The Midass Touch?

I have long used the line, "When I start wiping with hundred dollar bills..." when confronted with obscene displays of conspicious consumption.

Cars that cost as much as a small home.  Homes that cost as much as eight REALLY nice homes.  Items in the Neiman Marcus wish catalog each Christmas.  Hell, even items in the Hammacher Schlemmer catalog run upwards of $15k.

Are they necessary to life?  Of course not.  No one needs a motorized monocycle ($13k) which looks suspiciously like the device created by Mr. Garrison on South Park, save for the rump filler.  Do I need 4000 square feet of home?  No.  (But then, where would all this dust live?) 

Handbags.  Oy, DGMS.  Who needs a purse that costs as much as a mortgage?  Not to mention a closetful of them.  Purses stymie me.  I like a nice looking bag on my shoulder, but I am realistic about what I do with it.  I carry keys, my wallet, the checkbook, a pound of change in the bottom, lip gloss, Advil.  I don't carry some need to flaunt the word Coach, Prada, or Vuitton in the faces of passing strangers.  My Target bag works just as well as one from Hermes, and I promise you I am not wigging out about it touching the floor.

The list is endless, basically if even a few people will buy it, it's out there ready to be shipped.

Or in the case of this blog entry - shit.

If you have truly attained a 1% position in this world and are wiping your ass with hundred dollar bills, then this is the product for you.

Pretty, aren't they?  Shiny.  Glittering.  Like the Advil of Kanye West's dreams.

What they are, are Golden Poop Pills.

I'll let you digest that for a moment.

Ready for me to evacuate more knowledge?  Good.

Created as part of the INDULGENCE collection by Tobias Wong and Ken Courtney, Ken stated, “Like an addict, all I want is more. Like celebrity and celebrity culture, demand for luxury items is completely created.”  Their items were made with the man who has absolutely everything in mind.  

While temporarily unavailable, the pills are filled with 24k gold leaf and run $425. 

And they guarantee to turn your bowels into something only Rumplestiltskin could have dreamed up.  Seriously, forget the spinning wheel.  Old Rump could just eat the straw and lay down a loaf of prickly golden, well, still straw, but gold covered straw.

Does anyone else hear Veruca Salt crying, "I want the golden poos NOW, Daddy!"

And you just know Kanye would be all over this.

(Just a word of warning to his Golddiggers though...  As pretty as it may look when it comes out?  All that glitters is still NOT gold.)

Comments

[Amy in CT]

Once again, you leave me speechless! OY!!!

[Chicky]

My fervent hope for anyone who actually buys this is that their shizzle actually turns to gold and they need a proctologist to scoop it out of their butts because it turns their crap to a solid mineral. Do I see the Faux News Team buying this "shit?" My answer is most certainly (and hopefully), "yes".

[Jodi in IL]

I think that this is the most absurd thing I have ever heard. If you have enough money to buy pills that turn your poop gold, you need to find better ways to spend it. ie-charity, medical research. The list could go on forever.

[Tracy D]

I saw this great saying once in a bathroom stall. "When shit has value the poor will be born without assholes." THink it applies here lol?

[Nikki in NYC]

Oh the same nitwits that buy $100,000 Birkin Bags will buy these too. If they could make pills that de-scented poop, okay. But gold poo? The height of stupid indulgence.