American Idol Recap, Tuesday, May 13: Three’s A Charm, Or Too Much Smarm?

With viewership in the toilet – well, in the toilet for American Idol – it will be interesting to see how many folks turned out for the homecomings of the remaining three Idols when they roll the footage this week.

According to Nielsen Media Research, only 21.8 million people watched last Tuesday's episode. Now, that’s obviously nothing to sneeze at, and still laps all other shows by a mile, but it is the ratings juggernaut’s smallest Tuesday audience in more than five years.

Wednesday set its own dubious record with 22.9 million – the smallest results show audience in three years.

I keep trying to decide if it’s a matter of viewer fatigue – seven seasons and we’re getting bored? Viewer disgust – the feeling that producers have us grabbing ankle with endless pimping, product placements, and hour long results every week? Viewer technology – more and more folks simply go about their lives in more productive ways, allowing the DVR to capture Ryan and The Gang, and making it possible to speed through to what we may be interested in?

Whatever your reason(s) may be, I’ll ‘fess up to experiencing all of the above.

I am bored with this season. What started as subtle pushing, has blossomed into full on pimping and now an almost certain result: David Archuleta as AI #7. It certainly won’t hurt his votes this week to have had his dad publicly outed as a major ass blister on the AI set.

Even I feel sorry for him now. (Not enough to vote for him, but enough to say that the kid deserves some breathing room.)

I am disgusted. Enough with the holding us hostage each week. I think I’d rather be waterboarded than made to watch another "special guest appearance". I don’t care about Leona Lewis, Maroon 5, Chris Brown, or Natasha Bedingfield. I just want to know who is going home. Cut the results show back to 30 minutes next season, and you’ll increase viewership dramatically.

And yes, I do avail myself of technology. I don’t sit down to start watching and taking notes until it has already been on for at least 15 minutes. That way I can fast forward through every single commercial along the way and still finish up by 8:05pm. Hear that, advertisers? WE. AREN’T. WATCHING. YOUR. COMMERCIALS. So stop paying an arm, a leg, three kidneys, a lung and four eyelashes to Nigel Lythgoe. You’re not getting your money’s worth.

That being said – we’ve made it this far, so let’s keep marching, kids. It will all be over again come next week, and once the confetti settles, you know as well as I do, we addicts – when forced to go cold turkey - will be licking the TV set for any magical residue.

We Idol crack hos are a pathetic bunch...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Ryan stared seriously into the camera, he walked past the remaining contestants, "a high school student, an actress, a bartender."

All of them at our "mercy", "one of them on the brink of superstardom."

You know, I’m thinking there’s some superstardom in the offing for at least two of them. Puppy is a Disney exec’s wet dream. He is a tweeny money farm waiting to be harvested.

And David Cook could walk away right now and never look back. We want him, we want him bad. He could record a CD of nursery rhymes and I’m not ashamed to admit they would sound good enough to have sex to. (That OK with you, Rudy? Hey, diddle, diddle, baybay...)

But T.I.A.I., so we have to play along. Only one of them gets a confetti shower and a saccharine This Is My Proud Now Moment song to sing.

Calling this race "the closet this show has ever seen" (hmmm, I seem to remember miniscule hundredths separating Elliot, Kat, and Taylor?), Ryan said hello to the judges: Randy working his pornstache and wearing a black shirt covered in bird poop; Paula, who looked respectable and decent from the neck up – I think all of the hair may have actually been her own – but who was wearing a chunkily crytalled, leather dominatrix corset (all that was missing was a riding crop); Simon rounded out the dark theme in another black sweater.

Ryan then explained that tonight would showcase the contestants singing three songs: one of their choosing, one that a judge picked, and one chosen by the producers. Three at bats to either hit it out of the park, or strike out completely.

ROUND ONE – JUDGE CHOICES

First up was Puppy, shown in footage shot last week, receiving Paula’s choice of song for him from Mayor Snidely Whiplash Snarr (seriously dude – a handlebar mustache? In 2008?). She chose Billy Joel’s And So It Goes for young David.

Ryan asked for her thought process (please tell me I’m not the only one who laughed at THAT). She explained to David that it would "showcase the amazing vocals you have" as well as "totally exploit the beautiful timbre in your voice."

I see. So Puppy gets to chop down yet another ballad. TIMBRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On stage, dressed in JEANS, a blue oxford shirt, skinny black tie, and a leather jacket, I will admit, his a cappella beginning was really impressive. His voice sounded strong, rich, full, and actually, they kept the instruments to a minimum throughout the entire song.

Yes, he was having trouble keeping those thousand pound eyelids of his open towards the end, but over all? It was pretty solid.

Randy said that "Paula chose a dope song for you." (I’m so unhip. I immediately thought he meant something like Puff The Magic Dragon...) He then repeated everything he has said all season, "you can sing anything, you are in the zone."

The White Zone is for loading and unloading of BS only.

Paula called it a "pure performance" and that "tonight you were a storyteller"; Simon agreed it was "very good", but cautioned that there were "no surprises" and that is was "a bit predictable."

After the first break, we joined Syesha in a limo during her trip to Florida. She was receiving a text from Randy which read, "Syesha, you are doing If I Ain’t Got You by Alicia Keys."

This made her happy.

Feel free to insert supersized DUH here.

Randy explained to Ryan that he chose it because Syesha is "young, hot, unbelievably talented."

Which would explain why he has spent four months constantly running her down?

On stage. She looked like an Oscar statue – all glittery in a gold sequined gown, her hair pulled to one side, golden scallops hanging from her ears. I’m beginning to think that Syesha holds the Idol record for most sequins worn in a single season. When was the last time she didn’t sparkle?

Anyway, she looked lovely – the girl has a killer bod and gorgeous smile – but as she sang, her biggest problem again appeared – or rather disappeared. Anytime she hits her lower range, her voice practically goes AWOL and the background singers are far more prominent than they should be. In fact, it sounds like she is backing them.

Randy said, "You did an amazing job on it" and that he was so happy she is "peaking at the right time in the competition"; Paula said nothing. OK, she said something, but nothing about how she sang. I’m quoting here, "It is hard to do a song so identifiable with Alicia, aside from all that, you look absolutely stunning."

Syesha didn’t care and responded with a big, "Thanks gurrrrrrrrrl!"

Simon said, "You sang that very well" and then "you look gorgeous, by the way."

At that point I had to check the channel guide to make sure I was recording American Idol and not Next Top Model.

Next up was David C, shown during an interview on FOX 4 in Kansas City, receiving a text message from Simon. "Hello David, I have chosen First Time Ever I Saw Your Face by Roberta Flack for you to sing on the show."

His reaction? About the same as if I announced to my children, "Hello children (feel free to insert sound of Chef from South Park), I have chosen big, steaming piles of rhinoceros dung for you to eat this evening."

Simon explained that as "one of the great songs of all time, I want him to do something different." He then addressed David, "It’s a very, very, very tough song, but I think you’re going to do well."

Ryan, of course, used the song’s title to get a homophobic jab in at Simon, at David’s expense. Wanker.

Standing at Matilda, caressing her actually (lucky microphone stand), David was dressed in JEANS, a white shirt, and a black blazer.

He started out well, but then hit a patch of black ice on the vocal highway, skidding into a falsetto before finally getting control. As the song proceeded, he gave it the expected rock build-up to a seriously strong finish. Another song I think he could put out tomorrow. (Actually he will – get it on iTunes for 99 cents.)

Randy said, "You can sing the phone book, too. Loved the high note at the end, but I wish Simon had picked something different. I needed more rock from you"; Paula said it was "one of my favorite songs and now you’re the second favorite person who sings it"; Simon, congratulating himself on his choice, called it "one of your best performances to date. Round 1 goes to Cook and Cowell."

Insert smug grin.

Loved that David wished his mom a belated Happy Mother’s Day. And did anyone notice how adorable his dad is? You can totally see David in thirty years.

ROUND TWO – CONTESTANT CHOICES

Out on the chat chairs, Puppy revealed his song choice of Chris Brown’s With You.

This elicited a resounding "Noooooooooooooo" from the girls in my house. I stayed silent, but could feel my spleen actually melt in disgust.

Dressed in Blake Lewis’ brown plaid pants, black tennis shoes, and a brown graphic t-shirt covered with either snowboarders or abstract crosses, Puppy began singing the words that would make my liver, gall bladder, and small intestine join my spleen in liquid protest: "I need you boo" and "Hey little mama".

David Archuleta and the slang term "Boo" go together like vanilla ice cream and raw oysters. THEY DON’T. It’s a combination that just leaves you feeling cold and slimey.

The performance was not helped by David’s inability to do much in the way of dancing other than bouncing up and down. AND he botched his lyrics again. I just wanted it to be over, and Kendall’s head was firmly under a couch cushion screaming, "MAKE HIM STOP!"

Randy said, "I applaud the fact that you’re trying something new and young, but not sure that was the right song." He then agreed with my whole "Boo" point; Paula, whose oxygen supply to the brain was obviously being cut off by that leather corset, called it "Perfect" and said he did a "great job"; Simon was blunt, "It was a little like a Chihuahua trying to be a tiger. Not really you ... awkward."

Syesha was up next to explain that she had chosen Fever by Peggy Lee and that "I wanna use a chair, kind of work it a little bit."

Cut to shot of that cheap ass seat from Hollywood Week. COME ON. That chair? Seriously?

Dressed in a slinky silver and black sequined minidress and silver heels, Syesha sat on the edge of the chair, walked around the chair, touched the chair.

Oooo. Ahhhh. Not exactly a Chicago type performance.

She then walked around Ricky Minor who was strumming the bass on stage, she touched Ricky Minor, she flirted with Ricky Minor before returning to the chair for more of the same.

Note on the dress: How many Children of the Corny do you think could now tell us what color underwear Syesha was sporting? That dress was SHORT.

But back to the singing – honestly, she upstaged her voice by all the cavorting and slinking around. All that strutting should have been channeled into her vocals. And as for the chair? It was absolutely unnecessary, unless she was going to go all Flashdance and dump water on herself.

Randy called it "an interesting song choice" and said she sang it "amazingly well"; Paula again commented on her attire, but then said, "I’m surprised you picked this song. Not sure it shows me who Syesha is as an artist"; Simon said, "I think you will probably regret the decision tomorrow. You had a chance to prove that you are a contemporary recording artist, instead you did quite a lame Cabaret performance."

What’s this? Angling so David and David are the two finalists?!? I. AM. SHOCKED.

Speaking of the Davids, David C was up next to reveal his choice of Switchfoot’s Dare You To Move.

In a simple black t-shirt and JEANS, his rose bedecked guitar in place, he began singing in his wonderfully throaty way. He built and built and built, taking the crowd on the ride with him (although I’m sure given the choice, he’d leave the Children of the Corny behind in a ditch). Lights flashed, his vocals were strong, the crowd went wild – if I were Daughtry, I think I’d start watching my back.

Randy called it a "great, great song choice" but that "it wasn’t your best, a little pitchy"; Paula babbled about condensing a three minute song down to a 90 seconds and that she just wants "more"; Simon said, "Not much I can add. Not the best melodic song in the world. All three of you had an OK middle round."

ROUND THREE – PRODUCER CHOICES

In their infinite wisdom, the powers-that-be saddled young Puppy with the Dan Fogelberg ballad, Longer.

UGH.

This is a perfect song if you are a grown man or woman who has been in a relationship for a longer time, but for a seventeen year old kid who can’t even pull off the teen slang term "Boo"?

This ranks right down there with Clay Aiken being hamstrung by Vincent – the ode to a man with one ear - in season two.

Dressed in a blue button down which was buttoned up way too far – seriously, he needs to have a Jerry and George button placement intervention. I highly doubt that one more undone button would have shown the world too much of Puppy’s manly chest.

He sang, but I completely tuned him out. It was boring. It was bland. It was a stupid choice on the part of the producers. But then, these are the great minds behind the GROUP SONGS and VOMMERCIALS, so what can you expect?

Randy gushed, "You can sing the phone book, in da zone, another hot one from you."

Um, lukewarm maybe, Randy. And yes, he might as well have been singing the phone book – it’s just not interesting anymore. It’s all the same.

Paula called it a "lovely performance" and said that "I expect nothing more" (um, at this point, Paula, neither do we. We stopped expecting mroe out of Puppy two months ago); Simon slammed the producers for choosing such a "gooey" song. He did, however, get his pimping in, "You’ve done enough to get into the finals."

Can someone else say DUH, please? Even that is getting boring for me.

Syesha was given the Gia Farrell song, Hit Me Up, from the Happy Feet soundtrack, which she attempted to turn into a Beyonce’-esque number, complete with skinny JEANS, a silver and white SEQUINED tank top, and lots of bouncing.

It was all disjointed, and no matter how hard she tried to sell it, the best thing I can say about the performance is that The Children of the Corny were actually clapping on the right beat.

Randy started his critique with, "Uh, you know..." which is never a good sign. He then added, "just ok for me, just aw-ight"; Paula said, "You did the song very well" but then lowered the boom with, "I don’t know if it’s going to be enough to get into the finals of American Idol. I love you though."

I see. Don’t point out that the producers gave her a crap song from a children’s movie soundtrack, but make sure you cushion the pain with love as you throw her under the bus. Niiiice.

I guess that’s what separates the true Dominatrixes from the wannabes with pleather corsets.

Simon said it was "better than the second song, that’s for sure. But if I’m being honest with you, you hit your best moment last week." He then added that "it didn’t give you the defining moment."

By "it" you mean the angling, conniving, decided-on-the-final-two-contestants-months-ago producers?

Finally David C was up to close the show with the producers’ pick of I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing.

OK, so Puppy gets an old farty ballad, Syesha scores a penguin soundtrack tune, but David Cook lands a soaring success by Aerosmith?

Talk about chess moves from the ivory tower.

Dressed in a black jacket, black shirt, and what looked like a silver cravat? – whutev, he’s even hot in that – David stood at the mic, the entire string section behind him on stage.

He owned it from the first note out of his mouth to the very end. No, he’s not quite Steven Tyler when it comes to screaming in the middle of a song, but it was still good enough that, like Paula, I found myself unhappy to have to settle for 90 seconds.

Randy was a pisser, "It was OK for me, very predictable"; Paula left it at, "See ya in the finals"; Simon sealed the deal with, "One of the great songs of all time and I have to tell you – David Cook wins the night."

I think you’d be hard pressed to find many who would disagree.

I realize odder things can happen in Idol land, but I still think the lone girl will join Kimberley Locke in bowing out at number three to let the guys duke it out for first place. She simply cannot compete with the Puppy Lovers of the nation, and any final that doesn’t include David Cook, well, won’t be watched.

So what did you think of tonight’s vocal Ménage à trois? Who got your juices flowing, and who turned you off?

Overall, I think it was still a bit of a sleeper as these final threes go. When the biggest thrill for me was seeing Lloyd from Entourage in the audience?

See you back here Wednesday night when I predict Syesha and Ryan will "hug it out, b*tch."

Comments

[ChickyChick (Kathy)]

Wow, I'm first! All I can say is when Cookie sang I don't wanna miss a thing, I cried...that was the song that My husband Phil sang to me at our wedding, and has so much meaning for me - I was absolutely moved. I also loved Cookie's Roberta Flack song - I may pony up the 99 cents and download a song or two for the first time!

Great recrap Linda, I had a lot of the same thoughts as you did! Thanks for staying up past your bedtime and hope you are feeling better...strep throat? Yuck!

[Rudy to Linda]

More than OK with that!

[Shawn - Lakewood CA]

I wanted to strangle Randy from the start of the show. David A has me bored to tears. I would prefer Syesha in the finals because she at least tries to entertain. David A looks like he is constipated and straining every ballad he sings. Gag.

David Cook is the real deal and I am looking forward to more of him!!!

[Tina in WI]

Was it just me, or did David A flub his words again? I think it was in his second song.

I thought David C was the best. Syesha really is more into the performance, and David A is not so great at the performance part.

But, what tonight really showed me is that the producers have no clue. If they hadn't picked such a bad song for David A I would have thought they were setting up Syesha to fail, but that song for David A was bad, bad, bad for him.

It will probably be the David's.

[Sonia in MO to Tina in WI]

I also thought David A flubbed a few words.... I'll have to replay it later but I'm pretty sure that's what I heard too!

[BobC]

Well, tonight really finished me off!! No matter what you may think of all 3 singers, the obvious pimping of David Cook by the producers' choice of songs was disgusting. While David A and Syesha were given throw away ditties, Cook was handed a rock classic title on a silver musical platter. Too bad he couldn't pull it off, however. His "pitchiness" and lack of musicality throughout the entire one minute and thirty seconds was akin to fingernails on a blackboard. What a screech-fest!

The final results do not interest me anymore--even though I have been a staunch AI supporter for the past 6 years. This obvious manipulation was a cheap trick--but only after suckering us in for the past four months. Singing competition??? Talent showcase??? Maybe if it were on a fair and flat playing field. But this last dirty producers'trick will produce even less viewers as time goes on--including me. Good luck in season 8! I will be reading a book. . .

[Sonia in MO]

"OK, so Puppy gets an old farty ballad, Syesha scores a penguin soundtrack tune, but David Cook lands a soaring success by Aerosmith?

Talk about chess moves from the ivory tower."

Okay - you totally got me laughing out loud here... as always I enjoy your recaps SO much more than the actual show!

Poor Syesha - you just know she's going home tomorrow... but like I said before she will do well regardless. I just wish they would not us wait 55 minutes to see her sing the final song... I doubt I'll be watching or recording - I'll just wait for Linda's recrap :)

(and if there's an upset and I miss it I'll kick myself later...lol...)

[BobC]

Sorry, Linda--I got so carried away with my tirade that I forgot to thank you for your wonderful column. The two recaps are the highlight of my week! I also follow your other columns and think that they are just as thought-provoking. I know that you produce these columns at great sacrifice to you and your family. Thanks for giving all of us such a treat several times a week!

[justadiversion]

Linda, I agree with everything you said. The show is boring this year -- mostly because I felt most of the contestants were boring. I find David A the worst! And yes he botched the lyrics -- my daughter was under the throw pillows at my house too saying I HATE THIS!

Syesha will go home but it would have been much more entertaining to have her and David Cook. At least they both look like they enjoy being there. Poor David A just looks uncomfortable.

And let's all just TIVO/DVR tomorrow night and just go to the last 5 minutes. We all know how boring the results shows are!

[Tiffany]

Thanks for the recap! One quick thing, though -- you said Kat, Eliot, and Bo in the beginning, but I'm guessing you meant Kat, Eliot, and Taylor? (I'm sorry if you said it that way deliberately!)

In any event, I was actually really bored by the show tonight. I thought that David's version of "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" was okay, but nothing spectacular. I'll probably download it just because I love him, but it was no "Hello," "Billie Jean," or "Always Be My Baby." His middle song did nothing for me, and "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" was simply lackluster. The arrangement seemed discordant, and I thought his vocals were off. I think this last problem lies in the fact that David still hasn't figured out how to conquer his lower register issues. Phil Stacey had that problem, but he eventually worked his way past it. David has not yet done the same thing.

Puppy is a void on the time-space continuum to me, so I have nothing to say about him. Oh, actually, I do -- when I heard that young man say, "Boo!," I HOWLED and tuned out! Archubot should say only say "Boo!" if he's trick-or-treating and it's Halloween. Sweet JESUS, that was funny!

Syesha looked and sounded lovely, and frankly, was the most consistent of the three. Of course, it's a tie between her and Archie as to who was least interesting. I also have another question. If her dad is, in fact, Cuban, I wonder if she speaks Spanish, and if so, I wonder if she could have made "Fever" a touch more interesting by throwing in a few Spanish lyrics. (I realize that one need not be Latino/a in order to throw in Spanish lyrics; I'm simply wondering if doing so would have been comparatively easy for her.) La Lupe, a Cuban salsa star from the Fania Records label, recorded a version of "Fever" in Spanish back in the 1970s that is interesting as all heck. I couldn't help but think about it as I was watching Madame Mercado audition for Broadway. The Happy Feet song is a terrible song, but I've also heard it a million times on the radio, so it wasn't a completely absurd producer choice. I think they were simply responding to the fact that her niche is R&B, and uptempo R&B has that weird, syncopated beat that sounds largely unpleasant to my ears (and I LOVE R&B -- it's the soundtrack to my life). All things being equal, though, she did a fine enough job -- it's just a terrible song.

Wow. For someone who was bored, I sure did end up having a lot to say, lol!

[Leigh in FL]

"I see. Don’t point out that the producers gave her a crap song from a children’s movie soundtrack, but make sure you cushion the pain with love as you throw her under the bus. Niiiice.

I guess that’s what separates the true Dominatrixes from the wannabes with plether corsets."

LMFAO. That was the highlight of my day!!

Linda, your wonderful snarkiness makes all these AI conspiracies easier to stomach. I was hoping Syesha would manage to shine tonight, but even if she did, the producers and the judges would have made sure to drag her down just enough to ensure her placing 3rd. This show is such a disappointment. Thank goodness for your recraps.

Hope you get to feeling better.

[Sue, Sacramento]

I think it would have been interesting to hear Puppy sing "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" I can't beleive the producers picked "Longer". Of all the songs, in all the world...whatever. If it had to be Fogleberg they should have chosen Leader of the Band or Run for the Roses...my favorites!!! All in all...pretty boring night.

[Sue, Sacramento]

oops...."believe"

[Louis in Fl]

Like others here I'm finding it increasingly more difficult to maintain interest in TIAI. The folks that feed us this crap are going to have to do better if they expect me to waste much more of my time. I'm ready for "So You Think You Can Dance" There're some remarkable dancers on that show!

As far as tonight's gagfest (as in vomit, puke) DC is homing in on the piñata, DA is five lengths behind, and poor Syesha will go home tomorrow probably thanking some deity that she can get on with her career. I expect she'll do very well like some of the AI alsorans from prior seasons.

[Joanne]

Dial Idol shows Syesha going home. Damn! I voted my fingers off for her. She was miles better than Puppy even with not good songs to sing. Her version of 'Fever' was actually pretty darned good. Loved David C.'s version of the Roberta Flack song. Puppy bored me to tears and had me dancing round the living room screaming 'Trainwreck!' when he sang that Chris Brown song. Nothing funnier than a white bread kinda guy trying to sing R&B. It just doesn't work. He shoulda stuck to his Donny Osmond vibe, except Donny was waaay cooler than Puppy. And no I wasn't Donny fan back in da day.

[Linda Sharp to Tiffany]

Thanks for catching the Bo thing - my mistake - that's what I get for typing too fast, too late!

[angel]

IMO David A is a one trick pony-he ALWAYS sounds the same, looks the same. Give me more David C. He's my IDOL choice

[angel]

IMO David A is a one trick pony-he ALWAYS sounds the same, looks the same. Give me more David C. He's my IDOL choice

[Cindy]

Poor Syesha. (Nothing else to add here, as that says it all.)

[Bob]

I'd been TiVoing through the commercials too, until I discovered that the John Hodgeman PC/Mac spots are HILARIOUS. I'm a PC guy myself, but Mac has hit a grand slam with this series.

As for TIAI:

Archuleta is a Stepford singer. Look for revelations that electric shocks were part of his training. Can't do anything but ballads, but he'll sell a s***load of those.

Syesha is a complete babe and will have a huge future on Broadway.

Cook will be the real winner this year, whether he ends up #1 or not. Heck, he's already got one CD out. Can't miss.

[Kathy in FL]

Funny, spot-on recap, Linda! Thanks for starting my morning with a smile. I also take advantage of the DVR, even skipping over some of Ryan's chatter. About halfway through one of David A.'s songs, hubby and I started discussing hurricane season preparations--yep, this show was that interesting. We voted for Cook and Syesha, but there will be no surprises tonight. I'll start watching at 9:55, just to see the finalists.

[Paul Klemme]

Poor Sayesha; she is a very good pure vocalist and will have a nice career on Broadway, and may even sell a few records, but it was bad enough she had to inadvertantly shoot herself in the foot with her choice of "Fever;" the producers decided to take dead aim and keep firing until her foot fell off with their choice of "Hit Me Up." I smell "set-up." Hell, we all STEPPED in "set-up" last night. My only compliment to the judges is to Randy, who honestly gave Sayesha a chance to make the final with his choice of song, which I thought she did very well. David and David in the final tho. Too bad. AI is no longer synomomous with Artificial Intelligence, or any other intelligence for that matter. Genius has its limits; stupidity is under no such constraint. Nigel had better figure something out quick, or Season 7 may be the next-to-last season for this pimp-fest.
Great recrap as always, and get well quick! Thanks again for your dedication to your readers; boo on the naysayers for last week. We love you...

[Tom]

Probably the most boring Tuesday of the season. The whole problem is that the producers chose David A. to be the winner way back during the auditions. I know the kid can sing the phone book, along with all of its mistakes. The kid drops lyrics and no one says a thing.

At this stage, don't count Syesha out. She has personality, poise, and presence--all things that David A. is lacking.

[OhioAttorney]

I MISSED IT. I showed a horse I have for sale and when I came back my DAMN satallite was out. I MISSED IT!

I did Youtube Cookie's performances...wow I know I am partial, but that boy is sex standing at a microphone...what I would do to have him teach me a thing or two.

All I have to say is the damn TV better be working tonight, at least at 9:57pm.

Great recap Linda...the only thing that eased the hurt of not being able to watch it was knowing I would be able to read your recap for all the details!

[Tracy]

Thanks for the recap Linda, since I totally missed the show last night. My daughter had her final violin concert of her high school years last night and I was crying like a baby...then I rememebered I didn't set AI to tape. She came down and hugged me and said I didn't need to cry, she would play in college too, and I said it wasn't that, I forgot to tape AI. She just looked at me and I started laughing. Anyway, it didn't get taped because we got a new provider this week and I didn't have everything programed into my dvr yet.. but apparently I didn't miss anything exciting. I will watch the last 5 minutes tonight and see Sayesha sing her goodbye song... unless some miracle happens and PuppyLove goes home instead.

[AnnieJJ]

I thought I was the only one hoping for the miracle that would send Puppy home!! Thanks for the recap Linda!

[Ginger]

All I could think of when Puppy got Folgelberg (?!) Syesha got that horrid tuneless mess from Happy Feet and then Cook got the soaring "Miss A Thing" that the whole show was rigged.
How about making them each sing the same song? Now that would be interesting. How about, instead of three 90 second songs we get to hear them sing an entire song? Let's see who can keep our attention for 3 minutes.
And I guess without his dad, Puppy didn't have the brains to change "Boo" to "Girl" which would have at least kept me from laughing out loud when he began singing. :)
Love, Love, Love the recaps! Thanks again for your weekly words of wisdom.

[Chris]

I wonder who is selling the most ITunes this season?

[Shereeda]

David Cook totally stole the show... he's my pick!!

[Theresa from Virginia]

David Cook singing "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" was awesome -- brought tears to my eyes watching his mom standing in the audience -- I bet she's about to burst with pride! I also enjoyed his last song -- the middle one not so much.

I thought Syesha did a really good job overall -- it's a shame the judges so blatantly were dissing her -- I especially wanted to kick Randy in the teeth right through the TV screen.

Puppy is boring and awkward -- he does have a nice voice, but until he grows up some, he just seems like a precocious little kid. I don't even think I would have liked him if I were a teenager.

Paula seems to be much more coherent the last couple of weeks since the big hoo-ha over her "Jason's second song" debacle -- I guess the producers laid down the law to her. Now it's Randy that needs to go -- what a wanker!

[Theresa from Virginia]

Oops -- forgot this the first post.

I haven't voted all season, but broke down and voted a bunch of times last night for David Cook. It was about 9:50-ish EST, and I got through on every call -- probably about a hundred times, since I was using my cell in my left hand and my cordless in my right hand -- gotta love that redial!

I considered voting profusely for Syesha also, just in hopes it might help get David A out of the top 2, but then I was afraid it might oust David C, so I didn't vote for her.

As for boring this season -- that's an understatement. The only reason I am watching at this point is to see David C (and to see what juicy controversies develop). If he isn't in the top 2, then I won't watch after tonight. I can spend my time doing laundry or some other chore that I need to catch up on.

[Thomas J.]

The fix is in? Shocking. (insert sound of heavy sarcasm here)

Linda, your daughters have a kindred spirit in my 13-year old daughter. When Pimpuleta started singing the Chris Brown song, she started throwing the couch pillows at the TV, and then buried her head in her arms and started screaming until he was done. She pointed out at least two lyrics gaffes.

Here's a short list of some people who would sound more natural singing "my boo" than Pimpuleta did last night:

Chris Brown
Chikeze Eze
Kevin Covais
Clay Aiken
Wilford Brimley
The Burger King
Hillary Clinton
Bill Clinton
Dick Cheney
Adam Sandler's Opera Man
Kellie Pickler
Jay Leno

Okay, the list is getting long...

[ChickyChick (Kathy) to Thomas J]

LMAO - Great post!

How bout Wierd Al Yankovic?

...or Rosanne Barr?

[Linda Sharp to Thomas J]

Allow me to add to that list...

The Pope, my Dad, Larry King, Pee Wee Herman, Big Bird, Hugh Hefner, Donald Trump, Spanky and Alfalfa, Jimmy Carter, John McCain, Mr. Garrison on South Park, the Chairman on Iron Chef...

[CJ in FL]

This morning David A's vocal coach was on one of our local radio morning shows. He was complaining about the unfair pimping of David Cook! He went on about David Cook not sounding well last night, pitchy etc.
He also said that as for the Producer's song picks, David A. was originally SUPPOSED to have done 'Don't Want to Miss A Thing', and then it was taken away from him and given to David Cook. He felt that was fishy and done to give David Cook an advantage. I could just FEEL the morning show hosts eyes roll along with mine, lol.

[Gladys in NC]

Totally agree with your recap Linda! My 8 year old just stood and looked at the tv when Archie was singing the Chris Brown song. He can't stand him....he's a David C fan like his momma! I was counting boxtops for the school during the show and I just couldn't help but look up when he sang. "Face" just mesmerized me and I liked "Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" too. Syesha deserves to be there more than David A. but don't think it'll happen in this lifetime. And I sure do hope Randy got his cut for pimping Archie....he was worse than any pimp on the Boulevard! I'm glad Simon at least tried to impart some wisdom....Randy and Paula are WORTHLESS WASTES OF SPACE on the show! Can't wait to see what you have to say tomorrow!

[Anke]

I, too, am holding out for that miracle that gets Puppy booted tonight. Hadn't really intended on watching last night, but nothing else was going on. David Cook has finally grown on me - he did a respectable job with what he was given. Syesha can do a lot better, but overall, she outsang Puppy. If David C and Syesha are the last two standing, I'll watch next week. If not, Linda's fantastic recaps will tell me everything I need to know.

[Debbie in Clearwater]

When I heard David A say the words, "Chris Brown", I knew we were in trouble. That's not my type of music, but I knew enough of the genre to know that the train would soon be jumping the tracks. And jump it did. It was just soooo wrong. I did have to laugh when I watched the choreography. He had the movement (don't go there) of any one-year old who is listening to up-tempo music. It was that baby bounce. We've all seen it. Archie should have been singing, The Archies, "Sugar Sugar". The bounce might have worked.

[MPolo]

Did anyone else notice how apt and coherent Paula seemed last night??? She was almost mean a few times... lol. I'm not sure who I like better: BabblingTrainwreckPaula or LucidPaula.

I definitely agree that the 2 Davids are likely shoe-ins for the finals. At this point, I would kinda' think that D. Cook is probably hoping he doesn't win, so he can take advantage of all the recording offers likely waiting for him already (a la Daughtry, Aiken, et al), and have some say in launching his career, instead of having it dictated to him for the next year by ThePowersThatBe. Puppy needs that instead. He already seems only capable of doing what he's told, and not much else, in spite of his voice. Not to mention, it may be in his best interest to have TPTB mold his career, and keep his father out of the way of calling the shots. Syesha will knock 'em dead on Broadway. Okay, I'm done channeling Miss Cleo for the moment.

[Kerry to Mom of 5]

Boring, boring, boring. Couldn't even bring myself to watch Archie sing the Chris Brown Song.

The only things I really took note of -
1. Paula's hair. Thankfully she's found a style that looks good and is staying with it.
2. Paula's clothes. She should stay sitting down. It all works reasonably well until she stands up and you see what she's really wearing. First thought last night? "where did she get that outfit? Did catwoman have a garage sale?"
3. They out to superimpose the designer's name and website over Syesha's clothes - she's been wearing some really nice things here of late.
4. It took Syesha forever to get out of herself, now she needs to get over herself. That "Fever" number? Please! At this point, she's playing her role to attract max attention as a performer overall and attract future offers, not to win this contest. Which probably isn't a bad strategy.
5. The only good thing that could come of Archie winning is if he actually passed out. That would be humorous.
6. Too bad Archie is under-age. If he wins, all of his money and contracting, etc. will probably be in trust/control of his father. If he were just 18, it might be different.
7. BOO! ha! ha! ha! ha!

[ginny]

wow man...i mean linda...i got up early and took a hit of purple micro dot waiting for another recap from you like last weeks origonal....good dope wasted now...ahahha just kidding...
all i can say is that dan fogelberg deserved better...for god's sake the man just passed away this year...and he, to me at least, has to be one of the best sotry tellers of all time...the little dog ran under the bed and the big dog tried but couldnt fit...poor lauren...david a ruined "longer"...the show pissed me off so badly that it made hells kitchen look tame...ill watch til the end...just because ive spent so much time watching the entire season...i felt like they began to set up syeshia last week to fail and this week showes it...i was actually happy to see daivd a audition, as i had seen him on star search...but now...im just flat out sick of his lispy, lip licking voice...he sounds like he has serious sinus problems...someone needs to reem out his nasal passages and maybe he would sound like a grown up...david c i didnt like so much, but he has grown on me now...but maybe because there isnt anyone else i care for...not for a few weeks now anyways...but im not into rock that much...i think the true winners have to be the band and those terrific back up singers...lets vote for them...i dont feel so sorry for syesha...yes she knows shes gone tonight...but she has gotten a lot of face time and has shown maturity and grace under fire...she probably knew coming into this week or even back when brook got the boot and it was her and jason left that she didnt stand a chance at winning the whole shebang..she has made the most fo her time and i believe well be hearing from her on broadway...good luck girl...
linda i hope you are well...hi to the girls...and good god...since ive taken so long to read your article and write my usual legnthy post...the dogs were on the bed fake fighting...they do it all the time...i just looked in and now i have the job of cleaning up the mess they have made...they tore up a down feather pillow...gahh...its everywhere...but i cant get mad...cause it is so funny...im amazed at how much down can be crammed into one pillow...as my big dog says..."my name isnt ...no no bad dog...its lauren"...
linda thanks for your funny words ...i think i can handle the down snow storm awaiting me...especially since the acid has kicked in...g.

[Kris in B'ham]

The 90 second songs suck. Can they not let them sing two 3-minute songs? 2/3 of Archuleta's song were downright embarassing. But I am sure he will have no worries. That is until next week.

[Lori in Texas]

I have struggled all morning with what to say... last night's show made me so angry - on a personal level.

"And So It Goes" by Billy Joel is one of my favorite songs of all time. The music and lyrics are beyond brilliant, and touch me personally. When my (now) husband and I first got together, he was living in upstate New York and I was living here in Texas. We each sent each other a tape of our favorite music, along with personal notes about each song, explaining why we included the songs. One of the first songs on the tape I sent was "And So It Goes." That song describes so much about who I am, emotionally, and what I've been through in relationships. It's one of very few songs which touch my heart. It's a quiet, contemplative, mature song about love and loss and hope and having the faith to try again.

When David A. began to sing, I wanted to cry (for all the wrong reasons). He's FAR too young to be singing a song like that, and what he did to the song itself was, to me, torture. When he stumbled over the lyrics at one point, I lost it. Literally. I shouted at the stupid TV and then slammed into the kitchen - I couldn't watch him anymore, with those ridiculous facial expressions. My only thought was "HOW DARE HE????" Yeah, I know he didn't choose the song, but Paula's head was stuffed up her butt when she picked it. What the hell was she thinking???? He's a CHILD - he doesn't know diddly-squat about what that song is about.

The rest of the show, for me, was pretty much a blur of furious anger. Sorry, but that's just honest. David C.'s version of the Roberta Flack song was brilliant, but everything else sounded to me like audio canned Spam. At this point, I couldn't care less who goes to the finals, much less who wins. American Idol is shoving David A. down our throats and he SUCKS. The kid can't make it through a song without blowing lyrics right and left, he looks like someone is shoving a porcupine up his arse when he sings, and most of the time - when he's speaking - he looks and sounds like he's concussed.

I would never - and will never - buy ANYTHING released by this kid. And if, as Randy suggested, he should "sing the phone book" I'm sure he'd manage to mispronounce the name Smith and transpose all of the numbers.

[Jessica]

I love me some David Cook. I'm a bit torn on whether or not to vote for him, though. I agree that I would probably like his CD much better if it wasn't produced by ThePowersThatBe. I'd love to see what he can do when given some true freedom - what would a DC original song sound like? I'll buy the album, regardless. But, basically - I just don't want David Archuletta to win. While one part of me feels very sorry for him, the Mr. Hyde part of me wants to give the middle finger to the judges and the producers for shamelessly pimping him...or better yet, two middle fingers:
t(-_-t)

While Puppy would unfortunately be the one who truly gets screwed, in all honesty - he doesn't deserve to be there. How many times has he flubbed and slurred through the lyrics of how many songs? He's not a good performer, either. He is bland and boring. Yes, he's got the whole adult-contemporary, easy-listening, Josh Groban type voice (and I don't even think he's that good), but that doesn't belong on American Idol.

So - to vote for DC or not? That is the question. I voted via text message about 10 times. I did my duty. And I called my mom's house to interrupt my Aunt from calling in for David Archuletta, who she loves (she suffered an injury and can't really walk, so my mom's been taking care of her). I asked to speak to Mom, and then told Mom not to give her the phone back - that my calling was just a ploy to get it away from Aunt Pam. LOL!

I actually really enjoyed Syesha's performances last night. I just think that the girl HAS to know she's going home, and she just went out and had fun, doing her own thing. She's a stunning beauty, and I think she'd have a wonderful broadway career.

I'd love to see a Syesha/DC showdown, but I just don't think it'll happen, unfortunately. But, I will say this - if David Cook isn't in it? I WILL NOT WATCH THE FINALE. I'll delete the scheduled recordings off my DVR, too - no chance of them getting the "rating" out of me. He's the only reason I've tuned in at all.

I'm so fed up with AI this season, I'd be willing to start a petition or join in someone else's fight to demand a change in the formatting. This just sucks.

[Elaine in NYC]

I LOVE DAVID COOK!!

Whew, sorry. I had to express my undying love for my future husband--or lover. Either way, I'm not picky. ;)

I understand what you are all saying about the pimping-it's really dusgusting. However, I do have to say that the contestants DID have an opportunity to break out on their own with their choices. They could have pimped themselves, and NONE of them really impressed me (including my beloved Cookie.)

BOO? REALLY? I laughed when he said the title- what in the world?! It's not even a white thing- I have no doubt that Elliot Yamin could have pulled that off without a problem. Oh, and yes, he absolutely messed up the lyrics. ''You're a class all your own'' became ''You are...uh...classyourown."

And Sayesha- giirrrrrl, what were you thinking? You can choose any song and you choose Fever? Amazing song, yes, but now's the time to really shine. The minute she started I said to myself, "She's auditioning for a Broadway show on live television." I have abolutely no idea what kind of record she would make.

Cookie- I have nothing to say about that song. I didn't know it, it wasn't a very good song, and his pitch was all over the place. But, you know, in a relationship you take the good and the bad so I'll just look the other way on that one. I'm invested, lol.

Note to future idols- when you finally get to pick your own song, make it awesome!

[ginny]

spot on lori.

[angenian to lori]

Lori, I feel your pain about And So It Goes. It's a song my husband and I also have a history with. I cringed when it was announced, and yelled at the screen when he flubbed the words. No emotional maturity, just like Imagine, etc. Also, there's a quietude, an intimacy in the original Billy Joel song that is not served well by eight miles of reverb.

I did love Cook's First Time Ever I Saw Your Face, though. I loved all the quiet melodic stuff in the beggining. Rock singers who can work melodies like that and then open up with the volume slay me.

[KelBel]

People, don't forget that David Cook already has a record deal w/ 19, basically, because don't the final two BOTH get signed w/ 19? And lets face it, he will be in the top 2 or else it's the sign of the apocalypse.
Other then that, I agree w/ everyone's posts that David A blows chunks he is so bad at performing and that he is so gaspy like he needs an inhaler all the time.
Syesha is beautiful and a good singer, but really nothing special for me. HATE the way she SCREAMCHYS still, lol. She will be good on Broadway and a Broadway career is nothing to sneeze at.
God, I just hope Gaspuletta doesn't win!!! David Cook is the best thing that has happened to Idol since Kelly, how could he NOT win? Arrgghhh, this show drives me nuts, because I know that Arch could win. I will be seriously never watching again if Cookie doesn't win. Ever.

[Elaine in NYC]

By the way, in response to everyone talking about it's better to not win because then 19 doesn't control you- Chris Daughtry IS signed with 19 Entertainment (RCA). After Idol 5, Simon Fuller chose to manage him over Taylor Hicks (please, wouldn't you). The powers that be have been all over him, and he's doing just fine. So have Carrie and Kelly (though I know Kelly has since left.) The bottom line is if you're a really good artist and you get great material to work with, you'll be a star after Idol. Otherwise, not so much.

[Deanna]

I don't think I like them performing 3 songs. I think I would have liked longer versions of two songs that they could have concentrated on.

David C is my favorite, but I think he could have had a bit "tighter" of performances if he could have focused on just 2 songs.