This Is Twisted

Religion.

Faith.

Belief.

All intertwined - all part and parcel of millions and millions and millions of people's lives the world over.

And in these ever changing, often horrific times, it is normal, natural, expected, that people move closer to their faith, looking for comfort, reassurance, community.

It is also to be expected that people who believe in what cannot be seen, are often the ones who are constantly looking for what can be seen - PROOF of their deity or peripheral important figures.

And that's fine.  I completely understand that inherent human desire to be reassured.

What I don't get is why God would constantly send his messages via food items - wouldn't email reach more people, faster?

Then again, we check our fridges and fast food drive thrus far more often than our inboxes, so maybe it makes sense...

Anyhoo, through the years we have seen the Holy Spirit manifested on a wide variety of edible surfaces:  a chicken nugget in the shape of the Pope, potato chips with crosses fried into their waves, a grilled cheese, an oil stain, a reflection on a garage - all of the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus.

And most, at one time or another, available on the holie$t of internet hot$pot$ - eBay.  Yes, divinity on a donut can be yours if you are only the high bidder.

And my, how people bid. That grilled cheese ultimately traded hands for $28,000,  paid by Golden Palace Casino.  (They have elevated purchasing odd pop culture items to an artform.  They also own a Jesus faced pierogi, a Cheeto shaped like the blessed babe, Captain Kirk's kidney stone, and one of Birtney Spears' prgnancy tests.)

Through the years there have even been sightings of Jesus on a burned fish stick (My Cod!), and a cinnamon bun with the likeness of Mother Teresa (called the Immaculate Confection).

But lest you think Christianity has a chokehold on the religious foodstuff market, think again. 

Not once, but TWICE in the past thirty years, an eggplant was cut open and revealed the word ALLAH spelled out in seeds - one in Urdu script, one in Arabic.

Shrines have been erected.

And in 2002 a family in India returned from the market to find they had purchased a potato shaped like the elephant-headed Hindu god Ganesha.   People flocked to worship.

Sadly, there can only be one winner when these items come up on eBay, so that leaves many of us out in the cold, longing for the day we may host one of these items in our own homes.

Well, fret no more.

Right now, on eBay, your chance has once again arrived. 

In the form of a prezel, shaped like Mary and Jesus.

Discovered in a snack sized bag of Rold Gold, it can be yours - bidding is currently at $2750.00, however.

My only problem with this?  It's all in the eye of the beholder.  Turned on it's side, I see the latest roller coaster at Six Flags...

Then again, I tend to invoke the Lord's name, LOUDLY, anytime I climb into a thrill ride seat.... coincidence?

The sad part of this is that nine people have already bid on this item.  And that number is only going to go higher as the March 1 auction deadline nears.

Then again, it would be pretty cool if Golden Palace pulled out another win.  Between the grilled cheese, Cheeto, and pierogi, they'd have all the makings for one nice Last Supper.

(I am so going to Hell for that one.)

WANNA BID?  <---CLICK

(Update:  In the past ten minutes since posting this entry, it is now up to $4500 and 44 bids!  All right - which one of you is ponying up your grocery money for this thing????  The confessional is open - be honest, after all , I AM a licensed minister.) 

Comments

[Debbie]

HOLY (no pun intended) @#$%... it's up to $4050, and 39 bids! And you JUST posted this one!

[Stacey]

I can think of SO MANY other things to waste my money on......

[Veronica]

$4,950.00 Now! How dumb! I will keep watch for the fun of it. I read the *enlightening* description of the pretzel. Gotta love the holiness of almighty dollar! Loved the question: "How much is shipping?"

[Mary]

Hmmm.... Ya think I can pour a funnel cake in the shape of Jesus?
I DO need a new car, ya know...

[Dorothy]

WOW, this got me to thinking. How many priceless pieces of artwork have I ingested? Who studies their friggin pretzels? My personal MO is - pull pretzel out of bag and stick in mouth. No examining, no inspection from every angle. Just eat the darn thing. Oh Lord, what have I done?

[Stacey]

Oh yeah......it's up to $6000 now......what????......

[Linda Sharp to Mary]

My money's on you. And I think considering your name is MARY would add a couple thousand to the asking price...

[Katy]

I would have eaten it.

[Katy]

Did anyone notice this "seller" had exacty TWO feedback comments and both were when he/she was a "buyer"?? BEWARE!

[Bobbsey to Dorothy]

I'm with you Dorothy. I better start examining my food for possible holy deities before popping it in my mouth. I have probably swallowed my kid's college fund many times already.

[Stacey]

I'm with Dorothy....I just eat food and not scrutinize what I'm eating. The only time I stop and look, is if there is a piece of dog fur hanging off....(You people with dogs know EXACTLY what I am talking about....especially long fur breeds like mine!). LOL!!

[Debbie to Katy]

to anyone who would bid $6k+ for a friggin' pretzel, "buyer beware" would probably be a bit understated.

[Valerie]

Holy Deity! I wish it was my pretzel! That could pay for a real nice cruise and new clothes to boot!!

[Lindsay from VA]

Wow...it's clear that some people have more money than the know what to do with! ....and $6000 for a PRETZEL?!?! Seriously?!!??! That's not normal....

[Kathleen (MI)]

Holy Deity is right!! I'm sure a lot of you remember SNL and Father Guido Sarducci's "Find a Pope in a Pizza?" Well, now you can have "Find a Deity in a Dorito," or "Find the Pious in a Pretzel!" All on E-bay!

[Tracy]

Geesh, and all this time I have been filling out those damn FASFA forms for college tuition help while EATING my pretzels. Guess I messed up, huh? Could have just kept looking at the pretzels till I found one that was holy and then I wouldn't have to worry about how my daughter was gonna pay for college.

[Toni]

HUMMM I wonder if you injest a deity shaped food, does it become a deity shaped.....OK, sorry. LOL

[Linda Sharp to Toni]

Um, I guess that would be the true definition of Holy Sh*t?

[Veronica to Toni]

I will be inspecting all of my food now to cover the costs of the trip to Las Vegas...(anyone have a date on that yet?!?) and here I was wondering HOW I could fund that trip after my families Disney adventure last year. What a fool I have been! I have Pistachio nuts at my desk...let the hunt begin....

[Haileysmom/Jamie to Linda & Toni]

You would probably see that on Ebay too!

"Up for auction one piece of Holy Sh*t!"

[Veronica to Toni & Linda]

I must be asleep...the Holy Sh*t comment totally eluded me!

[Haileysmom/Jamie]

If you want a good laugh - read the item description & then read the questions people have asked & the sellers response. There is a sucker born every day & these sellers know it.

[RBlues]

Call me crazy, but I actually "see" this one. I never got the Mother Teresa in the grilled cheese--no matter how hard I squinted my eyes.

[Bobbsey]

Aha! Seeing is believing.

[Stacey]

And...I've seen it all now.....

[Haileysmom/Jamie]

$7,500.00 - Unreal!

[SK]

Based on what I have observed of friends of this blog, I doubt any one of them would spend this kind of money on funny-shaped food! What a waste!

[P to Kathleen]

"Find a Deity in a Dorito," or "Find the Pious in a Pretzel!"

I literally snorted diet pepsi through my nose at those! Thanks for the laugh!! :)

[Carrie / Quik]

$8000. This is beyond ridiculous.

[Haileysmom/Jamie]

$9,100.00! Holy Flying F*ck!

[Valerie]

Ok you all have to first read the full description then all of the question/answers. I am crying right now laughing so hard.....
OK I'm better...just take a deep breath...
It so seems like a huge joke on us from this radio station!?!

[Bobbsey]

Yes the Q & A is hysterical!

[Toni]

I got a press for Christmas that makes the image of the Virgin Mary on toast. I may be busy later. I had been wondering where I could find the cash to finance a trip to L.A.

[Alison in DC]

Whatever happened to Lance Bass's half eaten pieces of toast that was on eBay? Didn't that go for a ton of money too? These things don't have to have religious symbols connected to them. If people have money, they will spend it on ANYTHING!

[Valerie]

it just hit $10K
WTF????

[Toni]

Since it's a Rold Gold Pretzel, does that mean it's a Holy Roller?

[Mary Ellen]

Up to 10 grand now! ROFLMAO

[Alison in DC]

I keep bidding to make the people who are actually bidding pay more.

Kidding. :-D

[Haileysmom/Jamie]

http://cgi.ebay.com/Virgin-Mary-Pretzel_W0QQitemZ250218456975QQihZ015QQcategoryZ13768QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Someone on Ebay did a replica of this as a joke. Its pretty funny - check it out!

[Haileysmom/Jamie]

$10,600.00 - unreal! Watching this has been a good day waster - almost as fun as all those damn games the game pimp gave us!

[Valerie]

ok something fishy in pretzel land.
OVER one Millllion dollars..

[Katy]

I ditto Valerie's comment - what is up with this? If this is legit, then I'm quitting my job TODAY and going through all my food items at home and start selling them on e-Bay!

[Haileysmom/Jamie]

its over a mil now! That does it! I too am hitting my pantry tonight! Who needs the lottery when there is Holy Food!

[Nikki]

The Lord moves in mysterious ways his wonders to perform.

He has always sent messages through food. Water into wine. The fish and the loaves. The Last Supper.

No one ever handed over their hard earned drachmas for it before, that's all.

[Carrie / Quik]

Have a look at the bid history. It was just short of $11k and one guy went in with a top bid of $100k, then went back and re-bid up to $1 million. Then a new one bid up from there...this is absolutely the silliest thing I've ever seen.

[Katy to all]

There are questions to the seller posted at the site as well that are HYSTERICAL!!! One of them, "does this come with honey mustard sauce?" You should check them out!

[Linda L]

I laughed so hard when I was reading these comments that I spit some of my dinner onto my monitor!
Holy crap.....it looks like a Nativity scene! How do I scrape it off of my screen so that I can sell it on ebay??

[Stacey]

Good luck collecting the $1.6 million for this piece of rejected snack food....

[Trish]

I think eBay pulled the auction. I was told about this by a friend but sadly, I got back home too late. Man, I could've really used a good laugh today too. I even made sure I kept beverages away from the desk *hmph* stupid ebay.

[Candy]

Mustard, anyone?