No one likes a trip to the dentist. The drills, the noises, the needles, the poking, the prodding, the guaranteed admonishment about your flossing technique.
In an unscientific poll, conducted inside my head, 10/10 people look forward to having a rectal exam or their bunions scraped (even having the bunions on their rectum scraped)over opening wide for the dentist.
I take that back. There is one exception to that rule.
A person in pain will beg their way into a dentist's office, only because they have avoided said dentist for so long that a small issue - say, a cavity - has been given permission to flourish into an infected root turning your head into what you are certain LOOKS like a cartoon head - big, throbbing, pulsing for all to see.
Yes, under those circumstances, a dental averse person will embrace, kiss the feet of, and offer their firstborn to, the caregiver who will JUST MAKE IT STOP.
Another thing we human beings try our best to avoid is "the break-up."
Whether you are the break uper, or the break upee, it's uncomfortable, makes you squirm, hurt, sometimes cry.
Gee, kind of like the dentist. (or having your rectal bunions scraped)
People don't like change and when it is foisted upon us, we tend to respond badly.
Which brings us to the Perfect Storm where these two topics collide.
Anna Mackowiak, 34, is a dentist in Poland. She is also a woman scorned. You see, her longtime boyfriend, Marek Olszewski, 45, broke up with her - leaving her for another woman.
Anna was upset, as is anyone who does not initiate the break up. However, instead of holding her head high, moving forward, and dealing with the pain, she chose instead to be doling out the pain.
Marek had a toothache several days after jettisoning Anna for a new love. Mistakenly believing that bygones could, in fact, be bygones - or the very least - professionals could act professionally - he went to Anna for treatment.
In the chair, he opened his mouth, was heavily sedated by Anna, and woke up to...
NO TEETH.
Yes, that's right. Doctor I-Cannot-Define-Transcend, took one look at him in the chair and said to herself, "What a bastard."
When he awoke, Marek said he felt like something was wrong, but she assured him it was simply because he was so numb. Plus, she had wrapped his jaw and head in bandages (and told him he would probably need to see a specialist).
It was not until he got home that he discovered, well, we'll let Marek take it from here...
"'But when I got home I looked in the mirror and couldn’t fucking believe it. The bitch had emptied my mouth."
To add insult to injury, Marek's new love left him, saying she could not date a man with no teeth.
May I pause for a moment and just ask, WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE????
Look, I get it, being dumped is a knee in the gut. It plays kick the can with your heart, wreaks havoc on your self esteem, and leaves you facing an emptiness which feels endless.
But if someone has declared they no longer want you? MOVE ON. Revenge fantasies are fine - it's how we flawed beings process strong emotions - as long as they stay fantasies. But investing actual time and energy into taking steps to exact that revenge?
Well, you certainly aren't going to win someone back by pouring acid on their car, icepicking their tires, bleaching all their clothes, or ripping out all their teeth. Carrie Underwood's song Before He Cheats is a cute anthem to the wronged woman, but it is also completely illegal and immature.
In fact, if you accept being dumped, process it, and reinvest in YOU, you are soon going to realize how much lighter you feel for having rid yourself of 200 pounds of bullshit. Living well is the best revenge.
Anna won't have the chance to discover that, at least not for a while. She faces medical malpractice charges and up to 3 years in prison.
Poor Marek faces the prospect of expensive dental replacements, lonely nights, and lots and lots of mashed potatos.
I suppose though, if I have to bright side this, I guess it's good he didn't have rectal bunions and that Anna's not a proctologist. God knows what he would have woke up missing...
Is it wrong that I laughed my ass off, then thought, "he got what was coming to him", before coming to the conclusion that it was probably a little over the top when it comes to payback...the right move would have been for her to slash his tires or tell his Facebook friends he has Herpes...
Posted by: Chicky (The girl who doesn't like rejection either) | Sunday, April 29, 2012 at 04:17 PM
I think I wet myself laughing and yes thought good for her. I agree it was a bit extreme but he must be a real arrogant ass to go to the woman he dumped for another right after he dumped her I think he might be lucky all he lost was his teeth.
Posted by: Joe L in Otown | Sunday, April 29, 2012 at 05:07 PM
Really, no sh*t, she could have cut off something more important to him and really made him unwanted by any woman (or man). But how stupid is HE? To even consider being put under by someone you broke up with for another woman.
Posted by: Katy | Monday, April 30, 2012 at 08:54 AM
Maybe if it was a year later... but a few days? This guy was asking for trouble but she went a little bit too far. Still how stupid is he?
Posted by: Nikki in NYC | Monday, April 30, 2012 at 10:06 AM
I have been sitting here trying to think of something to say about this. All I can think of is how sad her life must be if it was so wrapped up in him that she felt the need for this type of revenge.
When my daughter was 19 her boyfriend of 3 years broke up with her. He felt they had grown apart since starting college, and it would be best to end it. She was devistated, for about 2 weeks. She spent the first week in her room, crying, eating chocolate ice cream out of the container and watching sad movies. 2nd week was spent getting rid of stuff he had given her...getting it all together in trash bags and putting it into the spare room so she didn't have to look at it anymore. She also took those 2 weeks off of work...they understood.
3rd week she came out of her room and told me she was done. It scared me at first, the way she said it, then she explained that she had allowed herself 2 weeks to grieve her loss. If he didn't want to be with her, his loss. She was ready to move on. She called her girlfriends and they all went out and had a good time.
She was 19. This woman is 34. She needed to just get over it and move on.
True, he was an idiot for going to her, but all she had to do was refuse to treat him. Guess she will have the next few years to realize he just wasn't worth it.
Posted by: Tracy in Cincy | Monday, April 30, 2012 at 02:01 PM
Could have been worse. She could have been a urologist.
Posted by: MPolo | Monday, April 30, 2012 at 08:57 PM