Parenting Decision Gets Two Thumbs Down

In the wake of the horrific shootings that took place during the midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises, leaders are attempting to make political hay from the gun issue.  That's predictable.

And sadly, an exercise in futility, much like two farmers standing around an open barn door and discussing the lock they should have had long after the horse has galloped away.

Both sides of the issue are predictably arguing their longstanding points:

Those 2nd amendment defenders who refuse to acknowledge the founding fathers could never have envisioned a weapon  beyond their scope - that of a single shot firearm.  Steadfast in their belief that stronger regulations and laws will somehow "take away their rights."  Not so.

And of course, those who can only see the other black/white side of the argument - that all guns should be outlawed.  Again, not so.

I don't argue that a responsible person should not be allowed to own a gun.  I argue that a person, responsible or otherwise, does not need an automatic weapon.  I also posit that a national clearinghouse of information should be constructed so that regardless of where a person purchases their choice of metallic goodie, it is logged, tracked, traceable, capable of being pulled up the next time a person seeks to add to their private arsenal.  That amassing an excessive amount of weapons, ammunition, Kevlar should be able to trigger a red flag.

If you have nothing to hide, then a more thorough, responsible system should not be a problem for you.  Nor should longer waiting periods and more involved background checks.

Guns are not going away.  But in regards to the 2nd amendment, perhaps just as our technology has evolved, so should it to acknowledge that the single shot musket is not the only weapon available in 2012.

The other debate raging is the one surrounding the decision making of many of the parents in that theater that night.  Their choice to bring infants, toddlers, and 1st graders to a midnight showing of what is easily one of the most violent movies of the year.

A 6 year old little girl lies cold and dead, while her mother clings to life.  In the mother's brief brushes with consciousness, she does what any loving parent would do, ask about her daughter.  No one has yet been able to bring themselves to tell her the awful, unchangeable truth.

I do not wish this on anyone.  I do not blame her for the actions of the inhuman being who fired the shots. 

But I DO question her decision making as a parent in bringing that child out to a movie that would not be over until close to 3am.

The same as I question the selfishness of the young couple - Jamie Rohrs and Patricia Legarreta -  who cannot even benefit from hindsight and defend their decision to drag out their 4 month old baby and 4 year old daughter with, and I quote, "We have to go out. We have to do things. You don't think you're going to get shot. You're just living your life."

No, asshole, you DON'T have to go out.  When you have a child, "living your life" means you give up certain things that you enjoyed in your capricious youth - like MIDNIGHT SHOWINGS.  Your decisions should be about what is in the best interests of your child(ren), not what self indulgent desires you have.

And yes, a midnight showing of a new movie IS a self indulgent desire.  Whether you are 12 and in line for the new Harry Potter, or a couple of 20 somethings hot for the new Batman flick.

If you and your woman were so intent on seeing the movie, then ONE of you go while one watches the children.  Then the OTHER ONE goes while YOU watch the children.  (And yes, I would have this same issue with the choice were it made at 230 in the afternoon.  Children this age have no business in a movie like that.)

And by the way, that midnight showing?  The same damned movie will be shown repeatedly for the next 6 months until it travels to HBO and DVD.  No one HAS to be first in line.  The movie won't change in the 20th showing, or the 20th day of showing, or the 20th viewing on Blu-Ray.

Other parents have come out trying to defend these people who took their infants (a 3 month old was wounded in the shooting) because they want their own poor movie going choices to be acquitted.  "I always took my infant because he would sleep through the whole thing." 

Bull and shit.

You cannot predict a baby's sleep cycles or willingness to be quiet regardless of how many bottles you bring or how full your breasts are.

And DGMS on the decibel level of a movie theater, especially when the picture being shown is full of gunfire and explosions.  Do you possibly think that is good for your infant?  Or do you somehow think that magical blanket will save their eardrums?

This is about CHOICES.  Responsible CHOICES. 

And SACRIFICE.

Look, I have been down the limiting road of parenting for decades now.  I am still on it because I still make sacrifices of what I want to do to facilitate something for my daughters.  When they were small I missed out on many things that sounded fun, freeing, grown-up because THE GIRLS ARE MORE IMPORTANT. 

Big night out and one got sick?  Sorry, Rudy, cancel the babysitter.  Blockbuster movie is opening, but we can't get a sitter?  What's on TV tonight?  Big blacktie charity event?  Sorry, two have soccer practice, the other play rehearsal.  You got free concert tickets?  Sorry, your daughters have chicken pox.

It still goes on today.  We sacrifice to pay for college.  I miss out on trips because of soccer.  Rudy is moving again and I am staying for Carson.

Sacrifice is the hardest part, and the BEST part of parenting.  It makes you a better person, and it in turn makes them grow into better people. 

Is it always fun?  No.  Parenting is often the biggest slog of a job there is.  Monotonous, boring, full of menial, repetitive tasks, and it can be nerve grating, resentment inducing.

But that is what you sign on for when you drop trou, leg up, get pregnant, and bring a child into this world.  BOTH OF YOU.  The intense, exhausting period of sacrifice may feel like it will last forever, but it doesn't.  And it is worth the investment in your child.

No one deserved to die in the violent rage of another person's inhumanity.  These parents could never have envisioned that their child's lives would be put in peril, or ended, by the simple act of moviegoing.  And no one is saying they intentionally put their children in harm's way (decibel issue aside).

That is not the issue.  It all comes back to CHOICES.

There is no getting through to the young couple above.  They are soaking up their 15 minutes in the limelight (just watch any of their numerous interviews - take off your damned hat, by the way, and at least try to act like an adult) and are intent on defending their selfish actions to the last.

But even if they cannot see the error of their ways, I do hope that more parents take note of how many poor parenting choices were made, and begin tucking their children into bed, not movie seats in the middle of the night.

Because the choice to indulge your inner Siskel or Ebert in the face of what is best for your child is definitely TWO THUMBS DOWN.

Comments

[Katy]

standing applauding everything said above. I had this same discussion last night about owning a gun to protect you and/or your home and family or a shot gun for those who enjoy hunting (not my thing), and owning an assault rifle (tear gas, bullet proof vest, explosives, etc).
And beside the selfishness and stupidity of bringing babies and children to a midnight showing, it's just f***ing RUDE and inconsiderate. Going to the movies is NOT cheap and I'd been pissed as hell after paying $50 for tickets, popcorn and drinks and having a baby cry through it.

[RBlues]

I agree that there needs to be a unified data-base of these types of purchases and, at some point, a RED FLAG needs to be raised. Why in the heck do you need assault rifles and 6,000 ROUNDS OF AMMO? Hand guns and rifles (for protection and hunting), yes. Assault weapons? A BIG FAT NO!

DGMS on babies (and small children) at a movie like this. Regardless of your parenting choices and judgment regarding the time, the violence, and consideration of other movie-goers, the decibal levels alone are putting the child at risk for hearing loss and should be reason enough to leave them home.

[Deanna]

You need a "like" button on your posts! :-)

[Shawn in So Cal]

Well said as usual...I saw the movie Friday mid-day not long after hearing the terrible news. I don't attend these midnite openings because I prize sleep too much. I don't understand taking a small child to this movie in general and I truly don't comprehend taking them to a midnight showing. But they are not to blame for the terrible violent end result...as many are saying.

[Tracy in Cincy]

My girls are 21 and almost 23 and I still feel bad going out if one of them will be left home alone. I went to a concert Saturday night and called home 3 times to see if Caitie was okay, if she needed anything, etc...and she is 21. I can't imagine not living my life worrying about what the effect of anything I do will have on them.
On the gun situation, yes, I have a handgun. I also have 5 dogs and an alarm system, so I figure if someone is going to break into my house, and still keep coming in when the alarm is going off and the dogs are barking, then they will be shot. Both of the girls know how to use the gun (they were taken to shooting ranges and taught to shoot when they were younger because dad wanted them to be comfortable around guns and not be curious since he is a police officer) and both of them know that it is their last resort if they need to use it and I am not home. However, I would not have had a problem waiting longer for the gun. My only issue with tighter gun control is that MOST criminals don't go buy their weapons in a store. They get them on the street, and there is no regulating that. I do not believe ANYONE other than the military has a need for an assult rifle. Your gun collection doesn't need to be that "cool". Period.

[Theresa from Virginia]

I don't get the desire to go see a movie at midnight for myself as an adult, much less dragging little kids out at that time. So freakin' selfish! And there will be no end to the self infliction of ass-kicking and guilt for those parents whose children were killed or injured. It's bad enough for the parents and families of the adults who were killed, even though they had no to limited control over what time their young adult son went to see a movie. Just imagine the horror of knowing it was YOU who made the fateful decision to take your child to that movie. Can't even imagine the never-ending horror and pain and waking up every morning realizing it wasn't just a bad dream.

As far as gun control - there has to be a better way to ensure 2nd amendment rights while keeping the extreme weapons and other accoutrement out of the wrong hands. There is just no logical reason for anyone outside of the military to need automatic weapons or ammo magazines or drums that hold large quantities of rounds. Who needs body armor if they aren't in law enforcement? I'm all for responsible ownership of firearms for hunting, sport shooting, and personal protection. I grew up around guns. My dad had a dealer's license and I spent my time in the Army. I am an expert marksman. But I don't even own a gun. My children are 27 and 18 now, but I was always afraid to have a weapon around the house while they were growing up. I can swing an aluminum baseball bat or wield a big knife as well as I can shoot a gun, so I haven't been really concerned about personal protection.

Kind of a funny story: about a year ago my next door neighbor went out on her back deck to let her dog out for its bathroom break. She saw someone dressed in dark clothing lay down in the tall weeds out back to hide. (We live in a fairly "rural" part of the city, with old peach orchards, a river at the end of the road, and good distances between the houses.) She ran inside to alert her boyfriend and grab a flashlight, but the person was gone by the time she got back. She called a couple of the neighbors, and 7 people showed up with guns! They didn't find the guy, and I didn't find out about it until the next day - I guess they didn't call me because I don't have a gun to show up with! Maybe that should be the neighborhood watch sign - "if you're in this neighborhood to do something wrong, expect hot lead coming your way".