Facehooked

It wasn't that long ago when I took to this space and wrote about the batshit woman who set someone's house on fire over a Facebook argument relating to party planning.

About a year ago I wrote about the toddler who drowned while his distracted mother played around on Facebook.  And another baby was shaken to death for daring to disrupt his mother's turnip harvesting time by crying.

Look, I get it - Facebook is a playground full of distractions from an otherwise boring, stressful, unfulfilling life.  Racking up coins, piles of tomatoes, or dead vampire bodies certainly makes the time fly and life worth living.  (Apply sarcasm liberally.)

Season to distaste...

Now comes the story of a double murder over - are you ready?  Stop harvesting for a moment and focus - a Facebook defriending.

Yes, two people lay dead -  Billy Clay Payne, Jr. and Billie Jean Hayworth - bullets in their brains - because they dared to defriend the daughter of one of the killers.

That daughter, poor Jenelle Potter, just couldn't take the insult of being defriended and her pops came to her defense.

Let me stress that while Facebook is the new battlegournd in the bullying war, where middle schoolers with barely a pube on their crotches torment one another, and where high schoolers think every fart they fart is a diamond worth posting about - the people involved in this story ARE ADULTS.

At least according to their birth certificates.

Jenelle - late 20s to early 30s - lives with her parents and is constantly on Facebook. 

Maybe that should read, Jenelle lives on Facebook while under the roof of her parents.

And her court record history is as long as my winning streak on Bejeweled.  All of it tied to complaints of her harrassment of people who have defriended her.

Paging Mark Z - perhaps you could take a mome away from counting your billions to develop a way to permanently boot wackjobs like Jenelle from FB?  Surely, when access to your website causes a mental twig to snap and land someone in the legal arena, it's time to block some ISPs?

The men who pulled the triggers - her father, Marvin Potter, 60, and a one time suitor who pined for Jenelle's affections, Jamie Curd, 38, have both been arrested and charged with the murders.

 

According to folks in their Tennessee town, if you crossed the daughter, you paid for it with the father and mother.

"This Facebook thing was her whole life," Johnson County Sheriff Mike Reece said. "If you deleted her, they [Potter and her parents] started harassing you. If you ran into them in the grocery store, you had an altercation with them. It was an ongoing thing with these people."

Saddest in all this (as if the patheticness of Jenelle and her parents isn't enough), is that the 9 month son of Billie Jean and Billy Clay is now an orphan - found crying in his dead mother's arms.

OVER. A. FACEBOOK. DEFRIENDING.

The level of attachment and importance of that website in people's lives is on display every minute of every day.  It runs from innocent connections and fun between friends/acquaintances to the almost pathological pursuit of attention.

OK, ok, kill the word "almost."

And I am not talking about the once-in-a-blue-moon posting of something like "Sigh."  Although that is absolutely intended to bring the support out in droves as people assault your wall with "What's wrong?"  "Are you ok?"  "Can I kill someone for you?"

No, I am referring to the constant posting of every imagined slight, doctor's appointment (where apparently EVERY doctor is an idiot and EVERY nurse is a Ratchet wannabe who hates you), boyfriend/girlfriend tiff, and the constant airing of seriously soiled laundry for the masses.

Honestly -  does the world need to view the skidmarks of your personal familial interactions?  There is a messaging function on Facebook whereby you can communicate about your intense hatred for a relative without involving the rest of the world, or the object of the firey red hate.  Or keep it confined to one another's walls.  When you take it to the News Feed, there is a term for that: PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE.

As for being friended or defriended?  If you hang your adult hat and ego on how many friends you have on your Wall?  Your life needs an evaluation.  And if your wittle feewings cannot handle a defriending with grace and forward motion?  Stop soliciting gifts in Yoville and seek counseling.

I'll be very honest, there are DGMSers I have defriended, and even more whose posts I have simply removed from appearing on my News Feed because quite frankly, life is too short and the desire of some people to piss, moan, whine, accuse, and constantly beg for support of their positions is just tiresome.

If your health is in danger because of your overindulgences, I don't want to see you repeatedly dog the doctors who call you on your medical bullshit and bullheaded refusal to help yourself by making changes.  And I REALLY don't want to see the string of spineless "friends" who immediately spring to your wall supporting what assholes the doctors and nurses are.

FACT:  Real friends will also call you on your bullshit, not enable your downward spiral.

Facebook is a good thing.  I believe that.  I love when DGMS moms in labor take their connections to the hospital and allow us to be a part of their experience as they welcome a beautiful child into the world.  I . LOVE. THAT.

I love when someone truly needs support and prayers and love for themselves in a crisis or a family member/friend staring something down.  I . LOVE. THAT.

I love photos of babies, Halloween costumed toddlers, friends dressed up for a night out with their man/woman, vacations.  I love hearing about achievements of friends (Kendall's first semester of college?  4.0, Dean's List, President's List, baby!), their spouses, their children.  I love supporting someone when they are walking into a job interview.

Connection.  In its purest, unadulterated form is what makes Facebook such a touchstone in a person's day.  Some people are shut-ins and this keeps them tethered to the world.  Some are sick, alone.  It gives them community.  I keep a browser window open all day long so I can pop over just to see what people are up to.  I. LOVE. THAT.

I love that I can see the fun my daughters are having at college.  Yes, I talk to them on the phone and Skype with them, but seeing Kendall ice skating with new friends?  I. LOVE. THAT.

I don't love seeing people get into political pissing contests.  Look, if you post something political, don't get your ass in a sailor knot when someone from your friend's list doesn't agree with your position and dares to soil your comments with THEIR take.  You put it out there, expect what comes back.  Good and bad.

If you have defriended me, or will because of this post?  Don't expect me to notice, much less lose sleep.  And if I do notice?  I will move on, content that you had your reasons.  My life isn't going to stop, my heart isn't going to palpitate, I'm not going to waste time trying to figure out what I wrote that pissed you off, and I'm not going to stare into the dark at night thinking about you.

LIFE IS TOO SHORT to live and die by some website interactions.

Sadly, for Billy Clay and Billie Jean, Jenelle is learning that too late.  (If she's learning it at all.  My guess is she's off harvesting beans, riding shotgun with the Mafia, and enjoying the traffic this whole thing is bringing to her Wall.)

Comments

[Katy]

This whole story sickened me, but how could anyone, shoot a woman holding an infant? What kind of f***ing cold-hearted monster do you have to be? And for defriending on FB? I'm just without words on this one.

Side note: Loved all the picture inserts, but LOL'd at the "my doctor says I need to lose weight or I could die.." Hysterical!!

[Sue, Sacramento]

Perfect post Linda!!! I have to call my daughter every once in a while to let her know that she doesn't have to post every facet of her life on Facebook.....all those people on your "friends" list are not your true friends and can turn on you in a heartbeat. In her case....w/a jerk of an ex-husband...you don't want to be airing crap for everyone in the universe to see. It may come back to bite you in the ass.

[Dorothy R]

Well said my friend, well said!

[Kathy (Chicky)]

Oh.My.Gawd. How dare you defriend me because I posted that anyone who votes for Mitt Romney is a douchebag and, in turn, I asked you to bring some facts to the table on why you support Santorum (other than, "what has Obama done for ME lately"), and you called me out on the fact that Liberals are nothing but Baby Killers and I asked you if that's what you thought PRO CHOICE meant, but you responded with, "I don't want my taxes" to go higher and when I asked what the F you were talking about, you said, "Obama is going to take away my right to bear arms", and I said [sarcastically], "gee, that's exactly what he intends to do on his 4 years +1 day in office, it was all a ploy to get your hunting rifle", and you accused me of being anti American and I said, "WTF, you are totally off topic, and what in God's name are you babbling about?" Then you accused my friend Mark of being a Socialist and me of being a Marxist, and I replied, "can't we all just get along"...and THEN you defriended me.

Yes, this happened to me :O) But Mark and I had a really good laugh about it :O)

[PennyB]

I have to admit that I love Facebook - I love the ability to connect with old friends and to make new ones (DGMSers) but cannot understand anyone who makes it their entire life. I love the support that I received when my husband was facing very serious surgery and love giving my prayers and good wishes to others facing issues in their life. My life revolves around my kids, my husband, my family and my friends. If someone wants to defriend me - go ahead! I cannot understand anyone who would harm someone else for defriending!

[Nikki]

A lot of unhinged people out there. That poor baby is now an orphan and for what? Because someone was pissed off that his parents were not not talking to them? She should be arrested as an accessory as well. Stretch the law, I don't care. Because she is dangerous to society.

[Tracy in Cincy]

I do not keep an eye on how many friends I have on facebook. I could be unfriended by someone and not even realize it...I just don't care. If you don't want to be my friend, whatever.
It amazes me how many people base their worth on the number of facebook friends they have. I love facebook for keeping up with family, seeing everyone's pictures of their children, vacations, etc. but it is not my life.
I also use it to keep myself informed of upcoming concerts (I "like" the pages for the local venues). I try not to get political on Facebook because I don't like the drama that comes with it anymore.
So...if anyone unfriends me, please excuse me if I don't get upset, or even notice. It's not you, it's me.

PS Linda, I loved your vacation pics. Waiting till my grandson is another year older and then I am going to "kidnap" him and either take him on a Disney cruise or to Disneyworld.

[Kathleen (in MI)]

I'm not on facebook, but man that was brilliant!!! : )

[MPolo]

I've been quick on the unsubscribe and unfriend button. One inkling of drama, and I'm gone. People using their status updates as personal journals? Attention whores, who seemingly just like to see their own font on a page. People who never have anything nice to say? Toast. People who the 1st time you disagree w/ them. and get their panties in a wad, and have their family/friends attack, albeit asinine comments or a barrage of messages? Lame!

I love reading ppl's posts. I take an interest in their lives, and they usually take an interest in mine. A good political debate? Bring it on! Pic and postings of what's news? Love it? Ppl who get offended by my content/comments, and feel the need to edit my content? Deleted. And so on. FB is a fun outlet for me. And anytime it becomes less than that, I take whatever steps necessary to return it to what I enjoy.

Murder over being unfriended??? Insane! It wouldn't even cross my mind. I've had plenty of ppl unfriend me for one reason or another. I wish them well, and view their action as a blessing in disguise. 'nuff said;)

[Jennifer M.]

I'm on Facebook a lot. It is a huge link to the world for me as a stay at home mom. It allows my to share my kids with my family & friends who are not close enough to visit. I am selective about who I am friends with and usually don't notice if I get defriended. I have the mindset that if you cannot be an adult & agree to disagree or at least be civil then you don't need to be my friend. :-) You want to love up on my kids and follow my crazy life then welcome aboard. :-D

[Tory Burch Outlet]

You are very welcome!!!!

[Robin in NM]

LOVED that last cartoon!!! For all too many, FB is a way to avoid having a real life!