So here we gather, once again, to wax crapsodic about the mythic Lennon / McCartney songbook.
A grouping of lyrics and music which, yes, does contain some of the most beloved and becovered tunes in all of musicdom, but which also, yes, contains some truly craptastic drivel.
Yesterday, Imagine, Back In The USSR, Get Back
– all great songs which helped shape, shift, and redirect the industry.
But also contained within that songbook you’ll find such dubious (read: hookah enhanced) work as Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me And My Monkey, Glass Onion, Junk, and Komm, Gib Mir Deine Hand.
It’s not all gold in them thar hills - there's a load of aural pyrite as well.
For those who are curious, the songbook – roughly 180 songs - is currently owned by Sony/ATV Music Publishing (originally formed by Sony and pop legend Michael Jackson – who sold his share years back to cover his own financial concerns). John Lennon, who died in 1980, and Paul McCartney long ago lost control of their own work.
So, no, the waterglass wielding Heather, who apparently does not think $48 million is enough of divorce settlement from Paul, will not acquire any of her fundage from these songs being used.
Neither will Paul. But then Paul has more money than God, so I think he’ll be just fine.
On another note...
Much was made in the press, after last week’s David Archuleta lyric debacle, about his apparent "Stage Dad". Sources say dear old dad, Jeff, was so vile towards his son during a recording session last Monday, that he reduced the Webkinz-like David to tears. (Not that I imagine it takes much to turn on David's personal waterworks - he seems to be a pretty sensitive child.)
And while American Idol has refused to comment on the incident, word is that when David appeared on Star Search at the age of 12, Jeff was actually banned from the set for harassing the competition. (Tiffany Evans, who went on to win the title was not only cornered in the green room by Jeff, but began receiving late night phone calls in her room. Her parents told producers who instituted the ban, allowing Jeff back only for the finale, and then only seated by security.)
Nice, huh?
Look, I’m all for supporting, encouraging, even pushing a child when they are faltering or too afraid to take a step forward, but berating them? Publicly reducing them to tears?
I’m sorry, but that’s the equivalent of screaming POOP! in the face of a two year old on a potty seat. It’s not encouragement, and the only things that are going to open are the tear ducts, not the sphincters.
I realize that by allowing underage contestants, a show also has to allow the required adult to be on hand, but I would hope there is someone who can tactfully break their foot off in Jeff Archuleta’s ass if this happens again. Not because I specifically adore Puppy Love, but because I specifically abhor anyone who treats their kids in such a demeaning manner.
So Jeff, before Maxwell’s (or Nigel’s) Silver Hammer comes down upon your head, why don’t you show David some Real Love and give This Boy a break? Keep it up and a whole nation of tweens and teens will rise up and you may well have to Run For Your Life.
Now, what say we get onto the recap?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Opening with the lie (I have yet to see any evidence that there was the least bit of a public outcry for a theme redux) that "Tonight, by popular demand", Ryan informed everyone that the "#1 show in the country" would be celebrating the "#1 band of all time!"
Yes, expanding ever so slightly on just Lennon / McCartney, tonight’s theme would be all the little buggers who comprised The Beatles. (Point of fact: All songs sung tonight were Lennon / McCartney tunes except for Here Comes The Sun, penned by George Harrison).
But, no matter, T. I. A. I. and they can do whatever they want for the two hours we are held hostage. You all know damned well they could have a theme night of Best Loved Toilet Product Jingles and we’d all still tune in.)
Kudos to Ryan for somehow managing to avoid a full head super nova despite that ginormous spotlight directly behind him as he walked from behind the space doors.
A quick nod to the band – Ricky Minor channeling his inner tangerine tonight, and then he intro’d the kids one by one. Only three things really stuck out:
1. David Cook wearing an orange Live "Wrong" bracelet around his fist?
2. The absolute ability to predict that Brooke would be singing Here Comes The Sun, based entirely on her lemon fresh choice of attire.
And 3. Someone is still allowing Ramiele to dress herself – but more about that later.
Greeting the judges, Randy was still working his best Letterman look in a blue v neck sweater; Paula had strapped in a few pounds of polyesthair and was dressed like the tree in Rockefeller Plaza – my God she was sparkly; Simon embraced the coming of Spring in a soft white sweater.
Their wisdom this evening consisted of Paula throwing out the word "gumption", and Simon giving odds that the show was currently being voted on 50/50 – equal parts popularity contest and actual talent.
Come on, Simon, what do you expect? We’re a shallow bunch of high school kids out here. That’s why the talentless cheerleader was always the Homecoming Queen, and the jocky, idiot football player was Student Council President.
A brief retrospective of The Beatles climb to superstardom followed, and I must admit, THIS I liked. Watching those four clueless mop tops lay claim to America, from Ed Sullivan to the first ever stadium show – they were one of those true examples of "right place, right time."
I loved the old footage, but had to laugh at Ryan’s voice over detailing the "astonishing variety and depth" of their music through the years, as they showed clips of the period when there was probably more astonishing variety and depth to the drugs and "experiences" in which they dabbled.
No matter – the world was left a richer place for their coming together. And Heather Mills was left a richer woman for her brief coming together with Paul.
Drawing the short straw tonight, Amanda Overkillmyer, detailing her favorite Idol moment thusfar as being her first time on the big stage with the big crowd, big lights, big band.
She took the stage with her hair brushed back (pretty face, I like being able to see it not competing with fourteen skunk extensions for attention), JEANS, and a tightly fitted vest, she tore into Back In The USSR.
She worked the crowd, gargled her gravel, and was clearly enjoying herself – as was the audience – and while I still cannot understand half of what she sings, and the screamching is getting a little old, the summer tour needs her powerhouse personality and vocals.
Randy called it the "perfect song choice" although " a little pitchy in the beginning", and he gave it "7 out of 10"; Paula said she started "a little ahead of the beat", but then added something about "you are the quintessential, authentic who you are" Um, yeah, ok; Simon said it "was what it was – it was predictable, a bit of a mess in parts," "the same thing week after week after week," and warned her of the "danger of becoming a bit boring."
She defended her performance with "Ballads are boring."
Which makes me have to ask, "Chicken, Amanda?" Seems to me Melissa Etheridge can wail like no other, but she can also tear your heart out with any number of ballads.
Next up was Kristy Lee Cook sitting with Ryan on the Chat Chairs to share a few pictures from her photo album – one she looks at nightly to stay connected to home. Cute dog, funny horse...waste of time. Moving on...
In her video she talked of her most memorable Idol moments being her continued landing at the bottom each week. Not exactly the stuff of happy memories, but she vowed it was making her work harder.
On stage, she looked lovely. In fact, she actually looked the part of a young country star tonight. The hair softly styled, the black mini dress shimmery and sheer but not sleazy, and the black cowgirl boots finished the look well. (There were a few dangerous camera angle moments, however...)
Then she started to sing. Why, oh why, did she have to go and sing? She was doing so well up to that point.
She skidded into the chorus of You’ve Got To Hide Your Love Away, and creped out – completely flat. You could see it in her eyes – something fizzled, she knew she blew it again. But she moved through it and managed to hit and hold the last big note.
Randy called it an "interesting arrangement" but that it felt "a little boring, safe"; Paula did what she does when she can’t muster anything positive about the performance, and told her she looked the "best you’ve ever looked tonight"; Simon was blunt, saying she needs "something like hypnosis – the problem is you’re not a good performer." He added she is like "musical wallpaper in that you notice it, but can’t remember it," but then softened a tad and ended with "better than last week."
Simply coming out and standing there for 90 seconds would have been better than last week, Simon. The bar wasn’t exactly high.
Puppy Love was next, talking about his most memorable moments so far being his singing of Imagine (good week) and botching the lyrics (bad week). But he hoped to redeem himself on The Long And Winding Road.
Dressed in a brown blazer, t-shirt, JEANS, and tennis shoes, he began singing and everyone in my house did the Olive Oyl butter melt onto the floor. Yes, he’s adorable, a Gund stuffed baby seal come to life – and yes, he can sing. His vocals tonight were confident, smooth, perfect.
The only complaint is his constant tongue flicking to lick his lips – he looks like a frog catching flies. Get this child some Chap Stick, stat!
Did everyone catch the shot of Dad (take off the goofy ballcap, Jeff. You’re indoors with 20+ million people watching.) – Dad was happy, David won’t get beaten tonight.
Randy said he "brought the hotness back" and was "brilliant"; Paula babbled that, "for me the most exciting and wonderful performance because of the purity of who you are and what your sound is, is very identifiable. You’re wonderful." Puppies, kittens, cotton balls, daisies...; Simon summed it up with "Last week was a complete mess, this week I thought you were amazing ... a master class."
And David peed a little again. That poor kid gets so genuinely overcome, I think he’s going to explode one night.
AFTER. THE. BREAK Ryan informed us that Kellie Pickler will grace us with her presence during the results show, and then proceeded to pimp not only the iPhone, but iTunes – iDon’t Care. Move on.
MYchael Johns talked about his highlight being his Bohemian Rhapsody performance during Hollywood Week. I have to agree – it seems he may have peaked back then. With the exception of Light My Fire, nothing has even come close so far.
He chose A Day In The Life, one of the hardest to follow, musically complex, lyrically jumbled of The Beatles tunes. I like it, but it is one of those completely stylized songs that truly cannot stand up to being dicked around and rearranged. I saw Danger Ahead signs begin to flash...
He looked good (God, I sound like Paula now) in black pants, shirt, and tie, and I still like the tone of his voice, but the song was a chopped up mishmash, Even for those of us who know it well, it was hard to enjoy – so much being cut out, crammed together. And his warbling on the "I’d luUuUuUuUve to tEeEeEeEelllll youUuUuUuU...."?
UuUuUuUuGgGgGgHhHhHh...
Randy said it "wasn’t one of your best performances’, "not the right song for you"; Paula said his dress rehearsal was "pretty phenomenal" and tried to defend him by bringing up the kids wearing inner ear monitors tonight which could throw them off; Simon didn’t want excuses, saying "long and short of it was a mess", "you didn’t hit the right notes, didn’t work as a minute and a half song."
Then in the diablahgue back and forth, we discovered MYchael wasn’t wearing a monitor, so there goes that excuse up in smoke.
Brooke White was next in the Chat Chairs to waste some time talking about being able to go home over the weekend (she lives close) to hang with relatives who were in town. (Boy times change, seasons change - it used to be that these kids were completely cut off from the outside world - now they are regularly released, given time to grant interviews, etc)
In her video she spoke of loving her Let It Be performance from last week – calling it the "most memorable moment of my life."
She chose to sing (I love being right) Here Comes The Sun and began on the steps, dressed like a ray of sunshine herself in a tiered, flowy yellow minidress, her hair tousled, her bangs falling annoying all the way across her eyes.
The song is boring. It just is. Yes, even the original – my opinion. So Brooke, not exactly a cutting edge human being, was not exactly going to bring some new life to it. She tried to dance her way across the stage (think clunky wooden string puppet) and then stood at Matilda for the remainder of the song.
There was nothing wrong with it, it was fine, but man it was "EH". And her continued attempts at dancing? I kept hearing Pinocchio in the back of my head... "I’m a REAL boy!"
Randy called it "really awkward" and said "it was not hot for me"; Paula disagreed and said that what "was hot for me is that you can’t help but smile when you watch you" (that’s verbatim – I write this stuff down); Simon said the "performance was terrible from the horrible dancing to the absolute lack of conviction. It was wet. It was forgettable."
Wet?
Ummmkay.
Did anyone else catch the dead silence when Brooke tried to defend herself and said, "This is not what I do" about performing? And then you could see it dawn on her "WHOOPS! BACK UP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! FULL REVERSE THRUSTERS!"
No Brooke, you don’t want to tell America that "this is not what you do". We are a fickle bunch and would happily send you back to nannyland.
Another break and yet another iTunes pimping from Ryan, and we learned that David Cook’s favorite moment was last Tuesday’s performance with the "rock concert feel, lights, smoke..."
This week he chose to sing Day Tripper, and started on the guitar – rockerishly dressed again in JEANS, a leather jacket, vest, t-shirt, and loosely knotted tie.
OK, I admit it – I was absolutely looking forward to what he would do tonight. He is, without a doubt, the most comfortable contestant up there. This is what he does. There is nothing contrived, forced, put on about his performances. It’s just a guy, doing what he loves.
He did a good job on the song, even busted out the Frampton Talk Box mid song for some well placed whhhaa whaa whaaaas, but like Amanda, I did find myself harking back to last week, and thinking how similar were the two.
Randy said "you keep it interesting" and called it "another solid look for David Cook"; Paula stated "you’re ready to go sell lots and lots of records" and then added "GEICO commercials are next." (Sorry Paula, but that bit worked because Frampton was IN the GEICO commercial....never mind); Simon said it "was not as good as you thought it was", that David "looked a big smug throughout", and that it was "a bit predictable."
AFTER ANOTHER BREAK Ryan was standing behind the judges to waste more time allowing Paula to babble on about the Blackbird song and Simon – tree, sparrow, oil...DON’T CARE. MORE EVIDENCE SHOW SHOULD BE 90 MINUTES, NOT TWO HOURS
Carly Smithson was up next to sing, what else?, Blackbird. Dressed in a seriously unflattering red satin box decorated with a matching Hawaiian lei, and black pants, Carly launched into another Beatles song I cannot call a favorite.
Yes, she sounded good – she always does – and yes, she hit her big notes towards the end, but man, I was ready to fly away.
Randy called it "very controlled, very emotive" and then coined the new dawgism, "very cooliosis" (Cooliosis: a reshaping of the cool, not to be confused with scoliosis; a mishapening of the spine.); Paula gave her "a capital F for fantastic"; Simon criticized the song choice, calling it "indulgent" and that he "didn’t like it at all."
Carly, of course, defended it with the boo hoo that it represented all of the contestants who have broken wings from trying so hard to make it and being beaten by the industry. Simon wasn’t having any, but Paula stood to clap, revealing her leather pants and a Pilgrim shoe buckle at her waist.
Carly then revealed her newest tatoo – the number 7 on her right ring finger – for Season 7. Nice coinkydink that she was number 7 tonight.
More commercials, and Dreads was back to talk about his fave moment being his singing of Hallelujah. He was happy that even when he botched the final note, the rest of the song had been strong enough that the judges still loved it. Watching it again, it actually kind of worked. Made it seem more emotional. Couple that with his goofy grin and he can be forgiven just about anything (except that hair).
Standing at Matilda, dressed in JEANS and a brown shirt with denim trim, he began singing Michelle – that Frenglish Beatles hit of yore. He sounded fine, smooth, and yes, he is adorable with that smile, his self deprecating nature.
BUT – it was really boring. He hammed his way through it, especially the French lines. Almost shrugged his shoulders in spots like, "Oh well, I suck at this, but look at my dimples."
Randy said it was "very subdued" and "just ai’ight"; Paula said he has a "distinct charm", but that it felt like he was " a little disconnected ... a little awkward"; Simon said it was a "very weird show tonight – not sure if it was a good idea to do Beatles again tonight", then told Dreads he is "lucky this is a TV show, not a radio show because your face sold that."
Syesha was next in the Chat Chairs to do not much more than wave to her mom and dad, in town and in the audience this week. In her video, she talked about her "moment" being when she landed in the "Top 12 2008 Bottom Three" – not a good moment, mind you, but a moment that shook her up.
Sitting on a stool next to a lone guitar player, she did look beautiful. Her hair sleek, wearing a long green patterned dress, mid-wattage cleavage, and cross sections of the latest Jurassic fossil rocks hanging from her ears.
Singing Yesterday, a song which is one of my favorite Beatles tunes, I thought she gave a thoroughly enjoyable performance. Her voice was strong, full, rich, and emotional. In fact, if I have to take anything away, it would be that she seemed almost too much into the song, and not connected enough with the people watching.
Randy called it a "very, very, very good performance"; Paula said it was "great to see how you change and let yourself be very vulnerable"; Simon was generous, saying "I thought that was probably your best performance so far – wasn’t incredible, but you chose the best song" and that "this should keep you in the competition."
Another break, returning to yet another spot with Ryan pimping iTunes, (this time having accosted Mr. Magoo from the audience.) I swear, all he needs is a hat with a feather and a gold front tooth.
Eze Mac was up to talk about loving the moments when he gets so excited he just jumps around the stage. And aside from his recent strong vocals, I would say it is his enthusiasm which has won him fans.
Choosing I’ve Just Seen A Face, Eze walked out wearing JEANS, an orange shirt and a brown jacket. I have to admit I was not familiar with the song, but was truly enjoying the slow beginning, his working of the lyrics, and then ... I Just Made A Face...
WHAT IN THE HELL HAPPENED?
We went from soft ballad to the music they played as Ned Beatty ran naked through the woods in Deliverance.
Squuuuuuuueeeeeeeal like a pig!
And what was with the harmonica? Eze, just because some of your fellow wannabes can play an instrument WELL, does not mean you have to try to cram some halfassed effort into your songs to keep up.
The whole second half of the song was like a hillbilly ho-down – the only positive thing I wrote down was "nice smile."
Randy said there were "good parts and bad parts’ and that the "harmonica was weird"; Paula blathered on about him "showing who you are" (Slim Pickins?); Simon said it "started off OK and then you played the harmonica which was literally atrocious and then it turns into Achy Breaky Heart."
Um, Simon? I don’t think it was Ned’s heart that was achy in Deliverance...ahem..
Finally, drawing the money spot tonight, was Ramiele, who spoke in her video of making new friends – specifically Brooke, who is like a mom to everybody, and David C who is like a big brother.
Dressed in an outfit which echoed her song’s title – I Should Have Known Better – Ramiele was decked out in an unfortunate white hat, tight JEANS, a yellow t-shirt, and a corset top which squished, not highlighted, her chest. The heels didn’t work either. Ramiele, I know you’re short, but not every outfit calls for four inch heels, ok?
Someone in the styling department grab that girl by the two toned hair, please, and take her shopping.
Her performance was decent – she tried to keep it fun, light, and I will give her this: her singing is absolutely effortless – but there is just something that is not clicking here.
Randy said he "wasn’t jumpin’ up and down", but that "it was ai’ight"; Paula said it was "definitely better than last week"; Simon said "I like you a lot, fantastic personality, lots of fun" but then called her "very amatuerish" and said that she had "chosen a really mediocre song ... didn’t show the best of your ability."
Watching the video recap of all the performances, I can say with confidence that Kristy Lee Cook has earned her spot in the Bottom Dwellers yet again, and if based on tonight’s performances, should be joined by MYchael Johns and Jason Castro.
But, as this IS still a popularity contest, methinks she will actually be joined in the Bottom by Syesha (despite her strong showing tonight, I don’t think the fan base is there for her) and Ramiele (same problem, and going last cannot combat NoOneGivesAPooitus).
My prediction is that Kristy will be heading home to go back to being Just Another Girl who will have ample time to Dig A Pony again.
Then again, I could be completely wrong. After all, Tomorrow Never Knows. (Or we’ll never know till tomorrow? Whatever. I’m going to bed...)
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