Happy Easter, Everyone

'Twas the morning of Easter and all through the cottage

All the cats were quite busy

With Rip-The-Baskets Easter plottage.

 

Plastic grass was a cushioning all the goodies so gentle

While somewhere in CA Barbra still dreamt of Yentil (<---it rhymed, sue me).

 

The kids were still nestled all snug in their beds

Their blood sugar so normal, but to soon shoot through their heads.

 

Rudy deep in slumber, me drinking my tea

Had not even clue 1 of impending Cat WW3.

 

When the noise from downstairs sounded like a big truck

I spilled tea on my shorts and uttered WTF???

 

Sprinting down the hall I looked like Mrs. Flash

Grabbed the nearest squirt bottle and hit Rocky in the ass.

 

The moon on the spray of her newly wet hiney

Illuminated her eyes filled with hate oh-so-shiny. 

 

When what to my frustrated eyes should appear, but the whole gaggle of felines

With no squirt bottle fear.

 

Bebbin was their leader, dressed in Navy Seal gear

Rubber suit stretched in place, scuba mask strapped cross her ears.

 

More rapid than Team 6 her comrades they came

And she hissed and commanded and put Patton to shame.

 

Rocky wore a snorkel, Lola a bell helmet

Nugget had on swim fins, and I muttered, "Oh no. SHIT."

 

Leo was the stealthy one, so tricky and sleek

He already had strewn three baskets worth of Peeps.

 

Like dry leaves that crunch and strew pieces dismembered

Plastic grass will still surface come turkey and November.

 

All through the living room the candy was strewn

As I chased them with a mop, a slipper, and a broom.

 

And then in an instance, I heard from behind

Bebbin gave an order to Team 6 Feline.

 

As my guts turned to liquid and I turned around

I saw I was circled by cats on the ground.

 

Their years of compliance were nothing but a ruse

All this Easter sugar had finally lit their fuse.

 

Lola's teeth held a Peep like a dead backyard vittle

Nugget's maw full of Starburst, Leo strung out on Skittles.

 

Their eyes were all glassy, their cheeks oh so smeary

Chocolate bunnies all lay deaf, the carnage 'twas quite eerie.

 

Lola's droll little mouth was all covered in sugar

Bebbin's fur was all matted with corn syrup "boogers."

 

The stump of a Bunny Nug held tight in his jaws

Bebbin had Laffy Taffy stuck in her front paws.

 

Lola was yet fatter, like a tick full of blood

Leo's mouth full of drool and some Cadbury Cream Egg Easter cud.

 

A wink of Bebbin's eyes, and a twist of her head

Soon made me to know I had still more to dread.

 

She spoke not a word, just a hiss and a growl

Their sugared up fartage filled the air oh-so-foul.

 

Then raising her tail, they assembled so quickly

And covered my carpet with diarrhea, quite thickly.

 

Then she sprang to the railing, to her team gave a hissy

and away they all slunk leaving me really pissy.

 

But I heard her exclaim as more juice left her keister

NEVER forget we're in charge, and oh, yeah, Happy Easter.

Comments

[Liz in CT]

This.Is.All.Kinds.Of.Awesome.

[Mary Ellen in GA]

Fantastic! I use to have a cat that loved to eat plastic Easter grass. She would slurp it up like spaghetti! Well what goes in must come out and while most of the grass was deposited in the litter box (eww), one piece only came out part of the way. This little butt flag fluttered around and drove her crazy. We were afraid to pull it out ourselves so we took her to the vet. The dr. grabbed the extruding piece of offending grass and gave it a slight pull. It came out easily but what was so funny was the high pitched squeak that the strand made while being removed. To make it even better our cat was emitting a similar squeak that became louder and more high pitched as the offending grass came out. Even the vet had to chuckle at that and then gave us the obligatory lecture about how it could have been a situation requiring surgery. After that we had only paper Easter grass (very colorful in the litter box)and also eliminated icicles from the Christmas tree!

[Pat]

Quite funny, although me thinks Mrs. Sharp had some blood sugar issues of her own while writing this! ha ha ha ha ha...

[Alexandra]

Laughing so hard my eyes are watering! Sorry about having to clean up that mess on Easter though!

[MPolo]

Hahahahahaha! Happy Easter:)

[Amy in CT]

I am crying from laughing so hard...and I don't even own a cat!

[DeDe]

Oh goodness! Is it ok that I laughed so hard at your pain? I do not envy you cleaning up one bit, but I love this tale of kitty takeover!
P.S. When the zombies come, follow the cats. They seem well organized and will lead you to safety. :)

[Chicky]

O.My.God. that was hilarious - laughing so hard now...Mary Ellen, yours was funny too! Happy Keester everyone!

Viva La Stale Peeps!

[Shawn in Lakewood CA]

Too funny! and the line about Bab's and Yentl? Priceless. :)

Hope it wasn't as bad as you describe. Happy Easter!

[Dusk]

I've been following your blog for years, you're always awesome. This is a little out of character but ABSOLUTELY AWESOME! Merry Easter!

[Debbie0116]

OMG - how'd Bebbin get in the scuba suit! And Rocky? A snorkel? How simply ingenious!

;)

[Another Lori in TX]

Thanks for the Monday morning LOL!