I love them. With stupid people in the world, life will never be boring. There is always someone out there to molest a dead deer, stick a firecracker up their anus, cook some butt brats in their toilet, and drive by on a bar stool.
Yes, you read that last one (well, actually, ALL OF THEM) right.
That there's what you would call some fine American ingenuity. A motorized bar stool.
Take one jacked up lawn mower. Attach one cheap bar stool. Add one shitfaced goober. Mix well.
What you get is a head injury, a confused 911 operator, and some seriously amused police officers.
On March 4th, Kile Wygle, 28, took off on his CadillYAK after he had been drinking. (He told responding officers he had consumed 15 beers.). He crashed his concraption and hit his head.
Kile has been charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated. He has requested a trial by a jury of his peers. That would, presumably, rule out every woman reading this.
Dammit - now this tune is going to be stuck in my head all day...
I done seen about everything, when I see a bar stool fly by...
Exhibits B, C, and D - Lola, Nugget, Bebbin (aka Perinelle)
What I don't love are people.
OK, ok - maybe that's a big sweeping statement - I don't dislike ALL people. But I have a huge intolerance to stupid people who do not practice common sense with their animals.
These stupid people inevitably do stupid things. Often times, those stupid things lead to tragic results.
Oddly, the two stories I am referring to could not be more disparate in how I view them, even though they involve the same type of animal - pit bulls.
The first - a story out of Pittsburgh of two pit bulls found starved to death inches from bowls of food and water. Both animals were chained to a tree and obviously left to die.
I cannot begin to explain how angry it makes me to see dogs chained up in backyards and then ignored. If you are not going to invest your time, your patience, a lot of training, and a helluva lot of love in an animal, DON'T GET ONE.
Animals deserve care, nurturing, interaction. They are better pets for being socialized. Dogs that act out at strangers are quite often the blame of owners who have not clue 1 about how to raise one.
I do not like pit bulls. I just don't. But these animals did not deserve to suffer such a horrible death.
Before you ask, yes, I have interacted with many pit bulls. No, they are not all crazed masses of muscle with teeth. But as a breed, there are certain traits which are hardwired. And when those traits emerge, the results are heartbreaking.
Story after story fills the news each year as these animals snap a mental twig and go after their owners, people out walking through their neighborhoods, small children.
This past Tuesday in San Antonio, a grandmother was watching her 7 month old grandson. In the room with them were her two pit bulls.
She left the room to get a bottle and returned to find them attacking the baby.
He died. She is being treated for wounds suffered in trying to get the dogs off of him.
The dogs were killed in the backyard by police.
I know there are many people out there who swear this breed is wonderful, gentle, loving. I'm sorry, I just don't agree that a pit bull is a wise choice as a housepet.
Sad that it takes another dead child to raise that awareness.
It truly takes a great mind to not only think up something like this, but to follow through.
130 inmates had to be evacuated from a prison wing in Clallam Bay, Washington when a behind IRON bars CHEF got a tad creative.
Determined to enjoy some Vienna sausages he had purchased at the prison store - the way God intended them to be enjoyed --->HOT - the prisoner attempted to turn his stainless steel toilet into a wok of sorts.
The same receptable used for popping a loaf, taking a Stanley Steamer, or doing the hard math, was his pot of choice. Unfortunately his plans went awry when smoke began to come from a sewer vent pipe. The inmates were evacuated and guards traced the smoke to his private "kitchen".
The prisoner is now segregated and awaiting discipline.
I'd say making him eat those floating sausages from his hiney hibachi would be punishment enough.
I will never, even if I live a million years, be able to understand how someone can be aggressive towards a child. I just won't.
Child abuse - in any of its forms - is the most cowardly act an adult can commit. To prey on the smallest, most trusting, defenseless people in our society is simply not worthy of any shot at redemption. A cheap bullet to the brain? Yes. Understanding, patience, rehabilitation?
No effing way.
Those who abuse out of meanness know damn well what they are doing. Those who are sexually aroused by infants and toddlers are well aware that they, themselves, are deviant pieces of shit. And those who would use a child as a weapon of revenge? Well, they are chickenshit wastes of flesh.
Let me introduce you to today's Cock-a-doodle-DON'T: Michael Connelly of Illinois.
I am happy to report he is dead. I am very unhappy to report he took his two little boys, Duncan, 9, and Jack, 7, out of this world with him.
An Amber Alert was first issued back on March 9 when he did not return the boys (on the 8th) to their mother, his ex-wife, Amy Leichtenberg. They had been married 13 years and were finally divorced in 2007.
He was an unbalanced menace and she repeatedly begged the judge to believe her that he was a flight risk and her sons were in danger when with him. "I told him he was a flight risk. My attorney told him he was a flight risk. Nobody believed me," she said.
And like so many horrific cases that have gone before, cases which end in small children used as emotional bullets between ex's, something bad had to happen for anyone to say, Hey, gee, maybe she knew what she was talking about.
The police actually got concerned when they went missing on March 8th. "We are concerned because we've had some incidents in the past with Mr. Connolly that indicate he is not a stable individual and that he makes verbal threats towards himself, the children and his ex-wife," Chief Gordon Beck, LeRoy Police Department, said during the search that ensued.
In fact, there was a restraining order in place keeping Michael away from Amy at the time of the abduction - yes, abduction. He did not return the children when he was supposed to.
When the family was making appeal after appeal for information, for him to just bring them back, Amy told police and reporters, "He has always told me, cause I took the kids from him, that I would suffer just like he did."
A threat he finally made good on.
Police discovered the bodies of the two boys yesterday in the backseat of a vehicle. The cowardly piece of sewage who took them was found dead about 60 feet from the car.
There have been no details released as to the way they were killed - autopsies are being performed.
And as a surgical "Y" is being made over the hearts of the boys, an emotional WHY? will forever hang over the heart of their mother.
I always shake my head at cases like this. I don't understand. I mean, I "get it" when two people come to despise one another. Shit happens and most adults are not mature enough to move on. Instead preferring to spin their wheels in the mud of a relationship gone bad, harrassing one another, taking revenge for perceived slights, abuses of trust.
But I do not understand involving the children. Taking the most precious, probably only RIGHT thing to come out of the relationship between Amy and Michael, and using them as a weapon. Michael holding the threat of harming them over Amy's head. And then, looking into the eyes of the children he helped create and not feeling anything but, "FUCK YOU, AMY."
Explain that to me.
If you are so unhappy, so unable to transcend, move on, so hellbent on some form of destruction - KILL YOURSELF.
Seriously, we don't need you. Those children don't need you. Just leave and don't let the eternal door hit you in the ass on the way out.
And don't take any parting gifts with you. Just Go To Hell, Go directly to Hell. Do not pass Go, do not collect two innocent children to take with you.
My thoughts are with Amy and their family as they struggle to walk through this nightmare created by a coward who was too chickenshit to stick around and face the music.