American Idol Results Recap, Wednesday, May 7: Jason Castro’s Fourth Place Finish, Not A DREADful Ending For Him At All

With the lights low and the music throbbing, Ryan and his current mini dunce cap of a hairdo passed the diagonally positioned Idols and addressed viewers, "It was one of our most dramatic shows yet..."

At which point, I wondered if they were somehow accidentally re-running the results show from the week Brooke restarted her entire song.

"One of our most dramatic shows yet?"

Maybe one of our most Dramamine necessitating shows yet.

I mean, come on – with the exception of Jason goofily fudging a line, and Paula being humbled by a UFsOul sighting, last night was far from drama-laden.

But T.I.A.I. – Home of the Whopper in terms of cheese and greasy filler.

Ryan gave a "Huge thank you" to viewers for nearly 51 million votes last night – not sure how loose their definition of "nearly" is.

I suspect it would be like me saying I nearly won $150 million dollars because I drove past a 7-11 and thought about a lottery ticket.

I nearly had sex with Brad Pitt because I watched Ocean’s Eleven on cable last week.

I nearly won the Indy 500 because I know how to drive a car.

But I digress...

A quick hello to the judges – Randy borrowing one of Simon’s boring gray sweaters; Paula who just time-warped in from a 1983 prom – all decked out in a one poofy shouldered black lace gown with a nude fabric liner, mini oil funnels hanging from her ears; Simon looked stunning in yet another black sweater.

His hair was freshly landscaped, and loved the lawnmower stripe right down the middle.

Ryan then asked Randy if he still stood by his scathing critique of Syesha from last night?

"Yes, I stand by what I saw in the vocal."

And I sit by what I heard in the dancing, Randy.

Paula took credit for the tears on Sy’s face saying, "I gave Syesha her moment of recognition."

You know, Paula, I think the viewers who have kept her alive to this point would like a skosh of credit for her "recognition".

Then it was time for the GROUP SONG, a completely phoned in rendition of Reeling In The Years.

Puppy totally missed the intro and skidded in a couple beats too late, frantically trying to catch up, Syesha picked it up a tad, then they all did the white man shuffle from side to side as their voices completely disappeared on the chorus.

Seriously, where did they go? I actually saw a team of investigators with bloodhounds on the sides of the stage looking for them.

Oh wait – they’re back. Jason took over and his one line was pretty decent, David C infused a little life, and then POOF!. Gone. Voices vanished like a fart in the wind again.

The only truly entertaining part was when the doors parted and the Guitar Player Who Shall Be Nameless (really, give the dude some credit, guys. What’s his name?) came out and did a ten second solo.

I’ve never been so happy for a commercial break since, well, since the last GROUP SONG.

We returned to go straight into a video recap of last night’s performances. My only observation – Syesha’s incredibly shrinking dress almost turned into an FCC violation.

Back LIVE, Ryan got down to some results, calling Puppy out first. Oh, gee, hyperventilate, hyperventilate, what IS going to happen?!?

Someone get me a paper bag to breathe into!

Ryan wasted some time chatting with little Aren’tchuevergonnaletmesweat?. David babbled unconvincingly about "feeling nervous", giggled, licked his lips, lost his breath, and finally Ryan told him what he, we, hell, even my dog, knew – he was SAFE.

Go sit down and be ashamed you’ve had such an easy ride in the flashy Pimpmobile this season, David.

Ryan then tried to get the booth to put up a few photos of last year’s Final Three doing the Hometown-Keys-To-The-City thing, but someone was asleep at the switch. No luck. So he settled for a shot of the kids backstage waiting as he sent us to another break . Jason goofed it up for the cameras – a complete contradiction to Ryan’s attempt at drama.

He clearly doesn’t give a rat’s keister. Good for him. Kind of nice to see one of them not soiling themselves over this whole charade.

After the break, we got to watch footage of the kids being flown, via private 737, to Las Vegas last weekend. My favorite shot? Jason lying on the bed and saying, "sleeping in the sky .. coo-ool."

At this point in the competition, I’d say sleeping at all is pretty coo-ool.

They landed at the airport and AI – ever the hyperbole machine – tried to use Beatles arriving in America footage to equate the excitement caused by the Idols. Sorry – that was more than a little ridiculous.

And at the Mirage, while I’m sure there were a fair number of fans, they kept all the shots tight to consolidate and intensify the "mayhem".

At the resort, the kids got to play with some dolphins, then spent some time in the salon getting coiffed, manicured, and primped to go see Cirque du Soleil’s performance of The Beatles LOVE.

I’m a huge Cirque fan, so I can’t wait to get out there to take it in. Watching people so incredibly fit, strong, and talented fling one another through the air, catching each other in their teeth by their eyelashes is a humbling sight.

Back on stage, Ryan then called out David C, who admitted that last night was not his best, that his "head was in the wrong place."

No matter. It could have been crammed up his exit door for all we care – he’s SAFE too.

Ryan then called Syesha and Jason to center stage, and launched into, "The person who leaves us tonight on American Idol ..."

Jason seemed as confused / excited (exfused?) as we were. It’s over! Already? He asked, "Are you going to tell them right now?’

Um no, Jason. That would be the merciful approach, and the AI deities are not benevolent gods. We must first be flogged with feral cats, walk on hot coals, be water boarded, and forced to make a naked pyramid – then they will put us out of our misery.

We returned from the break to a showing of The Three Amigos.

Oh wait, sorry, it was the Vommercial, heavy on the VOM.

This one was set to Ring of Fire, and had the kids dressed as performers in the Basque version of Sgt Pepper.

OK, really they were dressed as matadors (if the Teletubbies were bullfighters) in bright purple, green, red, and blue (yes, I know none of the Teletubbies was blue – work with me, people) who were fighting ... a Ford Mustang.

Yes, bullfighters taunting a "horse".

You just have to believe David C, at least, went ‘oh, hell to the NO’ when he first saw the costumes.

O’lame!

O’goodie! It’s time for the Fan Questions – your thought provoking, soul searching, time wasting queries from across the country.

First up, Emily, 24, of Pennsylvania wanting to know if David will go out with her when Idol Live is in town on her birthday?

David was visibly uncomfortable, and muttered, "We’ll see.", but Ryan’s Escort Service promised to get her number and hook them up.

Sara, 14, of Indiana asked them all what has been the biggest challenge they have overcome?

Syesha: "Stage fright"

Puppy: "Uh, I dunno. Sorry."

Jason: "Brain being dead."

THIS is riveting TV. THIS is why I recap. I cannot wait to see them on the interview circuit.

Allison, 25, of South Carolina asked Simon why he has not been knighted by the Queen?

He replied that he asks himself that on a daily basis and asked Her Majesty "if she’s watching" (yes, the Queen is a big fan of AI and Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?) to consider him.

Mara, 13, of Pennsylvania asked Syesha how she feels about being the only girl in the Top 4?  Syesha rambled on about being "very proud" but a little "uncomfortable" in the last vommercial. Yes, those pants were very tight.

Teresa, 42, of Michigan asked if they have gotten any feedback from the artists whose songs they have performed?

Well, you mean, aside from all the artists whose songs they have been forced to perform? Yes, David C did hear back from someone in Our Lady Peace who was "gracious" that David had done their song Innocent.

One final question from Marla, 45, in Ohio who put her two cents in towards Simon being the next James Bond. Yes, I do believe he could do the whole "shaken, not stirred" thing to perfection, Marla.

As with the whole knighting issue, Simon left it with "I’m available."

Ryan then welcomed back Maroon 5, on stage to pimp their upcoming tour and sing their latest single, If I Never See Your Face Again.

Good lord, Adam Levine has been studying at the Kristy Lee Cook School of Performance. Could that stance have gotten any more wide legged without his skinny pants splitting right up the middle?

I’m a Maroon 5 fan – love Wake Up Call, Won’t Go Home Without You, etc, but this one was kind of "Eh". Maybe it’s better when he has Rhianna to sing with?

Ryan then man hugged Adam who declared that the summer tour would be going to "Europe...San Antonio..." A true world wide affair...

Another break and Ryan sat with the kids on the couch to watch Season 4 also-ran, Bo Bice, perform Witness from his album See The Light.

He emerged from backstage in a solar flare, playing the guitar, his hair flowing like a follicular river over his shoulders and down his back.

You know, the song was fine, but I really liked remembering why I always enjoyed Bo. His smile, his self assurance in knowing who he is, his firm, yet gentle way with Matilda...

He Framptoned it up a bit midsong with a talk box, then it was over with one final flip of his shiny locks.

He gave his input on the contestants being able to use instruments this season: "some risks", "some played behind the instruments a little too much." Then gave his sage advice to the kids to "practice, practice, practice" before plugging his album one last time, and informing us that he has plugged his wife again – they are expecting little boy #2.

One more break and we finally returned to Syesha and Jason at center stage with Ryan.

As Ryan recapped their performances and judges’ critiques, Jason smiled throughout, even joking that he had packed his suitcase already. "Someone told me I shot the Tambourine Man yesterday."

He then admitted when asked, that his "inexperience is coming in."

What’s this!??! HONESTY? Catch me, I’m falling.

Syesha, when asked about her facial Niagra last night, spoke of her "dream", the possibilities of the "first female president, first black president", world peace, The Iraq...

Ryan then ripped the band-aid off, but there really was no boo boo underneath – Jason was going home, Syesha was Safe.

Big hug for, and from, Jason, and then they rolled his tape. It’s evident that he has kept a sense of humor throughout the entire process. No illusions of being the next Timberlake or Usher, just a goofy, laid back, grounded dude.

Loved his line before he sang that he was happy he doesn’t have to sing three songs next week.

He then happily dug into I Shot The Sheriff and he was the first contestant who seemed truly happy to be signing off. No tears, no angst, no choking on emotion, in fact, he sounded freer and lighter than ever as he flipped his dreads to and fro.

He was absolutely relieved. And why not? Fourth place, a summer tour, lots of admirers – nothing to dread about his future at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Interesting video snippet making the rounds from Tuesday night.  Jason appears to be mouthing "DON'T VOTE" as Ryan reads his phone numbers...

Comments

[Tracy]

Linda, I liked your other recrap better... this one was good...but the other was more entertaining.
I am glad that Jason left, it was his time. Hopefully next week Puppy will be able to go talk to Disney/Nickelodean about a show, and convince his dad he is still marketable as the 3rd place person.

[Cheryl S]

Personally, Linda, I liked your first interpretation better! Nothing at all wrong with changing things up a little. As always, I am grateful you take the time and effort (WITH NO COMPENSATION WHATSOEVER!!) to connect with us each day. We're not worthy!

[kim]

You're the best, Linda.
Thanks for both recaps.

[Kerrie]

I really can't believe you did this all over again. I really hope nobody actually hurt your feelings...We don't care what you write Linda...(or MOST of us don't) It's all good to us. I'll start throwing my opinions about your writing style when I start PAYING YOU!! :)

[Valerie]

Thank you, but totally NOT necessary!!

[Katy]

You didn't need to do this, but thank you - it made me laugh and reminded me of some of the things I forgot about last nights "forgettable" show!
I really think Jason KNEW he was going home, which is why the "you're not going to tell them now, are you?" comment.
Regarding Maroon 5, never heard of them and "If I Never See THEIR Face Again" I'll be happy!

[Stacey]

Linda, thank you for recap #2 - I feel bad that you had to do that again - it was awful enough watching the show once - and YOU did it TWICE!!

That's why we love you!

*HUG*

[Debbie0116]

Thank you, Linda, for taking the time out of your day for a very enjoyable but--quite frankly--unnecessary "do-over." I hope that *all* of your readers appreciate your dedication.

"Yes, I stand by what I saw in the vocal."
And I sit by what I heard in the dancing, Randy.

too funny. for no reason whatsoever, that made me think of a great line from a favorite movie (any guesses?): "Talking about love is like dancing about architecture."

Great recap, Linda. Thank you.

[Valerie]

Playing By Heart

[Linda L]

Thanks Linda.....Now go do something special for yourself!!!!!!!!!!

[Mom of 5]

Linda, you closed the comments before I could beg you on your Mea Gulpa post NOT to re-do your recrap. Although, the selfish side of me says, "Yea! TWO recraps!"

And both were great.

[Debbie0116 to Valerie]

damn. that was quick :-)

[Valerie to Debbie]

Love that movie, one of my favs too!

[Veronica]

Thanks for taking the time to do that twice! I appreciate both versions though both for different reasons. I love your talent with words, you are truely a gifted woman!

[mel]

thanks Linda, and a big fat wet raspberry to the complainers!!!

:-Þ

[Dorothy]

Busy morning, didn't get to read the first recap until after 10:00 AM. LOVED IT !! So sorry you felt it necessary to "do-over". Personally, I never watch the results until later in the evening and then I just FF thru most of it. Shame on those of you who gave Linda a hard time at her attempt to liven up the recap in her first post. Remember this is all VOLUNTARY - her posting and your reading.

[Jessica]

I loved both the recraps. Your first one was a far cry better than the show itself...now THAT's a result show I wouldn't mind watching!

Thank you for your dedication, Linda!

[Tamara]

Linda, I totally agree with you about Bo Bice.
His performance last night made me realize how much better he is to watch then even the really good rockers on the show after him (Daughtry, David Cook)
Bo is an amazing performer and you just want to watch him.
His style is a mix of the ultimate coolness with musical soul.
Usually I dont like the songs the ex Idols sing very much bc I have never heard them before but I really liked this song, to the point that I would go out and buy it.

Bo paved the way for the future AI rockers like the Daughtry's, David Cooks and the Michael Johns.
He legitmized the show from a rocker perspective.

[Susan]

"O'lame!"

Cracked me up! Loved both of the recaps, by the way.

[Susan]

I was hoping that Puppy would have provided an actual answer to the question about his biggest challenge:

"My dad, who is a giant asshat."

[Rita]

You are nicer than I am. If you were selling advertising on this site or something, I could understand wanting to keep your readership. But you're not!

Don't let this site become a chore. Most of us enjoy reading it for what it is.

[Ginger]

Loved the First recap - but I gotta say I feel like all is right with the world that I got the read the "real one" as well. I was worried I wouldn't get your reaction to the vommerical - I mean really! Matadors? I felt soooo bad for those kids. :)
And Randy with the Paulaism, "I stand by what I saw in the vocal" Too good to pass up.
And I've seen better group songs done by 5th graders. Can't Paula help them with the choreography? Or let them just sit and sing or something. Step together step is just too hokey for words.
Thanks again - I'm sorry if the grumpies got you down. :)

[Jean]

Linda thank you for both of the recaps and I too liked the first one also. People really need to chill out. You are appreciated very much and again thank you for taking the time to brighten our days with your wit and charm.

[Lori in Texas]

There was no reason for Linda to have to recap this episode a second time - the first recap was a brilliant and hysterically funny piece of well-written satire. All of us should take a moment to thank the selfish and spoiled idiots, creeps and morons who felt it necessary to be INCREDIBLY rude to Linda this morning. Yes, that's right, I said idiots, creeps and morons. You know who you are and the rest of us do, too. Congratulations, asshats. Well done. Now go crawl back under your rocks.

[Tom]

I enjoyed the first one, Linda. It was one of the most creative rants I have ever read (or heard, for that matter). I hope someone sends a copy to Nigel.

Your second recap showed I didn't miss a thing.

[To Lori from Jean]

Couldn't have said it better myself!

[dawnb]

I, too, enjoyed the first recap -- so much better than the actual show! And while I did enjoy reading the second one, I hope that you didn't feel pressured into writing it. The results show is more fluff than substance, and if people can't take a joke than they ought to write their own recap. As for me, I'll stay here reading yours, Linda!

[Ame in upstate NY]

Amen Lori! I LOVED the first recap!! Thank you, Linda for ALL you write!!!

[Elaine in NYC]

"OH HELL TO THE NO!"

I was CRYING after I read that. Thanks so much Linda! You're the best!

[Katy to Lori]

I wasn't one of them (idiots, morons, asshats), however, I still find your comments offensive and childish. By name calling, you stoop to their level and someone with your intelligence could blast them (and have in the past) without the names. Unless this blog is to become "say only what won't offend" and if that's the case, it could get pretty boring here.

[justadiversion to Lori]

I think you are misinterpreting people saying they prefer the real recap to the satire. It doesn't mean we can't enjoy the satire but many of us watch the show with thoughts of what Linda might say about this or that. I think you are taking this too personally for some reason, Lori. We all appreciate Linda -- you are not the only one who appreciates her writing, her dedication, and her wit.

Your name-calling is disrespectful to this site much more than the rest of us saying we like Linda's real recaps better.

[Mommy2Kimberly&Riley]

i can't help but find it frustrating that the people who bitched the most haven't said jack since she took the time to put up the 2nd re-cap. The people who just can't live through the day without Linda's "actual thoughts on the Vommercial" need to get some help. I love anything she writes, and I laughed my ass off at the satirical recap. Personally, I would like to know when "So you think you can prance" will premiere. I just LOVE those horses.......

[Anne from Salem Or.]

What???........sleeping in the sky is cool.

I will miss him. Very unique individual with a future even if it is in a coffe house. I do agree though, it was his time to "fly like an eagle....to the sea, fly like an eagle, let my spirit carry me....."

[Anne from Salem Or.]

Yes, I do know how to spell "coffee"...sorry. and Linda, love all of your recraps, as we who matter all do.

[MPolo]

Linda, Linda, Linda... ::insert loud sighing and head shaking in utter dismay:: I find it hard to believe that with all the tax free millions of dollars your faithful readers are paying you every week to keep us entertained, that after two attempts at this week's recap, you still didn't take artistic license, and put Simon in a lime green, polyester Leisure Suit, and have Paula or Ryan voted off instead of Dreads. And you call yourself a creative writer? I'm calling the Internet Police to have you cited immediately! You'll be so sorry for this! ::wagging a stern finger::

Okay everyone... calm down. I'm obviously joking (if that wasn't clear already...).

Loved both recaps, and can't believe you suffered through the snoozefest of a results show more than once, no less felt compelled to write about it twice. They could have predictably eliminated Jason 30 seconds into last night's show, and followed it up with Ryan announcing, "Now it's time to get to tonight's entertainment," and let Bo Bice rock the stage for the rest of the show. After watching this season, I think AI is starting to lose its appeal. I'd so love if they spent more time letting the singers actually perform (and what they want no less!), and ditch all the theme nights, the celebrity mentors, and all the unsubtle advertising over and above the typial 20mins/hour of ad spots. Not to mention... the judges and their basically useless commentaries and banter. The self-indulgent judges spend more time rattling on about nothing, than is devoted to the contestants actually singing. Over the years, the content of the show has waned considerably. And your blogs, Linda, are for the most part, the only things keeping me watching, and keeping it interesting. I genuinely appreciate your work... even if you are charging us way too much ;)

[Dee]

There was no reason for you to do the recap over. Although this one is also entertaining, the first one was the best I've ever read.

I know some people got down on you for the first entry, but c'mon...anyone ever heard of sarcasm? That first recap was DRIPPING with it in such a fantastic way, that i had to call my husband and work and read it to him.

Bravo to you.

[Dee]

In my above comment, I meant to say "at work". Not "and work".

I also made an error in my comment on the first recap.

I guess I caught some of Jason's "brain-dead" disease today. Please forgive me. I will bow out now while singing "Rainy Day Woman #12 & 35"

[AnnieJJ]

"Simon looked stunning in yet another black sweater." I'm starting to think it's the same sweater. Nobody even a gozillionaire could own that many black sweaters!!

Thanks Linda....you are appreciated.

[Valerie to Mommie2]

I agree.....can anyone say....P.E.T.E????

[PETE.]

THANKS. There is always something more important and more serious going on in the world and which should concern us more, but that's the reason we need people like you. Once again, see you next week (if not sooner). Thanks again.

[Laura from Iowa]

Loved both recaps Linda. Your talent is unmatched!
I am disappointed by the negativity of some posters though. Is name-calling and insulting others really necessary? It spoils the fun of reading Linda's stuff.

[Jennifer]

Linda, you are a truly amazing and dedicated blogger. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your writings (and I am an addict...I check back here numerous times a day to see if you have posted anything new and read the new comments.) That said this recrap was completely unnecessary though I understand why you did it. (Kinda along the lines of making two versions of the same dish at a holiday- keeps the peace and the masses happy.)

Thank you for your dedication and make sure to treat yourself to something sinful today cause you deserve it!!!!

[Linda Sharp to Everyone]

In the space of seven days I have had to close the comments down twice. That is unprecedented around here, and really disappointing to me.

Do I think I needed to do a second "serious" (I use the word while gagging) recap? To quote David Cook - "Hell to the NO."

But then neither do I think I deserved the stomping of feet, tantrum-like attitudes of those who did comment before I closed things down this morning.

I appreciate every one who stops by here to read each day, I do. You're all as busy as I am, and I know your time is at a premium.

But for the love of God - we are talking about American Idol here. The floofiest piece of crapola on television, and a show everyone has agreed has turned into one big Valium tablet.

Sniping, flinging names, and having a hissy fit because something wasn't exactly what you wanted?

Honestly people, there are over 15 million blogs out there. If my "disappointing" you with one meant-to-be-fun recap is enough to make you rethink coming here? I'll be happy to hold the blog door open so it doesn't hit you in the ass on the way out.

Channeling Rodney King: Can't we all just get along?

[Amy in CT to Jennifer]

That's the problem Jennifer...if we're not careful, Linda's "sinful treat" to herself might be to just turn off the computer and spend time with her girls!

Thanks for your time and dedication Linda. I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts with us.

[NH Diane to AI Producers!]

You know what really irritated me about last night's show? The fact that, yet again, they were pressed for time at the end, so they couldn't even show Jason's entire song. Now, I realize some of you hated it so much you were glad not to see/hear it again, but that's not the point. He deserved to be able to sing a song one last time. The point is, what the heck is wrong with them that they can't get the show to end on time, ESPECIALLY the oh-so-ridiculous results show. There was more filler in that than....I don't know, help me out here Linda, I don't have your gift for words... and yet they ran out of time at the end. Cut some of the crap and if you need to, fluff up the end, but fit your damn time allowance!!

[PETE.]

The "floofiest piece of crapola on television" is also the most ratings successful show in T.V. history. Thanks again for sticking with it, but maybe, if your heart's not in it anymore, you should take your talent in another direction. I'll follow!

[NH Diane]

I hate it when people don't know when to drop a subject.

[Mommy2]

Anyone else think PETE is really Nigel???

[dawnb]

I think PETE should be PITA . . .

[Rafe to PETE]

Not sure why you thought the first recrap meant Linda's heart wasn't in it???

This show is on the down side, because as in the Lorax, those involved got overly greedy and did not step back to realize what made them successful in the first place. I thought the whole allegory regarding the importance of taking care of our environment and the importance for the producers to care for their viewers was brilliant (obviously only one man's opinion, each of you are entitled to your own). Just not sure why such a well thought out, statement by Linda means her heart isn't in it. Seems to me, like the Lorax she cares.