to the fishing hole, that signature whistling carrying he and Ron Howard along.

Rest In Peace, Sheriff Taylor, and thanks for the memories...

The same to Don Grady, truly the handsomest of Fred MacMurray's "Three Sons", who also passed away last last week.  Robbie Douglas, you made my little heart beat faster even thought I wasn't quite old enough to understand why.

 

 

Catching Up...

A couple requests to share with the blogmunity...

From Chicky: 

I was wondering if you would ask your readers if they could send a prayer or mojo, or magic dust to my Aunt Dorothy. She has been battling brain cancer for about 10 years, and had brain surgery at the Mayo Clinic about 5 years ago. At that time they weren't able to get all the cancer because of the location on the brain, but she went into remission after that and she and my Uncle Bill had a couple cancer free years. Well she went back into the doctor this week and found out that they need to operate again on Monday. They are both very scared, and I don't know what either one would do without the other. They've been married almost 60 years, and its one of those relationships that you can't imagine them with anyone else. He loves her so completely that when she got sick before, he dropped everything, stepped up to the plate and literally does everything for her. She, in turn, completes him. They are one of those couples that everyone wants to be around because they are so much fun to be with. My Aunt Dorothy said she just wants one more winter in Texas (they live in Northern Minnesota the rest of the year)...Anyway, I'm bawling right now thinking of the worst, but praying for the best. I would appreciate any good thoughts the DGMS family can send. Love you! Kathy

Also, from Natala... http://www.indiegogo.com/helpizze

Izze is, quite simply, an amazing little girl.  While her fundraising goal to attend amputee camp has been met, take a moment to meet her in her video.  It will make you reassess your own life and any temporary struggles you may face.

Let's Celebrate Nicole!

It's Crystal's Day!